Things were not going to plan.

Logan glanced desperately towards the corridor, his eyes flicking to the clock. Shit. Ten minutes to show time. And exactly 40 minutes since he was supposed to meet Jack outside the studio. Which he would have done, if it wasn't for a very angry man with a mustache and questionable taste in loafers.

He was beginning to hate this Victor bloke.

"Look, mate," Logan said. "I just need to use the toilets. It's an emergency."

"What if they call us?" he hissed.

"I'll only be a moment."

"No way." Victor crossed his arms. "You can wet yourself on stage for all I care."

Logan closed his eyes. Oh, god. He was having "Third Wise Man" flashbacks. Nah, mate; screw this. He was going to find Jack.

He moved towards the exit, and Victor dived in front of him.

"Nice try, Winters," he snarled. "You're staying."

Logan gritted his teeth. Nice, he reminded himself. Be nice.

"Mate, I really don't feel well," he said. "I just need some air."

This, unfortunately, had the opposite intended effect.

"Don't let him go!" The dark-haired girl — Priya? Preeta? — sprang to her feet. "He's going to do a runner."

Victor looked alarmed. "Are you going to do a runner?"

"I wish I could a runner," the Asian boy — Eddie — groaned from the corner. "God, I feel ill." He clutched his stomach, looking slightly green. "That last pint really isn't sitting well. Do you have any Paracetamol, Priya?"

Logan closed his eyes. "I'm not going to do a runner."

Well, not technically, anyways; he would only be switching places with Jack, who would reappear within minutes. He was hardly pulling a Houdini. Victor's mustache quivered as he jabbed a finger towards a chair.

"Sit!" he barked.

Logan took a deep breath. Oh, sod it; he was coming clean.

"Okay, look, mate," Logan said, "I'm going to be straight up with you." He braced himself. "I'm not Jack. I'm his brother, Logan."

Victor stared at him for a long moment. Then he snorted.

"Sure," he said. "And I'm Christina Rossetti."

"No, really!" Logan darted towards the door, and Priya leaped in front of him like a hockey goalie. "We're identical twins! We switched places."

"Uh-huh. Okay, Jack."

Logan massaged his temples. Shit.

"Mate, if you'd just let me call him—"

"King's College?" A dark-skinned woman wearing a headset popped her head into the room. "We're ready for you."

Logan's stomach plunged. Double shit.

"You heard the woman," Victor said, seizing Logan's arm. "Let's go."

Logan hardly had time to think as Victor frog-marched him through the corridor. Behind them, Eddie was still whinging about his stomach to a rather unsympathetic Priya. Logan was dimly aware of the crew member rattling off a series of instructions, but he was no longer listening.

Holy hell.

What had he gotten himself into it?

Bright stage lights hit him. The audience didn't cheer as they walked in — this was England, after all, not America — but there was a light round of applause. Logan took a seat in the third chair and Victor practically shoved him out of it.

"That's my chair, dipshit!" Victor hissed.

"I don't see your name on it."

"I'm the team captain," Victor said, elbowing him aside. "Captains sit in the third seat." He gave him a scrutinizing look. "Is this part of your identical twin ploy?"

"It's not a ploy," Logan said, exasperated. "It's a—"

He was cut off by a swell of violin music. Four students from Durham university had already taken their seats as well, and judging by their smug expressions and ironed shirts, they were a hell of a lot more qualified than Logan.

Oh, god.

He scanned the desk in front of him. A name card of some sort, facing away. No pencils or paper. A button? Why the hell was there a button?

He scanned the audience desperately, but the stage lights were blinding. Shit. His poor corneas. And also Jack's poor reputation — Logan was about to decimate it.

He licked his lips.

Oh, hell. He was just going to have to do this, wasn't he?

"Good evening!"

The host — a white-haired fellow named Jimmy Parson — leaned forward in his seat, shuffling a thick pack of cards. He looked shorter in real life. Kate once interviewed him for a piece and said that he got regular manicures, too, which Logan respected.

Wait, Parson was saying something.

What was it?

"Let's meet the King's College team!"

Logan froze. Oh, hell, no.

"Hi, I'm Priya Raychaudhuri," Priya said, giving the camera a smile. "I'm from Lancashire, and I'm pursuing an undergraduate in English literature."

Eddie went next, looking even more green. "Hi, I'm Eddie Bowering, I'm from Glasgow, and I'm pursuing an undergraduate in computer science."

"This is their team captain," Parson interjected, and Victor sat up slightly straighter, his mustache quivering with importance.

"Hi, I'm Victor Thornton, I'm from Cambridge, and I'm pursuing a PhD in physics."

Logan practically fainted as the camera swiveled to his face.

No, no, no.

"Hi, I'm Jack Winters," Logan said hoarsely. "I'm from London. Er, the one in England." He paused. "And I'm pursuing a Master's in..."

Shit.

What the bloody hell was Jack pursuing a Master's in?

"...plants and stuff."

There was a brief, stunned pause. Then the audience gave a polite smattering of applause, and Logan slumped back in his seat. Thank god.

"What the hell was that?" Victor hissed.

But Jimmy Parson was already speaking again. "Right, you all know the rules by now," Jimmy said impatiently, and Logan's heart seized. Um, no, actually. He didn't. Should he raise his hand and say so?

He half-raised his hand, and Victor's red face turned apoplectic.

"Don't you dare!" he snarled, spitting white foam. "Raise your hand, Winters, and I'll castrate you."

Logan lowered his hand sheepishly.

Fortunately, Jimmy gave him a generous five-second recap of the rules.

"Ten points for starters, 15 for bonuses, starters are solo efforts, bonuses are team efforts," Jimmy rattled off, sounding supremely bored. "Fingers on the buzzers — here's your first starter for ten."

Logan blinked.

What?

They were starting already?

He looked down at the button, swallowing hard. Well, at least he knew what that was for now. And really, how bad could it be?

"Often found among moss in bogs and heathland, which wild fruit plant has the binomial vaccinium xxycoccus?" Jimmy asked, his eyes on the cards. "The red fruit in commercial form is widely grown in—"

Priya buzzed.

"Cranberry," she said.

Jimmy beamed. "Cranberry is correct!"

The audience applauded. Logan stared at her. How the hell did she know that? Did she eat a lot of cranberry sauce with her Sunday roast or something?

God, he was sweating. These stage lights were brutal.

He chanced a glance sideways at Eddie, who was pinching his thumb and index finger together in a way that suggested he was trying hard not to vomit.

Logan sighed. Same, mate.

"You get a set of bonuses on cell theory, King's College," Jimmy said.

Logan blinked. What the hell did cell theory have to do with cranberries? He glanced sideways, but none of his other team mates seemed particularly surprised. In fact, they were all looking at him expectantly.

He stiffened. Oh, shit.

That's right. His specialty was biology, wasn't it?

Jimmy cleared his throat. "In cytogenetics, what term describes the entire chromosomal complement of a cell which may be observed during mitotic metaphase?"

Logan balked. Bloody hell. Was that even in English?

"Well?" Victor leaned closer. "What do you think?"

Right. They were able to confer for these next few questions. Lovely.

"Er." Logan tugged at his collar. "I think it seems like a really tough question."

Three sets of eyes blinked back at him.

"No, really, Jack," Eddie said. "What do you think?"

Logan was spiraling. He looked desperately at the audience, but he couldn't see Jack. He was definitely there, though. Watching Logan slowly torch his academic career.

"What about the nucleus?" he suggested.

"The nucleus," Victor repeated flatly.

"Yes."

"Isn't that the brain of a cell?"

He shrugged. "That's all I got for you."

Victor gave him a long look before leaning closer to his microphone. "The nucleus."

Jimmy stared at them for a long moment. "The nucleus?" he repeated. "Well, no. Karyotype is the answer."

Logan wanted to die. Shrink into the ground, and die.

The next few rounds went from bad to worse. Eddie managed to get a few questions right about Python coding, and Victor rattled off a complicated answer in Latin. But Durham was kicking their asses. And it didn't help that Victor kept shouting at him.

"These are easy," he hissed, nudging Logan after a particularly brutal question about Darwinism and evolutionary theory. "What the hell is going on with you today, Jack?"

"Logan," he corrected him glumly.

"Don't test me, Winters."

Logan glanced at the clock. The competition only lasted 28 minutes, but time seemed to drag on, stretching out like wet pizza dough. Only 60 seconds to go, though. He gritted his teeth. God, if he knew that taking this article would involve humiliating himself on national television, he never would have agreed to it.

But, you know.

That was the way the cookie crumbled. Or whatever.

Jimmy was speaking again. "Describing an allegorical place populated by women of "great renown", The Book of the City of Ladies is a 1405 work by which French author?"

Oh, my god. He knew that one.

Logan slammed on the buzzer.

"Christine de Pizan!"

"Correct," Jimmy said, nodding, and the audience broke into applause.

Further down the table, Priya was staring at him.

"Bloody hell, Jack," she said. "I didn't know you were such a fan of early women's French literature."

He shrugged. "I dabble."

The buzzer went. Logan let out a sigh of relief. And somewhere in the audience, he heard someone groan.

A/N: Hello, hello!

Just wanted to hop in and greet all of my fellow University Challenge fans :) How you guys doing? Were you able to get any of the questions? All of them are real ones that have appeared on the show.

For hardcore fans: I'm aware that the programme normally films in February in Manchester, but alas, I needed to make it work with my timeline — so here we are! I hope you're not too offended by the fictional elements.

How do you think Jack's going to take Logan's unexpected appearance? And what will Chloe think? Stay tuned for their reactions!

Affectionately,

J.K.