I don't wanna live forever

Because I know I will be living in vain

And I don't wanna fit wherever

I just wanna keep calling your name

Until you come back HOME..

**

I can't believe what just happened right now.

Did I just speak to a strange woman about horses? And now I have to think about why her horse didn't want to run races?

As I was walking towards my car, suddenly something hit me that I didn't think of in the morning.

Aman and I slept together and I don't remember half of it.

I also don't remember if we..

if we...

did we take any precaution?

The thought caused my face to go all red. I really needed to ask him.

I thought about calling him, he had to be home right ? Aman owned a home based travel agency. Initially his business was slow but within the last three years things picked up really well. He was a people's person and knew how to convince (err manipulate) people. His business was doing really well. It was the perfect thing for him. He wasn't someone who could pull a 9 to 5 job at a stretch. In this, he was his own boss and enjoyed his freedom. An MBA, meant that I could help him too sometimes and that helped us bond even better as we worked together.

Although the past year, wasn't as good for us but that is a topic for another day.

Also meant that we traveled a lot together. Most of his clients were honeymooners although we did get a lot of college students, business men as well. On my insistence, an year ago he also started specialty tours for physically challenged, elderly etcetra. Which made him a favourite among the people.

He did go out a lot to meet up with contractors, dealers and sometimes really high end clients but mostly at mornings, he was home.

So I decided to go home and talk to him about it.

There is one little problem though...

I don't know how to talk about this with him!

As my car reached his grandmother's apartment, I rang the bell to find some other but familiar face opening the door.

"Oh hey, you are home!" she said with a big wide smile. She being Anisha, Aman's sister in law. She was the wife of his cousin and as she was here, I assumed I was going to see Rachit inside, his cousin.

I flashed her a smile but felt a little awkward. I haven't met any of them since I left mine and Aman's place. As I walked in, both Aman and Rachit were sitting on the couch, deep in conversation as their heads turned towards me.

"Hi, Mira. How are you doing? Its been so long," Rachit said.

"I'm alright..."

"Hey, we were just about to go out for coffee. Why don't you come with us?" Anisha said all excitedly. Is she crazy? Inviting the ex wife for coffee?

Plus I really needed to speak to Aman urgently.

"Hey that's a great idea. Come with us Mira," Rachit added.

"Let her go guys," Aman said. "I am sure she has things to do."

And clearly the ex husband doesn't want me to come either.

Aman didn't know about my therapy session and prolonged vacation from work yet. I intended to keep it that way.

"Yeah, I do actually. Can you guys give me a minute? I need to speak to Aman privately," I said sheepishly.

"Ooooo," Anisha said. She was making the already awkward conversation more awkward. "Sure guys, we will just be in the kitchen, raiding your fridge," and then she held Rachit's hand and left.

Aman stood up to look at me. "What is it, Mira?"

"I was wondering....." I didn't know how to talk about this. God, please help me.

Should I just write him a note and hand him to him?

Dear Aman,

I was wondering did you happen to leave something of yours inside me? Something that could cause the existence of another human being in the next nine months?

Love, Mira

Or should I just e-mail him?

I have a better idea.. I will just whatsapp him!

"You know what, nothing!"I said and started to leave the room.

He gave me an irritated look. "You know I hate it when you do that! Tell me now?"

"Well, I was wondering I hope we didn't do something we regret last night.."

His expression turned all cold. "So, fighting with me unnecessarily in the morning wasn't enough? Now you want to hurt me too?"

I didn't get him. How was I hurting him?

"You regret sleeping with me.... I don't remember forcing you. Drunk or not, you wanted it too. Stop fighting your feelings and stop hurting mine." He said gravely.

Oh..that wasn't I meant. He got me wrong.

"No, Aman..I..."

"Okay, fine!" Aman interrupted me as usual. "I took advantage of you. Now what are you going to do about it? Hmm?" he said crossing his arms.

WHAT THE HELL??

Now he is going to have an attitude about this? Why the hell is he speaking to me like this?

"I am .. I am...,"....I began completely short of words. I was welling up with tears.

"Hey guys, all okay?" Anisha and Rachit had come out.

"I am going to unfollow you on instagram!" I shouted.

Anisha and Rachit looked at me like I had gone crazy.

"What?" Aman asked angrily. "Seriously? Did I unfollow you when you divorced me ?"

"You removed me from Facebook."

"That was because you blocked me on WhatsApp."

"I don't want to interrupt but .. you both are acting childishly right now.." Rachit said. "I know things are bad between you both but c'mon you love each other, right ?"

"Tell her. She's the one picking a fight."

"Well, I apologize." I said and left the room.

I am not going to ask him. Huh.