"You look miserable. And ugly."

Naging maayos nga ang komplikado kong pamilya kahit papaano. And I guess it's safe to say that everything's back to normal. My family is not perfect and I shouldn't ask for more. I should not dwell on the fact that this situation where I am standing at, is given to me for a reason. Along the way of finding myself in the process, I realized that everything is in place.

Ako lang talaga ang nawala. At hindi lang ako.

Dahil hanggang ngayon hindi ko pa rin nakikita si Apollo. I don't have anyone to call and ask for his whereabouts dahil wala naman siyang mga naging kaibigan. I was the only one who happens to be his confidante, his comfort zone, his security blanket and his one and only.

Akala ko magsisimula ng maiayos ang lahat. Oo, naayos ko nga ang relasyon ko sa pamilya ko. I confessed to my dad. I apologize for my selfish behavior and slow acceptance for everything. I had a talk with my mom that doesn't involve two to three questions but really talk about everything. It was very overwhelming that every night I cry myself to sleep because I was relieved from the grudge that was dragging me down.

It was almost half a year now of self realization and still counting. Almost 4 months of trying to team up with Chaos because he said he could help me. Sa ngayon, siya na lang ang inaasahan kong makakatulong sakin para mahanap ko ang lalaking pinakawalan ko dahil sa pagiging makasarili ko na marahil ay pagsisisihan ko habangbuhay. Pero kung sino man ang malalagay sa ganung klaseng pagmamahal at sitwasyon, ay marahil mababaliw dahil hindi ko na talaga alam ang gagawin ko noon.

I was reckless and so much in love. I was going to be insane.

I loved Apollo so fucking much na feeling ko - feeling ko mamamatay ako pag wala siya na kasama ko. And maybe this is what they call karma and damned because it felt like hell. Sa bawat araw na paggising ko ay hindi lang ako nilalamon ng konsensiya ko pero binabaliw na rin ako sa pagiisip at pagaalala kung nasan na si Apollo. Hindi ko alam kung kumakain ba siya.

I humorlessly chuckled.

Malamang hindi yun nakakakain ng tatlong beses sa isang araw dahil wala ako para magpaalala na kumain na siya. Baka nagkasakit na yun ngayon at walang nagaalaga sa kanya. Baka kung ano ng nangyari sa kanya. Malamang kinamumuhian niya ako ngayon. Malamang sobrang nasasaktan siya ngayon na ni katiting ng nararamdaman niya ay wala sa kalingkingan ng nararamdaman ko. Napakasama ko.

Napakasama ko dahil sobrang minahal ko siya.

Nakakabaliw. Sobrang nakakabaliw ang magmahal ng ganito.

-

I looked at Matilda who looked effortlessly beautiful in her sportswear. Her sweat looked like sparks and she looked good. She was beautiful.

"How are you, Matilda?" I said as I continued staring at her while I sat up on my bed. This bed is the only one thing I can count on every night as I close my eyes and miss him. And also the one who kept me company when there's no one else I'd rather be with but him.

Araw-araw ay lagi niya akong pinupuntahan. Walang mintis. Magja-jogging siya at diretso siyang pupunta dito para lang makita kung ano na ang kalagayan ko. I find it sweet kahit ganito ang good morning sa kanya: ang sabihin kung anong itsura ko. Which I could not deny because I really was a wreck. Just not sure If I already did look like one? Trust my sister to the job.

"Kapatid ba talaga kita?" She said as she sat on the foot of my bed. "Your hair is so long, hindi ka na nagaayos. You always put it up in a messy bun na as in literal na messy. Hindi na lang ako magugulat na may mga ibon ng nanganganak diyan. You should go out sometime. Pamper yourself para pag nakita mo na si Apollo, hindi ka mukhang taong grasa."

I chuckled, "You make it sound like I don't just feel like a wreck but also looked like one. Maayos naman ang itsura ko."

"Maayos nga. Pero may mas iaayos pa yan! Come on, let's go out!"

I smiled but then my eyes faltered. Go out? Paano kung may tumawag about kay Apollo. I can't miss that. I can't-

"I'll call Chaos to keep an eye on any calls in his office. Come on, Caly. Do this for yourself."

I was contemplating. I hesitantly smiled, "Like a sisterly date?"

She grimaced, "Ew." She stood up and stretched. "I'll see you in a bit, no buts. Magbibihis lang ako. Pagbalik ko dito dapat bihis ka na. If you're in love, you should look beautiful. Not this," She pointed at my state. And I understood her. "Minsan ka na lang magmahal ng sobra sobra, magmumukha ka pang pangit." And then her mood changed, "Dapat lagi kang maganda. There's no room for ugliness when it comes to love. Wala ng lalaki ngayon ang umiibig sa pangit."

I laughed a little and then I frowned at her last words.

"And they say that love makes everything beautiful. Look at you." She shook her head. "Buti na lang at sa ibang category naglalie ang kagandahan ko."

I stared at her as she walked to my door and peeked at me from her side, she turns around and when she looked at me, nakangiti na siya.

"I'll see you later, Ugly Duckling." She turned the knob, went out and before she closed it. She stared at me softly and I almost told her how much thankful I am that she is my sister, "You'll be fine."

I smiled at her. "Ganda mo."

She flipped her hair and said, "Alam ko."

-

"You have a good day, okay?"

"Yes." I grabbed my bag and keys.

"You will call me when you get there and when you get home."

I rolled my eyes and giggled, "Ang kulit naman talaga."

He chuckled on the line, "Just do it. I'm not kidding, sweetheart." I heard him sigh, "Thank you."

I sat on the couch, "For what?"

"For going out. You don't know hard it is for me to see you so crushed, Caly. Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko kaya hinahayaan na lang kita and wait for this to happen. Thanks to Matilda."

I smiled.

He cleared his throat, "I'll see you tonight then. Be safe and have fun, okay?"

I nod. "I will Chaos. I will try."

"Always here, sweetheart."

-

"You ready? Come on. Let's go." Matilda nodded at me and I stood up.

I smiled and walked up to her. I glanced at the phone once again. Hoping to God to please, please, give me back my love. Because I am.

I am hoping. And waiting.

Still.

-

The sound of the door closing echoed around the room. The faucet dribbled down the little liquid that was slowly flowing through. The window gave a nostalgic feeling from afar, giving a sign of complete serendipity. The hollow music of the room that was absolutely secluded is the only sound that can be heard.

They were hoping.

And waiting.

Then all of a sudden, a new sound has been heard. It was the melody of granting - a wish come true. Almost - almost if it didn't stop. If only it didn't stop. God, oh god, if only it didn't stop.

Two.

It was only two.

Poor hearts.

The little red light, come off and on as if waiting for a miracle. If only - if only someone was here for even a second. If only the door did not close for even a second. If only the faucet did not dribble for even a second. If only the hollow music wasn't heard for even a second. God, was this another lost chance?

The red light was still seeking. The little red light was still waiting. Waiting for hope.

A hope that is gone for once again with no assurance of ever happening again. The fate was beginning to sound so funny - if only there were only one heart beating but then there was two that is breaking.

Two.

It was only two.

Poor hearts.

The hollow music that symbolized the weeping heart was overpowered by the sound of a hoping heart.

A sound that came from the little red light.

A beeping sound that came from the telephone.