~FLASHBACK~

I was nauseous. 

I could have been because of the car ride. It could have been because of the baby. I could have been because I was so nervous about the red carpet

I was three months pregnant now, yet I wasn't really showing. No one had caught on to me yet. The only person who knew, other than my doctor, was Liam. I hadn't had the guts to tell Jess yet, at least not until I got the chance to tell Harry.

I had tried contacting Harry, but I never got a response from him. He was ignoring me for Lia's sake, and it pained me. I knew they were married now yet here I was carrying his baby. I knew he'd been at the Awards Show tonight and I hoped I would get a second to tell him about my pregnancy. 

His reaction was what I was most nervous about. I didn't know whether he'd get mad at me, or upset. Maybe happy? But then what about Lia? I had no idea what the outcome would be.

" ready?" Liam asked me as the car came to a stop.

I nodded as I mentally prepared myself for all the cameras. Liam jumped out of the car and i quickly followed. I plastered a smile across my face as I saw everyone stare back at me with smiles and cheers. Even though I wasn't showing much at all, I decided to go with a loose dress in order to stay away from any rumors.

I stood on the red carpet in front of all the flashing cameras when a short smile plastered on my face. Even though the photographers were shouting at me to look at their cameras, my eyes couldn't help but wander. I could see Liam preparing the press to interview me. 

Then I looked down the red carpet and saw them..

Harry and Lia posed perfectly together in front of the cameras. Lia wore a beautiful blue dress that showed off her five month pregnant belly perfectly. Looking at them now, they looked like the perfect couple. They were married, a baby on the way, and seemingly happy.

I wanted that.

But that wasn't going to happen for me.

I looked back at the cameras, hoping that no one noticed my lingering stare.

The next couple of interviews were mostly about my next album that had been rumored that I had already started recording.

" I'm always writing and recording, it's a part of me and how I go through things. Writing is therapy to me. As for a new album, it could be possible but nothing's official quite yet" I smiled knowing that my album wasn't going to come out for quite a while.

With everything that happened in the last two years, I didn't want the media to attack me when they found out I was pregnant. I didn't even want to imagine if they found out it was Harry's. So I made the decision to move away next month. I knew this would be the last month I would be able to hide my pregnancy, so I had to make my plans really quickly. I just didn't know where I'd move to. I wanted to go to a place I wouldn't be bothered, where my child would be safe from all the craziness.

A couple of minutes after being seated, the awards show started. I didn't last long in my seat next to Liam since I was performing not too long after. I wasn't supposed to perform originally, but another artist backed out. Instead of performing one of my songs from my last album, they came up with the idea of me doing a cover of someone else's song. One of the main reasons I decided to take the job was because I knew this would be my last performance before I disappeared from this world for a while. This was my farewell to the stage.

Getting ready for my performance didn't take long. I wasn't going to change my outfit nor anything else, so my dressing room ended up being just for vocal warm-ups. 

Walking up to the stage was surprisingly emotional for me. I loved what I did yet I knew that I was making the right decision for myself. My side of the stage was still dark due to an award being given to someone on the other side to the stage. From the shadows, I could see Harry and Lia. She held his hand as she carefully listened to the artist giving his speech.

It had been announced that she was pregnant a month ago, a month after they got married. They both seemed excited about the baby, at least that what it sounded like in their interviews. I watched an interview where Lia talked about the baby shower that was coming up. She said that she was going to find out the sex of the baby during the shower as a surprise. 

I looked down at my baby bump and a tear streamed down my face, not knowing what was going to happen to me. Would I ever be as excited for my baby as she was with hers? Was I a bad mom for admitted that to myself?

" please welcome, Cailin Reed!" one of the presenters announced.

https://youtu.be/Ms8kx81Th3k

I didn't plan for my performance to be so emotional, but that's exactly what it was. The lyrics to the song didn't help either. It was about feeling alone while you watched the one you loved with another. My hormones were a huge push for my tears.

When I finished my performance, I looked out to the crowd once more, only to see Harry wasn't in his seat anymore. Yet Lia wouldn't stop staring at me. It wasn't a glare. It was more of fear mixed with sadness. I looked away from her and gave the crowd somewhat of a smile.

Walking off the stage, I could hear the crowd behind me cheer. I looked back for a second and sighed.

I was going to miss this.

I looked at Liam and nodded. It was time for me to go home. time for me to pack up my stuff and decide where I would disappear off to. 

Walking back towards my dressing room, I could see a group of people walk my way, towards the stage. When I looked at who it was in the middle, everything seemed to slow down in slow motion. Each step I took forward took much longer than it should have.

My eyes met with his, and all of my emotions got caught in my throat. Harry looked at me as if he wanted to say something, but he didn't. This was my chance to at least try to tell him the truth. But as he past me, I felt like this wasn't the right time. I wondered if there would ever be a right time.

I looked back at Harry. As a single tear streamed down my face, Harry took a glance back at me. I could see his face tense up as if he wanted to do something. But once again he didn't. I turned forwards and never looked back again. I had to look towards my future. My future with my baby, alone.

" Liam.." I said as we got into the car.

" yeah?" he asked as he was looking down at his phone.

" I want to go to England" I said finally making my decision.

~

So originally I wanted to put a lot of flashbacks to this story because it's part of it all, so that's why there been a couple so far. The next chapter will not be a flashback but it will finally be Louis' wedding!

so what are you all thinking so far?

let me know!

love you all!