"What is it now, Chaos?"

I was fixing the things I needed for our trip. Apollo decided to spend our weekend at a private beach somewhere at North. I was busy trying to choose which swimsuit I should bring. What would Apollo like? Then I remembered Apollo's favorite color is red, so I packed the red one.

"Sweetheart, namimiss na kita." He whined at the other side of the phone. I can almost feel him pouting. "May gagawin ka ba ngayong weekend? Let's hang out together, please, please, please Caly. Please."

I sighed. Rejecting Chaos' persistent lambing is the hardest thing to do, I tell you. He's like a kid trying to make you buy his favorite ice cream and I'm the biggest sucker for kids. Oh, poor cutie.

"Awe, Chaos. Hindi kasi ako pwede ngayon. I already have my weekend planned out. Next time na lang, ha?" I said as I bit my lip for concentration trying to tie my shoelaces with a phone stuck between my ear and my shoulder. Under the loop, round above and finally into the castle.

"Caly, lagi mo na lang akong tinatanggihan. Aminin mo nga saken."

I smirked, here goes again, "Oh, bakit kita tinatanggihan?"

He paused, "Kasi sobrang gwapo ko baka makalimutan mo boyfriend mo kapag ako ang kasama mo. Admit it, Caly. You're affected by me. And you already know I won't complain because I feel the same way." He wasn't even trying to sound so smug.

I laughed at his confidence, ibang klase talaga ang paniniwala ng lalaking ito, "Sige na po Chaos, sobrang gwapo mo na."

"I knew it." He laughed and then stopped, "Caly, will you please go out with me sometime?"

I sighed, "Chaos, I thought we already talked about this." I said while getting ready to head out to Apollo's condo. We are supposed to leave really early and it's already 6 am in the morning.

And yes, Chaos called me at 6 am. I don't know what the hell is wrong with him calling me at such an early time but I didn't dwell on it. Maybe, Chaos is a morning person.

"Just friends Caly. We're just going out as friends. Magba-bonding lang tayo." He persisted.

"Pero kasi Chaos-" He cut me off. "Friends lang talaga, Caly. I mean, we're friends, right?"

I shouldn't. "Chaos, remember what I told you at the bar?"

"The only thing I can give you is friendship nothing else. Yes, of course, I remember. May mali ba sa ginagawa ko? I was just asking you to hang out with me. As friends." Although it's so obvious it isn't for him.

I bit my lip. I don't know what to say. The more I reject Chaos, the more he tries to get me to notice him.

Kaso kapag pinagbigyan ko siya, we're not just going to be friends. We're going to be close friends. At kapag nangyari yun, makikilala't makilala siya ni Apollo. Hindi ko alam kung anong ire-react ni Apollo pag nalaman niyang may lalaki akong kaibigan. Though, he doesn't restrict me to befriend one pero kinakabahan ako pag iniisip ko kung anong maaring maisip niya. Pero gusto ko din naman maging kaibigan si Chaos. I don't really have a lot to consider as friend and Chaos, well Chaos is harmless. I think.

Hindi naman siguro magagalit si Apollo, diba?

His sigh cut me off of my thoughts, "Nevermind, Caly." He sounded hurt and most of all offended, "Looks like kahit friendship talaga hindi mo kayang ibigay sakin. You must be really crazy for that guy for pushing yourself away from people who are also willing to be a part of your life."

I felt the guilt. "Chaos, it's not like that-"

"For once, why don't you stop thinking about your boyfriend." The way he said the last word. It ached me. "Friendship, Caly. Ikaw lang naman ang nag-iisip ng iba eh. Tanggap ko kung hanggang saan lang tayo. I can already see how you over-think things because you kept thinking about that Apollo guy. Your love for him is selfish." I couldn't answer. "I won't bother you anymore. I know how to take a hint. Clearly being rejected for the third time means walang mangyayari and to think friendship lang, Caly. Friendship lang naman ang hinihingi ko. Why do I have to beg for it?"

"Chaos, that's not what I mean-"

"Enjoy your weekend." And then he ended the call but not before multiplying the guilt inside me.

Hindi naman ganun ang ibig kong sabihin. I just- I sighed. I don't know what will happen if I let this go further. If I accept Chaos in my life, it would be letting a chaos change my quiet fate's design.

I drove to Apollo's condo while thinking of Chaos. I know I've offended him. Guilt dominating my clouds of thought. I know, I should apologize. Because I know for a fact, that he is somewhat right. I am over-thinking things. It's not that I didn't want his friendship, I just don't want complications. I just don't think I can handle more of it in my life. Though, a friendship wouldn't hurt anybody - not that I know of, but it's better to be safe, right?

The positive side debating with my pessimist one. Pero wala naman masama kung makikipag-kaibigan ako kay Chaos, diba? Just friends lang naman. Apollo wouldn't mind. Apollo wouldn't mind If he's a guy. Apollo wouldn't mind If I have a close friend who's a guy, after all, we're just friends. Apollo shouldn't worry. He's the one I love. Wala naman magbabago eh, madadagdagan lang ang taong magiging parte ng buhay ko. Yun lang yun.

I chose a side. And I hope I'm not going to regret this.

To: Chaos

Let's hang out on Monday?

Your friend, Caly.

ps: I'm sorry. Forgive me. :-(

I heavily sighed, wishing I did the right thing. I stopped at Apollo's door. I pasted a smile on my face. I knocked and not a couple seconds later, I was greeted by his adorable morning face.

"Morning, baby." He said and hugged me at the waist. I also said good morning and we decided to have breakfast on the way.

He grabbed my hand and intertwined it with his. It comforted me. It almost made me forget about the whole scenario that happened just a while ago.

But then my phone notified me that someone texted. Apollo looked at me. And I looked at him too. He raised his eyebrows, waiting for me to check my phone.

Hindi ko alam pero hindi ko maigalaw ang kamay ko.

"What's wrong, Caly? May nagtext sayo."

I gulped, "2366 lang." My voice small and shaking. I hope it's not that obvious, my heart beating loudly, I mean. Bakit ba ako kinakabahan? Maybe because I know who texted me.

Nagsalubong na ang kilay niya, "You sure? Hindi mo ba babasahin? It might be important dahil wala naman nagtetext sayo nang ganito kaaga."

I cleared my throat, "Later na lang. Tara na."

I grabbed his hand and dragged him into the elevator. His stare didn't leave me. Keep calm, Caly. Why the fuck are you acting like this?

"Caly."

I played with my fingers, "Hmm?"

He paused. The anticipation almost making me faint. Why the hell am I so nervous? Get a grip, Caly!

"Nevermind."

We reached his car and I went to the seat in front. He picked our bags and went to put it at the back of the car. While he was fixing our bags, I opened my phone and read his text.

From: Chaos

Alam mo naman na hindi kita matitiis. Isang sorry mo lang, okay na ulit ako. See you on Monday, sweetheart.

Hindi ako makapaniwalang nakaramdam ako ng kaba sa sweetheart niya. God, Apollo would go ballistic if he found out about his pen name for me.

I jumped to my seat when he suddenly opened the car door and held my phone to my heart. Jesus! I was breathing heavily.

Apollo looked at me weirdly, "You're acting strange, Caly. What's going on?" He demanded.

My heart stopped, "Nothing."

He looked at me for a minute more then shook his head, "Just stop doing that, okay? Whatever it is that you're doing, stop it. I don't want any of that, Caly."

I nodded, the second meaning of his words already making my head hurt and my heart beat frantically, god, "Yes, baby."

He nodded, intertwined our hands and then he drove. I heaved a sigh of relief. What am I doing?