Today was the last day of the year. 

Sandy Cove was known to do New Year's Eve in a way that was a contrast to its day to day life. In fact, it was a celebration that had the place swarming with people from the city and nearby towns. It was the New Year's Eve beach party, filled with music, dancing and fireworks.

Last year, there had been a huge drama with our group when a group of girls from the city drunkenly caught the attention of the local boys. It taught us that the injection of new people into our tight knit little group didn't sit well, so we locals agreed we'd stick together for this one.

"This is the last time I'm going to pee for the rest of the year," Maisie told me proudly as she left me alone in her bedroom. Maisie was a little too sentimental with all of her 'last for the year' statements. So far she'd showered for the last time of the year, eaten for the last time of the year, and now she'd left to use the bathroom. 

I sighed, gazing in the mirror of her dresser. Maisie had pressured me into doing my make-up, framing my eyes with winged eyeliner and mascara. I half agreed because of something Alastair told me a few days ago; make sure you dress 'feminine' again, because you're going to get your first ever new year's kiss. So now I had my bronze hair curled in waves and was wearing a black off-the shoulder cropped top which dipped into a V down my chest, paired with a silky white high waisted skirt that came from Maisie's closet. I didn't really think that I looked like me, but maybe that meant I could escape me for a while.

I'd be lying if I said things were okay these last few days. I'd grappled to any opportunity to isolate myself from anyone other than Maisie once she'd returned. Mum's letter shook me up, and it seemed to shake everything up at home. Dad was acting stranger than ever and never seemed to be home. It made me wonder if she'd written to him too, but none of us were confrontational enough to ask each other.

So, I hadn't really interacted with anyone else much. I saw Mallory and Daniel at the ice-creamery - the image of them flirting the other day was becoming difficult to remove from my mind. But I knew if I told Maisie she'd go ballistic, so I had to make sure it was serious before I went to her about it. For now, I'd trust Daniel, because I honestly believed that he wouldn't do anything sinister to Maisie.

I'd seen Alastair yesterday afternoon. He'd asked to go surfing, I think it was an excuse to drag me out because even he'd sensed my withdrawal, but it was nice. I'd insisted we went in the late afternoon, when I was sure the gorillas were gone.

"What are you looking so thoughtful about?" Maisie chirped. She had strode back into her room, wiggling her hips slightly to the sound of the pop music she was playing from her speaker set. She was dressed in a deep red strapless dress which was a little daring for her fair complexion, but even I had to admit it looked amazing.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing in particular," I assured her. 

"A certain blonde guy with rock hard abs and eyes you could drown in who will probably want to kiss you again tonight?"

"Maisie," I groaned. I'd told her that it didn't feel right the other day, when we'd almost kissed. But that didn't mean that it would never feel right. At the same time, her and Alastair's not so subtle encouragement was driving me insane. You'd think I was their latest entertainment television show and they were desperate for the next episode.

"Sorry! Come on, let's get going, the beach party's probably in full swing already. I have to make sure Dan's behaving."

Her mentioning of keeping tabs on Dan made my stomach twist in guilt, and I tried to reassure myself that I'd made the right decision keeping quiet. What I saw was hardly anything, I've blown it out of proportion. I can trust Dan.

Maisie was right about the party being in full swing. We'd taken a long time to get ready, and by the time we made it to the esplanade it was dark. Our usual quiet little area down by the jetty was swarming with people, mostly teenagers. Strobe lights were attached to the columns supporting the jetty and little bud lights were laced around the boundary of the designated beach party area.

A DJ was positioned on the lawn and his music echoed to the shoreline. The Sandy Cove council embraced any opportunity for a tourist event, and they had gone all out for this one with bamboo torches dug into the sane and boats docked nearby shore that projected pretty light patterns on the water.

The large crowd of people down on the beach made it difficult to identify where our friend group was. Maisie was about to pull out her phone when her expression changed as if she had a better idea.

"Text Logan, find out where everyone is."

I rolled my eyes to make it clear her instruction annoyed me, but I took my phone from the shoulder bag I was wearing and typed out a message asking where he was. I added an 'x' for good measure.

It didn't take long for him to reply and I scanned over the message before repeating it to Maisie. "They're just on the other side of the jetty."

We make our way onto the sand, which was covered with a large canvas intended for dancing. We had to weave through the large group of swaying people, many of whom were visibly drunk already. 

"Maisie! Valerie!" Noah's booming voice carried over to us when we were only metres away. Like Logan had said, parts of our group were centred in a little semi circle just on the other side of the jetty. Even Alastair was there, but Lottie and Zoe were absent. I assumed they were out dancing or somewhere nearby.

Noah engulfed us in an enthusiastic hug and we laughed, he had clearly been drinking for a while. Maisie went to greet Daniel with a kiss, and I was left awkwardly standing as I struggled to make eye contact with Logan. He looked really good, his shirt clinging to the muscles of his arms and his hair styled for once. I was overwhelmed with shyness, and couldn't seem to bring myself to go up and say hello. I settled for Alastair instead.

"Hey, Val," he greeted. He hugged me, something that I was slowly getting used to, and leaned to say something in my ear. "You look really good tonight."

"Thanks." I smiled at him. Alastair saying that was reassuring, and gave me a little jolt of confidence. 

Alastair muttered something about finding his sister, and I was left again suddenly unsure. Why did I suddenly have to become shy now? Surely it wouldn't be that hard to just go up and give him a hug. We'd hugged a handful of times over the last few years, what made it so difficult now? Maybe it was because I hadn't seen him since the near-kissing incident.

"Maisie, let's go get a drink," I blurted. Unlike usual, tonight we weren't allowed to bring our own drinks to the beach, even if we were locals.

Maisie looked at me oddly, and I could see the cogs turning behind her eyes. She spoke loudly, "Actually, I don't think I'll get a drink just yet. Maybe you could find someone else to go with you."

No, Maisie, no no no no-

"Want me to go with you, Vally?"

"Um, sure," I said meekly in defeat. No getting out of it now. 

He straightened, his tall figure making me feel even more intimidated by the situation. How did he come across as so handsome all of a sudden? He smiled and lead the way into the crowd of people. It was difficult to keep together though, especially when a particularly popular song came on and the people around us squealed and started moving even more enthusiastically.

Logan paused from where he was ahead of me and waited for me to catch up. When I did, he placed his arm around my waist and pulled me close to him, guiding us through the crowd. His firm grip around my middle made my knees weak, and I felt flustered and out of breath all of a sudden. Was this supposed to be what attraction felt like? Because it was actually quite uncomfortable.

When we were thrown out of the crowd, Logan relaxed his grip but didn't move his hand from where it was placed. "I haven't seen you at the beach these last few days."

"Oh, I've been a little busy," I said. Please don't ask what I've been busy with because I don't have an excuse for that.

"Well, I have to say, Vally, surfing just isn't the same without you watching us from afar."

"I am not watching you from afar," I snorted. "My world doesn't revolve around you, you know?"

"Oh, but it could." he raised his eyebrows jokingly.

"You wish," I told him. Was this an adequate level of flirting? I was still struggling to meet him in the eyes.

"So what are you drinking tonight?" he asked.

"I don't know. Alcohol." One thing was for sure, if I wanted to act in any way socially appropriate I needed to be to some degree intoxicated.

"Do you want to do a shot with me? My shout."

His eager grin was a little contagious. "Sure."

At the little bar closest to the beach Logan ordered two shots of tequila and two double shot vodkas with lemonade. I wasn't quite aware that when he said shots, he meant tequila, but I wasn't going to object.

"Happy new year!" He said as he handed me a shot.

"It's not the new year yet," I reminded him. I looked at the watch on his wrist. "There's still three and a half hours to go."

"Better make those hours count then, right?" The devilish look on his face had me intrigued, but before I could comment he clinked his shot glass against mine and we downed the awful liquid.I couldn't even seek solace in the double-shot vodka and lemonade, it tasted almost as foul as the tequila, but the idea of showing weakness to him made me put a smile on my face to hide the scowl.

"You handled that like a pro," he commented as we meandered back towards the beach. We'd decided to take the long way to save weaving through all of the people again.

"You sound surprised?" I challenged. This part of the esplanade was quiet compared to the loud bass of the speakers on the other side of the jetty.

"Well, I've been trying to learn not to doubt you anymore, Vally."

"Why's that?" I asked. Wait, was this going into dangerous territory?

"You've been surprising me lately," he admitted. He gave me a pensive look, his blue eyes twinkling with the faraway light of a strobe. "I like it."

Please don't try and kiss me again, I thought. But isn't that what I should be wanting? I mean, of course I did. I was sure I did, I wanted to experience kissing him. Looking at him, I could definitely feel the physical drive to kiss him. But the idea of it actually happening was so confronting and terrifying that if it came to it, I didn't know if I'd be able to let it happen.

"Well, you've been surprising me too," I said in a bid to continue the conversation. "I think you actually called me by something other than Vally the other day."

No, damn it, don't bring up the other day!

"Did you like that? Valerie," he said smoothly. 

I screwed up my nose, it was so weird hearing him call me Valerie. "It doesn't sound like you when you say it."

"Are you saying you like me?" he laughed. I liked the way he was making this conversation light by joking around.

"Don't get your hopes up, Mathews."

He paused, a bewildered expression on his face. "Are you saying that you're not saying no?"

"I don't know," I tormented. I liked flirting like this, it wasn't direct and I could back out at any minute. We were on the sand now, though, and I could see our group from where we were.

"That's definitely not a no," he nodded curtly. "You like me."

"You're the one who's saying it." I raised my hands, including the one with my drink.

"Woah, careful there, tipsy," he said. He steadied me with his arm again to prevent me spilling my drink, not that I think I truly needed steadying. I couldn't feel the influence of the alcohol yet, but I suspected that he'd been drinking even before Maisie and I got here.

Being in close proximity, I looked at him carefully. I wondered what it would be like to pull up my chin until my lips met his. Would it change things? Would it make me realise that I liked him? Did I like him? I imagined they would be warm, and caressing, and his solid frame would become soft as it embraced me. 

I've been looking at his lips for too long.

"Do you want me to kiss you?" he asked. He was examining my expression, and definitely caught me looking at his lips. 

I opened my mouth to respond, even though I had no idea what I would say. But that was when Maisie's yelling interrupted.

"-Why is it always my fault, I'm the one twisting things here, am I? Are you serious?!"

Both of our heads dart to the other side of the beach, where it was quiet and dark. Well, it was until Maisie's figure came into view, storming towards the jetty dramatically.

"Maiz, why won't you just freaking listen, Jesus!" 

Daniel's figure was running after her, a pleading look on his face. Maisie and Daniel very rarely faught, and my head was spinning with anxiousness. I turned to Logan again. "I'm sorry, I should go sort this out."

"Yeah, sure," he said. He looked annoyed.

I caught Maisie as she half jogged towards us, there were tears glistening on her face and Daniel was not far behind.

"Dan," I reasoned as he opened his mouth to say something. "I'll take her, give her some space."

He was clearly fuming, but he nodded his head in agreement. I laced my arm into Maisie's and led her closer to the shelter of the sand dune framing the beach. I would have asked her what happened, but sobs had started vibrating through her tiny frame and all I could do was hold her up, barely. 

"It's New Year's Eve!" She wailed, letting go of her weight as she slumped to the ground. "Why does this shit have to happen now?"

"What happened, Maiz?" I asked her.

"He left me with his stupid phone," she sniffed. "It was so stupid! I just wanted to see if he'd gotten my text from earlier and I saw them..."

"Saw what?"

"His texts with Mallory."

Ah, crap. "What were they? Surely Dan wouldn't-"

"They were from Christmas. He was messaging her about me, Val. He was venting to her about me."

"What?!"

"Yeah, apparently I'm some kind of control freak to him, and I drive him crazy."

"Maiz," I tried to reassure her. "You know he wouldn't mean that, I think if he said it it was because he was in a shitty mood and he probably was looking for anyone to vent to. You do it to me, remember? You tell me what an asshole he is when you stay over and he plays video games instead of-"

"Val, it's not the same." She inhaled a shaky breath. "Can we just pretend he's a dick please?"

"Okay," I nodded. "He is an absolute asshole who had no right to go behind your back like this, it's completely disrespectful and I promise to make his life hell at work for you."

"Thank you," she said in approval. "But that's kind of worse, the idea of him working with her. Do you think they talk about me?"

I shook my head, the guilt from not telling her what I saw crawling at my insides. "There's not much time to talk about stuff when you train her, she's clueless."

"Good."

We stayed like that for a while, leaning back against the sand and looking up towards the sky. It was dotted with countless stars, undisturbed by a single cloud. I always found it mesmerising, gazing up at them. It reminded me that my problems were really insignificant, despite how large they seemed in my own little world.

I'd learnt long ago that lecturing Maisie about my views on relationships would never help her problems, not when she looked at the world through candy coloured lenses. My cynical approach would stress her out more, so I had to try and see things from her perspective, at least until she was calm again.

"Do you want to go and dance?" She asked me. Her little hopeful smile was a contrast to the hysterics she'd had earlier.

"Yeah," I agreed. By now, the alcohol had settled enough for me to feel drunk enough to dance.

Maisie led us back out to the crowd, we waved at our group as we passed them, where notably Dan and Logan were absent, before being engulfed by people. The DJ was playing a familiar song I recognised from the radio at work, and it didn't take long for my body to find a rhythm. 

I recognised Lottie in the crowd, she was dancing with an unfamiliar guy when she saw us, gliding over and making gestures of excitement. The three of us danced together, enthusiastically and jokingly grinding and dropping to the ground. It wasn't long before I spotted Logan's tall figure not far from us in the crowd.

My mind ticked as I thought of surprising him, dancing provocatively and proving that he really shouldn't doubt me. But then I realised someone was already doing that. Zoe's jet black hair bounced as her body pressed against Logan's, his arms around her as he spoke briskly into her ear.

The next thing I knew I was storming off of the dance floor. How could he? I couldn't believe he could be such a dickhead, to flirt with me until I became busy, and then to go and dance with some other girl because he got bored?

I found our group of friends and sat down, anger pulsing through my veins as I pulled my hair out of my face. I was so hot from dancing I fanned myself with my fingers.

"Everything okay?" Alastair asked. I hadn't realised that he was here with Noah and the other guys. 

"No," I said honestly.

"Want to go for a walk?"

"Yeah."

Alastair and I walked up over the sand and onto the jetty, which was deserted because it was a no dancing zone. We got to the very end, hundreds of metres away from the shore before we sat down. We dangled out legs over the edge, the water dark and intimidating below us as it slowly rose and fell against the jetty's columns.

"What happened? I saw Maisie was pissed."

"It wasn't that," I shook my head. "Alastair, I thought me and Logan were getting somewhere before, but I just saw him out there dancing with Zoe. Sexy dancing with her."

"Are you serious?" He looked doubtful. I nodded and he sighed in frustration. "Damn, I'm sorry, Valerie."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't think he was going to be this difficult. And I'm worried that he could just be leading you on-"

"You think I've been led on?" I asked in disbelief.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "But the fact that you're pissed shows you care-"

"No it doesn't."

"Valerie." He looked at me seriously. "You're lying to yourself if you say you don't. But really, I feel terrible. Because if you care that means it leads to you hurting because he doesn't appreciate you enough, clearly."

I frowned, I hadn't gotten as far as to categorise Logan's actions as dismissal in me. But they must have been, why would he do that if he was interested in me? And if even Alastair was admitting Logan didn't appreciate me, would that mean this whole deal was over?

Alastair cocked his head to the side as we both heard unusual noises coming from the shore. No, it wasn't unusual. It was a count down.

"This year will be better, Valerie," he told me.

"For both of us," I agreed, thinking of his own issues.

Alastair's hand linked with my fingers just as the fireworks started. They burst over the ocean from the boats in shimmering gold and silver, signalling the beginning of a new year. 

His hand was warm in the way it grasp mine, reassuring me that I wouldn't be going into this year alone. Neither would he.