- "Guess I was crazy to give you my body, my mind, don't know what I was thinking till now." -

Two months had passed since Benito had opened up to me. Our relationship had gotten a lot better because I was now able to react better if he actually got jealous and he was able to control his jealousy better. Benito was currently on tour through the states and I was supposed to see one of his concerts that night. For the past two weeks, we had only seen each other on FaceTime and I was excited to see him. Bysael, Kevin, Ronny, Erica and I were on our way to New York to see the last one of his shows there. As we were waiting for the boarding to start, I was scrolling through my Instagram. Earlier that day I had posted something with him - we rarely did. A smile spread across my face as I was reading through the comments. Bysael who was sitting on the bench behind me, tapped my shoulder. I turned to look at him, only to find him staring at my post.

"Has he said it back yet?" he asked. He was referring to an I love you too. Benito hadn't returned it yet, so I simply shook my head. It didn't bother me, since he had told me multiple times that he had problems talking about feelings or showing them. Bysael didn't say anything anymore and turned back around.

Boarding wasn't going to start for another 40 minutes. For almost the whole time I was distracting myself with social media. Right before boarding started, Benito had reposted a story of one of his dancers. It was a video of him and a female dancer practicing for the show that night. Although he didn't do more than just let her grind on him, it bothered me and I could feel myself get jealous again. I tried to hide that I was tensed up by listening to music and writing down a script for a new YouTube video. The flight felt like an eternity.

When we finally arrived at the concert venue, we were handed VIP passes. Immediately, I made my way backstage, I wanted to see Benito before he would go on stage. As I was walking through the halls, I was greeted every now and then by people who were working for him - including his stylist and his other brother, Bernie. He was also the one who told me where I would find Benito. With a smile on my face, I made my way to the dressing room. Bernie had also told me that Benito was meeting some fans in that moment, so I wasn't surprised when I heard laughter come out of the room. Honestly, if I had known what I would find in said room, I would've never turned around the corner. My smile faded immediately, when I saw Benito and one of his fans kissing. Although it didn't last long, it was enough for me to feel like in my first relationship again.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked, causing Benito and the girl stare at me.

"Isa, I swear I d-" he started but I interrupted him, by turning around and starting to walk back to the entrance. I could hear that he was coming after me.

Benito

I was taking pictures with two fans. They had won a meet and greet and I was more than happy to make their dreams come true. The two girls were no older than 20, so I kept my distance. One of the girls wanted me to kiss her cheek for the picture and I didn't think much of it, so I agreed. Oh, how much I wish I hadn't. She turned her head right before my lips touched her skin, so instead of kissing her cheek, I pecked her lips. I immediately backed away but it was already too late.

"Are you kidding me?" I heard from the door. My heart sank into my pants. I was panicking because with this very small thing, I had let everything come true that Isabella had feared.

"Isa, I swear, I d-" I started but she immediately turned around and walked towards the entrance. I jumped up from the couch I was sitting on and ran after her.

"Leave it, Benito." she snapped, when I had caught up to her. Meanwhile the others had also come into the hallway.

"I can explain that." I said desperately. I didn't want her to think that I would do what my ex had done to me.

"There is nothing to explain, what I saw was pretty clear." she gave back annoyed. Bysael, Kevin and Ronny were staring at us.

"It wasn't what it looked like, you have to believe me!" I begged, when I realised that she didn't believe a single word I was saying.

"I should've never given you a chance! Tell me, Benito, did you actually ever feel something for me?" she gave back and sounded like she was gonna break down. I stayed quiet. Even if I had fallen for her, I was hesitant with saying it.

"Even now you can't say it." she whispered sadly. She slowly turned around and continued walking towards the entrance. It was like I was paralyzed, I couldn't move and it was hard to breathe. Bysael came up to me and offered me a brotherly hug which I gladly accepted.

"I fucked up." I told Byasael. The two fans had also come out of the room.

"If anyone has fucked up then it's me. I shouldn't have turned my head." the girl I had wanted to take the picture with said with an apologetic look on her face.

"I'm pretty sure, we can sort this out." my brother said softly. I was just hoping that he was right because I didn't know what I would do if I had lost Isabella.

Isabella

We had wanted to do some Vlogs of the concert and the backstage area before the concert started but I was done. I needed some time to myself, so I walked out of the venue into one of the nearby parks to clear my head. How could he do this? Especially after he had told me about his past, I just couldn't explain it to myself. The only thing that somewhat made sense was that it had made him heartless. It would've fit since he couldn't tell me that he loved me too. My phone was buzzing in my hand, when I let myself fall onto a bench. After lighting up a cigarette, I looked at the screen. Bysael had texted me, so I unlocked it.

Bysa 🇵🇷

Chica, where are you?

Park

Are you alright?

No.

Do you want to talk about it?

You were there, there's nothing to talk about.

Okay... I'm assuming, you're not coming to the show?

No, can't stand to see him at the moment.

I can understand that... but maybe when you feel better, you could at least listen to what he has to say

I shook my head and locked my phone. Absolutely not. I wasn't stupid and I sure wasn't going to let him give me a weak explanation.