"No," I heard myself say. "No, you wouldn't. You wouldn't do that to me."

He wouldn't. This had to be a mistake. This wasn't really happening. Any minute now I was going to wake up from this horrendous nightmare.

"I'm so sorry," he said again. He was crying now. Crying down the phone to me.

"Stop saying that!" I snapped. I wiped my cheek furiously. "What happened?"

"I... I don't really remember much..."

"Well fucking try!" I screamed. I was staring to lose it as the reality of what he had done was starting to sink in.

"She just came back to my hotel, after we'd left the bar. I didn't plan it, I swear. I was drunk.. so drunk, Jess.. I couldn't even walk straight... I didn't know what I was doing."

The thought of someone else in Harry's hotel room, in his bed, brought a wave of nausea and a shot of fury. My hands were beginning to shake.

"You managed to have sex, so you can't have been that confused," I spat.

I took several deep breaths, trying to fight my emotions and regain control.

"I'm so sorry... I wish I could go back and change it. When I woke up I felt sick. When I realised what I'd done... to you, to us..."

"I can't believe this, Harry," I said, as a wave of misery swept over me. "I can't believe you would do this." More tears spilled down my cheeks and my chest heaved involuntarily.

He didn't say anything, but I heard another muffled sob. A new thought occurred to me.

"How many others have there been?" I asked.

"None!" he protested. "I swear to you, I have never been unfaithful to you before. I've never been unfaithful to anyone."

"But you made an exception for me," I said bitterly. "Thanks."

"No, I.... don't say it like that..."

"Why not?" I sobbed. "It's the truth. It shows how much you think of me."

Hadn't I known this all along? That one day, eventually, he would find someone prettier and sexier and more exciting? And of course, he had. The first chance he'd got he'd found some fucking Portuguese model, with a thigh gap and a Victoria's Secret contract. She was everything I would never be.

"I think the world of you," he pleaded.

"Oh please!" I shouted, standing up off the sofa and wiping my face again. "Don't you dare insult me with shit like that. This whole thing was just a game to you, wasn't it? Being charming and wonderful and making me fall in love with you... and the minute I admit it, you drop me like a hot potato for the type of girl you really want."

"No! Baby of course this wasn't a game, and I don't want anyone else."

"Don't... call... me... Baby..." I choked. "And you can't say you don't want anyone else, because you did and you had her!"

"I'm so sorry," he said miserably.

The sound of Harry's tears was ripping a hole through my heart. I'd never heard him cry like this before. I'd heard his voice crack on the phone when I ended things the first time, but it hadn't been like this.

"Its fine," I cried, my voice shaking. "It's my own fault, I never should have got involved with you. I knew, deep down, I would never be enough for you. I should have walked away, but I let you flatter me into thinking I might just be what you wanted."

"Jess -"

"I've been such an idiot," I laughed, but I'd never found anything less funny in my whole life. "I actually thought you cared. I actually believed you when you said..."

My voice broke again. I couldn't bring myself to say the L-word.

"I love you," he whispered, and my heart broke all over again.

"No, you don't," I sobbed. "If you did, you wouldn't have had sex with someone else. You would have been able to say no, no matter how pretty she was, how thin, how funny. If you loved me, you wouldn't have looked twice at her, and that's what hurts the most. I do love you, but you don't love me back. You didn't care enough about me to say no to her."

"I do," he begged.

"No," I said firmly. "You don't. And I can't blame you. You live in a world where you can have what you want, when you want. Everything is handed to you on a diamond encrusted plate because you are Harry Styles from One Direction. You're so used to clicking your fingers and everybody jumping that you've lost touch with the real world. I noticed it a few times while we were together - like when you just expected me to drop everything and stay another week with you in LA, and when you wanted me to go back to your place after Fleetwood Mac. And when you were pissed off at me tweeting Louis about Zayn because it would damage the band's reputation. It's what the fame has done to you, Harry, and it isn't your fault, but I can't be your little puppet that does everything you say. And you need to understand that you can't fuck some horse-faced model behind my back and expect me to stick around."

I knew that was a cheap shot, but I thought I'd done pretty well to have got this far without taking a pop at her. And I was amazed I'd been able to get all of that out so calmly when my insides were being ripped apart.

"I do love you," he said, his voice heaving. "I'm not trying to wriggle out of what I've done, but whether you believe me or not, I do love you. I can't help who I am, Jess...."

"Don't you dare try and make out like you're the fucking victim here!" I exploded. "You fucked someone else - that was your decision, your choice. While I was lying in bed trying not to feel paranoid that you were in a bar with your fucking ex-girlfriend, and trying to understand why you hadn't told me you'd arranged to see her, you were busy shoving your dick into some other fucking Victoria's Secret Angel!"

I heard Harry gasp on the other end of the phone.

"So don't start playing the violins, Harry, because I'm sure your night was a lot more fun than mine! At least you will have got some enjoyment out of it..."

I had to stop myself there because the thought of Harry getting any kind of pleasure with another girl was making me feel sick.

"I'm so sorry," he sobbed again.

"I am so fucking sick of hearing those words!" I shouted. "You're only sorry because you got caught. I bet you wouldn't even have told me if you hadn't been papped."

"I would," he choked. "I would have told you. I couldn't lie to you. I could have denied all this tonight, and you would have been none the wiser. But I couldn't do that to you. I couldn't lie on top of everything else..."

"You lied about Nadine," I spat. "You didn't tell me you were going to see her."

I was moving into dangerous territory here. It was fully my right to be the brokenhearted victim over Harry's infidelity, but I needed to salvage some dignity from all of this. I didn't want to add 'jealous psycho' to the list of my new character traits.

"I know, I should have told you about that." Harry was still crying.

"Whatever. It doesn't matter now anyway. It's done. You know that, don't you? I can't get past this. I can't forgive you for this."

"I know," he sobbed. "I know you won't."

"Good. Then we are on the same page about one thing, at least."

I sniffed loudly and wiped my nose.

"I never meant to hurt you."

"Yet somehow you still did," I sighed. "I don't believe this was ever more than a bit of fun for you. A stupid game, for you and the others to laugh about. Stupid Jess, huge One Direction fan, let's make her dream come true."

"Of course it wasn't a game," he mumbled. "No one is laughing at you."

"The whole fucking fandom will be laughing at me!" I screamed, furious again. "You practically announced our relationship to the world in Cardiff, and less than a week later you're off banging a fellow celebrity halfway round the world, living your jet-set life. As far as public humiliation goes, I think you've topped it all. Even Anna Todd couldn't have written this! Well guess what Harry, I am not your fucking Tessa and this is not After. And I am not going to take you back."

If Harry understood any of that, he didn't react. I felt a pang of embarrassment that my fanfiction secret had slipped out, but I had higher levels of humiliation to be dealing with at that moment.

"I know," he said, in a resigned tone. "I know you won't. Believe me when I say I understand the magnitude of what I have done."

"Good!" I said viciously. "Because right now I wish to God I had never met you. I wish I'd never gone to that stupid party. I wish I'd realised sooner what an arrogant, self-obsessed, manipulative prick you are, because if I had I wouldn't have gone all weak at the knees when you looked at me, and I would have tipped the entire contents of my drink all over your fucking head and walked away."

There was silence on the other end apart from Harry's ragged breathing.

"I hate you," I said for good measure. "Thanks for the broken heart. I'll send all your shit back. Feel free to bin anything of mine you might find lying around any of your houses. Oh and tell your mum it was lovely meeting her."

Down the phone came more ragged breaths, that matched my own. I wanted to hurt him as much as I was hurting. I wanted to make him feel even one tenth of the pain I was feeling.

"18 days," I told him. "That's how long this joke of a relationship lasted. 18 fucking days."

"Wh... what do you mean?"

"From the day you came to my parents' house to sort things out, and you made me fucking beg to be your girlfriend... It's 18 days."

"It's... it's longer than that."

"Nope," I snapped. "18 full days we managed, until the day you ruined it with that bitch. Well done Harry. At least it was longer than the 12 hours we managed the first time around."

"Jess..," he began. "I just want you to know I'm sorry. I swear. I never planned this. It's killing me, knowing how much I've hurt you. I hate myself.... I can't put it into words... I love you, and I'm so sorry."

His voice broke again, and the sound of his hurt only magnified my own.

"I can't carry on this conversation," I said, my voice breaking too. "There's nothing left to say. We're over. Have a nice life, Harry."

I didn't wait for his response. I ended the call, ran to the bathroom and vomitted into the toilet bowl.

----****----

If anyone would like to vote for this book for the Wattys People's Choice Award, please tweet the link to the story (go to the story info and share via Twitter, or copy and paste the link) with the hashtag #MyWattysChoice
It's worth a shot I guess! :)

Next update will be tomorrow or Thursday xxx