T W E L V E

"THAT'S IT." Sadie stands up from Hadley's bed, hands on her hips and dark eyes narrowed Hadley's way. "What the fuck is going on between you and Dexter?"

Hadley actually shrinks back in her bed. There's something mildly threatening about the way Sadie's looking at her, and Aanya must have been alarmed too because she sidles closer to Hadley, eyes carefully trained on their friend.

She doesn't know how to answer, naturally, the main reason for this being that she doesn't know the answer.

It's been days since they'd both taken their days off from the shop, but even up until now, neither of them have brought it up. When they both showed up to work Saturday morning, Dexter greeted her with a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, and Hadley returned it with one that must have been as forced as his.

Hadley's found herself retreating into the kitchen instead of manning the counter.

When this became obvious, her mother finally pulled her aside to give her a scrutinizing gaze. "Why are you suddenly so interested in making taffy, 'nak?"

"It's fun," she replied, hoping she wouldn't be asked to elaborate because honestly, it wasn't fun. The first few times had been, but then it became repetitive and she'd eventually grown less enthusiastic. Still, she needed some place to hide from Dexter, and this was the closest thing she could get to that with the two of them working in the same place.

The good news is that Lola's starting to feel better, which means that pretty soon, Dexter would be allowed to quit on them.

Funny, she thinks. Never thought she'd ever be glad for something like that.

She means it though.

It's getting increasingly harder and harder to be around him. There's a strain in their relationship that never quite existed before—not even when they were still going out—and it feels physically debilitating to do so much as breathe the same air he's breathing. She doesn't want to be around him, now when she feels like he doesn't want to be around her either.

He never said this aloud, of course. Never even did anything that blatantly told her so. But the two of them have known each other long enough for her to notice even the subtlest changes when it comes to Dexter.

Of course, at first, she refused to admit that things were going from bad to worse. She wanted to believe things would eventually click back into place. She was so, so desperate to prove this, so last Monday, she decided to try talking to him like they usually do.

She anticipated his arrival all morning and she'd thoroughly chewed on her thumbnail by the time he strode in. She watched him from the counter, breathing in deep as if to brace herself from whatever's coming next. He was shaking off his helmet hair as he walked, looking down at his phone with an expression that told her he must have received a text or something from Andy.

The thought was enough to dampen her spirits, but still she painted a smile on her face. "Excuse me, sir. I'm afraid the shop's still closed."

Dexter looked up, and the smile on his face faltered. It wasn't too long of a stutter, but it was a stutter nonetheless, and Hadley strained to keep the smile on her face.

"Please," he eventually said. "This shop could permanently close down and still you'd find ways to provide me with free candy."

The retort came easily, but Hadley didn't miss the fact that he'd kept his eyes averted. Hadley nearly wanted to give up, but she plowed on, grasping at the strings of hope left in her reach, trying to weave them together so that she'd have enough willpower to stand her ground.

"I'm actually keeping a mental record of your tab," she tried, willing her smile to stay intact.

She saw the glint of amusement flash in his eyes, replacing the quiet exhaustion she'd been seeing in them the past few days. She felt a spark of hope and took this as a positive sign, but just when he'd opened his mouth to speak, his phone began to ring.

He checked the screen. Hadley saw the way his face brightened. It was a look she'd seen on his face a thousand times. She used to see it every time he came over and found her waiting for him by the porch. She used to see it every time caught each other's eyes to share an inside joke only the two of them knew. She used to see it every time she called his name, always, always—like it's something she can count on and not worry of being let down.

It might even be the only constant in the Hadley and Dexter equation, but now it's gone, and the equation's become irrational—maybe even imaginary—and the thought makes her heart drop to her stomach, the strings she's desperately been reaching for snapping before she could find a way to stitch them all together.

"Can I get this for a sec?" Dexter asked her. "We're not opening up yet, right?"

Hadley swallowed past the lump in her throat. "Go ahead."

Her voice broke at the last syllable, but Dexter was already turning away, phone pressed against his ear, already too far away for him to notice.

She didn't know if she could take a repeat of what happened. She didn't know if she could keep herself from falling apart the next time she sees him turn away from her, so she's been doing her best not to stray too close to him.

She doesn't have to try so hard, though: Dexter's clearly staying out of her way too.

It like they're caught in a weird dance, and Hadley doesn't know the steps to it. She keeps worrying that she might step on his feet and that he might pull away, let his hand slide off her waist as the other lets go of hers so that he can disappear.

Sadie, of course, doesn't miss this.

It's Saturday night and Sadie and Aanya came to sleep over at Hadley's house.

Sadie was in the middle of proposing a plan for the five of them to drive north for a two-day camping trip, only to be thoroughly frustrated that she couldn't run the idea by Dexter, whom they haven't seen much the past week. She turned to Hadley to ask if she knew where he was.

"I have no idea," Hadley replied in all honesty, and that was when Sadie finally threw her hands up in frustration, demanding to know what, exactly, is up between her and Dexter.

Hadley had no idea either. But—

"We're fine," Hadley lies.

A grimace appears on her friend's face almost as soon as the words slipped out.

"Cut the crap," Sadie says. "Something happened, and it's fucked you guys up, and I don't know why you're both acting like everything's all right when clearly, it's everything but."

Aanya takes in a sharp breath. "Sade."

"Don't." Sadie puts up a hand Aanya's way, refusing to look away from Hadley's eyes. "This isn't just because I'm rooting for you two to get back together and get married and have cute little Dex-Ley triplets, Had. The two of you are best friends, and this is the first time I'd ever seen you guys like—this."

"We'll work it out," Hadley tries. "It's us."

Sadie doesn't look convinced, if the way she crosses her arms in front of her chest is any indication. Hadley can't really blame her. She can hardly even convince herself. The two of them stare at each other, waiting for the other to relent, but before the silence has the chance to grow uncomfortable, Aanya speaks up.

"Hadley," she says carefully, placing a warm hand on her shoulder. There's something comforting about her touch that successfully diffuses the tension in Hadley's taut muscles. Taking this as a positive sign, Aanya shifts and gives Hadley a piercingly honest look. "We haven't seen you laugh in days, you know."

Hadley holds her breath, hesitating, only to realize that it's futile, so she exhales, giving in, because no matter how many times she might try to deny it, she's beginning to worry that she and Dexter may have an expiration date after all and Hadley has no idea how to save them from it.

Both Sadie and Aanya wait, their eyes trained on her, waiting for her to say something.

Finally, eventually, she says, "Something happened between me and Dexter."

Sadie lets out a frustrated sigh. "We know that already. We want to know what, exactly—"

"I meant," Hadley cuts her off, "something happened between me and Dexter."

Her friends freeze. Hadley stays still, clasping her hands together because suddenly she doesn't know what to do with them.

It's Aanya who speaks first. "Are you saying—"

"Did you and Dexter—"

"Yes," Hadley blurts out, feeling her face burst into flames.

Aanya claps a hand to her mouth, while Sadie slaps hers into her forehead.

"Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit." Sadie starts pacing in front of them, looking like a mad scientist on the verge of finding her own eureka moment. "You—and Dexter—the two of you—when? Where? Jesus fucking Christ, did you do it here?"

Aanya casts a wide-eyed stare on Hadley's pillows before looking back at Hadley. "Did you?"

"No," Hadley quickly replies.

Sadie walks to her and stops just a few centimeters short of her face. "God, Hadley. This is big. This is massive. I can't believe you haven't said anything!"

"Why didn't you tell us?"

"More importantly, how did it happen?"

Hadley could only look at both of her friends. She can feel the memory teasing her thoughts and she quickly pushes it away, fighting the urge to blush even harder than she already is. She fidgets with her hands, still reluctant to speak even though she's told them half the story already, but her friends look at her expectantly, their curiosity burning at the edges of her shame.

"Almost a month ago," she begins, "I found out that Josh was cheating on me."

Aanya gasps, while Sadie very nearly yells "He what?"

"Cheated," Hadley says, struggling to choke the words out, "on me."

"No," Aanya says just as Sadie goes "Fucking bastard. Fucking asshole. He's a fucking—"

"Sadie! My parents will hear you."

"But—"

"Sadie."

"No," she protests. "You can't expect me to calm down when my best friend just told me she got fucked over by the biggest fucking tool in the universe and—wait. Wait." Her anger gives away, a confused expression falling on her face. "You guys haven't broken up. You're still going out with him. You—he—goddammit, Had. Why do you never tell us these things? You—"

Aanya jumps to her feet and grabs Sadie, surprising her enough to make her shut up. "Sadie," she says, her voice calm but firm as she drags their agitated friend back to the bed, "maybe we should let Hadley talk first."

"But..." Sadie starts to say, but she lets the rest of the sentence die.

Aanya turns back to Hadley with a small, encouraging smile.

It relaxes her a little, enough to convince her that telling them isn't such a bad thing. She can't stop herself from worrying, though. After all, she promised—both to him and to herself—that they won't ever tell anyone about that night; that they should just forget it and pretend it never happened because she was afraid doing otherwise would change things between them.

Then again, things have changed anyway.

Hadley doesn't know for sure if that night has something to do with the way Dexter's been acting lately, but she feels like it does. A lot. And it's ruining them. Tearing them apart. Creating gaps in the closeness they've built in the two years of their friendship. Sawing at the string tying them together.

They're drifting apart and she doesn't know what to do to stop it.

All she knows is that she doesn't want them to.

So she faces Aanya and Sadie, hoping—wishing—they can tell her what to do; put her on the right track and help her figure out a way to keep her and Dexter together.

She forces some air into her lungs, letting it sit there for a few heartbeats.

Then she lets it go and tells them everything.

* * * * *

"Let me get this straight," Sadie says, "you're telling me that you and Dexter had sex and thought it would be a good idea not to talk about it? Gee, Hadley, I wonder where it could've gone wrong."

Hadley flushes. She opens her mouth to defend herself but Sadie doesn't give her the chance.

"Hadley," she says, crossing her arms over her chest. She levels her gaze with Hadley. "You and Dexter had sex. That's not something the two of you could just gloss over."

Beside her, Aanya lets out a breath. "Sadie's right, Had."

"It wasn't supposed to change anything," she argues weakly.

"He's your ex-boyfriend," Sadie says. "That alone is already complicated. Add in the best friend bit and honestly, no one should be surprised that you're acting all awkward with each other."

"But we were okay." Hadley doesn't sound convincing but she plows on. "Even days after the night we—did it. He wasn't acting any differently." She drops her gaze and lets out a sigh. "Not until last week, anyway."

Hadley already told them about them tripping on the stairs the last time Dexter came by. She told them about him leaving in a hurry and then acting differently in the days after. She still isn't sure what to make of it, but Sadie's quick to react.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about," she presses. "You crossed a clear boundary in your relationship and pretended it never happened. Friends can't just have sex and expect it won't change things, Had."

"I get that already," Hadley says, her throat constricting. "Now more than ever."

"Had." Aanya reaches for Hadley's fist, which had been clenched so tightly her nails were biting into her palm, and coaxes it open. "It's going to be all right. You just need to talk it out with him."

Her dread lies heavy in her chest. She looks down at her lap. She knows her friends are right. The only way to fix this mess is for her and Dexter to talk it out; to drop the pretenses and finally confront each other.

Still, she stays silent.

One thought sears itself into her brain and it stays there, imprinted into her mind like it was written with indelible link.

What if, the words read, he's finally grown tired of her?