Sandaling napaisip si Yara sa tanong ni Dri.

"Yes and no," pag-aamin niya. "Oo, bothering na nakikita at napapansin mo ang mga ganoong bagay na hindi naman dapat. Hindi, dahil pakiramdam ko, may nakakaintindi sa akin kahit hindi ako magsalita."

Dri tried to hide his smile. Hindi niya inasahang sasagutin ni Yara ang tanong niya. "Well, it's not bad to let others know how and what you feel. Mas maganda pa ngang mag-share minsan sa stranger, eh. They won't judge you."

Nagsalubong ang kilay ni Yara sa sinabi ni Dri. Ibinuga niya ang usok bago tumingin sa kawalan. Malalim siyang huminga. Hindi niya gusto at hindi siya naniniwala sa sinabi ni Dri.

"Kahit sabihin mong hindi ka judgmental, a part of your consciousness is judging a person. Hindi mo kailangang itago 'yun kasi kahit ako, ganoon," aniya at humithit sa sigarilyo na halos mamula ang dulo. "Kahit 'yung mga ka-close mo, kapamilya mo, huhusgahan ka. Hindi totoo ang they won't judge you."

Sandaling natahimik si Dri. Halatang hindi nagustuhan ni Yara ang sinabi niya.

"Maybe you're right," sagot ni Dri. "But you're overthinking too much, Yara. Masyado mong iniisip ang mga bagay na hindi pa naman nangyayari, and that's the reason you're panicking. I'm not saying you shouldn't, it's normal for some to feel that way . . . pero kung kaya mong huwag mag-overthink, mas okay."

Yara lit up another cigar. "Overthinking is now my second skin, Dri."

"It really is." Dri forced a smile and blew a smoke. "Anyway, sinabi sa akin ni MJ na walang pagkain dito kaya bibili muna ako sa convenience store." Yara was about to speak but Dri didn't let her. "Don't. I'm helping a friend, isipin mo na lang, utang 'to." He winked.

Hindi na rin niya hinintay ang sasabihin ni Yara. Lumabas na siya ng unit para bumili ng pagkain nito.

Nagpunta si Dri sa convenience store na nasa baba ng condo. Hindi siya sigurado kung ano ang gustong pagkain ni Yara kaya bumili na lang siya ng kung ano.

Habang nakapila sa cashier, nagbabasa siya ng news. Malakas ang paparating na bagyo at marami na ang apektado. Ni hindi siya sigurado kung makauuwi nga ba si Yara kinabukasan.

Kahit ang labas ng condo kung nasaan sila, tumataas na ang tubig. Halos lahat ng nakasasalubong ni Dri, halatang nagpa-panic. Hindi rin nakatutulog na malakas ang hangin.

Pagpasok ni Dri sa condo, madilim dahil nakasara ang kurtina ng bintana, pero may kaunting liwanag kaya nakita niya si Yara na nakahiga sa sofa. Naka-fetal position ito na parang giniginaw kahit na mahina lang ang aircon. Mukhang bagong ligo rin ito dahil bago na ang damit.

Nakabukas din ang TV, hawak pa nito ang remote habang nakalaylay ang kamay.

Naupo si Dri sa sahig at nagsimulang mag-browse sa phone niya. In-accept na rin siya ni Yara sa Facebook kaya na-stalk niya ang profile nito. Walang masyadong post, mas madalas pa na parang puro memes na nakatatawa, at base rin sa mga naka-post, medyo may pagka-sarcastic ito, pero humorous.

Nilingon niya si Yara at napatitig sa mukha nito habang natutulog. Para sa taong tulad nito na mukhang masaya, hindi halata na nagsa-suffer ito ng panic at anxiety.

Yara was quiet and reserved. Any person who had no idea about her personal strugglings and sufferings would never know. Based on Dri's observation, he wouldn't know anything if he wouldn't pay attention to her expressions, mannerisms, and words.

People like Yara were hard to deal with. They were too independent.

Bumalik si Dri sa pag-stalk sa profile ni Yara. Inisa-isa niya ang pictures nito na kakaunti lang naman.

Medyo matapang ang features ng mukha ni Yara lalo na ang mga mata nito. Her eyes looked fierce, iyong parang hindi nagtitiwala sa kahit sino. Para itong palaging masamang nakatingin when she was just looking at someone.

Her looks were intimidating because she was not smiling at all, unless she was with someone na kakilala talaga, katulad noong party nina Renzo. She was also outspoken at sasabihin kung ano ang gusto katulad noong sinabihan siya nito na ang daldal niya. It was funny.

Nagdidilim na at hindi makaalis si Dri. Natutulog pa rin si Yara at ayaw rin naman niyang iwanan ito nang walang paalam lalo na at mag-isa lang. Good thing, malakas ang internet dito sa condo nina MJ kaya nakapaglalaro siya sa phone.

Yara opened her eyes when she heard a subtle movement and saw Dri playing with his phone. Nakita rin niya mula sa bintana na madilim na. Isa pa, may kumot na siya na hindi niya naaalalang mayroon kanina. Mukhang nakita nitong gising na siya nang magtagpo ang tingin nilang dalawa.

"Hi." Dri smiled. "Nagluto na ako ng dinner, gusto mo nang kumain?"

"Bakit hindi ka pa umaalis?" tanong ni Yara. "I don't mean to sound rude, pero baka mahirapan kang umuwi dahil sa baha."

Yara saw how Dri bit his lower lip as if may gustong sabihin sa kaniya na hindi niya ikatutuwa. "Actually, that's the reason I'm still here. Hanggang tuhod na ang baha sa paligid, hindi na makadadaan si Lux," sabi nito. "Don't worry, susubukan ko kung puwede akong makitulog ngayong gabi kina MJ."

Kung siya lang, ayaw niyang may makasama lalo na at lalaki si Dri, hindi pa sila masyadong magkakilala, pero naging mabait naman ito sa kaniya, bakit hindi niya rin suklian ng kabaitan?

"No, rito ka na lang. Okay lang naman. Tingin ko naman, hindi ka rapist, 'no? Hindi ka naman siguro tigang para gapangin ako?" seryosong tanong ni Yara kaya natawa si Dri. "Seryoso ako, Adriano. Hindi ka rapist?"

"Mukha ba akong rapist?" gulat na tanong ni Dri.

Seryosong nakatitig si Yara kay Dri. "Maraming rapist ang guwapo at hindi mo aasahang rapist pala, so no exceptions ang itsura. I'm sorry for judging you, pero 'yun ang reality ng buhay. Minsan kung sino—"

"Hindi ako rapist, okay? I know my limits," pagpuputol ni Dri sa sasabihin pa ni Yara. "Dito naman ako sa sahig pupuwesto, you don't have to worry about anything. Kung hindi ka comfortable, aalis ako."

"Huwag na, nangongonsensya ka pa," singhal ni Yara. "Kumain ka na ba? Kain na tayo. Magkano pala lahat ng babayaran ko? Magwi-withdraw na lang ako bukas, pasensya ka na talaga."

Dri stood up and smiled. "Kain na tayo."

While eating, both were quiet. Ayaw masabihan ni Dri nang makulit at madaldal dahil may pagka-savage magsalita si Yara. Ito na rin ang naghugas ng pinggan kaya naman naupo siya sa sofa at nakita ang binabasa nitong libro.

"So far, ano'ng paborito mong quotes dito?" tanong ni Dri.

Sumagot si Yara nang hindi tumitingin kay Dri. "Know yourself and you will win all battles," sagot nito. "Halos araw-araw kong ina-apply 'yan sa sarili ko. Dahil kapag kilala mo na ang sarili mo, alam mo na ang strengths and weaknesses mo, hindi na magagamit ng ibang tao 'yun sa 'yo. You're already prepared to enter a battle without bluffing."

Dri smiled. Hawak niya pa rin ang librong Art of War na binabasa ni Yara. "Ako, ang paborito ko . . ." Dri looked at Yara. ". . . appear weak when you are strong, and strong when you are weak."

Hindi sumagot si Yara. Naghuhugas lang ito ng pinggan.

"I personally like that line," sabi ni Dri. "And tama ka, halos pareho lang tayo ng principle. Na hindi nila magagamit sa 'yo ang weakness mo kung aware ka na roon at kahit na mahina ka, pinakikita mong malakas ka."

Yara nodded. "Be at least three steps ahead to avoid getting hurt," she answered without looking at him.

Doon na-realize ni Dri kung gaano ka-reserved si Yara. She was always three steps ahead to avoid getting hurt and that made sense if you were an overthinker and was struggling with inner peace.

"Puwede ko bang patayin ang ilaw?" Yara asked Dri because he was reading the book. "Kung puwede lang?"

Dri closed the book and nodded. Pinatay na rin ni Yara ang ilaw bago lumabas ng balcony. Nagtataka si Dri dahil ang buong akala niya, kaya pinatay ni Yara ang ilaw, dahil ayaw nito nang maliwanag . . . tapos lumabas.

Weird.

Nakita niyang may usok at mukhang nagyoyosi na naman si Yara kaya sumunod siya sa labas. He didn't say anything. Inilabas din niya ang yosi na bagong bili niya bago naupo sa sofa habang pareho silang nakatingin sa malakas na ulan.

"Sana huminto na bukas para makauwi ka na rin," basag ni Dri sa katahimikan. "Nga pala, I wanna say sorry if naba-bother ka sa akin. I know I'm too outgoing and if it made you uncomfortable, I apologize."

"No need," sagot ni Yara. "Sinusubukan ko naman na mag-adjust para sa mga taong kausap ko. I may be reserved, but I know how to socialize, too. Sorry din kung nasusungitan kita. I was just stressed out."

Dri just smiled and didn't say anything.

"It was just really hard for me to socialize, alam mo 'yun? Pakiramdam ko, sa tuwing may kakausap sa akin, huhusgahan nila ako. I can't even make proper eye contact with the person I'm talking to kasi I am insecure."

Dri frowned. "About what?"

Yara shook her head. "Pakiramdam ko, hinuhusgahan nila ako sa tuwing nakatingin sila sa akin. Feeling ko, nakatitig sila sa pimple marks ko at iniisip na ang dami naman, sa kilay ko na sabog-sabog, sa lips ko na dry, and I even cover my face when laughing kasi I don't look good."

Tahimik lang si Dri.

"I have a lot of insecurities that people don't know. Akala nila, masungit ako, walang modo kausap, when in reality, I was the problem. I can't make proper conversation without overthinking." Yara bitterly smiled. "It was so hard for me to talk to someone."

"If you don't mind me asking," Dri looked at Yara, "why are you so insecure when you can just live your life without insecurities?"

Tumingin si Yara sa kawalan at humithit ng sigarilyo. "Imagine being compared to your sister ever since you were young? She was the pretty one. Bakit ako, hindi, bakit siya, maganda? Ang puti niya, ikaw, hindi masyado. Ang ganda ng ilong at mata niya, ikaw, hindi masyado." Yara smiled. "Imagine hearing people say na maganda ka rin naman, mas maganda lang kapatid mo. Imagine your crush saying na ang ganda ng kapatid mo!"

Walang sinabi si Dri. He was just listening to Yara.

"I was living my life since I was four knowing I wasn't good enough for everyone because my sister was prettier than me," Yara said, inhaling massive smoke from the cigar. "Since then, I neglected myself because why not? They won't see me anyway. I will be the shadow of my younger sister who's prettier than me. Ni hindi ko na naisipang ayusin ang sarili ko dahil para saan pa? They already damaged my confidence."

Dri bit his inner cheek. He can hear the bitterness in Yara's voice even though she was smiling.

"Sucks to be me." Yara shook her head, smiling. "Well, I shared something about myself. Nakakahiya."

"For me, walang nakakahiya sa sinabi mo. It's normal for you to feel that way when people around you let you feel it. I can't imagine you living for twenty-seven years knowing you have those feelings—"

Yara cut him off, "They were just buried deep inside my heart and thoughts, but I never forget what everyone said about me." Yara even tried to smile. "You know what? I feel bad for feeling this way, the insecurities and all when I can just live on my own, 'no? Wala, I'm just being dramatic."

"No, you are not. What you're feeling was normal because you were compared. Hindi nakita ng mga tao sa paligid mo ang struggles mo sa bagay na 'yan and you also let yourself live with it, kaya medyo kasalanan mo," Dri honestly said. "I can't blame you, lahat naman tayo, nakararamdam niyan."

She sighed. "The feeling of not being good enough is what I always hated. Ayaw ko sa lahat, 'yung sinasabi ng iba na okay naman ako, okay naman ang mga gawa ko, but I know for a fact that I lack. Because I lived not being good enough."

"I won't make you feel better. I will just hear you out because sometimes, it's better than hearing flowery words from me, tapos hindi naman pala 'yun ang gusto mong marinig," Dri said. "So, makikinig lang ako, you can let it all out. Sabi ko nga, I can adjust based on your liking. I can be the listener, the one who makes the conversation, or the one who lets you have fun. You choose."

"Listener."

Dri smiled at her. "Go ahead, I'll listen."

Yara didn't say anything and Dri was just waiting for her to talk, pero wala. Yara was just staring at nowhere when she started whispering something with a tune. It was a song. "They say don't you ever give up . . . it's so hard to be somethin' when you're not."

Dri was quietly inhaling his cigar, just waiting for Yara to open up.

"But I have walked alone with the stars in the moonlit night . . . I have walked alone, no one by my side," bulong nito at ngumiti. "Mas masarap mag-isa, 'no? No one will judge you."

"Bakit hindi mo ituloy ang kanta?" tanong ni Dri. "Now I walk with you, with my head held high . . . in the darkest sky, I feel so alive."

Umiling si Yara. "I like walking alone." Yumuko siya. "I'm more alive."

"Kasi hindi mo pa nararanasang maglakad nang may kasama."

T H E X W H Y S