2016

"Yes," I confirm nervously. "I am Iona."

Before I can worry too much, the brunette breaks into a wide smile. "I thought so. You look exactly how he described you."

Who's he? I wonder. Angus . . . Or Ryan?

"So nice to meet you; I'm Alice!" She bustles around the side of the bar to greet me and that's when I realise she's heavily pregnant. "You're my maternity cover."

She throws her arms around me like I'm a long-lost friend, and I try not to stiffen. I've always struggled a bit with hugging. Especially virtual strangers. But the warmth practically emanating off her in waves is hard to resist.

As I briefly give in and return the hug, I realise that Alice is probably not Ryan's girlfriend after all. If he was about to be a father, I would definitely have heard about that through our mums.

"Let me get you a drink." She pops back behind the bar again. "What would you like?"

I glance at the bottles of white wine in the fridge, realising I haven't a clue what the drinks cost. "Just whatever your cheapest white is," I reply.

"Don't be daft; it's your first night here so it's on the house," she insists. "What kind of white?"

I laugh and give in. "Anything but chardonnay," I concede. Chardonnay is the devil, in my opinion. Tastes shite and always gives me a terrible hangover on the rare occasion I end up drinking it.

Alice pours me a glass of pinot grigio - much better. She sighs as she pushes it towards me. "I miss wine. I can't wait to indulge again once this bloody thing squeezes itself out of me." She glances down at her bump as she says this and, despite her words, her gaze and her tone are warm and affectionate. "It's torture for me when I have to cover in here."

"I can imagine," I giggle. "Well, actually I can't, I've never been pregnant. However, I did try to do Dry January once and I lasted about a week. I don't generally even drink alcohol that much but the second i told myself I couldn't have it, I immediately wanted it."

"That's exactly it," she mutters, leaning on the bar. "I didn't realise how many different things I couldn't have when I was pregnant . . . And of course I'm craving every single one. Oh great, you're back!"

Her eyes light up as she glances behind me, and I can feel my heartbeat ramping up, but it turns out it's only Angus.

He takes over on the bar and Alice leads me over to two comfy chairs at the fire. She's on the flavoured tonic water - "I can pretend it's a gin that way," she explains.

"So tell me all about yourself!" She says excitedly.

"Honestly, any time anyone says that to me I immediately forget everything about myself," I groan, taking a big swig from my glass.

She chuckles, blue eyes lighting up. "Okay, let me see. I know your name, that you're the same age as Ryan and you're from Glasgow. I'm going to assume you're single as you could drop pretty much everything at a moment's notice to come up here." She puts her hand over her mouth as soon as she says this. "God, sorry, that sounded terrible."

"You're not wrong though," I shrug.

"This seems to be the type of baby brain i have," she tuts, picking up her glass and sipping delicately from it. "Some folk forget stuff, I just end up sticking my foot in my mouth."

"I'm not offended," I assure her and she grins.

I can't help but like Alice. She's nice and straightforward and even if she had been Ryan's girlfriend I know I'd never be able to hate her in a million years.

"Do you want something to eat?" She asks, picking up a menu from the table and passing it over to me. "There is a restaurant but the food in there's a bit - well, wankier, if I'm going to be perfectly blunt. Nice but pretentious, if you know what I mean. I far prefer the pub menu."

I glance over it. Definitely more pub grub on this menu and I'm absolutely here for that. Pretentious food rarely works for me. A shepherds pie, bangers and mash or lasagne is far more up my street. Or . . .

"Scottish tapas?" I read out loud, curiously.

Alice nods. "Oh, you need to try that dish!" She assures me. "It's haggis croquettes with a whisky dipping sauce, a mini scotch pie, a mini macaroni pie, and a small portion of fish and chips."

"Sounds like a heart attack on a plate." I'm only half-joking.

"It's a delight!" She corrects me. "Angus," she hollers across the bar. "Can you put in an order for the Scottish tapas for Iona? And a lasagne for me. I'm off the clock now, and I haven't eaten yet," she adds as she looks back at me.

"That's a load of bull," Angus interrupts us as he places a small container of cutlery and napkins on the table between us. "You've barely stopped eating all day."

"The baby wanted all that other food, not me" she replies slyly. "So it doesn't count."

"Yeah yeah," he laughs as he walks back to the bar. "I'll get your order in now."

He also brings me another glass of wine which is gratefully accepted as Alice begins her questions once more. It doesn't take long for the topic to come around to the man himself though.

"So you're a big blast from Ryan's past," she states, eyeing me thoughtfully as we tuck into our meals. The haggis croquettes are insanely good. "The strange thing is, I'd never heard of you before last week."

"Really?" I try to sound casual, but in reality I'm a bit disappointed. Although what the fuck did I expect? That my unrequited crush from my teenage years would be talking about me? Hardly likely.

"When did you last see each other?" She asks. "Before last week, I mean."

"In passing, about eight years ago; we last spoke closer to 20 years ago though." I figure the truth is easier than a lie.

"Intriguing." She steeples her fingers together, her sharp gaze bright with interest. This girl missed her calling as a police interrogator. "What happened there?"

I shrug. "We just drifted apart."

She briefly falls silent as she dunks garlic bread into the remains of her lasagne and I hope the subject is dropped. No such luck.

"You'll tell me the truth eventually," she says finally. "He won't. But you will."

"You seem pretty confident about that," I challenge her. She just nods.

"I am."

I probably would tell her right now to be honest. But I would hate the idea of it getting back to Ryan, and I'm not sure I can trust her yet. Especially as she's clearly a very good friend of his.

She pushes her plate away. "You should have some cranachan for dessert," she advises me. "The one we do in here is amazing. Oh, and you need to have a wee dram of whisky, of course. To celebrate your new job."

Alice, I'm quickly finding out, is quite bossy. However, I love both cranachan - an oaty, creamy dessert with raspberries - and whisky so in this case I'm not going to complain.

I'm quite glad I'll only be working with her for a couple of weeks though.

She's not wrong though. Their cranachan is amazing - although I've never met one I didn't like, to be fair. And as I'm sipping my glass of Talisker, to wash it down, sitting in my comfy chair in front of the fire, I briefly allow a feeling of contentment to wash over me. I close my eyes, savouring the pleasant sting of the whisky on my tongue.

The feeling is short-lived.

For, when I open my eyes, with what I imagine is probably a pretty soppy smile on my face, Ryan Thorne is standing in the doorway.

And my brain virtually implodes at the sight of him.

He's wearing a dark grey suit with a pale lilac shirt underneath, a skinny purple tie loosened around his neck. In my eyes, he looks incredibly good, like he's just modelled this outfit on the Milan catwalk, and I feel like a slovenly mess in comparison.

He's watching me and I cannot read his expression at all. It's impossible to tell if he's happy or unhappy to see I've stuck to my word. He's not just a closed book, he's a book that I didn't finish, returned to the library and later regretted. When did he get so damn guarded?

Those blue eyes almost immediately slip away from me when I catch him looking. Alice has followed my gaze and clocks him too. "Ryan!" she shouts delightedly. "How was the dinner?" She turns to me as he starts striding across the bar towards us. "Ryan was at a hotel award dinner tonight," she explains.

"It was dull," he replies, loosening his tie even more. "I hate networking." His gaze finds mine again. "You made it."

Is that . . . I'm not quite sure, but I think there's a hint of a smile trying to break through. It's like he wants to be normal with me, like the last seventeen years never happened and we're still friends.

But I don't think he can quite forgive me for the fact I ghosted him.

Which is fine because I ghosted him for a reason that I still can't forgive him for.

"I did." It's all I can say. I manage a smile. Truth be told, I would rather cry.

"You want to join us for a drink?" Alice asks him.

He shakes his head. "I would but I'm knackered. I'm gonna head straight to bed."

I can't help but feel he probably would stay were I not here. Although perhaps I'm just being paranoid.

As I watch him leave, I feel Alice's eyes on me. "What?" I ask curiously.

She smiles and shakes her head. "Like I said, you'll tell me the story sooner or later."

I can only laugh.

I make my own excuses after that and head back to my room; I'm feeling tired too. But when I finally slip into bed, I find that falling asleep is virtually impossible. So, almost unwillingly, I pull the 1998/99 diary from where I left it in my holdall. As I open it, a photo slips out. My breath hitches; I'd forgotten about its existence.

It's from the day of the barbecue; the day Ryan's family moved in across the road. Someone - my mum or dad presumably - has taken the photo from across the garden. Me and Ryan are sitting on the grass, faces turned to one another, obviously involved in some sort of intense chat. He's completely focused on me. Almost as if I'm the only other person in the world.

This, I remember bleakly, was also the day my crush returned with a vengeance.

Yep, we will be going back to the nineties again in the next chapter!❤️

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