I stopped at the door.

should I do it?

I trust Hajer but I honestly don't know why she would bring him here.

why is she even with him?

My thoughts are everywhere. Im a mess right now, and no Ed Sheeran song can describe what I'm going through.

My conscious is saying hell naw but my heart is tired.

I am tired.

No, not the 18 hours of TV show binging kind of tired.

Just tired.

I don't want to forgive and forget because I can't do that, you cant just forget something like that. you can only forgive and learn from it.

My fingers wrapped around the cold golden doorknob and I finally opened it.

the cold night air hit me hard. but not as hard as Tamir's eyes.

Memories.

Sad, happy, memorable memories came flooding back with every step closer I took.

a tear feel down my cheek.

Obviously from the cold gusty winds.

Hajer walked closer to me with a worried look on her face.

"Hanan..I know you're not on the best terms as of right now but you know I wouldn't help this ass if it wasn't severely important" she confessed.

"Well, what is this "important' thing that absolutely couldn't wait?" I said while emphasizing the word important.

Tamir finally decides to speak up.

" I need your help" his hazel eyes are looking straight at mine now, And for a second, just for a split second, everything felt right, everything felt like what it should feel like.

The chilly February air hit us and poor Hajer was shivering like crazy.I remember the last time Tamir entered my house, it was a little over a year ago, it was the usual Friday before Tamir drastically changed.

After jummah prayer we would wait for my dad to pick us up and take us to my house where my mom would have already prepared arab sweets like baklava, kunafe and tea.

We would gather in the living room and talk for hours or watch our favorite arabic dubbed turkish soap operas.

I stood there contemplating on weather I should or should not invite him in my house again.

The scars he left are still there but in some point in our lives we shared the same roof, the same food and the same hurt.

"You guys can come in if you want, my mom always makes Yemeni tea when its cold out" I didn't even finish my sentence and Hajer went straight to the kitchen.

Tamar stood there for a second just looking at me, probably wondering why I would let him in after what he have done to me.

Honestly, I'm a very forgiving person, but I don't think I'm ready to forgive him this soon.

Tamir walked over to me. I took a deep breath and turned around before he starts to talk to me. If anyone is going to start talking, Hajer should be the one with the tongue.

"Hanan..wait....please" He stopped me. ok wow.

"get in the damn house before I change my mind" I interrupt him.

Like really. come on!

He did what he did and he can't change what happened in the past and he surely won't try and "justify" his actions to me now.

What he did cannot be justified.

I turned around once again and waited for him to come in so I can close the door.

"Thank you" He said as I closed the door. yeah your welcome.

He hung his Black leather jacket on the hanger behind the door and took off his shoes and put them on the rack under the tall mirror.

He still remembers the drill.

My mom being the typical Arab mother she is cannot stand when I come in the house with my shoes on, unless they're house slippers that my mom sometimes use as weapons to whoop my ass with.

Shoes are basically prohibited in this house and I can't help but smile when even Tamir takes his shoes off.

We both walked into the kitchen where Hajer and my mom were trading recipes.

Hajer is so wifey material, but me on the other hand.....not so much.

My mom looked at him, then to me, then back at him.

Hajer being the kermit frog she is just sat on the chair sipping her hot tea waiting for some action.

"Tamir what a wonderful surprise, what brings you both here at this hour? is something wrong?" my mom asks clearly worried.

I think I heard Hajer choke on her tea.

"NO!... not at all Mrs. Mohamed its just..we..er...WE NEEDED HELP WITH THIS CHEMISTRY PROJECT AND WE THOUGHT MAYBE HANAN CAN HELP US OUT! Hajer frantically says.

Clearly This feels shady.

"Oh well alright, I'll leave you kids to study then" My mom looks at me and gave me a stare warning before she leaves us three in the kitchen, which means that she didn't fall for Hajer's failed attempt of an excuse, which means I have to explain to her later why they came here.

Um why did they come here?

"Soo why is he here?" I say while look directly at Hajer

"It's a long story you don-"

" I have plenty of time to hear this "long story" I interrupt her.

she gives Tamir a look and he nods his head.

"okay, fine I will tell you, But on one condition, just please don't freak out after I tell you what happened" Hajer warns me.

"WELL WHAT ON EARTH HAPPENED" I may have started to freak out a little too early..

"Okay, okay calm down." Hajer finally opened her mouth to tell me what happened

"Well my mom sent me to the supermarket on 5th to go get milk for my baby brother, and while I was walking down 51st street I overheard Tamir and another man yelling and exchanging curse words in the parking lot of the top21 club and me being the nosy and curious Hajer I am, I decided to keep listening to the two go off at each other,after sometime the conversation became more interesting so I decided to peek from the side of the building I was hiding behind of, they were talking about money and drugs or something but that wasn't even the worst part" Hajer looked as if she ran out of breath.

Tamir was involved in drugs?

I can't even look at him now without feeling disgusted. What on earth made him change like this, he's on a downfall and I don't think anyone can save him by now.

"WHAT WAS.. what was the bad part" I started to scream but then remembered that my parents are literally in the next room over.

"The giant bulky man that was threatening Tamir had enough and decided to take out a gun from the back of his pants. A REAL GUN, LIKE AN ACTUAL GUN HANAN" Hajer panicked

I looked at Tamir he didn't look like he was shot so I am not going to panic in front of him and act like I'm worried about him or something.

 I mean I am worried for him but I don't want him to know that.

"After he took out the gun he immediately pointed it at Tamir, his finger was on the trigger and everything, I then immediately looked around me and the floor to see if I can find my own weapon, I found a perfectly round rock on the side of the building and I aimed at the potential shooter's head. The next thing I know was the huge dude was on the ground and me telling Tamir to run, I don't think I killed him but....we didn't know where to go but you were the first person Tamir thought of, so we came here."

Yep, they sure did come here. With a giant shooter on the loose.