Once I'd wondered what it felt like to be in love. It wasn't something you could just know. It wasn't necessarily sunshine, butterflies or warmth. The person you were in love with wasn't your drive, and you weren't dependent on them.

No, it was different. It was appreciating someone, it was the underlying desire to see them happy. It was being physically and chemically attracted to them, in ways you couldn't quite understand. It was something you needed to figure out, and something that wasn't life binding. But still, it was something that was risky. Loving someone was a risk, but once you actually discovered that you did love someone, you began to consider that maybe love was worth the risk.

I didn't know if I loved him. Because, like I said, love wasn't something you just knew. No, love was much broader than that, and now I understood. It wasn't black and white, it was every shade in between. You didn't have to have all the symptoms for it to be there.

The realisation that I could have been developing a love for Alastair this whole summer made me feel giddy. It made me feel excited, and hopeless, and guilty. Because he wasn't the only one I'd developed something with this summer.

I didn't expect to see him on the pale morning waves teasing the shore. No, this territory was at a stalemate, neither of us daring to occupy it in the risk of running into the other. I was the one to wave the white flag in the form of a text message.

Logan didn't take long to find me at my reading spot. He looked weary, his board tucked under one arm and his expression distant. "What do you want?"

"I want to apologise," I said, not surprised by his hostile reaction. If anyone was good at holding grudges, it was Logan.

His sky blue eyes narrowed. "Why do you want to apologise now? I'm leaving in a few days, you know."

"So am I." I smiled slightly, surprised at how calm I was able to feel in front of him. In a way, I'd made peace with my position with Logan. We'd tried, even if it was for the wrong motives, and we were just too different. He was too reluctant to sacrifice his ego, and I was driven by a promise to somebody else. "My motives with us weren't right, Logan. And I know that doesn't make up for wasting your time this summer, but at the same time, you screwed me around a bit too."

I was relieved when the corner of his lips raised in a half smile. "Not literally though."

A blush crept over my cheekbones. "Not literally."

Logan sighed, and lowered onto the sand beside me, in a way that was eerily similar to the way I'd joined Alastair on the secluded beach days prior. "I know it wasn't all you, Vally. But that doesn't excuse it. You know how long it took us to stop putting on the bullshit we've always guarded ourselves with. We had one chance, and it didn't work out. Maybe we were never meant to trust each other."

"Maybe," I murmured. He'd make a good lawyer, really, he was so good at observing relationships between people and events that followed. He could persuade people, and he could stand his ground when he needed to. 

"I didn't mean to be so mad. I screwed up countless times. I mean, if you'd known some of the things I said to the guys, you'd be even more pissed than I was..."

"I don't want to know, then," I said, trying to laugh that comment off. I definitely didn't want to know. We were putting this behind us, the last thing I needed was more things to stew over.

"You know, I think my reaction probably told you already, but I really did want it to work out, Valerie. But then there was a part of me that was so scared something would screw it up, that when I had the chance, I ended it on my terms," he continued. In that moment, Logan had never seemed so willing to admit his faults, and I realised that maybe something had changed in both of us this summer.

"And part of me was just... trying to figure how I felt most of the time. And ticking off the milestones," I admitted, feeling a small weight leave my chest as I spoke about it. "I'm not good at this, Logan. You knew that, and it wasn't fair on you to be my experiment."

Logan laughed at that. "I was hardly your experiment, Vally. Love isn't a science, it's an experience, and we just tried things between us, and even though if we'd waited, and learnt lessons with other people, we might have worked out, we didn't right now."

"Thank you for being so... open about all of this," I said. He was surprising me with his calmness.

"What can I say, it's been dwelling on my mind."

"Well I hope next time we come home, we can just fall back into our usual friendship. You know, tormenting each other."

He laughed again. "I think I can manage that. Anyway, you're going tomorrow night, yeah?"

"Yeah," I said. Tomorrow night was our last hang out at the beach. It was also the Sullivan's last full day in Sandy Cove.

"Alastair's leaving then, isn't he?"

"Yeah," I said again.

"I know you had something with him," Logan said. "If it wasn't for Maisie hinting it all the time, I still would have picked it. You don't click with people very easily, Vally. And with him, you let him in so fast."

I gulped, struggling to process the fact that even Logan could see it. "It doesn't matter, though. I don't know if I'll ever see him again."

Logan shrugged. "I guess sometimes that's how life goes."

"Always going with the flow," I noted.

"Anyway, I'm not passing up an opportunity to surf, especially on a morning like this. I'll see you tomorrow night."

"If you don't get taken out by the swell."

Logan offered me a wink before he turned away towards the water. Maybe I didn't love Logan, not on an emotional level at least, but I still cared about him. And I'd miss him.

Love was also about trust, because how else could you let your walls down so fully? If Logan and I were capable of trusting each other, maybe it would have worked easier between us. And, likely due to my trouble with finding trust in someone, Logan and I would never have worked this summer. Not when I was still learning to open up, and he was still learning to not boast things to his friends.

Perth was three hours away by car, and three and a half in the Toyota that belonged to Dad and me. The city was a contrast to the tiny streets surrounding Sandy Cove, and I was overwhelmed in navigating to the cafe I'd arranged with my mother.

I was completely in denial about the fact I was seeing her.

When she'd called me, asking if I'd like to go with her to try on wedding dresses, I'd immediately wanted to decline. But then I remembered the yearning I'd felt for her and reminded myself that I needed to reach out in some way. After all, it was both of us that needed to put effort in for our relationship to be recovered.

But, well, watching her try on wedding dresses for her to wear while marrying a man other than my father wasn't really on the top of my ideas list when it came to mother-daughter-bonding.

She had, however, assured me that the day would be spent with just her and me, not my step-siblings-to-be who I'd not met in person, or her prospective husband. I wished Maisie could have come, but she was so busy with organising everything to move to Perth, and her family were all choosing now to come to spend time with her.

The coffee shop was neutral territory. Initially, she'd suggested her home, but that was a little too personal for my liking. A public place would feel less intimidating, and give us the opportunity to talk without having the constant reminder of how much things had changed in the past ten years.

I stepped out of my car, my eyes scanning the car park, trying to picture which car would belong to her. I would bet the Audi, or maybe the small Ford convertible a few slots over. I knew Mark, the fiancé, was quite loaded with money. It didn't matter that she made a living washing clothes.

The shop wasn't overly busy, and it didn't take long for me to spot her, sitting at a corner table with the menu propped in her manicured hands. She was sitting perfectly straight, something she'd taught me to do myself as a child. 

Her face was similar to mine, even I admitted it. We shared the same facial structure, though her eyes were a hazel and mine were as brown as my father's. Her caramel hair was dyed, and parted in a perfectly straight line. When her gaze flitted up to meet mine a smile broke onto her red-stained lips. "Valerie!"

She stood up briskly, and even as the graceful woman she was she managed to nudge the table forward a few inches. I walked over to her in a dreamy haze, first taking in the small height of the woman, then the gigantic diamond on her finger, and then the fact that she was hugging me. She smelt exactly like she did when I was seven.

"Oh Valerie," she cooed as she stroked my hair. I was kind of frozen, but I forced myself to move my arm onto her back. "I have missed you so much."

Well you could have come and seen me more than once every few years. I kept that thought in my head, reminding myself that my issues with her would be released another day. First, we needed to be on a level where we were able to properly communicate. I needed to know her properly.

"Mum, don't cry," I found myself saying when I noticed the woman was dabbing at her eyes. "Please, let's get a coffee.

She nodded quickly, her demeanour recovering. "Yes. Sorry, darling."

We sat at the tiny table, and I stirred my coffee cup slowly and carefully as an excuse not to look into her eyes as we spoke. Something about it was creepy.

"So you're all set to move away then?" she asked enthusiastically.

"Almost. We've already sent away some of the larger things to Grandma and Grandpa's. And Maisie and I have made lists of things we need to remember to take. My flights are booked, Dad and Pen-" I stopped briskly, unsure of how the Penny situation would sit.

"Your Dad and who? Penny?" Mum asked.

"You know her?"

"You father mentioned her. Gosh, she was always so quiet in school, I can't believe she became a reporter!"

I was surprised at how casually she took that. I sipped my coffee slowly. Maybe she didn't know they were actually together.

"So you and Maisie are keeping in touch of course, but what about anyone else? Any boys?"

My coffee almost found its way out of my mouth as I sat the cup down quickly. "Uh, no."

Mum chuckled. "You don't have to tell me. As long as they're handsome."

Of course, Mum would have a superficial view on things. I just hoped she was joking.

"Anyway, I kind of skipped over a minor detail with today's plans," she said, almost nervously. "I've already picked a dress."

I raised an eyebrow. "Then why are we dress shopping?"

Her eyes twinkled a little. "I wanted your approval. I mean, if my daughter thinks it's awful then I can't wear it, can I? I value your opinion. Oh, and I was wondering if you wanted to try on a... you know, bridesmaid's dress."

"Bridesmaid?" My mouth hung open a little. "You want me to be a bridesmaid?"

She looked nervous as her eyes darted back to her cup. "Well, you don't have to do it, but I was really hoping you'd be a part of the ceremony. I mean, I know we're not close, I've missed out on a lot, Valerie. And your Dad has been there far more than I ever have been. Oh, Valerie, I know I was young and stupid and I kept up that act for far longer than I want to admit to. I just selfishly want my daughter to be a part of something this big for me."

I sighed slowly, appreciating the fact that she was admitting this to me, even if it was in a coffee shop. I know that I'd inherited some of my self-reclusion from my mother. "I'll look at the dress. No promises."

Her eyes twinkled in genuine relief. "Thank you, I don't expect anything more."

I'd expected my mother to perhaps guilt me a little more, and definitely act a little more manipulative. But maybe it was the prospect of a new marriage, or the fact that she'd been talking with Dad lately, but she focused on me more than herself, and showed no indication of trying to hurt me or make me feel bad.

And standing there, in the navy bridesmaid dress as the shop's clerk shot ridiculously loud compliments to me and my mother, who was in her white gown beside me, I didn't feel the rumbling sense of panic I'd expected. I laughed, in fact, at the jokes my mother made about the overly friendly customer service and the story she told me about how Mark had choked on their wedding cake samples.

When it was time to drive home, I was exhausted, but also proud of myself, and even my mother, for being able to spend the day together and not hate it. For being able to trust each other, just like I was finally starting to trust myself enough to let people in. 

I wished Alastair could have come, so I could have shown him the city and been occupied on the long drive, and that scared me. Because soon he'd be gone, and I'd wish he was there a lot more. I couldn't even comprehend how much I'd miss spending afternoons with him in the sun, and talking about every thought that popped into our heads.

I let a hand drift to the anchor necklace swinging on my chest with each bump the old Toyota hit on the road. Dad's gift had more meaning than I'd thought. An anchor is released from the ship when it is time for it to stay in one place. It holds it down where it's supposed to be, and it stops it from drifting away.

I was drifting away, and my anchors, my father, Maisie, and Alastair, where going to keep my heart in Sandy Cove. But, unlike I thought, I didn't need to pull my anchor in to be released. I just needed to extend the rope a little to be free. I was still connected with my anchor.

I needed to learn to love from a far, and even if Alastair and I could never explore our love, maybe we'd be able to keep it close. Maybe we'd be able to make the most of it in the short day we had left. Or maybe it would be best to never scratch the surface, because if we did, maybe the anchor would pull us both below, and it would only hurt so much more to find the surface again.

In a way, I hated myself for spending one of the precious days we had left away from him. I hated the fact that it had taken me all summer to realise what we had, and that things were so different for me and him compared to the relationship I had with anyone else.

With Alastair, things came easy, and sometimes that's how love works. Love allows things to come easy, like divulging our deepest worries in the middle of the night after watching movies or sitting at a dinner table with what was one of the most intimidating families I'd met. It was strolling the touristy streets and laughing at fur coats and holding hands as the New Year ticked over.

I was going to miss him so much.

He'd told me he was falling in love with me. But maybe that wouldn't change things when he started his new life in London. Maybe he'd continue to play around with girls or meet someone new, and maybe that's what would be good for him. 

But I couldn't imagine clicking with someone so easily in Sydney. No, there was no way that would be possible while I was still anchored to Alastair. Not when every time I thought about him my heart would twist and I could almost hear his laugh beside me.

I had no idea what I'd do when it was time to say goodbye. These past few days, I'd been so careful to hide my feelings after what he'd said on the beach. Kissing him would make it harder for him to go. It would make it harder for both of us. Even if I wanted to kiss him, it wouldn't be right to push him on it.

But I wasn't sure I'd be able to let him leave without at least knowing what it felt like to have his lips on mine. To be able to explore each other, just like I'd been reluctantly thinking whenever he was within close proximity. 

I needed to tell him. I needed to tell him he'd shown me exactly what he'd intended to when we made the deal. He'd shown me what it was like to let someone in, without me even realising I'd done it. He made me understand why the risk of love was worth it. He had helped me grow this summer, and I'd like to think that I even helped him a little.

I took a deep breath as I passed the Welcome to Sandy Cove! sign, notifying me that I'd spent the entire drive with him on my mind. 

One more night was all I had.

AN: So I was able to update way faster than I thought... so basically lesson learned: whatever I say about prospective updates, think the opposite!

The next chapter will be the very last for NASLS (save for an epilogue sometime in the near future). I'm so excited (but scared) to complete it. What do you think of the outcome so far? Do you think Val and Alastair should leave things as they are, or make a final move? '

Thanks for reading (sorry for this really long author's note, I'm just so nervous about finishing, aahhhh)