Apollo's smile while waiting for my answer made me realize how I'm really lost about everything. I wouldn't be stuck in a situation like this if I didn't ask for Chaos' company. I should never have told him to meet me today, I would have been alright self-reflecting with myself. It's not like I haven't gotten used to it, being alone I mean.

I know I'm being inconsiderate of Chaos' feelings but then again none of this would have happened, I never would've taken things this far to the point that I have to hide him in my bathroom just so Apollo wouldn't catch us seeing each other on his back.

Wait, no, not- not seeing each other. Just- just- friends. Chaos and I are only friends. What I mean is that- What I'm trying to say is that- Oh my, god. That is what this looked like. I'm seeing Chaos' behind Apollo's awareness. I'm hiding Chaos from him. I wasn't careful about my decision for Chaos and might end up hurting Apollo in the end because that is what this looks like lying, betraying, manipulating.

"I-" I was stuttering. My voice suddenly got caught in my lying throat. I cleared my throat trying to calm myself. Good god, "I didn't cook that."

He wrinkled his eyebrows, his smile never fading, never leaving, never doubting, "Then who did?" He said as he went into the kitchen trying to inspect the mess and the fettuccine never left his eyes. It looks like a delicious meal, too bad I can't digest that thought and I sighed.

It's like my heart suddenly grew veins, made its way into my lungs, latching the pathway of oxygen making it harder for me to breathe in for my lying soul. Forgive me, my love for this may hurt you and when it does, don't worry. It will hurt me even more. "A friend."

He raised his eyebrows and I managed to lean my head to the right and admire his beauty, it made me breathless than I already do, "A friend?" He said, his voice unsuspecting.

My brain was telling me to say the truth but my heart which is making me breathless made it harder for me to say what I wanted to say, "Yeah."

He nodded, pouted his lips as if thinking. Of course, he would think. I have no excuse and I don't want to lie anymore. I can't do this with him. He picked a fork and tasted the Roman cuisine, "I didn't know you made new friends? Who was it?"

Now or never. "Chaos." My voice was low hoarse and forceful. I stared at him who kept on chewing the food, his eyes transfixed to the pasta. He didn't hear me. I talked again, louder this time. "His name is Chaos." 

Then he stopped.

I saw his Adam's apple move as he swallows the food. The pasta. The Roman cuisine that Chaos, the man who I forced to hide in my bathroom, cooked. I really was a fucked up girl.

His eyes never left the food and it was almost too painful to hear his silence. I stared at him, my eyes never losing its focus to calculate all his movements if there was like, how he stood there, his eyes blank and his lips pursed. It felt like a hundred minutes when it was only a minute when he suddenly moved. To me.

It felt like a minute when it was only a nanoseconds as he brushed passed by me as I stood there still facing the kitchen, while my heart hungrily took all the hurt it could manage to make me feel. It felt like he was leaving me, it felt as if he isn't coming back, it felt painful. No, not felt. Feel. I feel the pain slowly tearing my heart and then the tearing stopped.

The tearing stopped when I felt him behind me. My neck felt his breathing, it stopped the hurting for awhile and it started the tears. His breathing calmed me but the regret slapped me in the face making me cry. I felt the liquid flowing against my cheeks as his arms slowly made its way around me, his body warmth enveloping my vulnerable one, it was beautiful. He was beautiful.

Why am I doing this to him?

He tightened his arms around me as I stood there immobilized. I kept blinking the tears that won't stop. He softly buried his face into my neck and kissed it. It made me whimper. His gentleness was heaven on earth.

"Baby," Hearing his voice made me sigh, "Why are you crying?"

My shoulders shook and my voice was shaking. I was sobbing, god, I am sobbing. "Because I- because I lied to you. And- and-and," I huffed, "And you don't deserve it. I was- I hid the fact that I met a friend. His name- his name was Chaos. And I- he- he cooked the fettuccine. He was- he wants to check up on me because I was hurt that you're ignoring me and I-"

He made me face him, his arms still around me, but I didn't stop from talking.

"I'm crying because I'm a lying girlfriend. I betrayed you. I was talking to him, communicating with him behind your back, hid him in my bathroom because I don't know what you'd say, I don't know how you'd react because he's a guy and I- I don't want complications between us because I love you," He brushed my tears and stared at me, waiting for me to stop, "I love you Apollo and you don't deserve a coward like me. I was selfish. I might be overreacting but I don't know what I'm doing- I can't- I don't want to hurt you. God, I don't want to hurt you. I swear, we're just- we're just friends. You're already facing a lot and ayokong makadagdag."

There. I said it.

He brushed my hair and continued staring at me. I am fully aware that I looked like a mess. A pity mess and I didn't care. Ayokong mag-away kami. Ayokong layuan na naman niya ako. 

"Okay." He said. I stared at him. His eyes roaming around my face, "It's okay if you made friends. Though, I'm a bit hurt that you tried to hide it behind my back but I didn't want you crying over it. He's a guy-" He shook his head.

"Wala naman akong magagawa dun. Just try and trust me. Trust me that I will try and understand you more from now on. Okay?" He hugged me, "It's okay. It's okay. Wag ka ng umiyak. Mahal kita."

I hugged him back. I felt my breathing relaxed and my body felt light. God, sobrang kinabahan ako. Sobrang natakot ako. "I'm sorry."

He chuckled, "Okay nga lang po. Ang OA mo. Tama na, para kang bata." He tightened his hug even more and I smiled. Sorry naman. Hindi ko na kasi alam ang gagawin ko. Sobrang natakot lang ako.

I sighed. All the worries came flying out the window. Just like that.

* * *

Apollo sat on my couch as he stared at me standing at my bedroom door, his eyes never leaving me, "You hid him in your bathroom." I bit my lip, "Akala ko dito sa may labas na bathroom. Sa bedroom mo pala." He squinted his eyes at me.

"Eh nag-panic ako!" I argued. "Sorry na po."

He waved his hands at me, "Just open the door and let the poor guy out."

I opened the door and made my way inside leaving the door open. I went to the bathroom and saw Chaos staring at the wall. The moment he heard the door opened he looked at me. His face obviously showed that he heard everything. My sobbing rant. It was embarrassing. Para siguro akong bata!

I shyly smiled at him, "Someone wants to meet you."

He stood there and stared at me for a while. His eyes looking at mines. His face was unreadable. 

What are you thinking Chaos? 

Then he walked to me and stopped. He lifted his fingers and touched my cheek. His fingers tracing the path of my tears. I palpitated. I stared at him as he stared at my cheeks. He frowned and then he moved his hands and put it in his pocket. He looked at me again and smiled, "I'll be glad to meet him too."

It gave me whiplash. The way he suddenly smiled. I know that smile. That's how I smile whenever I pretend that I'm not hurting.

* * *

"Apollo, this is Chaos. Chaos Herrero. And Chaos, this is Apollo. Apollo King."

I stood in between them as they stared at each other eye to eye. I couldn't help but realize the comparison. Apollo was an inch taller than Chaos and much more intimidating whereas Chaos' smiling face contradicted it. If I didn't know it any better I'd say that a battle of testosterone is happening but no. Chaos made it easier for me to think that there is no battle. His friendly eyes made me calm.

Okay, no punches. No grunts and black eyes. Just Apollo's poker face and Chaos' smiling face.

"Hey man, I'm Caly's new friend." Chaos' lifted his hand for a handshake.

"I'm the boyfriend." He nodded as he took Chaos' hand.

Chaos' smile never wavered and then he said, "Good for you."