"Dear Valerie," I read aloud, my voice trembling with adrenaline. "I know it has been years since I've written to you. I want you to know that this isn't because I haven't been thinking of you, but because if I kept trying to contact you, you would push me away further. But now you're eighteen... well it's hard to believe how fast the years pass by. I'm sure you're the beautiful woman I imagine in my head.

"You're probably wondering why I'm writing now. Well, aside from missing you every single day, I wanted to ask you something important. Something I'm sure you're not wanting to hear about. You're my daughter, as much as you may not want to be, and what I'm going to tell you is so important to me that I want you to keep an open mind.

"As you know, Mark and I have been together for ten years now, and engaged for seven of those years. I've been putting off the marriage date, hoping you will come around and support me on the day. But I can't wait forever, Valerie. I can't keep waiting for you to forgive me. So I'm writing this letter, asking for you to please make it to our wedding. The date is set for July next year, I know you'll be heading to Uni and so I hope that you'll be nearby the city then. It would mean so much for you to attend.

"Aside from my plea, I also wanted to wish you and your father a merry Christmas. I think of you every day, and truly believe there will always be something missing in my life as long as you're not talking to me. I'm always proud of you Valerie. Love Mum."

Maisie was silent on the other end of the phone, I could almost hear her chewing her fingernails in thought.

"Wow."

"Yeah. Wow."

If only it wasn't Boxing Day and Maisie wasn't travelling hours away to her grandparent's house. That way I could just go to her house and vent for hours. But we didn't have hours, we only had a small phone call before she was out of phone signal.

"I just can't believe that she chose to write now, and she's just trying to guilt me into going to her stupid wedding. I think she's forgotten who started all of this not talking business."

When she'd first left, my mother didn't contact my father and me for almost a year. She claimed it was because she couldn't face Dad after she'd fallen in love with another man, but she was just weak. She was a coward.

She'd feebly tried to make contact every few years, through a phone call or a letter stacked with cash. She'd even added me on Facebook, expecting me to accept her and automatically be 'friends'. But how could I do that? Why did she think it was okay to just jump in and out of my life?

"I'm so sorry Val, if I'd know I wouldn't have gone today."

"Don't be sorry," I told her. "You'll hear all about it when you get back tomorrow."

I had been too scared to open the letter until this morning. No, not scared; irritated. Even though she wouldn't know, if I could put off the letter like it was nothing to me I could pretend I was still in control.

"Did you tell your dad about it?" Her voice was small, and crackling slightly. I pulled the speaker of my phone closer to my mouth as a gust of wind stirs up loose sand and dry seaweed on the shore.

"Well, he probably knows about the letter. Unless he just assumed it was from one of our relatives, but the address is kind of hard to miss," I sighed. There was no way I could confront him about the wedding.

There was a series of beeps from the phone and a brief pause from Maisie before she spoke again ruefully. "I'm so sorry Val, I'm losing reception out here."

I mentally sighed again in hopelessness. Why was it that the one day I was in desperate need for her, she was leaving? "It's okay Maiz. Just call me when you get there, okay?"

"Okay. Try and distract yourself, go surfing with Alastair or something. Just hold out for another twenty four hours or so. Love you."

"Love you too."

And just like that, I was left alone again with nobody but my own thoughts.

Well, that wasn't completely true. I could see Logan and Noah every now and again as they dipped over the waves, far out in the water. That was another drama I couldn't face.

As if fate had planned for today to be as cruel as possible, I didn't even have a shift at the ice-creamery. I had nothing to do, nothing to distract me enough to stop me from curing my fingers in rage. The only other person I was close to was Daniel, and it would just be weird to tell him about all of my family issues. There was only so far I could push his tolerance, and somehow I imagined venting personal issues to him would make him very uncomfortable.

I tossed the letter to the side where the envelope that had encompassed it sat beneath my sunglasses to prevent it blowing away. I hadn't even brought my book or anything that could hope to distract me but the stupid letter.

The wind picked up the letter, which was written on a single page. No, it wasn't written, it was typed. My mother was so impersonal she had to type it. I watched as it swirled around with the loose sand, blowing around me as if it was taunting me, 'Hey Valerie, you can't forget me! I'm still here!'

Maybe if I let it blow further and further away it would mean I could forget it ever arrived. I wouldn't have to worry about telling Dad or even remember that my mother even existed. I watched as it circled a particularly large lump of seaweed before making a beeline for the water. Yes, maybe if you're submerged you can be destroyed forever, I thought.

My hope was ceased, however, when the slightly crumpled paper landed at the feet of someone clad with a surfboard under their arms. I hadn't even seen Logan coming in from the water. God, how was I supposed to react to him after the little text messages yesterday? I didn't even think I could act flirty, not with the anger that was growing in the pit of my stomach.

Logan leant down and picked up the letter, his eyes scanning but not lingering on its contents. At least he had the decency not to read it. He turned to me, yelling slightly to combat the distance between us. "Is this yours?"

I nodded, completely aware that he'd probably already seen the 'Dear Valerie' at the top and I couldn't deny it. He placed his surfboard on the sand before striding towards where I sat. I took the letter from where he held it out to me, giving him a small smile of thanks.

"Everything okay?"

Of course it wasn't okay, but that didn't mean I wanted to talk about it. "Yeah I'm fine. Did you have a good Christmas?"

"I did." He gave me a friendly smile, something that was a contrast to the usual taunting one he greeted me with. "Did you?"

"Yeah, it was a really nice day," I told him. Until my mother ruined it. I twisted the anchor pendant between my fingers, it was becoming my new fidgeting habit.

Silence hung between us as neither of us found something quick to continue the conversation with. I felt slightly guilty for dampening the mood with what was probably obvious misery, especially when we were supposed to be opening up to each other, but my problems were more than dating and boy drama. If anything, the reminder of my mother's inadequacy was making me fear closeness with him even more.

"Hey, Val?" The fact that he didn't call me Vally was so strange that my heart began thudding heavily. He sat on the sand beside me, the white grains clinging to his dark legs as he pulled them up to rest his elbows on his knees.

"Uh, yeah?" Please don't say something personal.

"Do you think things have changed between us?" he asked.

"Um, what do you mean?" I stammered. Out of all the times he could have brought this up it was now. I couldn't keep acting out of character, the idea of trying to make him like me made me repulsed. And scared, really scared.

"Don't you think we've been acting awfully... flirty lately?"

His confidence and the lazy smile on his face made me feel even more absurd as I clung to the idea of running away from this. After a brief hesitation, I mustered up the courage to say my words of agreement.

"Yeah," I admitted. "I think so."

"Is it because you like me?"

Shit. There was no way I was going to pretend, when I was so unsure still. "I don't know."

He seemed satisfied with my answer as he leaned back, his lazy smile switching to almost a contented smirk. The wind blew the dried wisps of his golden hair around his handsome face, and he seemed to stretch his neck as he cocked it in each direction.

"Do you want to know?" he asked.

I didn't know how to reply to that, it was bewildering having him so close and asking me confronting questions. What was even worse was that our interactions never did much than scrape the surface, and here, sitting beside him as he questions my feelings for him, I've never felt so vulnerable. I wished Noah would come in from the surf and interrupt, or someone walking with their dog would allow their pooch to run between us and ease the tension, but no lifelines presented themselves.

The answer I knew Alastair would tell me to say was yes. But the adverse reaction my body was having to forming the words was physically preventing me from saying it. I couldn't even force myself to nod, because truly I was too scared. I never realised how big of a step being straightforward to him would be, and how unlikely it was that I would ever be able to cross it.

He must have taken my silence for confirmation, because his smile elevated again and he shuffled a little closer. His blue eyes were locked onto my brown ones as he assessed me, I felt as if my thoughts were completely open as he read my expression. What if he could tell that I was doing all of this because of a deal? The anger I could imagine as a result of this made me shudder. Although his confidence was flowing from everything he did, I knew he wouldn't take rejection lightly.

To my horror, he was starting to move closer. It was as if everything was happening in slow motion. His eyes never left mine, and his body was angled precisely so I could escape at any moment. He was going to kiss me. Logan Mathews was going to kiss me. There was no way I could let him kiss me.

Before he could get any closer I turned away, breaking the eye contact which had become entrancing. I looked at the ocean just as my vision blurred and my eyes filled. No, there was no way I was going to cry, I didn't cry in front of anyone. Especially him.

Blinking quickly in frustration, I regained composure, trying to subtly take deep breaths. Beside me, I sensed Logan lean back to his original position.

When I was sure he wouldn't see any sign of weakness, I turned to face him again, painting a smile over my face. "I better go. I'll see you later, yeah?"

If anyone was good at faking normality to hide vulnerability, it was Logan with protecting his enormous ego. "Yeah, see you Vally."

I sat up, scrunching the letter in my fist slightly as I did so. I didn't look back as I took the stairs two at a time, fleeing whatever situation had developed back on the beach. Suddenly, clarity was apparent and I realised there was someone left here that would be able to distract me sufficiently. I needed to find Alastair.

I stopped home to hide the letter under my pillow and grab some shoes. I had no idea where to find him, and we hadn't exchanged phone numbers or anything. Going to his house felt a little daunting, especially at the idea of finding anyone other than him there. Why hadn't I at least gotten his damn phone number at some point? This may be a small town, but the probability of running into him wasn't favourable.

Where would he be today? As far as I knew, he had some family thing on, it was the day after Christmas after all. What was most frustrating was that he could be looking for me in one of my usual spots, and I wouldn't know. I tried to pretend I was Alastair... where would I go to find Valerie? Wait, he didn't know that I had a day off, he could be loitering near the ice-creamery.

I left immediately, grateful for this little mission that could distract me from my chaotic thoughts of anger directed towards my mother. I halved the time it took to walk to the esplanade by walking at double to pace, taking the usual short cuts I knew.

The ice-creamery came into view as I stepped onto the well maintained lawn which separated the line of shops from the shoreline. I paused, slightly out of breath as I processed my surroundings. From my considerable distance, I could see Daniel and Mallory behind the counter. There were no customers around, Christmas being yesterday and the considerable wind hindered the usual flow of tourists. That wasn't what made my eyebrows raise in surprise, though.

Daniel's tall, red-headed figure was easy to identify. It was directed to the wall, his hand poised with his fingers spread apart on the coloured tiles to balance himself. Beneath him, between his body and the wall, Mallory's petite figure stood, gazing up at him with the wide-eyed expression she usually harboured. Daniel was telling her something, his mouth was moving but I couldn't hear from my position. As he finished talking, he used his hand to bounce away from the wall, giving her a wry smile as he shifted over to the counter and began wiping it down with a cloth.

They had definitely been flirting. Even if I didn't hear, their stance was way too intimate for casual chit chat. Maisie would go bananas if she had seen what I'd stumbled upon.

"And here I was, expecting to find you behind the counter. But you're not even wearing sky blue."

It was Alastair. At least something was working out today.

"You know, I didn't think I'd ever be glad to see you," I told him.

That was a mistake, because the smile he was wearing spread into a grin. Like he needed any positive reinforcement.

"Do you want to hang out?" he asked.

I nodded, trying to hide my relief in finding him with a sarcastic look. "No ice-cream though."

"We could get something else to eat?"

My stomach rumbled, it was nearing mid-afternoon and I hadn't eaten yet. I agreed and we ventured further up the esplanade to a fish shop where we ordered hot chips and sat in a little booth which was buried far into the narrow little restaurant.

"How was your Christmas?" I asked him. I intended to direct the conversation as much towards him as possible. I wasn't ready to confide about the Logan situation from earlier, and I didn't want to open up him about my family.

Alastair screwed up his face as he flipped his wallet around on the table. "Very... intense."

"Did your extended family come around?" I asked.

"No, it was just the four of us. That kind of made it more intense."

"How?" I pressed. The remedy of distraction was very appealing.

"You're very interested all of a sudden."

I shrugged, "Well, you're very interested in getting me to date, maybe I'm interested in your problems."

"Okay," he said suspiciously. "Well it meant we had to have family time. My family isn't very good at family time."

"I get that," I agreed, thinking of the awkwardness that usually fell over us when I spent time with Dad.

The enthusiastic man who'd taken our order strode over to our booth and placed a large woven bowl of hot chips in front of us, with a saucer of tomato sauce. I nodded a thank you as he left us again.

"I doubt you've sat through anything as bad as my family."

"Oh?"

"My parents adore Lottie. I guess everyone does, God knows why." He rolled his eyes and picked up a chip. "And I think they see me as the bad apple. They make it so obvious, sometimes I wonder why they don't just kick me out and get it over with."

I thought about that for a moment. To me, being on the very surface of his life, I pictured his home life as perfect. His house was huge, he obviously travelled a lot. But his parents were disappointment in him? "Why would you be the bad apple? I mean, I don't mean to pry but it would add context."

"Asking personal questions isn't always prying, Valerie," he reminded. "You can get close to people you know."

He gave me a pensive look as I narrowed my eyes. "Okay then, as a personal question which I have no remorse in asking, why would you be the bad apple?"

"Because I've embarrassed them back in Leeds, they wanted to send me away."

"Is that why your family are holidaying out here?" I asked.

"Well, kind of. Our business is under some heat at the moment and they wanted to escape and work away from home for a while. My aunt lives nearby, she's having a divorce so Mum wanted to be here. So Sandy Cove is the best option for us."

I thought for a moment before preparing my next question. "How did you embarrass them?"

He looked almost amused as he rested his elbow on the table. He was thoughtful for a moment. "I feel like I'm missing out a bit here, personal questions-wise."

"I didn't think this was necessary to formalise the conversation," I pointed out. I mimicked his accent in an attempt to draw attention to when he'd suggested I was making too much of a big deal about asking questions. He was being hypocritical.

"It's not, but it might make it easier if we both get the chance to find out more about each other."

"What are you suggesting?"

"One question for one question. I ask, you answer. You ask, I answer."

"That seems awfully confronting," I commented. I took a bite of a chip to buy myself some time to think.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," he shrugged.

"Well, what do you want to know?" I tested.

"Hmm." He mockingly stroked his chin as if a beard rested there. "Your mother. You got all weird the other day when I saw the picture of your parents, and commented on your similar looks."

Somehow I saw this coming. But if I did tell him, it meant I'd get to find out how he'd embarrassed his family so badly. The fact that he was evading the question only made me more intrigued to find out.

"She left when I was young. It's still a sensitive subject, I guess." I shrugged as if it were nothing. Maybe if he thought it was nothing he wouldn't press it further. "How did you embarrass your family?"

He looks at me in a way that suggests he's aware of my attempt to belittle my family issues. "I got kicked out of university."

"You what?" I asked, my mouth popping open. This surprised me, whatever I'd been expecting wasn't quite as major as this.

"Yep, kicked out," he sighed.

"For what?"

"That's not how this works." He smiled, his eyebrows lowering slightly over his jade eyes in a knowing gaze.

"You're being very frustrating," I informed him.

"You sound like my mother when you say that. Anyway, I won't ask any more about your family. What about Logan, it's been two days, have you had any exchanges? Or thoughts?" He raised his eyebrows in a suggestive way and I rolled my eyes.

But, I told him about the text messages. And the way Logan almost kissed me that morning. But Alastair still avoided the question, distracting me with his worldy dating advice. I had no idea how he'd got kicked out of university, and the questions I had surrounding it only grew. Maybe there was more to him than he led on.

I guess I hardly really knew him at all.

AN: Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter. Although I'd planned it to be like this, I was quite apprehensive about bundling this all together, especially because it became quite a long chapter. Did it seem to flow smoothly? What did you think of the Logan scene?

Thankyou for reading as always! Please vote if you're enjoying the story so far.