Okay

That was my response to Logan. Okay. Okay we're going to try? Okay I don't care? Even I didn't know what it meant.

"Earth to Valerie," Maisie's voice sung from the phone. I'd accidently zoned out, probably because she was talking about Daniel again.

"Sorry, I think the phone line was having trouble," I lied. I just didn't want to listen to her repeat herself about him for the thousandth time.

"Well, clearly you didn't hear the last part. Logan called me."

I had been sipping a cup of juice, and at her words I accidently spat half a mouthful out. Why would Logan call Maisie? "Why?!"

"Wait for it... He wanted dating tips."

"Dating tips?"

"Yep." Maisie must have stepped outside because now I heard wind blowing static over the phone. I tried desperately to soak up the spilled apple juice with a wad of tissues. "I wasn't going to tell you and let him surprise you but I thought it would help. Clearly he's taking this seriously, Val. He's really trying."

"Well, what did he want to know?"

"He wanted ideas of what you guys could do as a date so it wasn't too full on for you. And I think he's come up with something sweet. Really, Val, you have to take this seriously."

Take this seriously. Wasn't I taking this seriously already? Immediately I knew the answer. No. Every time I was confronted with Logan I either bounced off his advances or retorted with sarcastic or bitchy comments. I wasn't oblivious enough to not see that I was being difficult. But the deal with Alastair was off, what incentive did I have to take this seriously anymore?

But, if I wasn't taking it seriously, what made me agree in the first place with that text?

"Val?"

"Yeah, I know Maiz," I sighed. I hadn't thought into it much but clearly Logan liked me. Or at least was pretending to, as far as I knew it was another scheme to make my life hell.

"Promise me that you will take it seriously at least?" She asked with a small voice. "I know I'm not Alastair and we don't have a deal, but he rang me up because he knew that I would know what would be best. He is putting so much effort into this afternoon."

"This afternoon?" I repeated, my voice laced in panic.

"He didn't tell you?"

"No."

"Well, I'm sure he'll get to that. Anyway, don't change the subject. Promise me?"

I guess it was kind of messed up how I needed promises and agreements to interact with Logan. "Promise."

It didn't take long to hear from Logan. It was just after lunch when I got the text. I was kind of glad it was a text, not a phonecall, because I doubted I could form words with the nerves I was feeling. Of course it made sense that I was nervous, if he was asking me on a date this afternoon, then it was my first real date. Considering how terrified it made me to be opening up to someone, dating was going to make me nervous as hell.

Date. 4pm. Meet at the Esplanade by the ice-cream shop.

Well, at least he didn't give me any option to disagree. It made it easier that I didn't have to admit my agreement, either. It was nicely done.

No time to debate what to wear, no time to dance around to girly music and daydream about all of the romantic scenarios, not when my mind was churning with terrifying thoughts. I was under my blankets, I hadn't even bothered to take my breakfast dishes to the sink since Maisie's call. I needed someone to pull me from the anxiety arising from all of this, but Maisie was working at the florists so I couldn't contact her.

Alastair.

It made perfect sense to call Alastair. He always came with a plethora of advice.

First ring. Wait. What if he still has that pissed off vibe like yesterday by his pool?

Second ring. He probably doesn't even care about this stuff anymore, he's probably tired of hearing about it by now.

Third ring. This is such a stupid idea, I'm hanging up right-

Fourth ring. Answer.

"Hi Valerie."

"Hi Alastair."

"What's up?"

"Um. Nothing. What's up with you?"

"Not much, actually. Do you want to hang out?" He asked cheerfully. Oblivious of my trembling fingers, struggling to keep the phone to my mouth.

"I can't... I, uh, I have a date."

"Oh." Silence. Please say something.

"I was just wondering," I began when the silence continued. My words slipped out in a tumble of jumbled thoughts. "You always had so much useful stuff to say and I don't know what to do. Maisie made me promise to take it seriously but I don't think I know how. He has gone out of his way to make sure it's perfect but I don't think I can do it at all. Not when I'm so scared, I'm so scared Alastair! I don't know how it came to this and I don't know if I wanted it to-"

"Val," he said softly, interrupting the rambling. That damn accent. "Calm down."

"Okay," I wavered.

"Breathe."

"Okay."

"I don't think what I have to say will help you."

"Why?"

"Because if you're already having doubts, I'm completely sure that my take on it won't help."

"Wasn't this what you wanted all along, though?"

"In the beginning, sure."

"What changed?"

"New Year's Eve, I thought we were both on the same page," he sighed. "But really, if you're wanting to give this a try, just relax. Don't tell yourself it's a date, just try and let it happen naturally."

"How do I do that?"

"I have to go, Val."

"You said you had nothing to do."

"Well, something's come up. Good luck though."

"Thanks."

"Bye."

"Bye."

End of call.

I was late. Intentionally late, actually. If I was early, that would mean I'd have time to worry about it more. It still didn't stop me worrying.

My fingers were looping around the sleeves of my cardigan, fidgeting manically as I took my last corner and came into view with the ice cream shop. Daniel and Susan were behind the counter, but that didn't give me much interesting to focus on. I then recalled the view I'd had of Daniel and Mallory last time I'd been in this spot. I shuddered.

Maisie had described an outfit in a text message when three thirty rolled around and I still hadn't found anything. black strappy top, jeans and a cardigan. Cute sandals. Hair down. It was manageable. I forced myself to look around the esplanade littered with happy tourists, and I found Logan easily, his tall figure sitting on a nearby bench. He was facing away, but he was sitting oddly straight, like he was nervous too. He hadn't seen me yet, I could still run away.

But I forced my knees to bend, my hips to shift my leg forward and for my body to take another step. Although, if he was holding flowers or chocolates or something I was running for the hills.

He must have heard my approach because he looked around when I got closer. He looked really good, even I had to admit. He was wearing a three-quatered sleeve grey shirt with darker grey sleeves, which showed off his forearm muscles. I remembered what he looked like beneath the shirt and blushed. Then I saw the bandage on his hand, freshly changed, and I just felt embarrassed even further from the other night.

"Before you say anything," Logan begun as he straightened up. No flowers, no chocolate. Phew. "I just wanted to suggest some rules. To make this night more comfortable for both of us."

"Rules?" I gawked. I wasn't an experienced dater, but I was sure that most couples didn't need rules. My mind caused me to inadvertently shudder at the thought of Logan and I being referred to as a couple.

"Rules. Trust me, it will prevent the potential of arguments or awkward moments. Unless you'd like to get all cheesy and lovey-dovey-" I shook my head vigorously. "Then I'll tell you them."

He started walking, gesturing for me to follow him. I was glad he didn't grab my hand like when we'd walked through here on New Year's Eve.

"Rule one," he began. "This one's mainly for me. No talking about the other night."

I laughed at that, it was a good rule. I thought about bringing up his singing at my front door but thought better of it when his pale eyes gave me a serious stare. Oh screw it, I'd bring it up anyway. "Not even the Amy Winehouse singing?"

"Especially not the Amy Winehouse singing." He cracked a smile. I wondered if he knew that those smiles could get him almost anything in the world.

"Rule two?"

"No talking about feelings, or mentioning the word 'date'..." His smile grew. "Until the sun has set. Well, that's my spin on it. As soon as it's dark, we can talk about feelings and dating all we want."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Well then, I'll get you home before the sun sets. We still have four hours at the least."

"Okay," I nodded. I liked that rule. It gave me a subtle way of backing out if things got weird. "Rule three?"

"No beating me."

"Beating you?"

"We're going bowling," He told me. I loved bowling, Maisie had definitely tipped him off about that one.

"Good thing rules were made to be broken then," I chuckled.

"I didn't mention the consequences. You're just going to have to find out."

"Is that a threat?" I asked pointedly.

"You're just going to have to wait and see."

There was only one bowling alley in Sandy Cove, and it was a little run down. But, it still served it's purpose. Somewhere you could hang out with people without having that awkward silence that stemmed from nothing to do.

Logan bought us two games (him paying only made me feel more uncomfortable) and the man at the counter set us up with the special fluorescent shoes that had definitely seen better days. I couldn't help but laugh at Logan mockingly when I saw them on him, he looked like some sort of clown, with his huge feet covered in the stripy sneakers. Somehow teasing him made things seem normal.

I pulled off my cardigan and secured my hair. If Logan thought he would win, he was going to be very wrong. And if there was one thing I loved to do it was prove Logan wrong.

"You ready for this, Vally?" He asked as he strode up to the lane with a ball held over his middle finger, ring finger and thumb.

"Ready for your ego to be thrown to the ground?" I smiled. "Definitely."

But he got a strike. All of the pins were knocked down, and it was only his first shot.

Logan's smug smile made my blood curdle as I tried to keep the amazement off of my face. "Got a bit lucky there."

"Whatever you say. Let's see if you can match that."

I tried to mirror Logan's pose. I'd never actually had instructions on bowling and just kind of did it my way, but the way he'd done it clearly made it easy. One step forward, legs apart, shoulder back, wrist bent and release... and then gutter ball. Shit.

The pure look of embarrassment I must give only makes him snicker. "Want me to get some bumpers up for us, Vally?"

"Shut up."

"Aw, maybe you'll get it this shot."

My ball had returned to the collection area and I retrieved it, balancing it in my fingers again. This time I'd do it my way. I ignored his amused eyes watching me and took my shot. Six pins down.

"Looks like rule three isn't at risk of being broken," He pointed out.

"I'm trying to psych you out, make you believe you have a chance," I said blankly. Even I knew I had no hope of that, not with his exuding confidence.

Logan took his blueberry coloured ball and ambled cockily up to his position. I watched carefully as he made his bowl, landing it perfectly on centre with the pins. This time, it lacked the required power for a strike. Nine pins down, one remaining. The last one he knocked down easily in his second shot.

I didn't acknowledge his score, instead I picked up my ball again.

"Want some help?"

"No."

I positioned myself the way I usually did, staring down that first cone.

"Really, you could swing it so much better."

Shut up, I think. We already know you're the freaking best at everything.

"Here." Then he's standing next to me. He took my hand, and that was just enough to have me frozen. He pulled the ball from my finger and readjusted it, so I was holding it a little more comfortably. "You know, I'm kind of aiding my opponent here. You should feel flattered."

I was mute, my attention captivated in the way he now leaned closer, one hand now pressed to my back and his ear almost touching mine. "So you have a bit of a drift to the left, so see the cone next to the right? Aim between that and the middle cone."

"Okay," I muttered. I wanted him to stop touching me, but at the same time I craved for him to be closer. Basic human instinct, I reminded myself. It doesn't mean I like him. Then I remembered everyone saying we had chemistry. Well, maybe that was a little bit true. I could admit to that. He also smelled really good, which definitely had something to do with it.

"Alright, give it a shot."

I did. Eight pins, two left.

"That was pretty good," he commented. "Once you perfect that technique you'll be as good as me."

"I would never dream of that," I said.

His next shot was a strike, but so was mine. In the end he only won by nine points and I swore I'd catch up to him in the second. I decided bowling was a great way to hang out, it removed all of the pressures of a normal date. And I also won the second game, so he couldn't shove that in my face.

We ordered hot chips for dinner from the fish and chip shop next door. This time I managed to pay for it, which gave me a little dignity. The sun probably had an hour or so of life left in it and we made our way to the beach at a leisurely pace.

"Do you know what tastes good?" Logan asked as he pulled a golden chip from the bag. "Hot chips and sugar."

"Sugar?" I cringed. "Gross."

"No, seriously, it tastes just like pancakes. But a little salty." He paused as he ate the chip. "Sweet and Salty. Kind of like you."

"Sweet and salty?"

"Yeah, but a little less of the sweet."

"Thanks," I laughed. I guess it was a good analogy.

"Can I ask you something?"

Please don't forget the rules. "You just did. But okay."

"Do you remember back in school, when we were voting for head boy and head girl. You were up against Leah Kimberly." Leah Kimberly was an air-headed diva who'd moved away midway through our last year. "And it was already obvious I had my place. Leah was going crazy and trying to intimidate you into withdrawing."

"Yeah." I nodded, I remembered it well. Logan had been such a dick to me, he made loads of sarcastic comments about how annoying it would be to be paired with me for it.

"Well I put in five voting slips for you. I was thinking of getting the guys to vote but I wasn't one to admit my-"

"Rule two," I said abruptly. No way was he slipping.

"Right. No way was I going to show weakness, you know, guy egos and all that. But yeah, five votes."

"I still lost," I reminded him. But I was picturing cocky Logan in his Sandy Cove High navy uniform looking over his shoulder as he dumped a bunch of votes in for a girl he swore was his enemy. Somehow, the annoying memory now had an element of fondness on it. Logan had actually gone out of his way to rig the votes for me. Or he was telling me this made up story now to win some brownie points.

"I know. But I tried."

"Thanks," I said.

"Leah was a bitch, anyway."

"Didn't you date her?" I asked. Oops, I used the 'date' word. But I guess it didn't count in this context.

"Yeah, I guess I did." He shrugged. "To pass the time."

"Right." He dated people to pass time, and I refused to date at all. I was actually kind of curious to know just how far he'd gone with the girls he had dated. Did he kiss them? Did he sleep with them? Somehow I doubted Logan was a virgin. I blushed from my thoughts, and hoped he wouldn't notice.

We reached the jetty and decided to continue walking. There were some benches towards the end which carried spectacular views of the beach and Sandy Cove. I was avoiding the fact that the sun was descending closer and closer to the horizon. But, I felt that if I went home now, I'd be curious of whatever Logan wanted to say.

It was time to cut some of the games I was playing to myself, especially when it came to belittling and doubting whatever Logan had to say about us. Tonight, I promised myself and Maisie, I was all ears to it.

We sat side by side, a little space between us. It was nice. In fact, this whole day was nicer than expected. Wasn't the whole point for me to try and like him? If so, he was doing a good job. But at the same time there was still a very strong part of me that reminded me I could never like anyone. I could never let my guard down enough, not when I knew the damage letting your guard down could do.

So when the sun gave it's last wave of deep orange light over the water before peeping behind the ocean, I was prepared for whatever Logan had to say.

"Did you have a good afternoon?" he asked.

"It was nice. Did you?"

"I did. It hasn't felt this natural between us in a while."

He was right. Between my freaking out because of the deal and the internal battles I was facing because of my parents, things between Logan and I had been anything but natural. Before he could say it, I forced myself with every piece of willpower in my body to force the words out. The response to the question I knew was hanging in the air. "I don't know if I like you."

He hesitated, I could tell he didn't expect it from me either. Valerie, the one who never brought up feelings brought up feelings. "I can't tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing."

"You never asked." I cleared my throat. "You never asked why I would never admit to it, Logan."

"I always figured it was just a Valerie and Logan thing, never giving in to each other."

"It's that, but it's also the idea of love in general," I told him. "I don't know if I want to be that involved with anyone, ever."

It was like a gigantic boulder which had been resting on my shoulders was chipping away with each bit of honesty I opened up to him with.

"I'm glad you're telling me," he said. "But at the same time I think that's bullshit, Val. Being involved with someone isn't something you choose. Like 'hey, I'm deciding to be in love with you today'. It's something you let yourself feel, something that consumes you without you knowing."

"Maybe that's what's so scary about it," I said quietly.

"Like I said, bullshit," he repeated. "Feeling shouldn't be the thing that scares you. Not feeling love, or even not feeling heartbreak. That should scare you. Because it's what makes you human, Val. It's what makes life exciting, it's what teaches you lessons and makes you grow relationships with people."

I wasn't even aware of how watery my eyes were growing until my vision was almost completely blurred, smudging the pastel colours of the sunset over my surroundings. Tears of what? Humiliation? Sadness? Relief? I blinked them away rapidly, refusing to let any spill. You don't cry, I reminded myself. Especially around Logan.

"Let yourself feel, Val. Let yourself decide for yourself. Let me try."

Maybe it was Logan's charisma, or skills of persuasion, but he make perfect sense. His words made me nod my head. His hand on my cheek made my body swim with butterflies. His blue eyes locked with my green ones made my swirling thoughts pause peacefully for a moment.

His full lips made mine warm as they pressed against them firmly, kissing me.

Rule four. When the time is right to kiss, we kiss.

AN: Okay, I can't not ask for your opinions on this one. What do you think? ;) Also I've changed the cover, which is a big thing because I've always stuck with my original theme. I think this one suits the story much more, what do you think? I'm terrible at making covers so please let me know :P