I plunged straight in.

"From the minute we met I felt like I was just in the right place at the right time with you. Like if it hadn't been me at that party it would have been somebody else that ended up in your bed that night." He opened his mouth to speak but I held my hand up to silence him. "Let me get this out Harry, before I bottle it." Harry closed his mouth and nodded.

"You don't understand what it's like to have had this crush on you for so long, to have read stuff about you in magazines, seen you in concert, had your picture on my laptop screen... and then all of a sudden you're part of my life like this normal person. I felt like I'd known you for years, yet we'd only just met and you knew nothing about me. I tried not to have this perception of you, but it's hard to forget everything you've read - good and bad."

Harry's gaze was fixed upon me, his expression serious. I took another deep breath and continued. 

"I couldn't believe someone as gorgeous and incredible as you would be interested in me. You date stick-thin models and famous singers. I'm just Jess. I'm no one special. I don't even have a thigh gap. I've had this inferiority complex the whole way through and that's why I'm always so quick to jump to the wrong conclusions about you. It's because deep down I think it's only a matter of time before you get bored of me, so every time the media says you've found someone else it comes as no surprise. I can't help it. It's just the way I think."

Harry leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees and his chin on his palm. He didn't say anything but waited for me to carry on. 

"I'm sorry I didn't believe you about Taylor Swift. I'm sorry I left LA without giving you a proper chance to explain everything. That wasn't fair. I was just so shocked when that pap blurted it out, and I felt so stupid. I felt like you'd been playing me all along, and I should have seen it coming. I was so hurt, I had to get away so you wouldn't see."

Now I'd started, I couldn't stop the words tumbling out of my mouth. It was like Harry was hypnotising me with those green eyes. 

"I didn't mean what I said about it just being a bit of fun, and I didn't use you to meet the rest of One Direction. It's been way more than that for me and it terrifies me how quickly I got in so deep. I'm sorry I asked you to stop calling me the other week. I thought I'd be better off without you in my life but I was wrong. I'm not, and I'm sorry that I ever thought I would be. I shouldn't have given you shit over that Joy Muggli girl. I still can't believe you publicly denied it, twice. I understand how much of a big deal it was for you to do that, and I'm so sorry I threw it back in your face and ended things." 

I swallowed a lump in my throat at the memory of that wretched conversation.

"I'm also sorry for the way I acted today when I saw you with your sister. I swear I didn't know it was her, Harry. Callie saw you first and said you were with a girl and I just panicked. I couldn't bear to see you with someone else and my instinct was to show you I'd moved on as well, even though I hadn't. I shouldn't have kissed Gary like that. I hurt him as well as you. I know I have massively, massively fucked this up and to be honest I can't believe you're even here right now. But please believe me when I say I am so glad you are. Even though I know I don't deserve you."

I exhaled loudly, feeling like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. But I still hadn't quite finished. 

"And as I'm being completely honest, I need to tell you you massively pissed me off when you told me to stop winding Louis up on Twitter. I was a Directioner long before I met you, and I'm not going to stop being a fan. I would have tweeted Louis and Zayn whether I knew you or not, and I don't appreciate being told how to behave. But you need to understand I didn't do it to cause trouble. I did it because I thought Zayn was out of order and Louis needed defending. And several million fans agreed with me. And... and I'm not saying you were, but if you were jealous that I tweeted Louis you have absolutely no need to be. You haven't left my thoughts since the minute I walked into the departure lounge at LAX. In fact, no - you haven't left my thoughts since you dropped me home after we first spent the night together, and not because you're Harry Styles from One Direction. But because you are just Harry. Harry whose wink makes my knees go weak, Harry whose kisses make my heart pound and Harry whose face makes me forget my own name. And if you don't want to be with me after hearing all that then I understand, but at least now you know the truth."

Harry was now looking at me with a shy smile on his face. My heart melted a little at his expression, and I smiled shyly back, pulling the sleeves of my hoodie over my hands.

"Wow," he said. "That's a lot to take in. Is that everything?"

"Um, I think so," I said nervously.

"You sure? There's nothing else you want to get off your chest?"

Was he hinting at something? I racked my brains to try and fathom what it might be.

"Um, well I guess you should know that Gary asked me out today. It was before I kissed him. But I turned him down," I added hastily as a shadow passed over Harry's face. "I'm not saying this to try and make you jealous. I just don't want to keep secrets from you."

He paused. "OK. Thank you for being honest." He studied my face for a moment. "So that's everything?"

"Yes," I said. Why was he being weird?

"OK," he said finally. "So I guess I need to set the record straight about a couple of things, too."

I nodded, feeling anxious all over again. "OK, I'm listening."

"First of all, Jess, I didn't set out that night we met to find a girl to sleep with. I intended on going to that party and saying hi to Nick and then going home because I was knackered. But I stayed because of you. There was something about you that drew me in. But if we hadn't met I would have just gone home alone. And I'm guessing my life would be very different right now."

"A lot less complicated?" I offered.

"A lot less interesting," he smiled. "What you said about how you had a crush on me before we met... you're right, I don't know how that feels, but it sounds pretty confusing. I don't make a point of just dating 'stick-thin models and famous singers'. It just so happens that I have dated those types of people because they happen to move in the same circles as me. It's not intentional. And believe me when I say you are far more special than any of them could ever be. You are beautiful, funny, down-to-earth and you've got me wrapped around your little finger." He smiled at me again. My stomach flipped.

"And I don't even know what a thigh gap is. But you have no need to feel insecure. I guess it finally explains why you're always so quick to think the worst of me. But I have never ever been unfaithful in a relationship and I don't intend to start now. I don't blame you for being upset when you found out about Taylor Swift. I don't want to rake all that up again but for what it's worth I am sorry I didn't tell you. If I'd known it would come out like that I would have told you a lot sooner. I wish I hadn't hurt you, I feel so bad about that. But I finally understand your reaction to Taylor, and that story about that weird girl the other day, Joy whats-her-face. And to be honest, you kind of made me see I'd been a bit of an arse just expecting your trust without having earnt it. I took you for granted, Jess, and it was only when you flew off the handle about it and reminded me I had never publicly stuck up for you, like you have for me and the others, that I realised it properly."

"What do you mean, stuck up for you publicly?" I asked.

"You supported the No Control Project even though we weren't together anymore. You defended Louis when Zayn and Naughty Boy were trying to humiliate him. That may not have been for me, but you were willing to show the world how much you love One Direction, despite the shit you've been given just for being linked to me. And yeah, you were right. I was jealous that you tweeted Louis. I was jealous from the moment I saw your reaction when he called me in the car the morning after I stayed at your flat, and when you thought he was coming to the beach that day in LA. I was jealous when I saw you hug him in the pool at my house and realised he really was your 'second favourite'. And I was jealous when you were saying how much you liked the songs he wrote with Liam, and didn't seem as bothered about the ones that I wrote. And I saw you checking him out when you were standing behind him when we facetimed your friend Sarah. I know it's stupid but you just seemed to hit it off with him when you met him, and when he flirted with you and sassed you you just gave it back. You seemed so excited to be around him and you've never really seemed like that with me. You always play it so cool with me. I just never really know where I stand with you."

I stared at him in disbelief. "Oh my God - are you serious? I... I can't believe you would think that!" I was at a complete loss for words.

"I'm sorry I had a go at you over those tweets," Harry continued. "I wasn't lying when I said you could have done a lot of damage - you really could. And I was genuinely really pissed off that you couldn't see it from my side. But I was also furious that you'd leapt to Louis' defence, and that he'd been so excited about it. And that he'd been messaging you privately."

"Yeah - about you," I said, rolling my eyes. "That's all we talk about. You can read the messages if you want. Harry - I fangirl over Louis, and I get seriously excited when any opportunity comes up to have any sort of contact with him. That's just my inner Directioner. But that is absolutely nothing compared to how I feel about you. And Louis knows that. He seemed to want us to sort things out. And be honest - if I had acted all fangirly over you would you have stuck around? Or even looked twice at me?"

Harry hung his head in shame. "No, probably not. I'm a dick for thinking all that stuff."

"No you're not," I said. "You only felt how I feel all the time about every female who comes within fifty feet of you. And believe me when I say I was seriously fangirling over you when we first met - and sometimes I still do. I just keep it locked away inside. But... but I trust you, Harry. I didn't; not until about an hour and a half ago when you turned up here. But I think I've just had an epiphany."

Harry smiled. "Well it's about time."

"I know," I sighed. "I've been a massive idiot. Not to mention a whiny brat. I'm so sorry."

"I suppose I'll forgive you," he teased. "I don't really have much choice when you're looking at me like that and wearing my hoodie."

"It still smells of you," I muttered. 

He wrinkled his nose. "Haven't you washed it?" 

"It was comforting," I said defensively. "My heart was fucking breaking, Harry. I missed you so much, and this was the only thing that made me feel any better."

"And there was me thinking you weren't that bothered about me." He said it casually, but there was no smile behind his eyes this time.

I shook my head at him. "How can you say that? How could you even think that?"

He shrugged. "You played it cool from the word go. I was always the one who messaged you, it was never the other way round. You never went all - what was that word you just used? - fangirly over me. Well, apart from the odd 'Harry Styles' moment, as you call them. But even they were rare. You seemed more worried than me about being pictured out together in public. You let me do all the running and you seemed more than capable of walking away if you needed to. And you were always so quick to correct anyone who might think you were my girlfriend. I just assumed that you didn't want to be; that you weren't that into me."

"I told you - I just couldn't believe you would even look twice at me," I said. "I didn't think I would ever be enough for you. Every time you showed any interest I was convinced it would be the last time, and I didn't want to be the desperate fan texting you, unable to take the hint. I didn't realise I was playing it cool until Louis said - "

"What did Louis say?" Harry interrupted.

Oooops. 

"Nothing," I backtracked. "We just got chatting at the Ed Sheeran gig and he mentioned that I acted really cool around you and it sort of made me realise I had been pushing you away." Nicely recovered.

"Is that why you finally opened up that night?" he asked.

"Sort of. I didn't want you thinking I didn't care, because that couldn't be further from the truth. And you almost broke me, Harry, when you said on the phone you weren't worth the hassle. Of course you are. I had just let everything get to me and the only way out I could see was the path that took me away from you. And I realise now I made things ten times worse for myself because you are the one person I need in my life. Even if you do come with your own personal set of photographers that pop up at the worst possible moments."

"So everything you said about not being strong enough to deal with the media...?"

"I'll just have to learn to ignore it," I said. "Well - that is, if I'll still need to... I mean, I don't know what we are... if we're..." I let the sentence hang. Come on, help me out here Harry, I thought in my head. I twisted my fingers nervously and looked at the floor.

"If you're asking if you can be my girlfriend again, the answer is yes," he teased.

"Woah woah woah, hold on," I said, holding my hands up. "I don't ask to be anyone's girlfriend." 

He rolled his eyes playfully. "Can you not just let me call the shots, just for once?"

"You always call the shots!" I said indignantly. 

"I think we both know I have never called the shots. Not since you threw your drink down my shirt at that party," Harry stated, raising an eyebrow at me. "You practically had me sitting up and begging that night. And from that moment it's never been any different. 'Whipped,' as Louis would say."

I smiled at him, feeling suddenly giddy at these revelations. "Soooo...," I said, looking at him expectantly.

"Soooo....," he mimicked, smirking.

I rolled my eyes. "So, what are we?"

He looked around the room, up at the ceiling and then peered under the sofa for good measure. "We're sitting in your conservatory," he teased.

"Harryyyyyyyyy," I wheedled, and he grinned infuriatingly.

He pulled his face into a serious expression. "Yes?"

"Don't do this - you know what I'm trying to say."

He gave me an exaggerated confused look. "You've lost me, sorry."

His mouth was twitching. 

He looked fucking incredible.

"Harryyyyy!" I said again, getting up off the footstool and stamping my foot, and he laughed delightedly. 

"You already know what the answer is, you only have to ask the right question." he grinned.

I felt my face turning red. "I'm not asking."

"Oh. Wow. Well, this is awkward," he said, giving me a pretend uncomfortable glance.

"I am going to kill you."

"Sorry, only my girlfriend is allowed to get away with making threats like that," he said, shaking his head sadly. "And I currently don't have one, because someone is too pigheaded to ask."

I raised my eyes to the ceiling. "I can't believe you're making me do this."

He got to his feet too, and came and stood in front of me, a full smirk now decorating his beautiful face. "I'm waiting." 

"Alright!" I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath. I opened my eyes again. 

Harry glanced at his watch. I threw him a murderous glare. "You're enjoying this far too much."

"Stop stalling."

"Oh for God's sake! CanIbeyourgirlfriend?"

Harry put one hand behind his ear. "Sorry, I didn't quite catch that?"

I gritted my teeth. "Can. I. Be. Your. Girlfriend?"

"Say please. Manners cost nothing." 

I closed my eyes. "Please."

"Please what?" 

I opened my eyes and looked straight into his. And I swear in that moment I would have done anything he asked, even though I was ready to kill him for embarrassing me like this. 

"Please can I be your girlfriend again?" 

He smirked and tilted his head to the side, holding my gaze. "I'll think about it."

My eyes widened. "Are you joking?!" 

He laughed as I thumped him in the chest. "Now now, there's no need for violence."

"No, you're right," I said thoughtfully. I stepped up to him and hooked my fingers into the belt loops of his black skinny jeans - did he ever wear anything else, I wondered briefly - and pulled his hips forward so they were touching mine. I looked up at him and he looked down at me, a lock of his hair falling gently over his face. He was still smirking, damn him.

I raised my hand and slid it round the back of his neck and pulled his face down to mine. Just before our lips touched I pulled away a fraction and slowly bit my lip, while I gazed into his eyes. 

His face was suddenly serious. "I know what you're doing," he murmured.

"Good. Then you should know by now that this is how I get my own way."

His arm curled around my waist, pulling my body against his. "Yes," he whispered.

"Yes to what?" I needed to hear it.

"Yes, you can be my girlfriend again."

I felt my face break into an involuntary grin and I bit my lip, nervously this time, and looked away shyly.

"But can we promise each other something?" he asked, and I looked back into his eyes questioningly. "Let's not fuck it up this time."

"Deal," I breathed, and before I could pull his face towards me he had already crashed his lips onto mine.

-----*****-----

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