Our first day back on our feet started with me making breakfast. Jack wasn't even up when I started. So I danced around and sang green day songs under my breath. And that somehow led into singing Stella by ATL. I was standing at the stove moving my hips while I sang and cooked.
"Stella won't you take me home!" Jack sang very loudly in my ear causing me to slap him with the spatula I was holding.
"Not funny." I told him. He laughed.
"Good morning to you too." I stuck my tongue out at him. "You're hair looks amazing right now by the way." Then he busied himself with the coffee maker. My hair did look pretty amazing since I hadn't gotten a shower and I had gone to bed with it in a ponytail.
"Mm." I finished with the eggs just as the toast popped up. I got plates out and dished up the eggs before buttering the toast. I carried both plates to the table and sat down across from Jack.
"These eggs are really good." He said around a mouthful of food.
"Thanks. Allison tried to find ways to make breakfast enjoyable, because when you eat the same three things for breakfast it gets a little old. Scrambled eggs are good for a crowd and if you throw in onion, green peppers and a little cheddar cheese they taste amazing too." He nodded and continued shoveling food in his mouth. After breakfast Jack volunteered to clean up so I went and got showered. After that I decided to unpack. At that point I still didn't have a dresser, but I found hangers in the closet and hung up as much of my clothing as I could, not that I had much. I was sitting on the floor going through my other box when Jack knocked on the wall beside my open door and then came and sat beside me on the floor. I pulled my small wooden jewelry box from the box and opened it to find my ring.
"Can I ask why you always wear that ring?"
"It belonged to my mother."
"Oh."
"Yeah. Her birthday is in July so her birthstone is the ruby. Dad gave it to her their first Christmas together and then when she died I kept it." I said and twisted the ring around my finger.
"Didn't you have another one?"
"I left it with Leo." I dug around in the jewelry box an pulled out another ring. This one was too big for me which is why it stayed in the box. It was my dads graduation ring from high school.
"What's that one?"
"My dad's graduation ring." I put it back in the box and closed it. Then I set the jewelry box aside and pulled out a yellow shoebox. "And this is all the photos of my parents that I have." I lifted the lid and picked up the top picture. It was a picture of my mom and her family.
"Who's that?"
"My mom and her parents and her little brother. He ran away when he was sixteen and never came back. I remember when Mom found out. And my grandma left my grandpa for one of her friends. Grandpa became really unstable after that, but I haven't seen him since I was seven. I just remember mom talking about him."
"You look a lot like your mom. Except your eyes."
"Yeah. I got my dad's eyes." I pull out a different picture. One from my parents' wedding. "See?"
"That must've been their wedding?" I nodded. He grabbed another picture from the box and held it up.
"You were a cute baby." He showed me the picture he was holding. It was of me sitting in a swing at the park, my hair is two pigtails, a lollipop in my hand and dirt all over my face.
"Oh yeah. Absolutely adorable." He shook his head and grabbed another picture.
   We spent the next hour going through my photos. So many memories in such a small container. After that Jack decide we should go grocery shopping so we got ready and headed for Walmart. As we strolled through the aisles dropping things into the cart Jacks's phone dinged. He became very invested in his conversation so I just kept dropping things into the cart.
"Wanna go to Alex and Lisa's for supper?" He asked glancing up at me.
"Sure."
"Great." I heaved a bag of flour into the cart and kept going. Jack was following with eyes still glued to his phone screen. I stopped at the end of the aisle and Jack walked into me.
"Oh fuck. Sorry. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." I said with a smile. Jack put his phone away and started pushing the cart.
"What else do we need?" He asked.
"Milk. Eggs. Some bread. And a variety of fruits and veggies."
"Oh! We need another tube of toothpaste and a bottle of dishwasher detergent."
"Why didn't you say so when we were on the other side of the store?" He chuckled.
"How about I go get those things and I'll meet in the veggie section?"
"Sure." He gave me a smile and then headed in the direction of the non-food items. I kept going picking up things we'd need. I got to the fruit and veggies section and started picking out what we needed. Five minutes passed and Jack wasn't back. And then ten. I started wondering where he was and ended up walking through the produce sections aimlessly for about fifteen minutes before I finally spotted him.
"Sorry that took forever. I got slightly lost on my way back." I giggled and he took the cart.
"It is not a laughing matter." Jack said, but I could tell he was trying not to laugh. We checked out and headed home. When we finally got everything inside and put away we decide to watch a movie to pass the time until we had to go to Alex and Lisa's.
     Alex and Lisa had an amazing little house and the cutest dogs even though I'm more of a cat person. Lisa gave me a tour of the house. We were walking down the hall when she asked,
"So . . . Are enjoying life as a Barakat?"
"It's been amazing! I mean, aside from being sick."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. He bought me three kittens!" I let out a small squeal when I think about my three adorable kittens.
"He did?! Oh my god. I knew he was softy, but damn." I got confused then.
"What do you mean?"
"He hates cats." I got wide eyed.
"He does? But he acts like they're the greatest things ever." She shrugged. We kept chattering as she showed me the house and pictures from her and Alex's wedding. Eventually we joined the guys in the kitchen. They were leaning against the counters drinking beers and laughing. I remember Jack looking so incredibly happy. Lisa went and wrapped an arm around Alex's waist and I went and stood beside Jack.
"So what's for dinner, Lise?" Jack asked, taking another sip of his beer.
"Burgers. Which reminds me, " she looked up at Alex, "Can you get the grill going?"
"Sure thing, babe." He kissed her and then headed out the back door with Jack following.
"I'll be honest," Lisa said. I 'hmm'd' and she kept going,"I haven't seen Jack this happy in a long time. He acts happy and he smiles, but I know he's been struggling."
"Why? What happened to make him unhappy?" Lisa stopped rummaging in the fridge and looked at me.
"I think it started when Alex and I got married. Before that Jack always had Alex when he had rough days, but then he didn't. He'd probably deny it if you asked, but I know that us getting married was hard for him. Jalex was never a 'thing'," she put air quotes around thing,"Like a relationship, but Alex has been there for Jack since middle school. They were and still are really close. Jack's family doesn't live around here so Alex is the closest things Jack has to family here. And now Alex can't devote as much of his time to Jack like he used to. Did Jack tell you why he chose adoption? And why he chose you?" I shook my head. "Ask him. And really listen to his answer, because you may not know it, but you are filling the gaps he had." I pondered this for a minute before replying.
"I've seen the looks he gives you and Alex when he thinks nobody's looking. He looks sad, defeated almost. I assumed he was just jealous of your relationship, but I understand now." Lisa gave me a soft smile.
"I promise you you make him happier than I've ever seen him. Even when he had girlfriends he was never like this. He was happy, but he was still missing something."
"I know that feeling." Hearing me mumble that Lisa came and gave me a hug.
"We should go check on the guys. Make sure they haven't destroyed anything. Plus the grill is probably ready for the burgers now." She grabbed the plate with the burgers and had me carry out dishes and food as well. Oddly enough the guys were just talking. And it wasn't light and carefree like it had been in the kitchen.
"-keep lying! Especially to me." Alex was saying.
"It's hard to admit something to you when I can't even admit it to myself." Jack snapped.
"You have a daughter now. You can't keep acting like a kid." Jack was frowning.
"I'm not trying to act like a kid. This is a new thing," Jack gestured wildly with arms, "for me. I'm still working through it. I-" Lisa cleared her throat and cut Jack off.
"If you two are done arguing about what I think you're arguing about can you start the burgers please?" She asked. Alex gave Jack a knowing look and Jack slammed his beer bottle down on the table.
"Fuck you. I tried to make you understand and you don't even give a damn. I'm fed up with your bullshit and I'm tired of you being a fucking dick!" He stormed into the house and I stared after him in shock. I turned my gaze back to Alex and Lisa. Lisa had her hands on her hips and was giving Alex a 'disappointed mom' stare.
"You better go after him and fix it." Alex raised his eyebrows. "I'm tired of you two acting like teenage girls. He's trying to make you understand, Alex and he's still your best friend." Lisa sighed, "Go talk to him. It's your fault he's upset." Alex sighed, but didn't move."Alexander William Gaskarth go after him or else you'll be spending the next week on the couch." Alex rolled his eyes, but went after Jack. Lisa sighed again and rubbed her temples.
"I'm getting really tired of the two of them."
"What were they arguing about?" She hesitated before replying.
"I think you should ask Jack. It's not really for me to tell." I nodded and then sat down in one of the lawn chairs. Lisa put the burgers on the grill. Silence settled over the two of us. Alex came back slamming the door behind him.
"Fucking waste of time." He muttered and sat down opposite me.
"Could I go see him?" I asked. Alex shrugged.
"He's in the guest room." I nodded and stood. Lisa started reprimanding Alex as soon as I got in the house. I walked up the stairs and down the hall until I reached the guest bedroom. I raised my fist to knock, but stopped when I heard soft crying. I knocked gently and waited.
"Go away, Alex!" I opened the door a crack.
"It's not Alex." I said and slipped into the room. Jack was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. He sniffed, but didn't look up. I sat down beside him.
"I don't know what's wrong, but I know that hiding and crying won't make it better." I told him.
"I just can't handle it anymore. He can't just let it go." Jack mumbled. "I just want my best friend back." At the mention of best friends it struck me that I hadn't called Leo at all since I left, but I put the thought aside to focus on Jack. Not knowing what else to do I leaned against him and began to sing softly under my breath.
"Let it go. Let it roll right off your shoulders. Don't you know the hardest part is over? Let it in. Let your clarity define you. In the end, we'll only just remember how it feels." Jack dropped his hands to his knees, but didn't look up. I grabbed his hand and kept singing.
"Our lives are made in theses small hours. These little wonders. These twists and turns of fate. Time falls away, but these small hours. These small hours still remain." I don't know how long we sat there, but I know I finished the song. Lisa came and got us when supper was ready. Jack went to the bathroom first and then joined the rest of us in the backyard. You could tell he'd been crying. His eyes were all red. Supper was awkward to say the least. Jack didn't say anything and Alex didn't say much either. Lisa and I talked about nothing in particular. The tension was so thick you could've cut it with a knife. Before we left Alex took Jack inside and I don't know what happened, but they managed to patch things up, because when they came back out they were laughing, but I could still see the hurt in Jack's eyes. Jack and I went home.     
          Nothing was said about that night. I was really curious to know what Alex had said to upset Jack so much. Jack went to his room pretty much as soon as we got home. I only spoke to him once before going to bed and that was just to ask if I could use his phone too call Leo. He let me have it. It took me way too long to figure out how to make a phone call with it, but eventually I got it and called Leo. Allison answered and then gave the phone to Leo. Hearing his voice made me realize how much I missed him. We talked for two and half hours, catching each other up on what had happened since we last saw each other. We discussed the things that happened at Alex and Lisa's and Leo gave me his opinion on everything that happened. He said I should just leave it alone and let Jack tell me when he was ready. I took his advice. We ended the call when Allison said it was time for bed. Through our entire conversation I could hear Jack playing guitar. I left Jack's phone on the counter and went to my room. I cried until the early hours of the morning. While Jack and I were sick we slept in the same bed a lot and I was able to sleep, but then I was back in my bed alone and I didn't fall asleep till four or five am.
The next morning Jack acted like nothing had happened so I did too. We went about our morning like we had before.
May was at its end, I had been living with Jack for two weeks. And June brought with it new adventures. The longer I lived with him the more I realized there was more to him than the cocky, give-no-fucks persona he displayed. He wasn't as happy as he wanted everyone to think. He was breaking. Slowly. It made me realize that maybe he needed me just as much as I needed him. Possibly more. And I was determined to help him as much as I could.