5 Months.

It's been 5 months since I found out I had a crush on Marianne.

I've tried to not be obvious, but she just attracts my attention like moths to the sun. God, everything about her is perfect. She's the beam that drags me in and eventually kills me from the inside out. 

I think about this as I sit on the bus, looking out the window. Jasper's sitting next to me, as always, and there's a weird silence between us. He keeps looking at me meaningfully, as if he wants to say something. Finally, the silence is broken.

"Chanelle? Can I ask you something?" he says. I raise my eyebrow. "Shoot," I reply. "So... I like a girl... but I don't know how to ask her out... can you help?" he asks. I think for a moment. If I weren't a coward, how would I ask out Marianne? "Well... just think about why you like her, and turn those thoughts into courage. Then use that courage to go up to the girl and just ask her out," I say, surprising myself. Jasper's eyes widen. "Wow... I'll do it. I'll ask her when school ends."

3:15 PM

The end of school. When Jasper's supposed to ask some girl out. I walk down the hallway and try not to think of Marianne, failing miserably because she's the first person I see when I turn a corner. 

And Jasper's talking to her.

My heart drops as I listen to their conversation.

Jasper's asking Marianne out.

He liked her.

He got to her first.

I clutch at my chest, trying to stop my heart beating against my rib cage. I don't listen to the rest of the conversation, I don't want to know what she says. But when I hear the two turn my way, I quickly exit the hallway and make my way to the bus.

I don't speak to Jasper the whole time. He constantly taps on my shoulder to get my attention, but I do my best to ignore him. "Uh.... Chanelle?" he finally asks. "What?" I snap. He cowers back for a moment, then relaxes when I don't attack him. "I... asked out the girl I like," he confesses. "Good for you," I grumble. "She said yes," he says, confirming my fear. I tense up slightly and then exhale. "Well, that's great," I say as he walks off the bus. I'm silent until the bus gets to my stop. I rush off the bus, Georgie close behind me.

As soon as I walk into the house, I toss down my backpack in rage. I go up to my room and collapse on my bed. How could I not see it? How could I not see that Jasper liked Marianne? He always tried to get her attention and would attempt little tricks to impress her. I'm such an idiot. Of course she'd say yes. Why wouldn't she? 

6:30

I pay no attention to my parents once they get home. I only go downstairs for dinner and then retreat back to my room. I take some time to think and have time to myself before I go to sleep with one thing on my mind.

Jasper has Marianne's heart.

And I have no chance with her...