Walking to the jetty felt unusual without Maisie. I didn't remember the last time we hadn't been together, gossiping and laughing about the night to come, or debating outfits and researching creative drinking games.

I had dropped by once. I had been walking home from work one evening and decided it was worth a chance to at least see how she was, but she wasn't home. She had taken her car out to see a friend, according to her mother. So clearly she had someone else to debate about outfits with now.

It also happened to be the day that a shift had finally come where I was working with Daniel. Awkward didn't even begin to cover it.

I was early to the ice-creamery. This had come from a lack of anything to occupy my time with but sitting and reading at the beach while watching Logan and Noah from afar, due to Alastair and Maisie's absence. It was a cheery morning, the sun shining happily, as if to say, who says your problems are going to bring everyone down? Although my mood was gloomy, it lightened at least a little. Other things were beginning to distract me, like my uncertain future with university.

Dan slipped behind the counter as if it were any other normal day. His hair was mussed and his skin a little pasty, but he gave a small smile, surprising me considering his dire situation.

"Hey, Val," he said tiredly, his tone a little less optimistic than it usually was.

"Hi, Dan." I felt conflicted. On one hand, I was still completely pissed with him and felt as if I should continue to defend Maisie. Yet, a strange, balancing feeling of normality was settling over me. We were working together, it wasn't the time to hold hostility or judgement. Besides, we were both scorned by Maisie, even if the level of severity differed. So I remembered our friendship, which had existed almost as long as me and Maisie's, and decided to ignore his terrible decisions for now. "How are you holding up?"

He looked surprised, his ginger eyebrows arching in some form of relief. "Okay. What about you? I guess you're still not talking?"

I shook my head. Although I was annoyed at her, half of me believed she'd be apologetic when we finally did speak again, which was making me feel guilty for being annoyed at her in the first place. I wondered who her new friend was, it plagued my mind. Zoe? Lottie? Someone else?

"Let's not bring all of this drama up," Dan decided. It was a good move, because the tension was bad enough for the whole afternoon.

The evening was balmy, coating my neck with a sheen of moisture and leaving me feeling hot and bothered as I slipped on my sandals, crouched on my front steps. I told Dad I might be staying with a friend tonight, just in case I wouldn't be home. I'd agreed to go back to Logan's house, after all.

With nobody else to occupy my time, I was left daydreaming about what could become of tonight. I didn't want to overthink it, but at the same time I still had no idea if we had the same intentions. But, even if we didn't, I at least trusted Logan enough to believe he'd never pressure me into anything. Did I trust him enough to respect me afterwards? That was another story.

I decided walking along the sand and feeling the refreshing breeze off of the ocean would be more pleasant than sticking to the footpaths. It would take longer, but at least the salt would help in cleansing my lungs. 

If Maisie was going to be there tongiht, it could be my chance to make things right with her again. I missed her, and her absence only added to the hollow pit left from Alastair. Maybe he'd be there too, returned from his Auntie's.

Missing him made me feel guilty. Because I knew my happiness of his return could be hurtful to him, and I knew that any attempts to show him affection or even friendliness just wouldn't be right. I knew what Maisie had said, and I wasn't inconsiderate enough to ignore her words. I couldn't keep rubbing it in his face.

I glanced out onto the horizon, flipping the cool anchor pendant which was swaying against my chest around in my hot fingers. Dad had explained that Penny had encouraged him to buy it as a Christmas gift sometime in November. So they'd been seeing each other for a while, apparently. I felt guilty that Dad didn't feel like he could have told me sooner, but I guess we were so careful with our emotions that he'd assumed that I was still grieving my mother's removal from my life too.

I could see several people already sitting by the jetty from afar as I crossed the large rocks separating beaches. I didn't recognise any with Maisie or Alastair's figure, but a part of me remained hopeful. Music emanated from the slowly growing group, an interesting mix of modern dance music. 

"Vally, thought you'd never make it!" Logan enveloped me in a carefree hug, swinging me a little as I let out a playful protest. Sometimes being around him was like forgetting everything meaningful, it was fun and light.

"Didn't we say six? I'm five minutes early," I informed him.

"You had me on edge, all the suspense," he joked. 

I warmly greeted Noah, Luke and Pete, as well as waved a hello to Ingrid. I was almost enviable of her, with her bronzed hair and cheerful smile. She didn't have to worry about moving away or choosing a university for another year.

January last year had definitely been the peak of my summer. I hadn't thought back then how scary it was for the group of our older friends moving away or starting full time work out of school. Back then, things were at a perfect routine, and I had no need to worry about change. Or boys.

Because the night was so warm, someone suggested we swim while the sky was still bright. Nobody really commented on the absence of Dan and Maisie, but as we slipped off our shoes and placed down our glass bottles of alcohol which were glittering with condensation, Noah mentioned the twins.

"Hey, Val, do you know if Lottie and Alastair are back yet?" he asked.

I shook my head, not really knowing if there was a reason he singled me out to know. "I haven't heard from them."

"Maybe they're back home already, left without a goodbye," Logan said flippantly as he leaned forward to lift his shirt over his head. I tried not to stare at his browned abdomen.

The idea of the Sullivan's back home already made my face uncontrollably contort with pain, mostly at the idea of Alastair leaving without a proper goodbye. Logan noticed, and gave me a sceptical look, undoubtedly he was testing my reaction a little.

"They'll be back, Lottie vowed to try every flavour ice-cream at Cherry-On-Top," I told him, remembering her deceleration clearly. "She still has at least three to go."

"Good, I wouldn't mind her around for a while longer, she's hot," Noah said.

I rolled my eyes as the guys chuckled and murmured what were undoubtedly inappropriate comments. Just as I was about to curse the lack of girls, I spotted Zoe making her way down the stairs. It reminded me of Logan's revelation of their kiss on New Year's Eve.

"Are you guys swimming?" She asked, probably observing the lack of clothing we were wearing.

"Yeah," Noah said. "It's too hot to stay out here."

We swam out in the calm water, floating merrily as our bodies cooled. We swam to the stairs, far out along the jetty, and the guys climbed up and began jumping from the tall wooden pillars. 

"I'm going to miss this," Zoe sighed, leaning back to float horizontally.

"Me too," I agreed. "I don't know what it would be like to live away from the beach."

"And our group." She then seemed to realise how many people we were missing. "Where's Dan and Maisie?"

I was surprised she hadn't heard already. With the size of our town, gossip usually circulated with lightning speed. "They broke up."

She looked surprised, which was understandable considering how glued together they had always seemed. Back in high school us girls would lean back on our chairs at the back of the classroom and pick out the colours that our bridesmaid dresses would be at their wedding.

"What happened? Was it... you know, Mall-"

"It just wasn't meant to be," I said, cutting her off. I didn't want to start unnecessary talk or rumours about Dan's cheating, and I didn't want to go into depths of Maisie and I's argument, or the fact that she'd apparently dumped me too.

When the sun had finished its descent behind the infinite stretch of water in front of us, we started to make our way back to shore, mainly because Ingrid and Zoe complained that we'd be eaten by sharks. I would have been happy soaking up the cool salty water a little longer, but our drinks and music were waiting for us.

Nobody else showed up. Alastair and Lottie were presumably still away, or even home, and Maisie, Dan and Mallory were obviously reluctant to show up. I didn't feel like drinking, or even talking. I didn't realise how much I was expecting the Sullivans to return, to hear Alastair laugh and prompt me to joke around with him, to see the reflection of the orange sunset in his mossy eyes.

When Logan wasn't preoccupied with joking around with the guys or offering everyone another round of drinks, he tried to lure me into conversation or outrageously flirt, trying to entice a snarky remark. I just couldn't get into it, my mind always ended up reminding me that Maisie should be whispering a whimsical idea in my ear or Dan should be muttering about how stupid Logan's hair looked or something.

I was relieved when the first few of us began breaking off to go home. Logan took the seat which had been freshly vacated by Zoe beside me.

"Do you want to leave? I promise we'll have more fun than we did here," he said cockily. 

I gave him a mocking look. "I'm doubtful of that, this was a blast."

"Come on," he said, taking my hand. My palm cradled in his warm grasp, he announced we were leaving. I was glad Zoe or the girls weren't there to taunt me with his public display of affection. But being in front of the guys, I couldn't help feeling as if he was showing me off. My face became hot.

Logan lived on my side of town, but not as close as Alastair's holiday home did. We walked along the beach, the moisture from the air replaced with a fresh salty night wind which toyed with the lengths of my hair and made me cold from the damp bikini I wore beneath my clothes.

"I've been looking forward to tonight," he said. "You know, spending time with you."

"Me too," I said. Because a part of me, and not just the lonely part, was excited for the alone time with him. "Do you remember the last time I was here?"

He gave a sheepish smile. "When I was drunk?"

"Yeah and you tried to break into my house."

"Yeah, I still have the cut on my hand." He raised his arm in the pearly light to show the sliver of a scratch. His eyes were happy, contented even and they made me feel comfortable in his presence. "So we have a small collection of movies, and I picked up some food earlier."

"Sounds good." I wondered if it was assumed that I'd spend the night tonight. I wasn't exactly expecting it, but I was prepared for it. 

We reached Logan's house just after ten thirty. I remembered being inside when I was little, his parents hand thrown him a birthday party and insisted he invite his whole class at school. They were kind, and I remember being particularly impressed with the lolly bag filled with party favours. I don't even think I spoke to Logan, but Maisie and I had hid in his tree house during a game of hide and seek.

Today Logan let me inside with his keys. The doors in his house were tall, but the finishings weren't extravagant like the Sullivan's. We stepped into his kitchen, where he pulled his wallet from his pocket and placed it with his keys on the counter.

"Are you hungry?"

I shrugged, feeling a little uneasy. The last time we'd hung out exclusively he had planned everything, which allowed it to flow comfortably. Being at his house was a little unpredictable.

"How about I make popcorn?" He suggested. "You can go choose a movie. There's a cabinet under the TV."

He gestured to a nearby room as he opened a cupboard, his tall frame flexing easily as he reached upwards. I stepped curiously through his house. There were pictures of him in the hall, taken from award ceremonies at school and football games. His lounge room was just as decorated with his achievements. Like me, he was an only child, and his parents clearly adored him.

There wasn't a huge range of movies, my eyes trailed over the Star Wars collection and I reminisced my night at Alastair's. It only opened up the growing wound that had been planted when he had left. I wondered if he had known he loved me that night, when I slept only metres away. I wondered what it would have been like if I'd moved to take the space beside him in the bed, and we'd confided in each other physically, just as we had verbally.

I shook the vision which made my stomach turn. The latest instalment of The Hunger Games would do.

Logan returned holding a bowl of popcorn, its fresh salty smell filled the room. I felt guilty for thinking about Alastair, when I was here, in his home, for him. 

"Triple butter okay?" He asked, referring to the popcorn.

I smiled. "Isn't that the only way to have it?"

He sunk his weight onto the smaller of the few couches placed around the room, patting the small space beside him. As I sat down his arm stretched behind me, and I felt warm all over from the close contact. 

"You know, I don't know if I ever got The Hunger Games," he said as the first scene began to play on his large television screen.

"Why?" I asked curiously. Like any mid-teen, I'd read the books long before the movies were released, and the franchise held a special place in my respect for movie adaptions.

"I don't understand the political system. Surely the population of the districts combined could have overthrown the Capitol ages ago. I mean, they take their kids and make them kill each other for Christ's sake, they have enough incentive."

"But they were poor, defeated, and relied on the Capital's wealth too much," I tried to explain. I furrowed my brows, feeling strangely frustrated with his argument.

"Like I said, I just don't get it. But, I guess it's more believable than the love triangle written into the plot."

"That I can agree with." Love was hard enough to believe, so believing it existed in a dystopian world where problems were much larger than teen romance was comical. At least it was to some degree entertaining.

It didn't take long for us to both grow restless from the movie. I'd seen it a thousand times, and Logan was clearly buzzing with the energy of the alcohol. His arm around me pulled me closer as his other tilted my chin so I was facing him, before his lips came crashing down on mine.

The heat between us expanded and consumed the space around us like a drop of ink falling into a crystal clear bath. The movie was forgotten, and our lips played a desperate game, the aim of which I wasn't sure. I never really expected that kissing like this could make me feel so alive, so in sync with someone else.

His fingers tangled with my hair and he orientated himself so I was gently leant backwards onto his couch, lying on my back, with his arms balancing on either side of me. The contact between our lips never broke, and I could feel his torso pressed against me, his legs tangled with mine.

I pulled away, flushed from the heat and his proximity.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

I took a deep breath in an attempt to circulate oxygen to my failing brain. "Yeah."

He leaned back a little, giving me some space. He was smiling.

"What's funny?"

"Nothing's funny. I just, didn't expect this to happen this summer."

"Me either," I agreed.

"Are you glad it happened?" he asked me.

I thought about that briefly, but it didn't take long to decide on an answer. "Yes."

"I am too," he said. His fingers trailed back to my hair, stroking it along my cheek. "You're so beautiful."

I blushed, feeling unbelievably awkward at his compliment. So I just put my hands on the back of his neck to pull me to him again and we resumed our furious kissing.

It felt as if thousands of moments had passed when he pulled away, a devilish grin on his face. "Do you want to go to my room?"

The question was confronting, and I did nothing but nod as he took my hand and pulled me upwards.

We kissed as we went down the hallway, I felt his hand search the wall for his light switch and then we were in his bedroom. I didn't get much of a chance to look around because we were on his bed in seconds, pulling each other as close as possible as our mouths moved and our breaths came fast.

I didn't realised I'd been toying with the bottom of his shirt until he pulled it off. The separation of our mouths made me take deep breaths and observe my surroundings. His room was even plainer than Alastair's.

Now that he was shirtless, being in Logan's close presence made me even more out of breath as his hands wrapped around my waist to pull me upwards. His hands made warm, enveloping trails as he wormed under my shirt and made patches of heat erupt across my bare skin.

"Ever since that night I came to your house," he whispered huskily into my ear as his hands travelled further. "When I saw you in your underwear, your body has been all that's on my mind."

His words brought goosebumps and my heart was thudding so loud I couldn't hear anything else. His hands lowered to find the hem of my shirt as he began raising it, slowly and cautiously as if he was testing his limits. 

I knew where this was going. I was completely aware that continuing would result in us sleeping together. I knew that it was what he wanted, I could feel how much he wanted it from the passion and desperation growing between us. 

Although I really did believe I'd come to terms with sex being relatively non-sentimental, the physical aspects of it now felt overwhelming. And although we'd discussed it, I couldn't prevent the trust issues I had with Logan cascading through my mind. In the end, it came down to me being unable to believe that he would never tell anyone about it if we did it. So I pulled away again, properly.

"I can't do this."

"Can't do what?" he looked offended, which only brought me a surge of guilt.

"I don't think I... you know. I can't have sex with you."

"I don't want you to do it if you're not ready," he said. He settled backwards until he was sitting opposite me. He played with his shirt in his hands, twirling it over nervously. With his attractiveness I doubted he ever got rejected. No doubt he was starting to get used to it with me.

I sighed, my body feeling strangely numb after the sensual overload. Maybe if I'd shoved those thoughts to the side, we would have done it tonight. I'd go home not a virgin. I'd know what it felt like to be so close to someone, to have sex with them.

"I think I might go home," I said gingerly.

"Okay," he nodded. He slid his shirt over his head and stood up abruptly. "I'll walk you back."

When I let myself in, I wasn't surprised to see that Dad was out for the night on the boat. I slunk into my bedroom, wishing desperately Maisie would contact me. Or Alastair.

My phone, again, looked appealing. It would be so easy just to talk to him. I craved so badly to hear his voice, to make him ice-cream in my lunch break and then chat on the bench along the esplanade, to feel his hand, warm and reassuring around mine on the end of the jetty.

I took the device in my hand, my fingers cradling its cool screen as I unlocked it. Unsurprisingly, Maisie still hadn't replied to the messages I'd sent her, and Alastair hadn't initiated any conversation.

What if part of him leaving was to have some space from me? I thought. Could I really be selfish enough to reach out?

Then I thought of the hollowness I felt, not even resolved after the closeness with Logan. I opened up the messaging screen and typed.

Hi, Alastair. I miss you, I read in my mind. Definitely too selfish. I backspaced.

I hope you're going well. Looking forward to when you come back. No, would that be leading him on? Even if it was how I genuinely felt?

I'm starting to get scared that that was goodbye for us. It's kind of feeling like it. See you soon, I hope.

I hit send before the guilt would prevent me to.

AN: So this chapter took a while, from a combination of writers block (this is my first experience of it, it sucks), perfectionism and my new kitten (who is obsessed with my keyboard!). If I'm honest, these next few chapters will take a while to upload, because we're coming to the juicy bits of the story and I want to do my best to cover everything I intend to.

Thanks for reading! I'd love to know what you thought.