The first day after Jack had introduced me to his fans my Instagram following jumped from ten to three hundred and only got bigger from there. I was having the time of my life. Between the traveling and the concerts I had never had more fun.
  The guys were out doing an interview so I was the only one on the bus. I decided to call and see of I could talk to Leo.
"Allison White's phone." She answered on the second ring.
"Hi Allison it's me again."
"Oh, Annalise! How are you?" I smiled. It was nice to talk to Allison.
"I'm great. Is Leo around?" She sighed.
"He is, but he," she sighed again,"He's not doing well right now. I can ask if he'd like to talk to you, but he hasn't wanted to talk to anyone recently." She must've set the phone down because it was quiet for a few minutes before I heard Leo speak.
"Hi, Anna."
"Leo! Oh my god I missed your voice!" I was ecstatic that he was talking to me.
"How are you?" He asked.
"I'm great. Tour started two weeks ago so there's been a lot of driving, but it's okay because it gives me plenty of time to do my schoolwork. How about you?"
"School sucks, Evan moved and I work from four to ten so my life is just amazing." He snapped. Then he sighed. "I'm sorry Anna, I'm just really stressed and really, really, tired."
"It's okay."
"I'm-Bye Anna." And he ended the call.
"That was weird." I sighed and set my phone down. I pulled my laptop over in front of me and set to work on my school.
I should have known. There are so many things I could blame for my being so careless and unobservant, but the only one I should blame is my own selfishness.
A couple weeks later I was by myself in the bus when I decided to call Leo again.
"Allison White's phone."
"Hey Allison."
"Oh hi, Annalise. How are you?" She sounded tired.
"I'm great. Is Leo around?"
"Um . . . Lily can you go find Leo for me? Lily went to find him. How's the tour?"
"It's been a lot of fun so far. They even have me sing with them."
"That's nice. Ar-" she was cut off by people screaming and shouting for her, "Allison! ALLISON! Come quick!" I could hear her running up the stairs.
"Allison what happened?" I asked.
"Oh my god. I need to call you back."
"Wha-Allison!" And then the line went dead. I spent the rest of the day waiting anxiously for her call. It didn't come. I hardly slept that night. The next day was just driving. For lack of other things to do I was sitting in the back lounge watching Rian play video games. My phone started vibrating in my pocket and I hurried to get it out.
"Hello?"
"Annalise, sweetheart." It was Allison and she sounded like she'd been crying.
"What's wrong?" I had this horrible feeling like I knew.
"I'm so sorry." She said and started crying, "It's Leo. He-he-" I gasped and put my hand over my mouth.
"He wouldn't. He didn't." I whispered.
"He-he's in the hospital. He tried to-to and they think he'll make it, but he hasn't woken up yet."
"Oh my god." I didn't want it to be true. It couldn't be true.
"I'm so so sorry." Then she told me she'd call again when she knew more. As soon as she ended the call I dropped my phone and ran to find Jack. I found him and Zack sitting at the table.
"Baby girl, what's wrong?" I couldn't get it out because I was crying too hard. I just sat down beside him, wrapped my arms around his waist and sobbed into his chest. "Baby girl, please tell what happened?"
"L-l-Leo's tr-tried to k-k-k-." I couldn't make myself say it, but Jack understood. He took a few seconds to process this before he wrapped his arms around me and held me tightly to him.
"I'm so sorry, baby girl." It was silent for a long time as I continued to cry into his chest. Eventually I ran out of tears.
"It's my fault." I mumbled into his chest.
"That's not true." Jack told me firmly.
"It is! I was too preoccupied with myself to realize how much he's hurting. I almost lost him and it's all my fault."
The next three days were horrible. I pretty much never left my bunk. I laid there waiting for a call that never came. Allison was busy. She didn't have any news. I cried a lot and hardly slept and Jack was concerned, but there was nothing he could do to help until I heard from Allison again.
There will be very painful moments in your life that will change your world in a matter of minutes. These moments will change you. Let them make you stronger, smarter, kinder. But don't you go become someone you're not. Cry. Scream if you have to. Then you straighten out that crown and keep moving.
One of the hardest lessons in life is letting go. Whether it's guilt, anger, love, loss or betrayal. Change is never easy. We fight to hold on and we fight to let go. And most often it hurts like a bitch. So just hold tight and hope for the best.