Chapter 12

He dragged me out of the room despite my protest and amidst the surprise stares of our classmates and all the people we passed by the corridor. No one dared stopped him.

"Let me go!" I pulled my hand from his grip but his grip is viselike. Mabilis siyang naglakad habang hawak ako hanggang sa makarating kami sa office ng student affairs. Oo nga pala, officer pala siya ng college nila. He opened the door and pulled me in. Nakita ko ang gulat na nag register sa mukha ng mga estudyante na nasa loob ng room pagkapasok namin.

"Out." He said curtly and the students scrambled out of their seats and hurriedly went out of the room. He locked the door the moment they're all outside. Nakatayo ako sa gitna ng room at nakatayo siya sa likod ng pinto. His lips are set in a thin line and his gaze is deadly. Kung hindi lang ako matapang baka umiwas na ako ng tingin dahil sa klase ng tingin na binibigay niya sa akin. Gone was the gentleness in his eyes, gone was the adoration, all that was left is fury, anger and if I am not mistaken, pain. Something painful tugged at my chest but I choose to ignore it. This is not the time to get too emotional; this is not the time to reminisce about they way he stares at me. I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked at him directly, giving him the same angry and furious stare.

He can't just drag me like that! Wala pang kahit na sinong lalaki ang kumaladkad sa akin ng ganun! Ano ang karapatan niya!?

"How dare you Kriztian! You don't have the right..." I shouted at him but his grim expression didn't change. He slowly walked towards me with that angry expression and clenched his fist. Naramdaman ko ang mabilis na pagtibok ng puso ko. I couldn't be afraid, could I? I could put him down; he can't do anything to me.

"Right? Are we talking about right Jihann?" He came nearer, stalking me like a prey and I unconciosuly took a step back until my back touched the edge of the table.

"Naririnig mo ba ang sarili mo?" He said with a mocking tone and smiled grimly at me.

"For someone who've insulted and degraded me in front of the whole class, you have the nerve to talk about right." He snorted and gave me a lopsided but insulting smile.

"Now you're asking me what right do I have to drag you here? No. I don't have the right to drag you nor do you have the right to call me names and insult me back there." Mahina lang ang boses niya pero ramdam na ramdam ko ang galit sa bawat salita niya. I've never seen him this mad nor this dangerous, I wanted to cringe in fear but I am not the type to admit defeat or to show my fear no matter how scared I am. I wasn't raise like that; I was raise to be composed despite the situation. So I held my ground and met his angry stare.

Lumapit siya sa akin at tumigil sa harap ko. He is towering over me and I fight the urge to avoid his eyes. I fight the urge to run for the door or to take a step back further.

Hinawakan ng isang kamay niya ang pisngi ko until his hand settled just below my chin and tilted my face.

"What? No insulting remarks? You've gone mute? That's where you're good at right? You're good at insulting people and putting them on spotlight." Naramdaman ko ang paghigpit ng hawak niya sa pisngi ko but not to the point of being painful. Naramdaman ko ang pag iinit ng sulok ng mga mata ko but I held it back.

His jaw clenched and he let out a few deep breathes without breaking our eye contact.

"I'm telling you Jee, you cannot treat me the way you've treated your ex-boyfriends. I won't allow you to shout at me. I won't have you cursing me and accusing me of things in front of everyone and get away with it. This is the last time, you hear me?" I stood my ground and looked at him. I didn't say anything not because I am scared of saying something. I didn't say anything because I'm afraid that my voice would quiver, and that I would crack and he would know that I am not as strong as I portrayed to be. I composed myself.

"Let go Kriztian." I silently said. Nagsukatan kami ng tingin bago niya binitiwan ang pisngi ko.

"Hindi mo kailangan magbanta sa akin. That won't happen again if all of you would just leave me in peace. Hindi tayo magkakasakitan kung hinahayaan niyo na lang ako."

"Hindi magkakasakitan? Isn't it too late for that? Ahh...kunsabagay, that must be true in your case." I noticed as pain crossed his eyes pero saglit lang. Saglit na saglit lang na kung hindi ako nakatitig sa kanya, hindi ko mapapansin.

"Yes. Leave me alone in peace and you wouldn't hear a thing from me." He snorted and gave me a hollow laugh.

"How convenient Jihann. Is that how you get rid of all your ex-boyfriends? I'm sure, they did what you've asked them."

"I didn't get rid of you Ian? You walked away, remember?" He again gave me an insulting laugh.

"You didn't? Baka naman naunahan lang kita dahil nakita ko ang usapan niyo ng kaibigan mo? Why when are you going to dump me? Masakit ba sa ego na ang lalaki ang unang nag dump sa'yo instead of the other way around?"

"If I say yes, would it make you feel better?" I asked in a calm and collected voice while looking at him intently. Anger flashed in his eyes before he kicked the chair in front of him.

"Damn it Jihann! When will you give me a straight answer? Ganun ka ba talaga sa lahat ng mga lalaki mo?" Pinilit kong kumalma sa outburst na pinapakita niya kahit na pakiramdam ko nanginginig na ang mga kalamnan dahil sa galit na nakikita ko sa mukha niya.

"Fuck it! The knowledge that I was one of your toys annoys the hell out of me. I don't know where I went wrong or kung ano ba ang hindi ko ginawa. I turned a blind eye and ignored all those people who told me that you're not worth it. I didn't listen when they told me that you are not good for me and you'll only drag me down. I wanted to prove to them that they're all wrong. You are neither a bitch nor a flirt. I am willing to fight for you. Oh...I did fight for you. I did, despite my friends telling me that I shouldn't take you seriously coz you're a playgirl and you'll never take me seriously, so might as well play your game." I swallowed the lump in my throat.

"I took you seriously, despite the feeling that everything for you is just a game. I respected you Jihann and despite our break-up I've expected you to respect me too. I don't want it to turn ugly but I guess I was wrong to expect too much from you. After all, they're all right. You're everything that I thought you're not." Napapikit ako sa huling sinabi niya.

You're everything that I thought you're not.

You're a flirt, you're a bitch, you're a playgirl.

You're not worth it.

I embrace his words with open arms and smiled at him.

"Sometimes listening to the clamor of the people around us helps a lot. You should have listened to them in the first place." I was surprised at the calmness in my voice. Yan siguro ang nagagawa ng acceptance sa katotohanan. Katotohanang hindi lahat ng tao ay handang makilala ka kung sino ka talaga. The fact that others would prefer listening to the opinion of the people that doesn't really matter.

The calmness brought by accepting the fact that your flicker of hope was gone. Hope that someone would stay long enough to know the real you. Hope that someone would see beyond your mask and would ignore the opinion of the society.

Sady, in my case, that someone is not Ian and that fact hurt me because it proves that I was right all along. Ian is not that hope. Tama siya, katulad lang siya ng iba.

Just no one.

Just someone who would pass, look and walk away. Para lang taong dumaan sa isang mural painting, he could appreciate the beauty, maybe linger a little bit more to take a better look but would never exert an effort to know the meaning behind the mural or to know who's the artist behind it.

I smiled faintly despite the growing pain and disappointment inside me. I can also see my invisibility wall getting higher and higher at every word he'd uttered. Every word cuts deep and then makes me numb. Words that I know, as time passes, would no longer matter, no matter how meaningful. I welcomed the numbness with all my heart because that's what I need.

"Glad to hear that you've realized that now. At least you would no longer waste some of your precious time fighting for someone who isn't worth it." Huminga ako ng malalim dahil pakiramdam ko nauubusan ako ng hangin.

"Just tell your minions to stop bothering me and everything will be okay. I apologize if I called you names and accused you of something that would smear your pristine reputation. That was uncalled for." I raise my hand and touched his check. My hand ache to touch his face a little bit longer. Every fiber of my being shouted for my hand to linger on his cheek a little bit more...just a little bit more. I didn't allow my hand to linger a little bit more, for that would only result for the lingering pain and...regret. I don't want to regret.

Agad kong naramdaman ang pag iinit ng sulok ng mga mata ko at agad ko ding binawi ang kamay ko sa pisngi niya at tinapik ang balikat niya.

"For as long as we don't cross each other's paths, everything will be okay Ian."

"Yeah right. I was out of your life the moment I went out of your condo. It should stay that way."

"Good."

Naglakad ako papunta sa pinto at nilagpasan siya. I never thought that walking away from someone would be this painful. It felt like walking on a floor full of shattered glass. Every step is painful, every step is agonizing. However, the pain doesn't come from the surface, it comes from within. I opened the door slowly and walked outside.

There are a lot of students outside the office. I smiled faintly as they give way for me.

"Show is over folks." Nung makatalikod na ako sa kanilang lahat ngumiti ako ulit. This time it's a bitter smile.

The show is just starting Jihann. Prepare your best mask for the coming days.