'at least we'll always be under the same moon' unknown.

season 1, episode 6
secrets

day 70

The sun beat down hotter than the day before. Even in the shade, Sadie felt it draining her as dry as the Arizona deserts. She bit her lip, leaning down with her hands on her knees. Her hair was wrapped in a poorly-done bun at the nape of her neck, sticking to her skin. Beads of sweat grouped along her hairline as she gasped for air.

A thud echoed, along with the rustling of grass beside Sadie. She didn't react fast enough once again. Her head hung in defeat.

"C'mon, Sadie!" Isaac shouted with an annoying smile, waving his hands up.

She groaned, reaching for the soccer ball that zoomed passed her. She stepped out of the shade, where she was supposed to be blocking the ball from passing into her and Isaac's goal. "What's the score again?"

"Five to zero!" Carl boasted, earning a high-five from Alyson.

Sadie winced as she joined beside Isaac.

"We're losing to a kid who just got shot. How does that make you feel?" Isaac asked, taking the ball from her and resting it on his hip.

Sadie bit lip once more with a squint. "Real proud, coach."

"Sarcasm is a sign of defeat. And we're nowhere close to losing!"

"Don't lie," Alyson stated, a smirk plastered on her face as she put her hands on her hips. "Accept you've lost."

Isaac became serious. "You should be ashamed." He gestured to Carl. "Teaching kids unsportsmanlike behavior is disgusting and frowned upon."

In an instant, he dropped the ball and began kicking it as he sprinted forward. Sadie had no choice but to follow suit. She tried her best to block Alyson from stealing the ball. Isaac made it just a few feet from Carl, who was guarding his goal since they could risk him opening his stitches doing anything else, when he paused. Something happened between him and Carl in those two seconds that the two girls didn't catch.

Isaac scooped Carl up, letting him climb atop of his shoulders. Carl gripped Isaac's head, desperately trying not to fall off from his belly laughter. He swiftly spun around and charged forward with the ball being passed between his feet. The girls didn't have much time to react before he shot the ball right in between the two trees, claiming victory. He and Carl cheered.

"Cheaters!" Sadie accused with a gaping mouth.

Isaac let Carl down, checking if he was okay before turning back to the girls. "Winners is the word, but I guess you losers wouldn't know any better."

Alyson rolled her eyes, resisting the smile that played on her lips. Carl came up to her with a nervous look. "Don't blame me, okay? He basically kidnapped me."

Her eyes flickered to Isaac, who cocked his head in betrayal. "Oh, yeah? I believe that."

Glenn came around with a basket of fruits. He kept his eyes on the fruits, but managed to lift his head a few times with a forced smile. He looked as green as the apples in the basket.

"You okay, Glenn?" Isaac asked, taking a bit into a green apple.

"Yeah, yeah," Glenn answered with a nod. He looked at the younger kids before his eyes fell on Sadie. She raised her eyebrow at his strange behavior. Was Lori's secret really getting to him? "I'm fine," he reassured harshly.

Sadie slowly nodded as she took a peach. "Uh-huh."

Glenn walked away with his head down after Shane called for him. He was a ticking time bomb, and he was worried about her? It didn't help that he was heading straight to the lions. He was going to break.

"What's up with him?" Carl asked, probably being the only one to outright question Glenn.

"Who knows," Sadie responded, meeting the boy's eyes. He would have a sibling someday. She hoped he would be a good older brother, despite the world he was now forced to grow up in. "Go check in with your mom, 'kay?"

Carl threw his head back with a groan, but reluctantly complied. As he passed Isaac, the teen placed his dad's Sheriff hat on his head. He gave him a pat on the back which made him smile.

"Have you decided if you're going?" Alyson inquired about the gun training. It was set for today once everyone was set and ready. It seemed like a bad time for it. Hershel was still pissed at them all, despite having his permission—and having it actually be confirmed with him—it felt ill timed.

Sadie inhaled deeply. "I'll go, but I'm just watching."

Content with that, Alyson nodded and smiled.

To Sadie's surprise, Beth, Patricia, and Carl joined them. It was more surprising that Beth came than Patricia, seeing as she was Hershel's youngest. Did she think it was a game? Did Carl? How could their parents let them do this? A gun was a weapon that could change everything, and they're willing to let children use them.

She kept her thoughts to herself as they drove in three vehicles to the other side of the property. During the ride, she tried to calm herself in the bed of Otis' truck. She wasn't handling any guns, she wouldn't. There wasn't anything for her to be worried about.

"So, you changed your mind, kid?" Shane questioned after she volunteered to help him set up the bottles on the fence. He seemed proud she came.

"No. I'm just here to watch."

His pride washed away in a single blink. He eyed her, but didn't say anything else. Sadie assumed that was the end of that.

She stood behind everyone, watching them shoot the bottles down. Isaac and Alyson had relatively good aim according to Rick and Shane's expressions. They would miss some, compensated by shooting them on the second try. They never needed to go for a third.

"Hey, come on, man," T-Dog started, speaking to Jimmy, who held his gun sideways. "Don't give me that gangsta shit." He corrected himself, doing the position Shane instructed them to hold while shooting stationary.

"Don't be discouraged," Shane reassured Andrea. None of the bottles ahead of her were shot down. "You'll hit the target eventually."

"Who says I didn't hit my target?"

Shane lifted his binoculars to find Andrea's target. Sadie couldn't see from where she stood, but she assumed it was good. The others' gunshots lessened as a majority of the bottles were wiped down. Sadie stepped towards Shane and Rick, ready to grab more bottles on their say.

"Try this one. It's heavy," Shane instructed, handing Andrea his gun to test her abilities. "You get better balance. Twice the rounds."

Andrea looked to Rick, who gave his confirmation, though she didn't need it. Everyone watched her. In a single shot, she knocked down the can.

"I'd say she's got the hang of it."

"I'd say she's ready for the advanced class."

Sadie moved beside the proud woman. "Good job."

Andrea nodded a thank you to the girl.

Rick and Shane joined her closer to Andrea. "It might be worth your while after the rest of us head back to camp."

"Sure, why not?" Andrea responded humbly. She was good at shooting when it wasn't unauthorized.

Sadie tuned out the rest of the conversation, peering down the line to see Carl shoot. He hit his target. Isaac patted his head, as Carl and Rick grinned with joy. She turned back to Shane to see if he saw Carl, only to find the man clenching his jaw.

"You okay, sir?"

He whipped his head towards her with a squint. "I think it's time you try."

Ambition and pride clouded his eyes. He smiled at her, despite her confused expression. "I don't want to."

"Awe, c'mon, kid. If Carl can do it, you can do it." He pulled out the gun he traded Andrea with. Supposedly lighter and better for someone not ready.

Some of the others glanced at her. They probably thought she was just scared of the weapon. It was a weapon after all, and she was only sixteen. Carl was twelve and had just been shot, yet he was there, handling the gun as if it were an extension of him. They could see she handled everything differently compared to her friends. They could see she couldn't do it.

"She said no," Alyson defended, lowering her gun.

Shane didn't like that. "Alright."

He swapped the gun to his other hand, using his now free one to force Sadie forward. "Hey!" she shouted, fighting against his hold. Shane was stronger than her. He shoved the gun in her hand and positioned her.

"Shane," Rick let out, sounding more like a warning. He ignored him. Rick cautiously neared them, waving for the others to move back. Isaac stood beside him, gripping his gun tighter.

"Hold it like this, keep your legs not too far apart to keep balance, look down the gun and use the tip to aim," he instructed, ignoring her argument. He kept close behind her, breathing down her neck.

Sadie squeezed her eyes shut. His instructions became a whistle of wind during a hurricane. Her heart pounded in her ears like heavy rain, drowning out her surroundings. Everything she hid to keep herself from shattering, whined as the harsh winds pushed at it. Itching at it to open. Little pig, little pig.

"Shane!" Alyson shouted. There were no other guns being fired, all attention was fixated on them. No one did a thing.

"You gotta open your eyes," Shane ordered. Her eyes involuntarily opened as his hands tightened over hers. He forced her finger onto the trigger. "Now, shoot."

"Shoot!"

"You ain't gonna do nothin' with that, sweetheart. You cry over broken butterfly wings, ain't got the guts to shot me."

"Shane!" Rick's voice.

Sadie blinked, hearing a gunshot echo in her head. Blood splattered on the white walls, filling the indents like rivers. A white tank top grew crimson red in seconds. Gunshot. Blood splatter. Body dropped.

She slammed her head back into his mouth. Shane stumbled back, releasing her to aid his pain. Sadie spun around, pressing the tip of the gun against his chest, right where his heart was. Tears brimmed her waterline.

Bang. Splatter. Drop.

It stained her memories like red wine on white carpet.

But unlike then, emotions consumed her.

"Sarah," Rick said softly, holding his hand out as the others watched in fear. They wondered if she would do it, despite all the things they believed about her. Small, scared, fragile, kid. She wasn't ready for this new world. They wondered if she could easily press the trigger against a human being compared to the dead. "Put the gun down."

"Sarah...what did you just do?"

The answer was yes.

"I don't want to use a gun, so I won't," she said slowly, focusing on keeping her voice steady. She clicked on the safety and handed it to Rick. Her eyes stayed on Shane. His bottom lip was busted, blood seeping from the wound. "You better accept that now, sir."

Bang. Splatter. Drop.

"I didn't mean to get like that with you, kid, I-I'm sorry."

"Stay away from me."

The ride back was silent. Shane stayed back with Andrea for her advanced class, still his presence loomed over Sadie. His breath heated her neck. Every time she closed her eyes, even to blink, she was back there. Luckily, when she opened them again, she wouldn't find herself five hundred miles away.

It sounded stupid, now that she thought of it. Her fear of going back wasn't just in the nightmares. It was real. How could she handle going back if she couldn't handle the memories? She couldn't pretend anymore, no matter how badly she wished to. Not after what just happened.

Sadie wandered into the Greene house with permission from Patricia. The woman took one look at the girl and allowed her in with little words. She gave her a cup of lemonade and left her alone. Sadie felt bad for her. She lost her husband and couldn't even bury his body.

There were photos spread on the dining room table of Otis and Patricia, some photos had the Greene family included or by themselves. Photos of the couple on their wedding day, on trips, helping around the farm.

Sadie looked over the photos. There was a photo of a blonde girl, who couldn't have been older than seven, with a smile brighter than the sun even with a missing tooth. A boy, who appeared to be standing next to her with his arm wrapped around her neck loosely, smiling aggressively with the same tooth knocked out.

"Bethy cried for days when her first tooth came out," Hershel told, stepping into that room. Sadie jumped, dropping the photo onto the table. He wasn't Shane or him. It was just Hershel. Sweet, gentle, old Hershel Greene. "Sorry, didn't mean to startle you."

Sadie shook her head sheepishly. "It's okay. Who's the boy?"

Hershel smiled melancholically. He picked up the photo, staring at it with love. He took a seat, holding out his hand for Sadie to do the same. She did.

"Adam. My son." Sadie's face softened with a heavy heart. This was the second time his name had been spoken in the week of being there. Hershel shook his head at her reaction. "He's not dead. He was off in Atlanta, livin' with a friend when everything' happened."

Sadie nodded hesitantly. He was worried for his son, she could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice as clear as day. He didn't believe his son was dead, the same way Sadie didn't believe her family was.

But Sadie had seen Atlanta first hand. They had barely survived it. Before and after bombs were dropped across the city.

"So, why was he missing a tooth here?" she asked, pointing at the photo. He appeared too old to be losing teeth like Beth.

The older man smiled at the sight of it. Still a sense of sadness, but more of a happy remembrance. "Like I said, Bethy had been cryin' for days about her tooth. One day, I get called by his school sayin' Adam got into a fight. Beth didn't want to go to school that day, so I brought her with to pick him up. Boy didn't have a sign scratch on him, only a busted lip and a missin' tooth."

Hershel's smile shifted from the sadness. Sadie could see where Beth's smile came from. "Turns out he had his friend knock out his tooth so Beth wasn't the only one with a missin' tooth. Made it hard to be mad at him for gettin' suspended."

Sadie laughed, imagining the story in her head. She took a sip of her drink, letting Hershel reminisce with the photos for a moment. Now that she looked at it, there were a ton of random photos of Maggie, Beth, and Shawn. Some of Hershel and a woman Sadie assumed to be his wife, Annette. The photos weren't the best, but the smiles in them were worth the world.

Adam had an eye for love.

"Was he a good kid?"

Hershel scoffed, fading into a chuckle. "That boy got into trouble any chance he got...but it was always for someone. Stoppin' a bully, makin' his sisters feel better, makin' sure his point was understood. He didn't believe in limits to makin' someone happy."

"He sounds like a good person," Sadie complimented. "I hope I get to meet him one day."

"Hm. I see some of him in you," Hershel said, observing Sadie before nodding to agree with his words. Sadie furrowed her brows. "Adam wanted more, always had, whether it was for himself or others. So much so that he often got lost in his head, daydreaming about the life he wanted for all of us. Till one day, he decided he was done dreaming and left."

Bitterness surrounding his words. Sadie hid her reaction this time. She let Hershel think for a moment, mostly because she didn't know what to say.

He sighed. "I still remember when he was a little one. He would get up before dawn to lay on the hill near the cows just to watch the sunrise. Anytime I'd tell him to get back in bed, he would say 'daddy, someone's gotta greet the sun.'"

That story wasn't meant for Sadie to know, but Hershel said it aloud to remind himself. Sadie took another sip of her drink and smiled. "You guys are under the same set of stars, Mr. Greene. You'll see each other again."

"I hope so." He paused for a brief moment, almost enough to make Sadie believe he was done talking. "Do you and your friends plan on going with Rick and his people to Fort Benning?"

She froze. It wasn't just her brain overthrowing ideas, Hershel planned on making them leave soon. Carl was up, recovering quicker than they hoped.

"Probably not, no."

Intrigued, he continued, "Where'd you plan on going?"

Home, rested on her tongue. It weighed tons, keeping itself inside. Was it home? Covered in blood and nightmares, was that place truly home? What did home mean? It certainly couldn't mean a place you fear so badly you force yourself not to sleep.

She looked him in the eyes, putting on a smile. "Wherever the roads take us."

He smiled, unknown to the new world beyond his fences. "As long as you three stay safe." He patted her on the shoulder. "If you ever need somewhere to stay on your travels, you can always visit."

"Thank you, Mr. Greene."

Sadie learned the safety she left on the farm had closed into the four pieces of fabric that she called her tent. Once the zipped shut, the world beyond no longer existed. Hell, in her mind not even the cicadas were real. It all became white noise, nearly nonexistent.

There was no need to worry about if or when she was going back to Virginia. It was just her in a tent, folding her clean clothes.

The zipper moving interrupted that. Sadie froze, keeping her eyes on the black and white stripes as the tent rustled.

"It's just me," Alyson stated, zipping back up the tent.

Sadie continued to fold her clothes. Just her and Alyson in a tent, folding her clothes. She could live with that. She could live the rest of her life like that. Isaac could join if he could handle it, but Sadie knew he would want something beyond the four sheets.

She reached to grab a pair of jeans but found a hand instead. Alyson was already watching her with gentle eyes. "Do you want to talk about it?"

The words couldn't become sound. Instead she shook her head.

"Okay." Alyson took a seat next to Sadie, letting her mess with her fingers. Her fingers were the roughest part of her. Calloused from her ax's handle caused this. The center of her palm was the softest. Her hand was much like her.

Sadie wondered if Alyson would be content with staying there forever.

"I...I keep seeing what happened." She stopped playing with Alyson's hand, but remains with it in hers. "I see him. I see the blood. I hear everything...echoing in my head. Everytime I hold a gun...he's all I see."

Her fingers curled in between Sadie's with a light squeeze. "You don't need to use a gun." Sadie met her soft green eyes, no longer a wildfire. She turned their hands, facing Sadie's to her face before she laid a kiss to it. "As long as I'm here, by your side, you won't need to."

It was a promise. One, Sadie would rather die than to let it be tested.

She exhaled, leaning her head against Alyson's shoulder. She shut her eyes without fear. All she saw was darkness. "Okay."

They stayed in that position for a few moments before Alyson's hand retreated from hers. Sadie opened her eyes, lifting her head slowly. Alyson didn't look at her. Instead she reached for the pile of clothes Sadie folded.

"If you want to fiddle with something, you should try cleaning some clothes instead of just folding them."

Sadie scoffed a laugh. "That's your job, though."

Alyson faced her, narrowing her eyes. She tossed a pair of socks at her. Sadie managed to dodge it, laughing as she did.

"It's not my fault being a housewife looks good on you." As soon as Sadie said it, she regretted it. Carl's idiotic comment to his mom earlier stuck into her mind.

She did, however, not regret seeing Alyson's face turn bright red. She could help but smile at the sight.

"I'm not a housewife," she claimed, trying to glare at Sadie but it was a failed attempt. She had already diminished all the rough sides of her when she entered the tent.

Sadie stood up, opening the tent. She knew she couldn't hide there forever. She didn't need to hide. She was five hundred miles from Virginia, and there was no way for it to reach her. "Well, Whatever you're doing...it's working for you."

When she left the four pieces of fabric, she was no longer safe. But it was the first time she was sure she and Alyson shared the same emotions at the same time. Her embarrassment wouldn't show, but she knew. She wished Alyson had just let herself fall asleep.

sorry for the lack of updates! life has been stressful and i kinda hyperfocused on my tlou fic, so i apologize. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, i don't have much to say but i'd love to hear your thoughts, theories, ideas, or anything!