• refer to #30 in which mr. herrero went to caly •

Why am I here again? Because I'm desperate. Because I can't wait for him to call me. As soon as I heard that he'll be flying back here from his business abroad, I went to him straight away– not a day waiting. He was shocked to see me waiting for him in his living room but I could feel that he was somewhat expecting me. His mayordoma was about to tell him why I came here as a report but instead, he waved his hand and dismissed her. I guessed he really does know the reason why I'm here. I can't let myself be humiliated with the thought. Baka isipin niya sobrang desperada ko na talaga kahit totoo naman.

I need every help I could get.

"I will do anything just... please, help me find him. He's all alone right now. I can only imagine what he's going through and it makes me crazy knowing I can't-do anything but cry..."

I cried for my Apollo. I begged. I don't know what else to do. I don't want to give up. He needs me. And after everything, I know that he still loves me. Because that's Apollo, he's my Apollo, he gives everything without asking for anything in return but to be loved back. All his life nobody bothered to get to know him and realize that he is worth it. And I thank myself for putting my heart out there for him. And now I hated myself for doing this to him.

"I just hope that he ended up with someone who really wants to take care of him." I looked into his kind eyes. Failing to stop from rambling but the memories came crashing like an avalanche, I let it drown me. Because who wouldn't? "He-He's stubborn. He is not a morning person and... and he needs someone who will wake him up and..."

"No, five more minutes." He whined like a grumpy kid. I smiled because he and I both knew that five minutes really meant more than five minutes. He was lying on his stomach. His face covered with his right arm to shield his eyes from the sun rays. His messy hair was well, messy. He looked cute. He always does. But on with the task again...

This is why I make myself a useful girlfriend by being here an hour early. Though the school is only a ten-minute walk from his condo, the struggle really is waking him up. I grabbed the duvet that covered his pajama-clad legs, he didn't have a shirt on, not surprised.

"Come on, please." I grabbed his hands and pulled him with all my might. "Male-late na tayo. You have to eat your breakfast! Remember? Because it's the most important meal of the day! Right, baby? Right?"

Bumwelo ulit ako. I was just about to pull him again when he used that time to pull me instead of making me lay beside him. Before I even whine, kinuha na niya 'yung duvet ulit at kinumutan niya kaming dalawa. He made his self the little spoon. His arms making its way to my waist while he snuggled on my neck. He sighed, sleepily. I blew the hair on my forehead and puffed. Well, I combed his hair with my hands. Five more minutes it is.

I guess the most important thing before breakfast is cuddling. And who am I to say no to that?

"He... he's allergic to dust. His nose gets all puffy and... it makes it hard for him to breathe. He's cute like that but he hates not smelling my perfume."

For the 9th time since I came, Apollo's cute sneeze echoed in his condo.

"Apollo, uminom ka na ba ng gamot mo?" I shouted from the living room. He was busy cleaning in his storage room. And I knew that he was having one of his allergic reactions again from all the dust inside it.

I heard a muffled reply and I shouted what. He appeared in the living room wearing his white shirt that now looked like it was passed generations after generations of hobos and his basketball shorts. He was wearing glasses this time. It's refreshing to see him like this what with everything people say about him that's completely the opposite of who he really is. But anyway, enough of me ogling my hot boyfriend...

He said something but I didn't hear it, "What was that?"

He smirked knowing why. He knew Apollo with glasses is my weakness. Well, everything about him is but still... "I said, I haven't."

I smiled at his Rudolph-like nose. Parang buzzer sa The Voice 'yung redness niya. "Ba't hindi ka pa umiinom, Rudolph?"

His smirked disappeared and his eyebrows furrowed, obviously hating my endearment sa kanya pag may allergy siya. "What are you doing here anyway?" He rolled his eyes at me.

Because I'm your girlfriend. "To tease you with my perfume. Come on, smell it!"

His eyebrows narrowed even more with what I said. "You know I hate not smelling you!"

"I know..." I leaned on the couch and looked at him smugly. "Too bad then. It will take days again to smell my coconut honey perfume." I smelled my sweatshirt just to tease him more.

He bit his lip. He tilted his head to the right and said, "Just because I can't smell you doesn't mean I can't kiss you."

I squealed and ran for my life.

"Get back here!" He shouted, tailing my ass. I'm doomed. No, not really. I just have to accept his kisses until he tires from it. Oh, the joy.

"He doesn't like tomatoes." I chuckled humorously with the memory. "He thinks it's disgusting but when I make his sandwiches, wala siyang tinitira."

"You always say you hate tomatoes but you eat the sandwiches I make. Why is that then?"

I was trying to argue with him. We were at this new food park who sells huge burgers and of course, my boyfriend was too up for my food trip. But he was looking at the burgers with so much disgust I almost thought he was about to vomit. Syempre burger 'yun, may tomatoes talaga. Napakaarte. Nakakahiya dun sa cashier lady kasi parang napahiya siya sa sinabi ni Apollo nung nagtanong siya kung ba't lahat ng burgers may tomatoes, wala na ba daw ibang pwedeng ilagay kung hindi 'yun. Eh napaka-snob pa naman nito pagdating sa ibang tao. Parang jina-judge ka niya sa mga sinasabi niya pero ang totoo sinasabi lang niya kung anong iniisip niya.

I nudged his shoulder when I saw how humiliated the cashier lady was.

He looked at me as if he's not doing anything and said, "Exactly." I glared at him. "Baby, you made those sandwiches. Isn't it enough reason?"

Okay, 'di na ko galit.

"He loves the right side of the bed. He can't sleep when he's not on the right side."

"Apollo, it's the same thing."

This is my fourth time sleeping over at Apollo's. I already found my bed spot when Apollo is being his annoying self again.

"Baby, no..." He dragged me to the left side. "I always sleep on the right side. Always."

I groaned. "Apollo, it's the same thing. What's the big deal?" I ignored him and closed my eyes.

"Because the heart is on the left side. The heart of the bed is on the left side. You have to sleep on the left side because you belong there." He said, emphasizing the world left and you. "See?" He pointed to his heart. "You should always be on the left side because that's where my heart is and it belongs to you. And I'll be on the right side because I'm right."

"About?"

"That I belong to you."

Silence.

I smiled. He smiled. He dragged my body to the left and crawled underneath the sheets. He grabbed me again to pull me closer to him this time.

"Cheeseball. Alam nating dalawa na 'di ka makakatulog sa right side kasi 'dun 'yung sikat ng araw. Dami pang sinasabi." Tumawa ako at sinabutan ko 'yung buhok niya. Tumawa 'din siya.

"This time, you're right."

Yes, pun intended.

"He loves staying indoors. He could live in his room reading books or..."

"Can't we just stay here, please? Read a book with me, baby." He pulled me until I sat on his lap.

"Pero nakapag-promise na ko kela Cassie at Fredrick na sasabay tayong mag-lunch with them." I said while playing with his hair.

"No," He whined and hugged me tighter. "Let's stay, please. Let's have a day in and just cuddle and read and kiss..." He kissed me. He pinched my cheeks and squeeze it making me look like a fish. He smiled and kissed me again. I groaned and removed his hands on my face. I made the same to him. Could he get any cuter? And with that puppy dog face, who can honestly think I could refuse such a thing?

I'm just a girl sitting on my clingy boyfriend's lap, waiting for him to kiss me again.

And before I even agree, he did it again.

"And he hates it when people leave him." My lips trembled. "Because everyone that he ever loved did nothing but leave him. And he doesn't like to be alone because he thinks he's not worth someone to stay for. It makes him doubt himself." And I did the very same thing to him.

"Baby, don't leave me, okay?"

"How many times do we have to go over this, Apollo? I said okay already. Jeez." I laughed at him. "Need I remind you that you're just taking a nap while I do my homework, that I agreed to not leave and that I'll still be here when you wake up. And also, that I have the best boyfriend ever who loves to kiss me and hates tomatoes. Did I forget something?"

He smiled. "I just don't like the thought of you leaving me when I'm not expecting it."

I smiled gently now. "Why is that?"

He played with my fingers. "Because of them. Because they all left me. It makes me think that maybe they left because I'm not worth someone to stay for. Maybe because I'm the only one who loved and stayed without being loved back." He pushed the hair out of my face and smiled again. "Maybe they left because they don't want me in their life anymore." I put my hand over his. "I was the guy who once thought of them not leaving because he knew that he gave them everything they asked for. But they left him still when he least expected it. So, he figured. Maybe they didn't want his heart...Maybe they didn't want my heart..."

He laid his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. His hands stayed on me. "And that is the story of the unwanted."

I stared at his face. I whispered, "Who wouldn't want you?"

He smiled again. "Not you, baby." His smile disappeared. "Please, not you."

"Please. Help me, Mr. Sebastian. You're my last chance, my last hope. I can't-do this on my own. Chaos is starting to give up on me." When I mentioned his son's name, he clenched his jaw as if I never should have. But I continued, "Alam kong napakadami ko ng hinihingi sa anak niyo at ngayon naman ay sa inyo pero wala na ho akong mapuntahan na makakatulong sakin kung hindi kayo..."

He cleared his throat. "Caly."

My heart hammered inside of me. He said he knows where he is. I'm clinging to it as if my life depended on it.

"I don't think I have the right to say this to you considering the situation I am at." I bit my lip willing to beg again when he said, "But I will do it because I think this is the right thing to do."

He stood up from his chair and came to sit beside me. He put his hands above my hand that was on my lap. "What I ask of you is forgiveness."

I frowned. "Hindi ko po maintindihan."

"Matagal ko ng alam kung nasaan siya pero wala akong lakas ng loob para sabihin sayo. I made myself think that I would only help you when you have no other choice but to do so. And I didn't expect that things will turn out this way. Up to this moment, I regret being forbearing. Now that everything's getting out of hand, it's time for me to leave everything to fate. But remember, I ask, no beg you, child to forgive me..." He paused. "...and my son."

Chaos? No... this can't be...

He grabbed an envelope from the table and gave it to me. "Everything you need to know is here." He waited for me to say something but he and I both knew I didn't have the strength to move let alone say something. He murmured something about leaving me some time to think but the moment he said it, I was already leaving. I may or may have said thank you but I didn't care if he heard it or not. It was the last of my worries.

I held the envelope like a lifeline. Careful to not tear it from my hands that can't stop trembling. There is no way I'm opening this with my own hands. I bit my lip, tears flooded my eyes, refusing to accept what I think Mr. Sebastian was trying to say but who am I kidding? It was all too clear, it's blinding.

"Sweetheart, I've been calling you. Where have you been?" He closed the door of my apartment. For months, the thought of him gave me assurance that there is someone who would be there for me no matter what. Now all I want for him is to leave. And not just from my apartment. I searched for that warm feeling when he smiled at me but I found nothing but desolation. "What's wrong?"

I stared at him. Looking for that regret, that guilt and it hurt not to see those in his eyes. For once, it made me think of the first time we met and I asked myself once again: Who are you?

My lack of response made him look at me warily until his eyes landed on the envelope I was holding. I threw it at the center table that was in between us. He looked at me. "What's that?" He said trying not to sound suspicious.

God, all this time... I am such a fool. He made a fool out of me. And he sleeps in and wakes up every day with the thought of me wrapped around his manipulative fingers. How could I be so fucking blind?

"Open it."