Chapter Two: Everybody Talks
I wake up covered in sweat. I don't remember what I dreampt about exactly, but I know it wouldn't be good if my girlfriend found out. I get up slowly, trying to ignore the throbbing in my head and heart. I remember bits and pieces: sitting in Bob's room, Mark cradling my face in his hands, hitting him with a pillow, being kissed roughly, his hands on my hips, his body over mine... And then getting up out of his bed. We didn't do anything, we couldn't have... Right?
I check my phone and see eight texts and two missed calls from Mark. Maybe he remembers more. "Mark-" I say as soon as he picks up.
"Where are you?"
"In my room, I just woke up. Did we...?"
"You're going to be late if you don't hurry."
"Mark, do you remember anything about last night?" I ask him, ignoring his prodding for me to hurry.
He takes a deep breath. "Jack, I was..."
"Drunk, yeah, so was I."
"No, I mean... Agh, we can talk at breakfast. You need to shower."
"See you," I mumble, but he's already hung up. I frown at my reflection in the black screen. I need a cold shower.
I find Mark in the dining room, his plate already half filled. "Hey," he says when he notices me. I nod and grab my own plate. When I sit by him, he sighs, setting down his fork. "Last night, I... I don't know what came over me. I wish I could say I knew why I did... What I did, but..."
"Wait, Mark," I whisper frantically. "Did we actually do something?"
He laughs a little, "No, no. At least, not that I remember. And I'm pretty sure I remember everything about last night in detail, especially when you kissed me back."
"I... Mark, I shouldn't have..."
"I know. And, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I know you have a girlfriend, but I also know that you're lonely as hell in your apartment. I get lonely too, even with friends around..." His eyes burn into mine, his emotions hidden behind stoic features.
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying that last night... was really great for me." My blush grows as he continues. "And I want to do it again. And again. I know we're still just friends at this point, but I can't stop thinking about you. And I've been giving it a lot of thought and I..." I place my hand over his and he trails off.
"I know how you feel, and I don't know why, but I feel the same way." I try my best smile reassuringly. This is new to me, and I'm not sure what I'm doing. He turns an even brighter red than me and looks down, grinning widely.
"What do we tell the guys?" he asks after a moment.
"We don't have to tell them anything. Chalk it up to the Fireball."
"Fireball it is then," he smiles, taking his hand from mine and happily stabbing at his food with his fork.
"Fireball it will always be," I clink my plastic cup of orange juice against his speared sausage.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Why hello, Markisepticeye!" Wade laughs as we greet him on the sidewalk outside the convention.
"That wasn't funny, Wade," Bob rolls his eyes. "Do you two remember anything about last night?"
My face burns, but if they mention it, I can just blame the cold. "Ah," Mark sputters. "I had a little too much Fireball."
"A little?!" Wade cackles. "Poor Jack looked so scared!"
"I was!" I laugh, hoping it sounds genuine.
"Well, maybe you just didn't have enough Fireball," Mark teases.
~~~~~~~~~~
I follow Mark around even more than yesterday, blushing like mad when he pulls me up during the Polaris thing with Bob and Wade. He grabs my shoulders a lot and pulls me to him, his hands caressing my back out of camera view. To balance out all the attention he's giving me, he hangs on Wade and tries to keep moving around the stage, but he keeps coming back to me, putting his arm around me and laughing. Maybe he doesn't notice the weird glances from Bob and Wade, but I do. And it makes me nervous for the future. Mark doesn't seem to be able contain himself. He can't continue to be this careless if he wishes to keep us a secret. Though I guess I understand. We just last night discovered this... whatever it is... between us, and now we're forced to split up, hundreds of miles apart. I'm scared to let go too. Last night was something fresh and exciting; stimulating all of my senses and provoking things inside me that I didn't even know existed. I always supported equal rights, but I never thought those laws would play a bigger part in my life than just a standpoint. Am I... gay? Do I like Mark in any way other than friendly? My heart beats against my ribcage like a car repeatedly crashing over and over again into a brick wall... What will my family say? My girlfriend?
Around lunch break, Mark leads me to a lounge, pulling me by my hand in front of so many people...
"Mark!" I hiss at him once we're inside, ripping my hand from his.
"It's fine," he mutters, sitting at a table next to the buffet and grabbing a mini water bottle.
"What if someone got a picture?" I sit exasperatedly on the plastic folding chair next to his.
He shrugs, "I was simply leading you away from the crowds."
I sigh and grab a sandwich as more people enter the smallish room. I have so many questions to ask him. So many things to think about. What are we? Friends with benefits? All we did was kiss. We haven't done anything else, and today's the last day of PAX, it felt so short... What's going to happen when I have to go back to Ireland and he has to go back to L.A?
"Something on your mind, Jack?" He grabs a small bag of chips off the buffet.
I almost glare at him, "of course there's something on my mind... Can we talk later?"
"Later, like, after the convention?"
"Back at the hotel," my voice shrinks to a whisper.
He frowns at me, crinkling the bag in his fingers. "I've been thinking, too."
"It's the last day..."
"I know," he pulls open the bag suddenly, almost flinging Doritos everywhere.
I open my sandwich and take a few bites, solemnly staring at the brown folding table. I'm so confused right now.
~~~~~~~~~~
We say goodbye to Bob at the convention because he has to head home early, and go to a sort-of-fancy restaurant for dinner. Hoping Wade will shut up about what happened last night, Mark doesn't sit by me. But his eyes keep meeting mine, his eyebrows drawn down in what looks like longing and sadness. I smile weakly at him.
After dinner, we say our goodbyes to everyone and share a cab. As soon as I buckle in, he clutches my hand, squeezing tightly. I turn to him, expecting to see the same look from dinner, but he's staring straight forward, clenching his jaw and giving the driver a steely look. He states the hotel name and street and we're off. It's almost painful to hold his hand, but I don't want to let go. This might be the last chance I get to hold anyone's hand for a long time. Eventually, his grip loosens and he strokes my thumb with his own. He still won't look my way, but I can tell that he's thinking really hard about something.
When the cab stops, it takes him a minute to let go of my hand. He flings a twenty at the driver, glaring at me when I pull out my wallet. I get out of the cab and he grabs my hand again, entwining his fingers with mine and speed-walking towards the elevator. I don't speak, I don't know what to say. I have so many things to tell him but I don't know what should come first. He pushes the button for his floor and taps his foot impatiently. We pass a few people, all of them shamelessly staring as we stride down the hall. He lets go of my hand to open his door, and just as he does, a short, chubby man approaches the room next to Mark's. It's likely the same guy who knocked on the wall last night. He stares at me and I stare back with wide eyes. Please don't let him say something, I think as Mark pulls me in and closes the door.
"Mark-" he cuts me off, hugging me firmly. I put my arms around him and rest my forehead on his shoulder. I really needed this today. He exhales, softening his grip. His fists grab hold of my jacket like he's drowning, his lips press against my shoulder. We stand like that for what feels like forever. When he finally pulls away, I kiss his cheek and take off my jacket before sitting on his bed. He sits by me, slipping off his own jacket and his glasses. I kick off my shoes and lay back against the headboard, holding my arms out for him to crawl into. He lays his head on my chest, over my heart, and his hand just under my belly button.
"What are we gonna do, Jack?" He sighs.
"Make the most of what we have," I whisper, stroking his hair with one hand.
"I'm leaving around four-thirty tomorrow morning."
"Mark! It's eleven! You need to get some sleep!" I go to get up and he wraps his arms around my torso, pulling me back down.
"I'll be fine, I just want to spend time with you before I leave," he starts kissing my neck lightly, my head rolling back in response. His hand makes its way up my shirt, rubbing my chest.
"Mark," I murmur, one of my hands on the back of his neck and the other grasping the back of his arm. He gets on his knees, one of my legs in between his, and he pulls me into an upright position. I let him take off my shirt and help him with his. He starts to unbutton his pants and I stop him, "Mark? I-" he smashes his mouth to mine, pulling me on top of him. What does he want? I can't do this-
"Please?" He begs.
I frown and stare at my hands on his strong chest. "I don't know how- or what..." I breathe against his neck.
He kisses me again, gently pulling on my lower lip with his teeth. "Oh, Jack... I promise I'll be good to you." He doesn't give me a chance to reply, his hand on the back of my head holding my face to his. I don't mind, really, but I don't know if I'm ready for this. We aren't even technically dating. I have to ask him so many questions before he goes...
He turns on his side, not breaking the kiss. I kiss him back with light, delicate movements, hoping he'll slow down just a little- but he doesn't. He finishes unbuttoning his pants, finally letting me breathe while he pulls them off. I just stare at him, almost shaking with nerves. I lay on my back, watching as he leans over me, his hands on either side of the pillow that's under my head. He smiles at me, using one hand to unbutton my jeans. "I promise, it will be great for both of us."
"Even me?" I whisper.
He finishes unbuttoning my jeans and tilts my chin up, "Especially you. I'll make sure of it," he kisses me passionately, taking away the world. All that exists now is him, me and the bed beneath us. There's no laws, no YouTube, no family, no girlfriends... It's only Mark and I. Two friends, lovers, whatever you'll call us, just revelling in each other's existence.
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