Here I sit on my bed. The bare cold reaches every part of my body, from the roots of my hair to the very tips of my toes. The room is heated, but my frozen heart prevents such warmth to reach me. My heart is locked, sealed, no one has the key, at least, not anymore I don't think. I take a fingertip, to the bottom of my chest. Nothing but rough skin, scars stretch across, creating a rope of broken dreams and shattered happiness. My eyes tear up, one single tear leaks, running slowly down my face, soon hitting the middle of my lap. Yet, there is nobody I can call, nobody I can seek to help with these emotions of heartbreak, sadness, and depression. 

   I sit and wonder, whatever happened to the times that were so pure, child-like, the things that made me the happiest? What happened to the me who smiled, who laughed, who showed real emotions and compassion? Who's this broken girl with the broken smile? Where's the me who actually talked to people, was happy with who she was... what happened to me?

   Where did everybody go? Where did my best friends go? Where did my family go? Why is everything I hold so close so delicate? Did I break it? Did I lose it? Did I... did I destroy this feeling of warmth? Has chaos reached every aspect of me, and tear me apart? Why am I failing? Why am I not good enough for you anymore? What the hell did I do to lose everything I had? What happened to when everyone was happy with one another? Why is no body supporting anybody anymore? Where did you go? Are you lost? Did you find perhaps something... better than what I could offer? Am I not good enough? Is the only thing I have to offer hugs and smiles to you? Am I nothing now? Should I just... end it all? Should I just become nothing but a faint memory to you? Am I a burden to you? Was I the pitiful guest to all of your celebrations? Was I the Designated Ugly Fat Friend nobody loved? 

   I suppose... this all makes sense. I suppose I am all of these things. Then why am I so upset that now it's not the same? 

   Maybe it's because... I care. Maybe it's because I actually care. I loved you endlessly, there were no boundaries when it came to our connection. I was your shoulder to cry on, I was your motivational speaker when no one else rose to the challenge, I was your partner when you needed it most, and I was your cheerleader... I was your best friend, right? I am your best friend, right? I am always going to be your best friend, right? I'm always going to be there for you, will you be there for me? Would you still care even if I ended my life right now? Would you even attend my funeral? Would you actually give a crap about me? Would you? Will you? Today? Tomorrow? For the rest of my life?

   They don't know, huh? Another tear rolls down, as I think about our adventures. Travel, separation... our bonds have had their knots and forks in the road, but even then... I pulled through, and you did as well. What makes this time any different? Is it because I'm related to your new and profound enemy? Is it because I found someone I have a crush on? Is it because you thought that I had suddenly abandoned you? Is it because you thought I didn't need you anymore?

   You were wrong. 

   And because of that, these scars, that run across my body, are all painful reminders of how I was lost, how I'm still lost, and I lost you. I loved you unconditionally, and I continue to do so despite all the crap I hear, how I'm just a burden, how I wasn't suppose to be a guest, how I am continuously uninvited to do anything with you. How I'm not important to you anymore. I cry myself to sleep every single night because my affection and my company was trashed, and it was dumped into a hole in which nobody wants to find. No one cares, you don't care about me anymore.

   But... I still care. And I'll continue to... for as long as I can.

   All I want, is a group hug. All I want, is someone to care. All I want is to be apart of the group. All I want is for my best friends to be my best friends. I want to go everywhere with you. I want to stand by your side, laughing, smiling, cheering, snorting, I want to be happy again.

   All I want is friendship, companionship, and happiness. All I want is peace, compromise, and completion. I want us to be one again. 

   And this separation... it's my fault, isn't it?