I am getting ready to watch the latest Formula 1 race with some of the other Formula 4 drivers. I always enjoy watching my brother Jules racing after all he has risen through the ranks comfortably. This time I am on edge. It is a wet race and I have never liked watching wet races. Participating in them is a little easier but still being in the wet is the worst. The thing is I know that Jules will know what he is doing but I like it when things are under my control. I am hoping that the others don't pick up on my unease. I really don't want to talk about it since I want the others to enjoy the race.

"Would anyone like anything to drink?" my teammate and best friend Nyck de Vries asks. He basically leaps out of the seat which gets a small giggle from me. Even though he doesn't know it he has put my mind at ease.

"Sure I'll have some water," I respond. My nerves have made my throat dry so I take Nyck up on his offer. The good thing is everyone else is quick to add their orders. He soon comes back with the drinks. He passes them around as I notice that one of the older drivers is nervous.

"You know you and Charles need to relax," Nyck remarks having picked up on the unease going between me and another one of my friends, Charles Leclerc.

"But I hate wet races," He snaps. He is not the only one. The room falls silent as the lights go out. The drivers get off to a good start despite the fact that it is wet. A small cheer makes its way through the group. I am definitely not feeling the same enthusiasm. I try my best but I just have a nasty feeling that something is going to go wrong. The joy from the start soon subdues. I can feel myself sink further into my chair as the race goes on. Come on Jules keep pushing. I basically send a little prayer to whoever is listening. Disaster soon strikes. One of the drivers hits the barrier. Even though it was not Jules that lost control I still hate the fact that my suspicion is confirmed.

"They definitely shouldn't have raced," I hear Charles mutter. I agree but I am not the race director. I am about to say something but I am stopped. I am hit by another wave of dread as another car falls victim to the rain. I can barely make out the number but I recognise the number seventeen on the car.

"Crap," I can only get one word out before I am hit by full-blown concern. The sight of the wreckage is beyond terrifying. Words can't even begin to describe the shock that I am feeling. I find myself silently cursing the race director.

"We can confirm that Jules Bianchi has lost control," The voice of the commentator brings me back to reality. My concern is only made worse by the fact that the other driver involved is trying to help but nothing seems to be working.

"Jess it will be ok," Nyck quickly gets to work on reassuring me. Thankfully he is smart enough to turn the TV off. It has been one painful month since the accident and there is a lot going through my mind. Why did it have to be Jules? Will I be able to race in Formula 1? Will there be other options? At least I know I will have support. Right now I am breaching myself for the worst day of my life. The doctor has declared my brother brain dead which means all of the hope of him making a full recovery is gone. I can feel the guilt working its way up as the doctor pulls the plug on my brother's life support. At least, my mum, dad and Charles are here. I don't think I would have the courage to follow through with making the decision. The thing is I have lost a big part of my life. I am trying my best to remain strong but I just can't. Picking up on my unease, Charles pulls me out of the room.

"Thank you for your help Charles," I mumble as he pulls me into a hug. I can feel the burning sensation of tears working their way up. I bury myself in Charles' chest. I wish that Nyck was here to cheer me up a little.

"I just wish the circumstances could be better," Charles responds. There is some comfort in his hug but my world has been shattered. It has been six painful years since the crash that claimed my brother's life. I am getting ready for the last race in the Formula 2 calendar. I need to win this race to win the championship but at this point, I don't care. My teammate Mick Schumacher will win the championship if I don't come first. He deserves it since he gave me some help in my darkest days. The thing is I don't have to worry about my future. I will be partaking in Formula E. There is a subtle feeling of guilt behind the decision but I know I can't make it in Formula 1 since it was the sport that claimed my brother's life.

"Are you ready Jess?" Mick breaks me out of my thoughts.

"Yup," I reply. I'm not really ready but I need to make it to the end of the race. After a ten minute wait, the race has started. For some reason, I am able to get past Mick without any issues. Hopefully, he wasn't ordered to let me pass. I just wanted a challenge during this race. I mentally shrug it off since there is not much that I can do. After thirty minutes of driving, Mick has finally overtaken me again. I notice that he is struggling with something.

"Marcus, can you tell me what's wrong with Mick?" I used the radio to ask my lead engineer for information. I hope it's not serious.

"He has brake issues. I suggest you overtake him just in case," my lead engineer responds. Well, it looks like team orders are involved after all. I make my way past Mick. It looks like I am going to win the championship without the challenge. After an hour of driving the race has come to an end. It has been too easy for me to maintain my lead. It's a pity that Mick had those issues. Speaking of Mick he approached me.

"Congratulations Jess," Mick remarks. I try my best to be happy but the thought of my brother's cheeky smile passes through my mind. I am hit by the sadness of the memory. Maybe I should have taken the seat at Williams. Nah I am definitely better off in Formula E. The only person there that will know my brother personally would be Jean-Eric Vergne and I don't see us crossing paths any time soon. It has been a month since my victory in Formula 2 and I am getting ready for an important transition. Today is my first day in the actual Formula E car. The thing is I have had a go on the simulator but I am in the camp that actual driving is the best. I am looking forward to today for more than one reason. I will be seeing Nyck again after two years of struggling to maintain contact. I am so engrossed in my thoughts I fail to notice the person coming in the opposite direction. Luckily he is quick enough to catch me before I hit the ground.

"I am so sorry Jess," The person that I have run into is Nyck. The thing is even though the predicament I find myself in is embarrassing I am happy to see Nyck.

"Don't worry about it. After all, it was my fault," I respond. I can feel the fluster in my voice. I really need to stop being embarrassed at every single mistake.

"So what are you doing here?" Nyck asks. No one told him? That's odd. At least I can tell him myself.

"Well, I am joining you in Formula E," I announce. I can feel the corners of Nyck's lips curl up into a smile. It's contagious. A smile breaks out on my face as we head to the briefing room. I am not surprised that Nyck and I are the only ones here. We are both still early. Thankfully the rest of the team arrive soon after.

"First of all, I would like to welcome our newest team member Jess Bianchi," the team principal starts the briefing. At least the welcoming chatter is quick. After everyone wants to get the job done. I am glad that I already have most of the information because I really am struggling to pay attention. Not long after the briefing, the testing gets underway. I find myself caught out by the instant torque but despite that, I feel like I have made the right decision. I quickly recover as I bring the car up to speed. After thirty minutes of testing the team has given Nyck and me a break. I am glad because the car has a lot of things that I am struggling to come to terms with. Even then I am happy with my first session. I am currently nibbling on some food in the hospitality area.

"How do you think you went?" Nyck gets to work on making sure I am ok with the car.

"I did alright. The thing is I'm not sure how I will do in race conditions," I say. The thing is I am worried that I will run into Jean-Eric. I don't want to tell Nyck the real reason why I am not exactly confident. The thing is I know I will be fine. Despite my lack of confidence, I am enthusiastic about my position in Formula E.

"You'll be fine. In fact, I think you will be in the top five in the first race," Nyck announces.

"I think you are being a little too optimistic," I retort. I suppose I will find out in a couple of weeks. For some reason, I am overcome by the desire to thank Nyck for keeping me on the straight and narrow.

"Nyck, can I thank you for making sure I kept racing," I give in.

"Look I don't like seeing people struggle and I promise to listen when you need help," He responds with a simple explanation. The thing is I know he is hiding something but I am choosing to ignore it since it is probably none of my business. I feel bad for bringing the mood down in the room but since Nyck left Prema I haven't had the chance to tell him how much his help meant to me. I still can't put into words what it means but now that I thanked him there is a small weight off my shoulders. Now I just need to get through the rest of the testing.

"Thank you Nyck and I'm sorry for ruining the mood," I find myself sighing after my apology. I hate it when I do that.

"Don't worry about it, Jess. I'm just glad we are reunited," Nyck replies. Yup, he is definitely hiding something. I will talk to him about it after the first race. I am just glad that he still has my back despite a two-year split. Not that we stopped being friends. It's just that being on different teams made it harder for us to see each other. Now I won't have those kinds of problems anymore.  

A/N If you don't know the drill I am working on re-writing some of my stuff and this story is one of the victims. Please don't forget to vote and/or comment if you think the re-write is better.