'She was Chaos and Beauty intertwined. A tornado of roses from Divine.'

-Shakieb Orgunwall

***

I run in no particular direction, just as far as my legs will take me. I run past houses, families and friends, places full of life, yet I feel dead. My heart beats, but it might as well be lifeless. I feel nothing and yet, I feel everything. It hurts, memories are like mental scars that you can't wash away, no matter how hard you try.

As I run, far from anything I've known, the highschool I get bullied at, the house that seems to be filled with more blood than love, I feel a free for the first time in my life. I don't feel the shackles that constantly drag me down or the noose around my neck, that always seems to get tighter as time draws on.

There's nothing holding me back.
No family to call my own. My mother died giving birth to me and my father died when I was nine, in a plane crash. I have no siblings, no aunts or uncles. All good memories were washed away the moment that women stepped into my life. I have nothing, but pain to leave behind. No friends.

Nothing.

Nada.

Null.

I can't remember the last time someone gave me a hug or gave me a compliment. I'm pretty sure that part of my life ended with my father's death. I can't remember the last time someone called me a nickname that didn't have a cruel intent or helped clean up my scrapes from playing too roughly. I can't remember the last time someone sang me to sleep or kissed my forehead. I can't remember the last time someone said they loved me...

I run from all this and nothing at all. I run from my past and my future, of what I'm sure is to come. Nothing, but more pain and suffering. The only good things that shine through the darkness in my heart, is singing and the feeling of a piano's glossy keys beneath my fingers.

It's sad to think, that of the seventeen and a half years I've lived here, it all comes down to only my journal. I wasn't wrong when I said that my journal holds everything. It really does. From my highest hopes to my deepest fears and secrets.

Everything.

I run until my breath starts to freeze in my chest, the upcoming winter making the air cold and burning my lungs. I stagger and trip, my aching muscles protesting as I try to push on. My tears stopped falling way back down the road, coming to an end, like when the last shred of hope in my heart fizzled out nine years prior.

I stumble to a stop, falling over my own feet as I do, bending over and grasping my knees as I try to regain my breath. I take a moment to take in my surroundings and it sinks in, how far I've run. I'm on an old bridge, I don't recognize, then again I don't exactly get out much.

I stare at the slow flowing river under the bridge, watching the dark water as it churns between the two steep banks. An idea comes to me as I stand gripping the guardrail tightly, completely transfixed by what I see. A means to an end.

You see, I always loved water. I loved swimming in it and always begged my dad to take me to the public pool. It seemed to call to me, same as the way a piano does as well.

Irresistible.

I look around and see no one nearby, not even a bird in a tree. It's desolate, much like my soul. Determination sets in as I become fixed on my decision, my mind made up. I hold the guardrail firmly and swing my leg over, sending queasy shocks of pain through me as I strain my bruised abdomen. I take quick breaths as I do the same to my other leg until I'm standing on the opposite side of the guardrail.

As I stare at the dark depths below me, I can feel the mental noose wind it's way back to it's position on my neck. I can feel the depression setting in, chasing away all feelings of freedom, like dust in the wind. Everything comes crashing down on me, a tidal wave of emotions and painful memories. I'm physically gasping for air as I mentally drown in despair.

It's too much.

Everything is just too much and I want it to stop. I need to release my ghosts to find my reprieve. I'm fighting a loosing battle with my demons. I just can't take it anymore, I've had enough of suffering and pain.

I lean forward, loosening my grip on the metal guardrail, ready to drop into the waters below. The slapping of shoes on concrete, distracts me from my intentions. I look up to see a black figure in the distance, barrelling towards me. As they come closer a familiar leather jacket takes shape, along with the lean figure of Axel Storm.

"Stop!" a shout rings out, his shout.

I just stare at him, though he's still to far away for me to really make out his face. Even then, his words are unmistakeable. He wants me to stop. Stop what, getting my freedom? No. He can't stop me from trying to escape my suffering. No one can.

"You can't stop me," I whisper, but the wind seems to carry my words, as he replies back in a desperate plea.

"Please!" he cries, running closer, if not faster, "Don't!"

"Give me a reason not to!" I scream at him, gripping the guardrail tightly.

"Life!"

"Life is cruel and hard. You don't understand anything!" I shout, tears springing to my eyes.

"Nature! Animals! Flowers! Music! Love!" he's yelling each word fervently, "Me!"

His last word gives me pauses. Me? Him? Why would I give up freedom for him, I barely know him. I know nothing about him, only his name and vice versa.

"What makes you think that you mean anything to me?" I frown at him, "I know nothing about you and you have no idea who I am."

"Who are you?" Axel questions, slowing down as he runs closer.

I smile tight lipped at him, my face unable to form a real one. Thoughts swirl through my head, each one more depressing than the last. Who am I? Nothing. Nobody. A worthless waste of space on this planet.

"Nobody..." I reply in a barely audible whisper, "I'm sorry."

Before he can reply, I release my hold on the cold railing. I fall back, into thin air and time seems to stop as I watch his concerned face turn to one of horror. I relax my body, at peace with knowing that my suffering has come to an end.

I drop like a rock into the water. As soon as I hit the surface, the breath is knocked out of me and ice like water surrounds me. I gasp instinctively, my body screaming for air, to swim and break free of the watery prison. I don't do anything, I remain still as my chest convulses and water enters my lungs at a rapid pace.

I close my eyes, the ice cold water numbing my body and allow the darkness to descend. The poison Moira wove has finally acted and serves it's purpose in pushing me from this world. My body is shutting down, allowing my consciousness to slip away. Darkness closes in on me, like a blanket of comfort.

Goodbye...

***

Deep stuff. Feeling a little depressed after writing this one. Don't forget to:

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LilMissImperfection xoxo