I continued my purposeful gait, with no actual location in mind. The events that had just transpired felt like an out-of-body experience. Did I really just get away with that?

It seemed that for whatever reason the power-tripper enjoyed my defiant display. The illusion of a prize to be earned and not yet given played into my advantage. My heart raced at the idea of engaging in this to and fro, aware of the massive handicap I'd have to work with. He's been playing at it for a lot longer than I have. My hands swayed at my sides as I revelled in my small victory.

Yet, as I hit the more populated Atrium of Sanctuary, my confidence waned. Every single person that crossed my path stopped and gawked at me, as my lack of decent attire displayed a lot more than I intended. There were hushed whispers shared between saviors, giggles and slack jaws that fed into my insecurity.

I felt like a circus sideshow. And for what?

I made a left turn into the first available door: a storage room. My floodgates broke, and I let the powerful sobs shake me, tears gushing down my cheeks like a waterfall. I shuffled back to the cold, unforgiving wall and slid down, curling into myself. As soon as I closed my eyes, all I could see was my poor tortured Daryl.  He'd saved my life more times than I can count, and when it was finally my turn to return the favour, I play house with another man.

How is playing this part going to really help Daryl?

The tremors began in my fingertips. I tried to hold my breath, but it just aided in the jerking body movement to travel all over my body. In that little, dingy space I knew I had to face facts: I was completely overwhelmed. The weight of my poor choices and their consequences on others sat on my chest, like a house. Now I know how the wicked witch felt.  I fell deeper and deeper into desolation, unable to come up for air.

tap, tap.

"Rackel? Sweety?"

I didn't recognise the voice, but responded anyway, "y,y,yes?"

The door cracked open and in popped the head of one of his wives. Her warm, chestnut eyes would've been of great comfort to me, if I wasn't already past it. The already crushing guilt increased as I watched her smile turn into a concerned grimace. I'm sure I would've looked like one of those creepy, novelty monkey toys, my whole form still shaking and my lips puckered like a baboon's backside. 

The mouse-brown haired woman quickly entered and shut the door. "I'm sorry! Skye said she saw you come in here looking upset and thought you'd like to talk to someone." I had to admit, even when she sat down next to me and rubbed my back, it all felt genuine. I don't know why, but there was something about this woman that provided me with a sense of ease. 

Frustratingly rubbing at my eyes, I nodded. 

 "I'm Sherry sweetie, and I know how hard it is to do this." Her voice was so warm and rich. Hearing her Georgian twang made my heart ache. But it was the way that she said sweetie that really got to me. She said it like Nonna Jean. 

I tried desperately to clear my throat, but it ended up still coming out gravely, "what do you mean?"

The wife paused, lines forming between her eyebrows as she thought about what she was going to tell me. "Let's just say I know how it feels for someone you love to pay for your own sins."

Holy shit, news travels fast in this place. I tapped my feet and tried my best to avoid eye contact. Although it was selfishly comforting to know that I wasn't the only one to have stuffed up royally, I didn't want to think about ... him. The chill radiating from the piping above us started my trembling all over again.

 My sister wife wiped away my tears and pulled up my chin. "Do you know what you can do about it?"

"No."

She swallowed whilst setting her orbs on me. "You take a breath, count to ten, then go out there and keep yourself busy." She smiled mischievously, as she leaned in and whispered, "I saw Negan's face when you walked out of his room. You got to him, honey! Just keep doing what you're doing and Daryl will be safe."

Slowly but surely, my trembling subsided and I let the information marinate. 

I can do this.

So, her instructions played in my head like a broken record as I picked up the shattered pieces of my fragile facade. I closed my eyes, counted to ten, then got up as she handed me a tissue. Thanking her, I wiped at the corner of my eyes and attempted to wipe away the last piece of this morning. I squared my shoulders and headed for the door, but not before turning around to my saving grace. "Thank you for this. It's good to know that I'm not completely alone."

She smiled a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "It's the least I could do, considering."

What is she talking about?

I let it go and went back out, thankful there was no one waiting for me on the outside. I walked to the room they had given me yesterday, impatient to put something on that left something to the imagination. When I opened the door, the first thing that caught my eye was a beautiful cotton-capped sleeved dress hanging over the armchair in the middle of the room.

"hmm,hmm." Negan cleared his throat, startling me. 

The mountain of a man was sitting on the single bed fully clothed,  flinging an old paperback onto my bed and getting up. Before I could process what as happening, he had already closed the gap, and ran his gloved finger across my collar bone. "You're still flushed, did I rile you up that much, baby?"

Thank God he's clueless!

I leaned into his touch, lowering my face. "Can't help it."

He knelt down so we were eye level. I had no choice but to look at him. Luckily, it was obvious he had no idea I had a complete breakdown a small time ago. He closed his eyes and leaned in for a soft kiss, taking me by surprise. 

"I have a gift for you Rackel." His voice was barely above a whisper, as he held his hand out to the dress.

Making small steps toward the gift,  I picked up the delicate garment and admired its stitching.  Obviously one of Skye's creations. With a lump in my throat, I stared him down and undid my belt, shrugging the remnants of yesterdays dress off my shoulders and cascading in a tattered mess at my feet. He instinctively reached for his jeans, re-adjusting himself.

You like that, hey?

But, before he had a chance to make his way up to his steel belt buckle, I lifted the new dress and swayed my hips as I shimmied into it, only briefly breaking eye contact when the garment passed my eyes. I patted it into place, fingers, lingering longer than necessary before finding their resting place just above my bare knees.

"Do you like it Negan?" I purred.

He gulped and nodded, before shaking his head and striding towards me. "I am absolutely fucking DE-lighted to get you out of that auto-parts store threads." 

Before I could stop myself, I scrunched my nose a little. The head saviour raised a speculative brow at me. "Don't you like it?"

"I do!" I said, "but how am I supposed to work in this? I can't even bend over!" I started the bending motion, but immediately stopped when he began licking his lips.

As I looked at him bare those pearly whites, I could help but be reminded of the Big Bad Wolf. His thumbs looped into the hem of his jeans, swaying back and fourth on his haunches.  "Well that's kind of the point darlin'. You're going to be my wife, and my wives don't work."

I tutted him, feeling brave. "But my dear Negan, idol hands perform the devil's work!"

He growled as a sensual smile took over his features. "Oh baby, I'm counting on it."

Well, I walked straight into that one.

I quickly recovered and pulled my chin up to his. "I prefer to earn my keep and help out where I can. I wouldn't feel right if I'm given a free pass."

He rolled his eyes and groaned. "There's just us, Rackel. you can drop the noble bullshit! Just appreciate the gift and wait for me to come back."

What did he say? I am no-ones dog!

I stormed towards the door, my temper bubbling over. 

Negan yelled after me, completely perplexed. "WAIT! Where the fuck are you going?"

I replied over my shoulder, still in motion, "I'm seeing if there's anything I can do to help in the kitchen, sir."

"fuckin' hell," he muttered under his breath, a hint of amusement lingered.

Phew, so far so good!