All I breathe 

All I feel

You are all for me 

No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do 

Still falling for you <3

I didn't even want to move. I was fine while doing grocery shopping with Aman, then he left for some business. It has been three hours since he has gone although he did call me twice to see how I was doing.

I was going through some kind of food aversion. Just the look of something eatable made me want to throw up. I kept lying in bed hoping this feeling would just go away. 

My phone started ringing and an unexpected caller's name flashed on the screen. 

"Hello," I said hesistantly. 

"I thought you won't pick up," Raven said with a sigh. "You have been avoiding me a lot."

I didn't know what to say. Ever since that night when I went out with Raven and things completely got ruined between me and Aman, I just didn't want to face him. Even though it wasn't much his fault that such a terrible misunderstanding got created. 

Mom was right about communication gap between me and Aman. But now I know I am the one creating it. 

"I am sorry ,its just a lot has been going on," I said.

"I know. I got the news. Congratulations.."

"Thank you." 

"Mira, you still love him right?" he asked after a little pause.

"I do," I replied. "I am sorry Raven if you ... if you thought I moved on. I wish I had moved on too, I am making things difficult for the both of us now and you too."

"No, I guess I always knew. I just didn't want to accept it. So are you guys getting back together?"

"Are you kidding me? Why would he accept a mess like me? I hurt him a lot. I got nothing to make anyone stay."

"Shut up, Mira. You got everything to make anyone stay. Alright?" 

"Suddenly getting an urge to hug you," I replied gleefully. Raven might be lying but he always knew how to make me feel better. "Don't feel sorry for me."

"I don't need to. Stop looking down upon yourself," he said. "Anyway, will it be okay if I come visit some time?"

"Of course, Raven." 

"Good, well got to go, take mom shopping. Bye Mira."

**

I was now in my sixteenth week now and things hadn't changed much between me and Aman. He kept visiting me as much he could and went to doctor's appointments with me and even got me things I needed. His parents got the news and initially they were hesitant but now his mom called giving me tips about what to eat and drink. 

But although I had all the support I needed there was one thing missing and that was Aman. I didn't want to lose and I didn't know how to get him back either. I was still afraid of things going bad even if we got back together. 

And now my  baby bump was definitely visible. It was pretty small but definitely there. People at work congratulated me even though I bet it was awkward and there heads were probably filled with judgements and questions since everyone knew about my divorce.

But I hardly cared anymore. 

Aman was home getting the nursery built up for the baby and he was speaking to the workers when I intervened. 

"Hey, Aman.." 

"Yes?" he turned around. "What is it?"

"I was just umm..cooking and.." I said hesitantly, "Would you like to stay for dinner?"

He looked at me for a moment.

Damn it. He is thinking about it. 

"Sure," he said simply and turned around to talk to the workers. 

Wow. He said yes. 

An hour later he came to join me in the kitchen. 

"What are you doing?" 

"Dinner is almost ready.. I was just cutting up some salad.." I replied. 

"You cooked?" 

What was so surprising? "Of course I did. Why? Do you want to eat from outside? We can order in you know. I hear there is a great little Italian place nearby and they deliver late nights. Or there is a south Indian eating joint too, you know. Oh, we can always just order Pizza.."

Damn. I was having verbal diarrhea. 

He started smiling. "Home cooked is just fine."

No, you are just fine.

 He was freshly shaven and wearing a black shirt with blue jeans. His hair was shining and I had the urge to touch them. It was completely shameless the way I was checking him out every time he turned around or wasn't looking.

Pregnancy hormones?

No, no. I was always a shameless woman when it came to him. If he could enter my mind and see himself there he would probably scream, "PERVERT" and go running. 

Of course, I was discrete about checking him out. A lady never stares openly. 

But....

"My new secretary knows a great interior designer if you want to get the baby's room done professionally."

His new secretary? 

"Aman, I wanted to say something."

"What?" he asked and then started walking towards me. 

He touched my hair and I wondered what he was doing. 

"You got a slice of tomato in your hair," he said and giggled. 

I was honestly wishing he was coming to kiss me. But of course why would he kiss me. He doesn't even want me. 

Suddenly tears welled up in my eyes. 

Seriously who cries about something like this? Hormones!

I suddenly turned away and grabbed a tissue. He noticed me.

"What happened Mira?" he asked urgently. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I am okay," I said and quickly wiped away the tears but more followed. 

"What happened? Are you in pain?" he asked with concern. 

No, I wasn't in pain. I was crying because I wanted him to kiss me and he didn't. 

Goodness, how can I tell him that? And he won't even let go if I don't tell him why I am crying, all of a sudden. I don't want him to think I am pathetic even though after seven years with me I am sure he already knows but still. And now he has a secretary. Pretty soon she will be his new wife and he will have new babies. I will  be his old wife with old babies. 

Baby. 

How do I manage to think so much?

"Yes, yes. I am in pain.." and I held my stomach. 

"What?" he said. "We need to take you to the doctors."

"To the doctor? For a little pain? Aman, I am okay!" 

"Mira, we need to watch you carefully remember?  We don't want another miscarriage so stop arguing and come with me."

Oh, crap. 

He got out of the kitchen and went to grab his car keys. I put on my shoes and wondered what to do. 

He was looking really worried and as he got out the door, I had no choice.

"Aman, stop! I just wanted you to kiss me."

"What?" he stopped midway and turned around. 

"I lied to you. I cried because I thought you were going to kiss me when you were taking that tomato slice out of my hair but you didn't and then I  got all sad. I am sorry, I lied to you."

Then the bell rang. It was 8:30 and who decided to interrupt me? Aman opened the door and he looked a bit hesitant. 

"Mira, it's Raven."

**