"Not a Flower" made it to the Top 50 finalists for the 2015 Harlequin Romance Writing Contest #SYTYCW15. Thank you!!!

***

The letter crumpled noisily in her hand.

Grace Madison stared down at the ruined creamy white sheet of paper and noted in mild shock that her palm was bleeding. She had managed to give herself a rather nasty paper cut.

"Damn."

Wincing at the pain Grace tossed aside the letter and went to her medicine cabinet. Once her finger was cleaned and bandaged, she headed back to the kitchen and glared at the balled up paper sitting innocuously on the ground by her wastebasket.

She'd read it enough times to recite it by heart.

Grace,

I don't know how to tell you this-but I'm getting married. The wedding will be held at Castle La Mer in mid-July. Please say that you will come. Elizabeth always told me how much you loved it there...and it would mean the world to me to have my best friend with me again.

I miss you.

Duval Roussiard

It was already June. This meant his wedding was just a little over a month away. The information was overwhelming in more ways than one.

To distract herself more than because she was actually thirsty, Grace grabbed a forgotten cup of tea on the counter and took a deep gulp of her lukewarm liquid. The bitter flavor made her cough and grimace simultaneously. Blinking her watery eyes she set the mug down and glanced at the crumpled letter again.

She snorted. "Best friend? Really?"

Her fists clenched again, causing the digit with the paper cut to throb painfully.

Unable to look at the letter any longer Grace sat down at the kitchen table and stared out the window overlooking her backyard. Her anger cooled along with her tea.

It would be five years now since she had seen Duval. Despite everything that had happened, thinking about him now she realized that she missed him terribly. Included with the letter had been round-trip tickets to London with open dates. How tempting it was to think that she could see his face, hear his voice again, if only she had the guts to book her flight and hop on a cab to the airport.

But things weren't that simple.

Grace decided abruptly but firmly that she wouldn't go. The plane tickets were going back to Duval with a polite refusal letter and that would be the end of that. Maybe it was simple after all.

"It would mean the world to him. Hah!" She made a face.

Putting the ticket and letter away, she dumped her tea into the sink and headed to the bedroom to get dressed for work. She was working a double shift at the hospital today and her patients needed her full attention. She didn't want to waste any energy obsessing over the fact that the only man she had ever loved was getting married to someone else.

Again.

* * *

A month later.

The light on her answering machine was flickering when she got home. There were two messages. Grace had an odd premonition as she stared at the small black machine and wished that she had never kept the clunky old thing. She had a cell phone. Nobody ever called her on her home phone.

Slowly putting her duffel bag on the ground and locking her door behind her, she walked over to the answering machine and pressed the 'play' button.

The first call was a hang-up. Licking dry lips, she pressed play again. At first there was silence-Grace began to breathe a sigh of relief, thinking it was another wrong number-then a deep familiar voice spoke.

"Grace?" There was a small sound, like someone exhaling. "It's Duval. I hope this is still your number. Please pick up if you're there." Another couple of seconds went by. "Grace? Please call me when you get this message. It's important."

A crazy jumble of emotions went through her as she listened to the message. It took only seconds to write down Duval's phone number onto her notepad. But it took her at least an hour to finally decide that she would call Duval back.

It was a local number. She didn't know what that meant since it was already July and he would most likely be at La Mer by now.

The phone had barely run for a second before someone picked up.

"Hello?" He answered the phone curtly.

Her stomach rose and dropped like a roller coaster. She licked her lips and tried to speak but couldn't. Competing emotions clamored inside of her. She cleared her throat and tried again. Nothing came out.

There was a brief silence, then, "Who is this? I can hear you breathing." His voice hadn't changed much. It was deeper maybe. Less gentle.

"D-Duval?" She finally forced out. "It's Grace. Grace Madison."

"Grace!" His tone abruptly gentled. "Is it really you?"

"Yes." She said with a calm she didn't feel. "It's me."

At that moment, Grace realized just how much she had missed Duval. Just being around him had always seemed to make her day sunnier. Filled with color and life. Somehow she had forgotten that at one point, he had been one of her closest friends as well as the love of her life.

"Are you at home?" Duval asked suddenly.

She faltered. "I-yes."

"Don't go anywhere, Grace, I'm coming over."

"You're in Minnesota?" She was in shock. Duval was here?

"I'm at the Hilton downtown. It'll only take a couple of minutes to get to your house." He sounded as if he were moving about. She could hear clothes rustling, mild swearing as he thumped into something.

She made a fast decision. "Ah-Duval? I don't know if you should come over. Actually, I was just on my way out." She was in no shape to be facing him.

He was briefly silent. His next words were quiet.

"Still avoiding me Grace? So is that really how it has been for the last five years?"

Stunned, Grace didn't know what to say. In all honesty, she had never thought that he would have cared that much. It had been so long since she had seen him last.

"I haven't been trying to avoid you." Grace finally replied. What a lie. Her knuckles were white on the phone. "I've been working." The excuse was lame. She knew that.

"Grace." He exhaled slowly. "We need to talk."

Determinedly Grace refused. "I-I should just tell you right now. I won't be able to come to Wales for the wedding. I can't get the time off."

He surprised her with a sudden slightly bitter laugh. "You've never forgiven me have you, Grace?"

"What are you talking about?" She asked warily.

His voice was emotionless. "You know Grace."

She bit her lip hard.

A memory surfaced of entangled bodies, passionate murmurs and the guilty look in Duval's dazed eyes when he had glanced up to see that she had been standing there while he had been making love to a strange woman only weeks after Elizabeth's death....

Duval and Elizabeth had been only married for a few short years when suddenly she fell ill. Soon after she was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. The following year had been spent fighting a helpless battle against her sickness.

Grace had nearly lost her mind during that time. After Elizabeth's death, she had to cut all ties with Duval. Carrying the double burden of horrible grief compounded by a deep guilt for still being in love with Duval had taken a harsh toll on her. She couldn't do it anymore and so she had left.

Sure, maybe there were still some unresolved issues. But she wasn't about to admit that to him. Especially not right now.

"Grace, I...." He gave a harsh exclamation. "Damn it. I can't forgive myself. Why should you?"

She stared blindly at her kitchen wall. "Please, I don't want to talk about it."

"You were my best friend, Grace. My family." He said roughly. "I've missed you."

"I--" She shut her mouth, unable to say the words back to him. Not because she didn't miss him, but because she did missed him.

"Grace..." He sighed deeply then said softly. "We do need to talk. Do you still live at the same house? I'll come over."

"I don't think that's a good idea. I'm sorry, I have to go to work Duval. Goodbye." She gently pressed the dial tone and hung up.

For a moment she just stared at her phone, unable to believe that she had just hung up on Duval, almost expecting it to ring again immediately. After about thirty seconds, she walked over and pulled the cord. She didn't want to talk to Duval anymore.

* * *

Grace woke up the next day with a pounding headache. Squinting at her alarm clock she groaned when she saw that it was only six in the morning. Pulling a robe from the back of her chair, she put it on over the thin tee-shirt and cotton shorts that she had worn to bed. Quietly she padded over to her kitchen to start some water boiling for tea. Her eyes felt sore and her throat was dry.

Passing by the large windows in her living room, Grace caught a glimpse of something from the corner of her eye. Slowing down, she came to a stop at the other window. Cautiously pulling a corner of the curtain aside, she peered out. Her eyes widened and she gasped.

Parked in her driveway was a shiny jet black Lamborghini, a vehicle that she had only seen on television before. It had dark tinted windows that reflected the pale dawn sky like a mirror. Letting the curtain slide back into place, Grace debated what she should do. Should she call the police? What if it was just one of her neighbors? She tried to remember if she had ever seen any of her neighbors driving a Lamborghini. Not likely. Her neighborhood was filled with mostly young middle-class families who drove moderately priced mini-vans, not an expensive luxury vehicle in the six figures.

Somebody knocked on the door. Grace didn't know what to do. While she stood there frozen with indecision, her phone began ringing. Without taking her eyes off the door, she grabbed the phone from the kitchen.

"Hello?" Grace answered cautiously.

"Will you open the door?" It was Duval, his voice sounding as if it was still slightly husky from sleep.

"Open the door?" She asked in confusion. "Are you here?"

"I've been in your driveway for most of the night."

Grace's jaw almost dropped. He had spent the night on her driveway? The Lamborghini must be his car.

"Why are you here?" She asked warily.

Instead of answering, she heard more knocking. Taking a deep breath, she hung up the phone. Mentally preparing herself, she jerkily walked to the door and opened it.

Her breath whooshed out. A sharp pang wrenched into her heart at the sight of him. It had been so long since she had seen him.

Duval was the same yet so very different. As heartbreakingly handsome as ever with only a few lines at the corners of his eyes to mark time's passage. His dark blonde hair was clipped short in stylish waves. His eye...oh his eyes were still that incredible deep golden hazel striated with pale spring green.

"Grace!" He cried out, those eyes darkening with unfathomable emotion.

"Duval, I--" Grace began with a stammer. "I--uhm--"

He shook his head slightly. Taking a quick step forward, he leaned down and gathered her in a fierce embrace.

"Grace...." Duval whispered. "God, it's good to see you again."

The warmth and heat of his body was combined with the crisp, cool scent of summer rain clinging to him from his night spent sleeping outside. She briefly closed her eyes, trying to control her breathing.

His hold tightened around her and he whispered something indecipherable. Almost immediately she broke free from his embrace, masking the awkward movement with a bright smile.

"Please come in." She said. He nodded, giving a searching look before doing so and shutting the door behind him.

Grace noticed that her living room suddenly seemed much smaller with his presence. She moved away in discomfort and wondered what he thought of her modest home.

The house wasn't very large or expensive. Actually it was a bit small and in need of repairs, but it suited Grace perfectly. She loved the comfortable little two-bedroom house with its gleaming hardwood floors, curving entryways and large windows.

Grace suddenly realized that this was the first time Duval had ever been inside her house. When she had bought it a few years earlier in an attempt to call somewhere home, Duval had tried to contact her and to visit. But she always found excuses to be unavailable whenever he had called.

Duval took stock of her home and was smiling when he looked back at her.

"I like your house, Grace."

"Thank you." She brushed an imaginary piece of lint from her robe and wished she were wearing something less ragged and worn. She gestured nervously at her sofa with a colorful woven quilt thrown over it. "Please have a seat."

He nodded. Carefully, she sat in the armchair across from him.

He broke the growing silence first, meeting her eyes.

"You look good." He said softly. His eyes did a swift inventory of her. Grace willed herself not to blush. She self-consciously pulled her robe tighter, wondering if he was blind-probably he was just being kind.

"Thank you." Grace managed to reply. "Ah--so do you."

A tender grin lifted his lips. "Still can't take a compliment, huh?"

As suddenly as that, the tension between them dissipated.

"I guess not." She replied with a smile.

"We'll have to work on that." Duval said easily. "Starting when you arrive in Wales."

Her brief moment of ease vanishing, Grace shook her head. "I'm not coming, Duval."

Duval crossed his arms. "Why not? You're my friend--my best friend--and it would mean a lot to me if came to Wales."

"I've told you, I'm too busy. I can't get the time off." Grace avoided his eyes, wishing he'd stop saying that. At this point, were they even friends? Much less best friends?

"I see." He abruptly stood up. "I'm getting married again."

"I know. I received your letter." She said politely.

"Is that all you have to say?" He shot her an inscrutable look. "After no word from you in almost five years? Last night was the first time you ever actually called me back in all this time. Why is that Grace?"

She lowered her eyes, unable and unwilling to explain herself.

"Grace?" She couldn't look up. With a soft oath, Duval dropped down to his knees in front of her and took both of her hands in his.

"You've never forgiven me have you? But I never cheated on Elizabeth, Grace. I swear this. How could I? While she was alive I had no eyes for any other woman. But those weeks after her death--it was bad, Grace. I couldn't deal with it." He said hoarsely. "I have no excuse for what I did--I made a mistake. I'm so damned sorry you had to witness it."

She didn't want to hear about why he had slept with another woman. It wasn't her business now and it hadn't been her business then.

She stopped him quickly, "It's the past. It's okay. Really."

Duval moved back and watched her. When she didn't speak, he asked roughly, "Please come to Wales."

Grace felt the almost instinctual urge to say yes, anything to make him happy.

"I can't." She whispered instead.

"Please." But that last word was uttered with a resignation in his eyes that she couldn't pretend not to see.

"Don't ask me to do this Duval. I can't come to Wales. But I am happy for you. It's rare to have found love twice." Grace said with determined honesty. She was surprised when his face darkened and he seemed uncomfortable all of the sudden.

"What's wrong?" She asked warily.

"Nothing."

He was lying. She was sure of it. But he abruptly looked away and releasing her hands, stood up to leave.

"I guess I'd better go then." He said briskly.

They were strangely formal as they faced each other.

"My invitation stands." He told her softly. "You will always be welcomed at the Castle La Mer."

Telling herself that it would be absurd to cry, Grace merely nodded. But her heart was breaking inside.

Silently they walked to the door. She opened it and waited for him to leave, avoiding his eyes.

"Goodbye Grace."

"Goodbye Duval." She spoke stiffly.

He walked away a few feet then paused. Standing on her driveway, he turned around. There was a pained look in eyes.

"Grace? I have to tell you something I haven't told anybody else." He paused again, clearly uncomfortable with what he was about to say but tightened his lips and continued. "I am happy to be getting married again. Vivian is a wonderful person. She wants the same things I do, stability and family."

There was a sharp corresponding pang deep in the base of her stomach as he spoke those words. It made Grace realize all the things that were missing from her life. Suddenly she was aware of how really alone she was in the world.

Elizabeth had been her only family--and Duval. Now Elizabeth was gone and Duval was leaving soon. For good. She had no doubt that after this he would no longer make any attempts to contact her. Suddenly she fiercely regretted throwing away all of the letters he had sent her and deleting all the voicemails he had left her. When he was gone, she would have nothing left of him but her own pitiful memories.

"But I..." He paused, frowned and then looked away. "But I don't love her. Not in the same way I loved Elizabeth."

Grace didn't know how to respond. Her stomach dropped as she realized that even now she was still jealous of her sister. Sick, sick girl. Of course Duval wasn't in love with his new fiancée. He was still in love with Elizabeth.

Duval turned away without another word and into his car. Revving the quiet growl of the powerful engine to a roar, he drove off. It took only a few seconds for the sound to fade away completely, leaving the early morning silent and still once again. She shut the door slowly.

Her stomach was in knots, her heart was pounding out of her chest and she felt on the verge of tears. It was time to stop fooling herself.

She was still in love with him.

"This is pathetic." She cursed herself in a low whisper. God, how could she still be in love with Duval after all this time? Maybe seeing him again had simply shaken her.

"Maybe I should go to Wales."

Grace slowly stared at her reflection in the hallway mirror. Why shouldn't she go to La Mer? Maybe what she needed was closure. It was past due. Spending some time with Duval and seeing him with his fiancée would give her that closure. She would have no choice but to accept that he would never be hers. She was no longer an impressionable twenty-one year old. It was time to face the facts and move on with life.

A tiny niggling part of her brain began laughing at her decision. It reeked of the selfish desire to just be with Duval again.

Grace ignored that part and opened up her laptop to start searching for available flights.