It was a little strange when the least Australian of our friends offered to throw a party on the most Australian day of the year. The twenty-sixth of January marked Australia Day, a day of celebrating our Australian culture. It was also the last day before school went back, and for us it was providing the realisation that we'd never be heading back to school again. Some of us would, like Mallory and her friend Ingrid who were about to start their last year. But the rest of us still had a month or so of freedom before we went off to start our tertiary study.

Alastair and Lottie insisted that with their parents flying back to England for the long weekend due to business, their house was ideal to host a party. With the pool, huge spaces and lack of neighbours, it would be very convenient. But the idea of Logan in Alastair's house made me a little hesitant.

I hadn't gone down to the beach, and he hadn't run into me at any point since. Sometimes I wondered what he did with himself during the day. He didn't work, because really he didn't need to. His parents lived together and earned enough to support him, and there wasn't much point of him working now when he was planning to go to Melbourne. Maybe he just surfed.

Speaking of parents, Dad and I were at a stalemate and he probably didn't know it. I had come home the following morning, expecting a huge confrontation about whoever his mystery woman was, but instead he just asked me if I could defrost the chicken for dinner that night. And still, three days later, neither of us had muttered a word about it.

Maisie was good at consoling me about my troubles. We were sitting on her balcony making paper chains of Australian colours to hang by Alastair's pool, our legs rested on the railing and music playing from a little speakers set.

"I kind of knew this would happen with you guys. Dan and I always teased you about him because of the chemistry between you, but we all should have realised it wouldn't work."

"Well, we don't know that." I realised what I said and widened my eyes a little. "I mean, not that I'm still hoping for anything. But he might be sorry, we might come to some sort of understanding."

"Val, it would make sense for you to be upset about it, you know. This isn't a business deal or something professional. Aren't you at least a little emotionally invested?"

"Of course," I said without hesitation. There was definitely a physical pull between Logan and me, even if we didn't get along. "I think we need to work through all of our bullshit, though."

Maisie had a triumphant look on her face as she clasped one more paper ring onto the end of her chain. "I was thinking about that, actually. Have you considered that part of the reason you are getting with him in the first place is because you don't get along? Because it's a challenge?"

I screwed up my face. "No. I don't think so, at least. I just, I don't know. It started with the deal, and then it was the kiss... I don't know Maisie. How are you supposed to know? I feel like when I think of him I should get all giddy and lovesick. But at the moment, when I think of him I think of how angry he made me. But then again, when I think of when we kiss..."

"Giddy and lovesick?"

"I think so."

"Like I said, it's physical. Maybe you need to make a breakthrough with him on an emotional level."

"Maybe."

"Did you tell him about staying at Alastair's?"

I shook my head. "I haven't spoken to him since that morning. I don't think I'll tell him, it will only make things worse. Besides, Alastair won't mention it. And neither will you. So he might just be better off not knowing."

"You know, usually I'm all for honesty, but I think you're right. If things are going to work, you need to both calm down. And after this period of not talking, you might have a chance to both think reasonably."

"I hope so," I sighed. I did hope so. Because if Logan and I didn't sort this out soon, we might never get through it before we leave. And I wanted to fix things. "Speaking of boys, how's Dan going?"

She sighed. "Not great. It's like he's in another dimension, like some sort of zombie. I can't get through to him. I don't know if it's still disappointment about his results or something else. He always opens up to me, but he's just so... closed off."

"That's exactly how he is at work as well," I said. "So it's not just around you. Maybe he's not coping well with the news. Have you spoken to his parents?"

"They're not helpful. They're saying he should just repeat year twelve to get the score he needs for medicine."

"Does he even want to do medicine?"

She nodded. "I think so, he is just cut up about spending another year in school."

"Well, anyone would be."

"I sure am. I'd hate to be over in Perth while he's here doing school with Mallory."

"Ugh, that's understandable." I fumbled with a paper ring and ended up screwing it up and chucking it aside in frustration. "How's he been going on the Mallory front?"

"Great, I think. I mean, sometimes I feel like he could be texting her or looking at her differently when we're in a group, but I think I'm just paranoid."

"You probably are," I chuckled.

"Maybe. But I'm not pushing him about it, he's already got enough to worry about."

"Yeah. I hope everything works out for him," I said genuinely.

"Me too."

"Is he coming tonight?"

"Come on, Val. Everyone's coming tonight."

I always thought Australian-flag-printed-bikinis were tacky, until Maisie insisted I wouldn't be getting sufficiently into the spirit of the day. So I wore one, which matched hers. I put on some denim shorts and a cropped shirt to cover up, and we walked to the Sullivan house in the scorching afternoon sun, wrapping ourselves in the paper chains to prevent them from trailing on the ground.

The Sullivan twins had apparently gone to great lengths to demonstrate their enthusiasm for Australia Day; there were green and yellow balloons on their letterbox. We could hear splashes from inside and the bass of music from outdoor speakers.

Lottie opened the door, enveloping us each in a tipsy hug. As always, she was wearing an unbelievably flattering outfit, her chest drawing attention in her hot pink bikini. I hadn't noticed previously, but she looked a lot like Therese, just a little less aged. I wonder if the Sullivan twins knew how lucky they were to have their parent's genes.

Most people were piled into the magnificent house already. Although it was hardly a huge party due to the limited young-people population in Sandy Cove, it was strange to have all of our group together in one place that wasn't the beach. It felt weirdly crowded.

As intended, Maisie and I draped the paper chains around the pool fence, which was made of glass. She went off to kiss Daniel, who was on the edge of the pool with a few other guys, including Logan who met my eyes as they scanned over him. I averted my gaze, turning to Lottie to compliment her on the music playlist.

Alastair came outside, followed by Zoe of all people. I greeted them both with a smile.

"Happy Australia day," I said.

"To you too, O'Conner. Drinks are in the fridge."

I let that be my excuse to disappear momentarily. Something about seeing Logan after so many days made me a little shaken up. Nervous. Like it was my first day at a new school or I was presenting a speech to a huge crowd of people.

My eyes scanned the contents of the fridge. There were soft drinks, beers, ciders, bottles of wine. I noticed a few bottles of spirits beside his fridge. Vodka. That was appealing. I poured two shots into a plastic cup and filled it to the brim with orange soda.

"Hey, Val," I heard from behind me.

"Hi, Noah," I greeted the boy who had entered. He had on his typical sloppy grin and headed to the fridge behind me. "How have you been?"

"Pretty good. Look, I don't mean to pry, but..." He stopped as if he was double thinking what he was about to say. That was pretty typical of him. Noah often spoke without thinking.

I gave him an encouraging smile. "But what?"

"But Logan's a good guy, you know. He's been my mate for as long as I can remember, and even though he can be a dick that doesn't mean he doesn't care about people."

My mouth popped open and I stared at him for a long moment. I didn't expect that to come from care-free Noah. "Um, thanks, Noah. That's good to hear. I mean, I know you know him well and it means a lot for you to say that-"

"And because he cares about people, he's able to get hurt too," Noah continued. His words slurred a little, and I had a feeling he'd been drinking today already. "You're not the only one putting their feelings on the line here. Could you imagine? Could you imagine him spending time with another girl and then getting angry at you when you questioned it?"

I bit the side of my mouth, mostly in guilt. "Noah, he didn't question it. He embarrassed Alastair and me in front of everybody. He didn't even give me the chance to explain."

"I don't know everything, but I know enough to tell you to try and understand how he could be pissed, okay? Seriously, all I hear from him these days is 'Valerie this, Valerie that'. He cares, okay?"

"Okay," I said flatly. My mind was cycling to our situation reversed. Logan seeing another girl, even if they were just friends.

As if on cue, Zoe entered the room, her thick hair swaying behind her rhythmically. "Oh, sorry. Am I interrupting?"

"Nah," Noah said. "Want a drink?"

Before I could hear her response I walked away from the room, sipping my drink. I didn't go outside immediately, instead I headed to the stairwell and sat on one of the polished stairs, where I knew nobody would go as it was hidden by a corner.

Maybe I'd messed things up with Logan already. By starting this whole thing because of a deal. By being so inconsiderate of my friendship with Alastair. I was still adamant that I hadn't done anything wrong, not by my actions at least. But I should have explained things to Logan. I shouldn't have gotten so pissed the other day. Or maybe I should have, because I wasn't the only one going about things badly here.

I sat there until my drink was finished, listening to the muffled sounds through the few walls separating me from the backyard. After that I headed back to the kitchen, dumped my cup and pulled off my clothes so I was just in my bathers. Suddenly it was too hot for things to be sticking to me.

It was a little darker now, stars gleaming in the orange soaked sky. I could smell and hear the sizzle of meat cooking on the complicated looking barbecue which was manned by Dan and Maisie.

"Hey, I was just about to find where you'd gone off too," Alastair said when he spotted me outside.

"I was just finishing my drink inside," I told him. I was feeling a little dizzy, the fast paced drinking getting to my head a little.

"Everything alright?"

"Yeah, I think so." I was then reminded of what Noah had said. "Alastair, maybe we shouldn't hang around each other too much. You know, not so much that we're attracting attention."

"What are you talking about, is this about Logan's jealousy?" I was quiet. "Val, that's just ridiculous."

"No it's not, it just gives people the wrong idea, that's all," I said.

"Valerie, you're my friend. Who says we can't be friends?"

"Nobody, it's just-"

"Don't worry about it," he said. "I'll respect whatever you want to do, just know that I'll be back in England in a month. You won't have to worry about me getting in the way."

He went back inside before I could retort. So far, I was doing a fantastic job at having a good night. Alastair's words left me hurt, and Noah's left me questioning everything. I got another drink, a cider which I found in a small bucket of ice by the pool. Everyone was sitting on the edge, kicking a ball across the surface. I sat between Zoe and Mallory. I was opposite to Logan. I didn't look him in the eye.

The ball came to me and I kicked it unnecessarily hard in no particular direction. My emotions were on high and my second drink didn't last long.

I went up to put the bottle away before it could be broken by the pool and cause disaster. I also made the responsible decision to head inside and get some water. It was probably the only responsible decision I'd made all night so far.

"Hey, Vally. You okay?"

I clenched my teeth. I didn't want to turn around and look at him. But at the same time I really did. I just nodded and gulped down some more water.

I sensed him lean against the marble bench beside me, and I couldn't not look any longer. His eyes met mine and it was like someone put their hand down my throat, grabbed my heart and shook it up. As always, it was a mixture of anger and attraction.

"I'm kind of sorry," he said.

"Kind of?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry for being drunk and cornering you in front of everyone."

I hesitated. I didn't think it'd be so easy for him to realise his wrong-doing. "What made you change your mind?"

"Nothing. You just made it difficult to apologise the other day."

I gave him a sorry smile because I probably did make it difficult. And my head was spinning. Again, I was questioning whether this was another elaborate mood swing or whether Logan really was good at shifting his demeanour to get what he wanted. Probably both. But then, after what Noah had said, I felt ready to move on from our latest trip up.

"Well, I'm sorry too. Kind of. I'm not sorry for being angry."

"You probably shouldn't be."

"Good."

"Yep."

Our eyes were locked in some kind of battle for a moment before Maisie darted into the kitchen with a pair of tongs in one hand and a spatula in the other. "Food's ready!"

All of us crammed on that formal dinner table, only it wasn't formal anymore. It was a little chaotic. The polished wood was cluttered with drinks and paper plates and sauce containers. The high backed chairs were dotted between the plastic ones brought in from outside, and people sat so close that arms were touching arms and knees were grazing knees.

I was sitting on a corner, beside Maisie and Logan. Maisie was acting weird. She was always bubbly, but never as animated as she was when she addressed the group. I could smell her drink from beside me, it was so strong it made me gag a little. I gave her a curious look. Then I felt Logan's hand race over my knee and I jumped a little.

He was looking at me, a devilish smile on his face. He knew what he was doing. His hand returned to my knee, resting there, squeezing a little. I finished my plate and took a long drink from my newly topped up plastic cup.

"Everyone, can we say a few words?" Lottie said over our heads as she stood at the opposite end of the table. Alastair was beside her, he was grinning at something Noah had said, but I also knew he was making conscious effort not to look at me. It felt weird for him to be angry at me. It did something funny to my chest, like I'd just run a red light accidently or failed a really big test.

"We just wanted to thank everyone for taking us in like we're one of your own. We've been here for almost two months, and it already feels like this is our new home. We've still got a while, but I just wanted to say we're going to miss little things like this when we're back home. We really appreciate everything."

Alastair looked like he was going to add something, but the guys made loud cooing noises as everyone praised Lottie for her appreciation speech. It probably also had something to do with her boobs.

"We should be thanking you for everything you've done for tonight!" Maisie said loudly.

After dinner we were back to drinking. We were in the pool, throwing a ball around when I went out to refill my drink. I'd lost count on how many drinks I'd gone through, but it was enough to make me sway on my feet a little. I was also feeling tired. Tired of avoiding Alastair's eyes. Tired of trying to predict Logan's actions. Tired of disappointing people.

Logan followed me. I knew it because I could feel his breathing on my neck as I upturned the vodka bottle, and I could feel his arms on my waist. I turned, letting his lips fall onto mine and the kitchen bench-top dig into my back. He tasted like alcohol. I probably did too.

Our kiss deepened. It deepened to depths we hadn't reached before. His hands were hungry and so were mine. I felt too exposed in the kitchen, knowing it would be easy for anyone to interrupt. I followed him when he tugged me around the corner and past the foyer, onto the stairwell. Maybe it wasn't as secretive as it had been when I'd used it earlier after all, if Logan had led me there so easily.

His board-shorts were damp, and so was my bikini. He was toying with the strings around my neck. The material was thin enough for it to feel as if we were chest to chest.

For the first time I felt like I could do it. The big it. Not because it was planned and perfect but because the desperation between us was so strong that we could never be close enough. And we were alone, in private, where things could happen that only we would know.

Or, that was what I thought.

I knew I was wrong though, when I heard the smash. It was a glass bottle, probably half full. I sprung away from Logan due to some internal instinct. My eyes found Alastair, one of his hands clutching a towel and the other suspended in the air above the broken bottle.

"Sorry. I didn't realise I was interrupting." His voice was flat. He bent down and began to pick up the large fragments of glass on the floorboards. His face was as red as the blood on Logan's hand the night he visited me drunkenly in my home.

"I-I'll help," I stuttered. Mostly because my logical brain was telling me the best way to make the humiliation evaporate was to pretend everything was normal.

"You might hurt yourself," Logan said from behind me.

"Just leave it, Valerie. It was my fault."

So I did. I walked away as fast as I could. Maybe it was because I stood up so fast, or my emotions were peaking, but my eyes were brimming with liquid. No footsteps followed me, and I was grateful. I found the bathroom, and sunk to the floor of the cold, black marble tiles and looked at the ceiling, wishing it would stop spinning.

I didn't cry. I don't cry. I refused to. I took deep breaths and waited silently, for my thoughts to even out and my surroundings to become still.

Then there was a sobbing sound, and it wasn't coming from me. I returned to my feet and sought out the sound, it was coming from the outside window. I stood on my tippy-toes to peek outside.

"Maisie?" I asked.

Her fluffy hair was below me, perched on a sea of murky grass. It darted from side to side at my voice and I realised she wouldn't see me. I exited the bathroom and made a beeline outside. Maisie and I were clearly the victims of terrible karma.

I clutched her shoulders and she held onto mine. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's Dan," she wailed. I winced, her voice too loud. "I know what will make him happy. I know what makes him get that spark in his eyes again. And Valerie, Valerie it's not me!"

"Maiz, calm down. Please. You're so drunk," I murmured. "Things probably aren't exactly how they look right now."

I prayed that was the same for the situation on those damn stairs.

Maisie and I left as a pair, just as we had arrived a pair. When we turned to head out the front door, I saw that the paper chains had fallen, ripped up beside the glass fence. Broken, like the glass bottle. Like my friendship with Alastair.