"Apollo."

I heard her voice and I was once again alive. They say you could never love a woman more than you could ever love yourself but I beg to disagree. The love I have for this girl is beyond me. It was as if, if it ever comes a moment where I was to be given at least a chance to choose whether I'd want to be with her in exchange for my life, I'd choose her. I'd be much willing to accept death than to see her love another man. I'd choose her over anything and I won't mind as long as she stays with me.

I'd ruin my life for her even though she already had.

The moment I saw her, I was confused. Who are you? What have you done to me? They say only fools believe in magic but what kind of sorcery is this? She has fated my soul to hers without even casting the spell. The moment I saw her smile, it annoyed me. Annoyed me to the point of cursing the guy who made her smile and why wasn't I the reason for it? I wanted her every smile. I'm no possessive because I make sure there's nothing to be possessive for but her smile, her smile is mine. I'd kill for that smile. The moment she glanced at me, I stopped. I caught my breath. For a second, I witnessed before me a work of heaven. She was breathtaking. She was beautiful.

So beautiful. It happened for a second before she gave her attention to the person she was talking to. I couldn't take it. I had to look away. Nobody would want to know about a man found dead with a smile. That's too much. But then I couldn't take it. I had to look again.

God, who is this beauty?

She sensed me. She glanced at me again. For the second time. I looked down. I bit my lip to stop myself from grinning. Fuck, did everybody see that? I looked around me. Did everybody fucking see that? She looked at me! She looked at me! Twice! Twice! Man, I'm fucked. I licked my lips and counted from 1, 2, 3...

I looked up again and saw her waving to her friends. Is she leaving? My shoulders hunched. I felt this hollow feeling inside me. It ached me. I hated this feeling. It was the same feeling I had when my mother left me. Is she going to leave? When do I get to see her again? I don't want to feel this again. Don't go. Please? Don't leave me.

Why is everyone leaving me?

Why won't anyone want to stay with me?

-

"Apollo, nasa'n ka ba? Kakain na tayo. Iinumin mo pa yung mga gamot mo. Apollo?"

I walked to the dining room as I hear the floor creaks each time I step on it. It's amazing how this old house can support my movement because I am quite big. I could reach the ceiling by tiptoeing, it was that quaint. I made a beeline to the kitchen to get my medicine before I went to her.

I smiled as I saw her fixing our plates. She looked up at me and smiled.

Just like before.

"Aba, good boy naman pala talaga ang kamahalan," I walked up to her, "Mahal na hari, uminom ka naman po ba ng mga gamot mo kagabi? Wala na naman ako mamayang gabi kaya dapat behave ka lang dito at wag mong kakalimutan inumin yung mga gamot mo." She said as she encircle me with her warm hug.

"Why do you always have to leave at night? Why can't you sleep with me?"

She sighed, "Ang hirap talaga pag naglalambing ka. Mahal na hari, diba napagusapan na natin 'to ng madaming madaming beses? May mga inaasikaso lang ako sa bayan. Tsaka big boy ka na diba? Kaya mo na ang sarili mo basta ba wag mong kakalimutan inumin yung mga gamot para gumaling ka na at makapasyal na tayo tulad ng gusto mo."

Why won't you answer me? "Why do I have to take those medicines? I'm not sick." I looked at her eyes. "Why can't I go out? Why do I have to stay inside?" I said as I tightened my arms around her.

Why?

And every time I ask, her smile disappears, "Kakasabi ko lang diba? Napagusapan na natin 'to." She hastily left me and walked to the window.

I sighed, "I just want to know why. Why do I have to take those medicines? I know my body. To be honest, I take medicines not to cure my unknown sickness but because I want you to be pleased. Why do I have to stay-"

"Kung gusto mong umalis, umalis ka." She faced me, "Bakit ba atat na atat kang lumabas? Ayaw mo na ba dito? Diba kaya ka nga nandito para makasama ako? Bakit ngayon gusto mong umalis? Ano ba talagang gusto mo?"

"I just want to understand you-"

"Ikaw ang hindi ko maintindihan!" I stopped. "Diba, sabi mo noon sakin, ako lang ang kailangan mo?! Hindi pa rin ba sapat?! Hindi ba ako sapat?! Diba, sabi mo, gagawin mo ang lahat ng gusto ko wag lang ako mawala ulit?! Lahat gagawin mo diba?! Bakit? Gusto mo ba akong mawala Apollo? Gusto mo na ba akong umalis?!"

Of course, not. How can you even say that? God, I love you so much it hurts every time you walk away. Can't you see, baby? I'm like Hercules who fell in the pit of lost souls and you're my Megan who gets to choose whether I live or die.

I immediately went up to her, "No, that's not what I meant. I just really want to understand." She stopped me from stepping closer. "I don't want you to leave me that's why I'm doing this for you. I was, I'm just.."

"Ano?"

"I'm just confused."

She huffed.

As I stare at her, I can't help but feel the hollow feeling inside me again. I don't know why I miss her so much even though she's a foot away from me. Baby, are we okay? Because I want us forever. I'm doing everything that you want. Everything so you could stay with me. It's insane, baby. But I'll do all of them anyway.

For you.

I walked up to her knowing she only needed a minute to calm herself. As always, I apologize for my actions. "I'm sorry. Forgive me. I won't ask you questions ever again. I will stay here for as long as you want. Just, stay with me too."

I can even beg if you want.

She nodded, silently. "Wag mo na ulit gagawin ito Apollo. Dahil iiwan talaga kita pag inulit mo pa."

How can you say that? It hurts how easily you could roll those words out of your tongue and how easily you could break me. And still, look absolutely beautiful at the same time? 

I pretended. I pretended as if I didn't feel how your words infected me. "I'm sorry."

"Okay."

"I love you." I really do.

And they silence can't kill anyone.

"Okay."

But they were wrong.