The elevator doors finally opened and I sighed in nervousness. I felt like a mess. I was wearing the same dress I was wearing last night. My make-up was smudged. My hair was in knots.

My guilt was only growing.

I felt my mind clouded over everything that happened only hours ago.

I unlocked my front door and took a step inside. The first thing I set my eyes on was Nathan. Except I hadn't expected him to be here. I thought he was in Maine doing some photography work. So I stood there in shock with a confused look on my face.

Normally we'd be so happy to see each other, but at this moment everything was different. His eyes displayed some sort of disappointment mixed with confusion. I'd never seen that from Nathan before. But then I took a look at myself and understand what he was looking at.

I was coming home early morning in the dress I was wearing last night.

I closed the door behind me. My eyes wandered off towards Roy's bedroom. The last thing I wanted was for her to hear any of this. Even if I didn't even know what was going to be said.

" Chloe took her out for breakfast" Nathan said.

I sighed in relief. As I thought about my next words, I slowly took off my heels.

" where were you all night?" Nathan asked as I looked up at him again.

" I ended up staying at the hotel where Louis and Stella had their wedding" I admitted.

That answered could have been taken in so many positive ways. But I could tell Nathan knew something was off.

" what's going on?" he asked.

" I don't know..." I shook my head as I shook my head trying to figure out what to say to him. He deserved much more than just a pathetic lie.

Nathan sighed and paced around the living room.

" you warned me back in England that moving back here was going to be hard for you. Does this have anything to do with Roy's father?" Nathan asked looking directly at me.

I simply nodded.

" when we started dating, you told me to never google you and I never did. You wanted us to have a clean slate with nothing in your past to be in our way. Is that because of Roy's father?" Nathan asked again.

I nodded, again as tears started to form in my eyes.

" Is Harry Styles her father?" he asked.

" yes" I finally spoke.

" why didn't you want me to know about that? He's your ex band mate for god's sake? He's the guy that came over a couple of weeks ago" Nathan  exclaimed.

I started to go on and on about how I didn't want any of it to affect our relationship. I didn't want that reminder to get in our way. But Nathan didn't seemed to understand. The more and more I talked about it, the less and less it made sense even to me.

" were you with him last night?" Nathans asked.

A knot in my throat formed and I couldn't seem to swallow. 

" no" I said.

But my answer wasn't fast enough nor confident enough. I could see it in Nathan's eyes that he already knew the truth. In the moment I felt like I was losing him. In that moment I lost his trust. In that moment I became something I always hated.

Nathan slowly walked over closer to me and gave me a kiss on the forehead. tears automatically streamed down my cheeks.

" I'll see you next week" he simply said.

" what?" I asked in shock as he walked towards the door.

Nathan turned around and looked at me again.

" I'm going back home for a job. I'll be back in a week" Nathan nodded.

I stood there not knowing what was going on. Was our discussion over? Was he walking away from our relationship?

" take this time and figure out what you want, Cailin. Decide if you truly want to spend the rest of your life with me, the man who loves you deeply. I'll be back in a week, you can tell me the answer then" Nathan said.

I simply nodded.

" bye sweetheart" Nathan smiled as he walked out the door.

I clenched my chest not knowing how to react. All I wanted to do was run after Nathan, but it would be no use. Nathan had given me a breather, time to decide what I wanted. With all my options in front of me.

How come I always seem to put myself in so many difficult situations? Instead of going through all of this I was supposed to be having the time of my life. Relaunching my career in music with my new album coming out in two months. I was supposed to be planning my wedding with Nathan. I was supposed to be serene and happy.

But my heart was being torn in so many directions.

What happened to the strong independent woman I had become? 

Then I remembered. 

I never felt strong and independent when I was with Harry before. I felt dependent and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I never felt good enough.

It was never like that with Nathan.