Don't fade away.

Please don't fade away.

She held onto herself for as long as she could. She begged and pleaded with herself not to fade away, not to go to that place where she was safe.

She was never safe there. She needed to be safe but no matter how hard she tried to hold onto herself, her mind refused to listen. As his tongue invaded her mouth and his teeth grazed against her lips, she couldn't stop herself from drifting away. Her mind didn't think she could protect herself so she faded away.

Please come back.

Come back.

Don't fade away.

She felt the sand beneath her jeans and the light speckles that pelted her face as the winds picked up but she couldn't smell the air or taste the saltwater around her or hear the waves as it crashed soothingly against the shores. All she could hear and taste and smell was him.

Him.

Just him.

He had shielded them from the view of the few beachgoers but he couldn't shield them from the skies above them who blazed down at him in anger. He could feel sweat running down in rivulets down his back as the sun glared down at him, angry at him, furious at him, punishing him for his actions. It was sweltering hot and he could barely breathe the humid, dank air around him but it was all inconsequential.

Now that he finally had her beneath him, he didn't care.

He wanted her. He wanted to taste her and touch her and hold her. Nothing and no one satisfied him like her, not even...

He shook his head, kissing her along her jawline, grazing his hands along the thin shirt she wore. He wanted her back in his room where he didn't need to restrain himself. He wanted to see her beneath her shirt, gaze at her nakedness beneath him, have her tremble at his touch even if she never made a sound. He knew her, he knew what her gasps meant and he knew why she bit her lip so hard that it bled.

He wanted her and he wanted all of her.

His hands slipped beneath her shirt, his bigger body shielding their view from above as his hands climbed up the curves of her body, pressing and prodding at her waist and stomach till finally he scratched against the thin lace of her bra. His hands dipped beneath the tight wire of her bra, causing her to jolt in discomfort before he enfolded her large breast in his hand. Holding it, pressing it, feeling it. He didn't want to stop.

He couldn't stop.

Not now when he felt her heart rate spike beneath his very fingertips as his mouth tasted the sweat at the hollow of her neck.

Don't fade away.

Stay with me. Don't fade away.

Her breaths were coming out so painfully fast and shallow that she almost felt as if she were not breathing at all. Every part of her that he touched burned and scorched from the inside out as she kept in her cries. She couldn't make a sound, not even one. She couldn't let him know what her body was feeling and how much she despised her stupid, hypocritical body.

Stop.

Please stop and don't let go.

Don't let go.

Don't fade away.

Her eyes shut gently as her mind lifted to a place outside of her body. She couldn't see anything, not a colour or a line or a shape but she could feel. She could feel... nothing. There was nothing in this place. There was no peace, nor discontent, nor strife, nor serenity. There was no colour or sound or black or white. It was a place where nothing, not even mere existence, existed.

It was a place of nothingness where feeling and thought and emotion had been stripped away.

She was in nothing and nothing was in her.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothin-

She heard her breaths and felt her fingertips pound against the dry sand.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Noth-

She looked up at the blazing sun, blinding herself beneath its white hot stare as his body settled over his and his hands groped...

Nothing.

Nothing.

No-

She gasped, feeling his teeth clamp over the sensitive skin above the lace cup of her bra.

No.

No.

No.

Wake up.

Please wake up.

Don't fade away.

Not now.

Don't fade away.

His fingers played with the zip of her jeans. He wanted to know if she still felt the same beneath her cotton underwear, if he could still cause her body to jolt beneath his touch.

Nothingness does not exist.

You are something.

Be something.

His fingers barely grazed the elastic waistband of her panties when she cried out beneath him.

"That's it..." He whispered in her ear, grasping her earlobe between his teeth. "Cry out for me."

No!

No!

You're in control.

You're in control.

She felt tears break through her dried, empty eyes as she felt herself come alive once again.

She was alive.

She was alive.

She was hers. She was hers and she would never be his.

"Come on." She felt his saliva cover the base of her neck as he licked and sucked at the soft skin above her shoulders. "Come on, babygirl, cry out for me again."

I'm alive.

I'm alive.

As if she had broken through the surface of her nightmares, coming out of the darkest corners of the ocean and finally heading towards the beautiful glow of the new moon above her, she felt it.

She felt her heart beat for herself once again.

She was alive and she was her own and he would never, ever allow her to fade away again. She was in control of her mind and of her body.

Not him. He couldn't make her fade away.

He couldn't.

Not now.

His hands delved deeper still into her underwear, feeling and exploring skin never forgotten, whispering dark, deep, horrid secrets into her ear. "I want you. I was your first and I'll be your last. You know that, don't you." His hands explored, caressed, touched, as his mouth grazed against the top of her ear. "I want you and I can feel that you want me." He touched her, allowing her to feel what he felt as he touched her along the part of her body that was never his.

Riaz will be my first.

Riaz will be my last.

Not you.

Not you.

Not.

No.

"No."

He stilled above her, his body tense as he heard her awed whisper.

"No, no." She shook her head, feeling his heavy chest against her slowly crushing lungs. "No."

You're in control Little bee and I will never, ever touch you unless you ask me to.

She felt every, single one of her muscles tense up till it hurt as she locked her thighs together forcing his hand out of her pants.

"No." She looked up at him, finally seeing him for who he was.

He was the man who raped her, over and over and over again.

"I won't allow you to rape me." Her voice was shaky and hoarse and slow. She could barely speak over the feelings and emotions that welled up within the very deepest depths of her heart. "You can't rape me again. Not again." She shook her head, forcing her arms between their bodies, crossing them over her chest.

"It's only rape if you don't want it." He grazed his fingers over her waist, allowing her to feel the dampness on his skin, "And you want it."

"I don't want it." She shrunk away from his touch, feeling the sand harden beneath her back. "I never, ever wanted it but you never listened."

You can't stop your body from feeling certain things, no matter how hard you try.

"You raped me. You're a rapist." Her words were drowned by the crashing waves beside them yet her words were captured by the very air around them and echoed back to their beings over and over again. It was mystical and magical and she could feel her words surrounding her as if it were a shield. "You're my rapist and I hate you."

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

He reeled back, her words a physical blow to his body.

"I hate you." She could feel tears flood her eyes before they cascaded over her eyelashes and down her beautiful, round cheeks as she said the words to herself and to him over and over again. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." And with every word she spoke, her eyes only gathered more tears from her heart and allowed him to bear witness as his shackles were torn apart before his very eyes.

"I hate you." She closed her eyes, unable to feel the warmth of the sun in lieu of the warmth blazing from within her own soul. Her body crumpled beneath his as her sobs wrecked throughout her whole body, till finally...

Finally.

She felt his heavy, crushing weight lift itself off from her body.

She could breathe.

She could feel.

She didn't fade away.

She opened her eyes, staring at him as he stared down at her, confounded.

I'm in control.

She stared at him, watching him.

Simply watching as she finally brought him to his knees and crushed him.

She finally broke him.

She felt a shadow behind her.

He was here.

She felt his hands beneath her arms, helping her up before she felt his warmth wrap itself around her body. She knew his warmth. There was nothing in the world like his warmth and his touch and his comfort.

Nothing.

She looked back at her brother as she gripped Riaz's hand in her own. "This is my husband and I love him so, so much and no one but him will ever touch me. He'll touch me and he'll love me and he'll surround me in love and comfort. No one, but him." His hand tightened around her own. "He'll be my first and he'll be my last."

Her brother's gaze flittered to their joined hands, almost in morbid fascination. "I wonder," he looked up at Riaz, "Did he ever tell you about the time his mother jammed a knitting needle up her vagina to kill her own kid."

Tasneem was sure Riaz would crush her hand as her brother smiled at him.

"Makes you wonder what you're married into, doesn't it?" His eyes bore down into Tasneem's, darker than she had ever seen before. "You should probably ask him who put his mother in Tara Hospital. He'd love to-" He gasped as Riaz's hand fisted around his collar, suffocating him slowly till even the veins in his eyes felt as if they would pop.

He beat against Riaz's chest, trying to scratch and scrabble his way out of his hold before he was let go. Tasneem watched as Riaz bent down, whispering words unheard into her brother's ear before he stood up straight and walked back to her.

"Let's go home." She made no mention about the tears that had mapped their way down his face as she grasped his hand in her own.

She looked up at her brother, certain it would be the last she would ever see of him.

"I'll never, ever come back." She looked down, sending a silent goodbye to the brother she still loved. "Not while you're alive. I'll never be back."

And she turned around, leaving a part of her soul behind forever...