I walked blindly into the departure lounge, barely able to see where I was going. I pulled my phone out of my bag with trembling hands and unlocked the screen. I hesitated for a moment, unsure who to call, then scrolled through my contacts to Calvin's number. Before I could press call the screen lit up. Incoming Call - Harry Styles.

I hastily diverted it and went back to my contacts to call Calvin. I waited, with my phone to my ear but it wouldn't connect. I wiped the tears off my cheeks and tried again, but was cut off by another call from Harry. I furiously diverted it again and finally managed to dial out to Calvin. I had no idea what time it was back home; I couldn't think straight. I prayed it wasn't the middle of the night.

Calvin answered on the third ring: "What's he done?"

I said nothing, but let out a sob.

"Jess? What's the matter? Has he hurt you?"

"Will you pick me up from Heathrow when my flight lands?" I managed to choke out.

"What? Where are you? What's happened?"

"He's been fucking Taylor Swift," I said, not caring how crass I was being.

"I will fucking break his legs," Calvin breathed.

"No you won't. He's not worth it," I sobbed. "Please, just pick me up from the airport. I can't face getting in one of Harry's cars and going back to an empty flat." I closed my eyes. It actually hurt my heart to say his name.

"I can't, Jess, I'm sorry. My car's in the garage, waiting for a part to be delivered on Monday." Calvin sounded genuinely distressed.

I sobbed again.

"Get his car to take you to Mum and Dad's. I'll get the train first thing in the morning and meet you there?"

"OK," I sniffed.

"Was he really fucking Taylor Swift?"

"Yes!" I wailed.

"Jesus fucking Christ. He is going to pay for this."

"No, please, Calvin. I don't want any fuss," I said in between sobs. "I can't stand being humiliated any more than I already have been. I'm not asking for his sake, I'm asking for mine. Please. Don't do anything that might attract any attention to me."

There was a silence on the other end of the phone. "Alright," Calvin said. "But for you, not for him."

"Thank you," I sighed.

In the earpiece I heard a double beep, and I pulled my phone away from my ear and saw Harry was on Call Waiting. I cancelled it.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Calvin asked.

"No," I said. "And please don't tell anyone about this. I don't want people laughing at me for being a pathetic, gullible loser."

"No one will laugh at you, Jess," he said softly, and the pity in his voice brought a fresh wave of tears.

"I'm such an idiot," I cried.

"You're not, you just fell for a smooth talker. You're not the first and you won't be the last."

"Don't," I muttered, feeling sick at the thought of Harry with anyone else. "I'm going to go. I don't want to talk about it."

"OK," Calvin replied. "But call me if you do want to talk, OK?"

I agreed, and ended the call. Immediately my phone lit up again with another call from Harry but I cancelled it again. I shoved it in my bag and headed into the toilets to check out my reflection. As I suspected, I looked horrendous. My mascara was smudged all down my face and my eyes were red and puffy. I heard text messages coming through on my phone, but ignored them while I tried to repair my makeup so I didn't look like something from a horror film.

When I finally left the toilets, ignoring the sound of my phone repeatedly ringing in my bag, I headed across Departures to the Virgin First Class lounge, showed my boarding card to the attendant, and ordered a glass of wine at the bar. (I couldn't face Dom Perignon or any kind of cocktail. I had a feeling my life choices were about to change dramatically if I wanted to avoid everything that reminded me of Harry.) When it arrived I went and sat on a comfy sofa and pulled my phone out of my bag.

5 missed calls from Harry Styles.

6 new messages from Harry Styles.

1 new voicemail.

I sighed and opened the messages first.

From: Harry Styles: Please please answer your phone xxx

From: Harry Styles: I don't blame you for being upset but hear me out. It really isn't what you think, I promise xxx

From: Harry Styles: If I have to buy a ticket to get through the gate I will

From: Harry Styles: Ok I don't have my passport. Don't make me shout the word BOMB

I giggled involuntarily, and hated myself for finding him funny at the worst moment in my life.

From: Harry Styles: Please pick up. I'm so sorry I've hurt you. Please don't get on the plane, just come back out and talk to me and if you still want to leave after you've heard me out I'll get you on the next flight home. Please xxxxxxxx

From: Harry Styles: Jess please xxxxxxxx

My phone lit up again and I diverted his call. I tapped the voicemail icon and held my phone to my ear while it went through the menu options, before playing the message.

"Hey baby, it's me, it's Harry.. I'm so sorry.. please will you come back and just speak to me, that's all I ask, just let me tell you the full story. I'm sorry I didn't tell you any of this sooner but I swear on my life I haven't seen her since I've known you. I should have told you last night when you asked me but I didn't want to ruin it, not after we'd... we'd got so close... I know I seem to keep fucking up but I've never lied to you... well... apart from last night, but that was the only time I swear. I'm sorry. Please just call me. Even if it's just to yell at me. I just want to say sorry. I feel like shit, Jess. So, um, just call me back OK? Please. Bye."

Tears were streaming down my face again at the sound of his voice. I ended the call, and saw I had another message.

From: Harry Styles: I know you've read my texts. I'm still waiting out here. Please come and talk to me or just call me xxxxx

My finger hovered over the call button as my tears dripped onto the screen. I despised myself for wanting to call him and hear his explanation, but the humiliation was still too raw. I switched my phone off and threw it in my bag. I downed my glass of wine and stared out of the window at the planes taking off until my flight got called.

Once we were in the air I reclined my seat fully and lay down, going over every second of my time in LA. I alternated between crying and hating Harry. I knew I had to get this out of my system now because in my head I had decided I was not going to let myself mope around once normal life resumed.

The same driver who had taken me to Heathrow a week ago was waiting for me in Arrivals as I walked through the doors. I was not prepared for the two photographers who thrust their cameras in my face and began asking questions about me and Harry and my trip to LA, so I kept my head down and pretended they weren't there as their flashes blinded me and their shouts echoed through the Arrivals hall. Several people stared at commotion and I saw a couple of phones being aimed in my direction. I felt very vulnerable without Harry and his bodyguards to fend them off, and was extremely glad when we made it safely outside to a waiting BMW and I was able to slip into the back seat, away from prying eyes.

When the driver, who I finally remembered was called Tony, jumped in the car I cleared my throat nervously.

"Um, would you mind taking me to Cambridge?" I asked.

"No problem," he answered. "Do you have an address?"

I gave him my parents' postcode and he tapped it into the sat nav and smiled at me in the rearview mirror.

"Did you have a good time?"

"Yeah, up until the last ten minutes," I said, before I could stop myself.

He looked at me questioningly and I could tell he didn't want to pry but also didn't want to ignore what I'd just said.

"Let's just say some people are not who you think they are," I said, feeling the tears welling up again.

"OK," he nodded, looking back at the road.

I stared out of the window and let the tears stream down my face again. After a minute he caught sight of me in the mirror and did a double take.

"Oh! Are you alright?" he asked.

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. Tony reached forward and pulled a packet of tissues out of the glove box and passed them back to me. I took them gratefully.

"Do you have a regular need for these?" I finally said, once I'd got my emotions under control again. "You have a lot of heartbroken girls in the back of this car?"

He gave me a confused look in the mirror.

"Never mind," I said.

The journey to Cambridge took about an hour and a half. When the car pulled up outside my parents' house Calvin was first out the front door and threw his arms around me, crushing me in a bear hug, while Tony got my bags out of the boot. I thanked him and he nodded at me before getting back in the car and driving away.

I switched my phone back on and as soon as it had registered on the network it began pinging with texts and voicemails. I couldn't bring myself to read or listen to them, but I also didn't have the strength to delete them, so while my mum made a round of bacon sandwiches and tea I flopped on the sofa and left my phone next to me where it blinked periodically, reminding me I had unfinished business.

Calvin brought my tea into the lounge and sat down next to me.

"I know you don't want to hear this, but I need to smash his face in," he said.

I groaned. "Calvin we've been through this. I don't want this brought to anyone's attention. I really just want to fade into the background quietly. I mean it. Do NOT say anything on any form of social media, and do NOT even think about trying to work out where he will be, or attempt to contact him so you can punch him. I just want to forget any of this ever happened."

"There are pictures on Twitter of you leaving LA and arriving at Heathrow," Calvin said uncomfortably.

"Can you see me crying?" I demanded.

He shook his head. "No. There are pictures of you walking through LAX with Harry and standing at the check in desk, and then pictures of you with that driver walking through Heathrow. You just look normal. Do you want to see?"

I hesitated. A small perverse part of me wanted to look at the pictures of myself looking happy and oblivious to what was to come, but the rest of me knew that would not do me any good.

But I've never been any good at doing what was best for me. I grabbed my phone and opened up Twitter, ignoring the mentions and went onto my newsfeed. Immediately I saw the pictures Calvin had been talking about, as they had been retweeted hundreds of times by the numerous 1D Update accounts. Speaking of which...

I went onto my profile and into my Following, and quickly unfollowed every 1D fan account. I did not need pictures of the boys shoved in my face every day.

My thumb hovered over Harry's follow button, and I ran my hand through my hair nervously. To unfollow him was as good as telling the world something had gone wrong between us (not that we'd ever confirmed anything was happening at all), and neither of us needed further speculation. As much as I didn't want to see his tweets anymore, I would have to keep following him for now. Instead, I settled for turning off Harry's notifications so I wouldn't get an alert every time he tweeted. I threw my phone on the sofa again.

My mum brought a plate of bacon sandwiches through to the lounge and as I reached for one my phone lit up again and began to ring. I made a mental note to change my ringtone as Calvin snapped his head up and we both looked at the screen. Incoming call - Harry Styles.

Calvin reached for the phone then hesitated when he realised I wasn't going to fight him for it. "Do you want me to tell him anything?" he asked tentatively.

"Yes. You can tell him to fuck off," I said.

"Language," warned my mum as Calvin swiped the screen and stood up.

"What the fuck do you want?" he snapped into the phone.

"Calvin!" my mum scolded, but we both ignored her. I stared at Calvin, hardly daring to breathe.

"She doesn't want to talk to you, you prick. Can you blame her? What the fuck are you playing at... yeah she's told me all about your little fuck buddy..." Calvin disappeared into the hallway and out of earshot.

I allowed myself a moment to chuckle inwardly at Calvin's complete indifference at talking on the phone to one of the most famous people in the world, and resisted the urge to follow him into the hallway and eavesdrop. I reminded myself I didn't care what Harry Styles had to say for himself. As far as I was concerned, he'd blown it big style.

When Calvin returned a few minutes later I didn't even look up from the tv for at least four seconds. "What did he say?" I asked.

"He said he hasn't seen Taylor Swift in months, and he had no intentions of going there again once he met you."

Oh.

Whatever words I was expecting to come from Calvin's mouth, it wasn't those. Or maybe it was the way Calvin relayed it that I wasn't expecting. It was unlike my brother to be so calm over something like this.

He looked at me. "Did he say the same to you?"

I rolled my eyes. "Course he did. Don't tell me you believe him?"

Calvin said nothing.

"He had every opportunity to tell me, but he chose not to," I said. "Why hide it if it's not still going on? He said himself it's on and off, so it's not over; it'll never be over. And it's not like they'll never bump into each other again is it? Their paths will always cross, intentionally or not, and if they're in the habit of hooking up it will just keep happening. I'm not going to be some idiot who turns a blind eye to her boyfriend shagging about."

"Boyfriend?" Calvin repeated.

"Yeah, he was on about us being 'official'," I said, feeling tears burning my eyes again. Damn, I'd been doing so well. "Then I find out from a pap he's been lying all this time. Why aren't you going off your head?" I asked as tears spilled down my cheeks once again.

"Because it won't do any good," Calvin replied. "You've made it clear I'm not allowed to hurt him or do any public damage so I just need to be here for my sister."

"Thanks, Calvin," I sniffed, and he gave me a hug.

~~~~~~~~~~

I spent the day on the sofa watching crap tv. My sister Maddie had stayed over at her friend's house the previous night so thankfully was not there to hound me with awkward questions about One Direction. My phone had stopped ringing and pinging, probably because Harry had finally gone to bed. I took advantage of this and replied to the texts I'd had from Callie, Nicki and Sarah, all asking if I was back and wanting gossip. I was dreading work the next day, so I prewarned them I didn't want to talk about it.

To: Callie: Shit's hit the fan, don't want to go into details but I won't be seeing him again xxx

To: Nicki: Don't really want to talk about it as it all went tits up but I'll be in tomorrow so I'll see you then xxx

To: Sarah: Please can you ask everyone not to ask questions tomorrow? It didn't end well and I don't want to go into details. Not ready to talk yet xxx

I stared at the conversation between me and Harry. 8 unread messages. I had resisted reading them so far but I knew he'd be asleep so at least I wouldn't be tempted to call him to hear his explanation. I bit the bullet and opened the messages.

From: Harry Styles: I'm staying here until your flight has gone in case you change your mind xxx

From: Harry Styles: Please switch your phone back on baby xxx

From: Harry Styles: I keep trying you but your phone's off xx

From: Harry Styles: Your flight just left. I guess you're on it. I'm so sorry we parted on bad terms but please call me or text me when you land xxxxxx

From: Harry Styles: I know you're in the air right now but I just got back home and I miss you xxxxx

From: Harry Styles: I'm guessing you landed cos your phone's on. I look like a stalker but I don't care, I need to talk to you

From: Harry Styles: Jess please answer your phone, this isn't fair on me, I've done nothing wrong, I just didn't tell you the full story at the start

From: Harry Styles: It's 3am and your brother has just given me a mouthful. I'm going to bed, I'll call you tomorrow, please answer xxx

I sighed, wondering how much extra fluid I would need to drink to replace the tears that kept falling down my face. My voicemail icon was winking at me, so I decided to get it all over with, like ripping off a plaster.

"Hey, it's me again, I know you're diverting my calls but I have to keep trying, I cant leave it like this. Please just call me. I'm still here waiting for you, I'm not leaving until you either call me or I know you're not coming out. So, yeah, just call me ok? Bye."

"It's me again, why have you switched your phone off? Well... OK, I know why you've switched it off but your flight hasn't left yet so if you get this before you board the plane please please just call me. Bye."

"Hey, baby... I don't know why I'm leaving you a voicemail, or even calling you because I know you've left but I just can't... Jess this is crazy, I don't know how to convince you that nothing happened while I've known you. I don't want to explain to your voicemail, I want to tell you properly, but it isn't what you think. Call me when you land, please. Um, ok, bye."

His voice was wavering on the last one and it took every resolve I had to delete them all. I didn't call him back.

~~~~~~~~~~

Maddie was due home about 5pm and I couldn't face the questions so I asked my dad to drive me back to London. I had work the next day and I was feeling tired and jetlagged, and I needed to get everything ready for the morning.

I opened the door of my flat and my dad carried my case up the stairs for me. He declined the offer of a drink, and gave me a big hug.

"Don't let anyone take advantage of you, Jessie," he said. "I'm proud of you for sticking to your guns, whatever he's done."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Thanks, Dad."

He nodded. "You can come home whenever you want," he said. "I know your mum misses you and Calvin." He squeezed my shoulder, and then he was gone.

I went into the kitchen and flicked the kettle on and shoved a ready meal in the microwave. I heard my phone ringing in my bag and pulled it out. Incoming call - Harry Styles.

My stomach flipped. Knowing it would only take a swipe of the screen to hear his voice made me feel sick with nerves. I watched it ring until it diverted to voicemail, and then turned back to the kettle again and poured myself a cup of tea. I went into my bedroom to empty my case and make a start on my holiday washing, and as I began unzipping it I heard my phone ringing again in the kitchen. I paused, feeling my resolve weakening and hating myself for wanting to hear his voice. I gritted my teeth and stood up. I walked back into the kitchen and picked up my phone as the call disappeared from the screen. 2 missed calls from Harry Styles.

I cleared them both and slipped my phone into my pocket as I walked back into the bedroom. I heard a text come through and pulled it back out again straight away and opened the message.

From: Harry Styles: I've just found the necklace, I absolutely love it. Thank you so much. Please please call me. I don't want to lose you xxxxxxxxxx

My heart thudded in my chest. I had completely forgotten about the necklace I'd left under his pillow. I briefly wondered why he'd only found it this morning, and a suspicion of where he'd slept last night flashed through my head before I pushed it firmly away, reminding myself it was none of my business anymore. No, wait. It was none of my business and never had been.

I fought back tears as I lifted the lid of my case and was hit by a waft of Harry's aftershave. I squeezed my eyes shut as I inhaled his scent. It was as if he was standing right next to me.

I stayed where I was on the floor of my bedroom with my eyes closed and breathed in and out a few times, trying to slow my heartbeat, but the smell of Harry was making my heart pound harder. I couldn't believe he could make me feel this way from all the way across the Atlantic. I put my hands over my face and sobbed, fully aware of how pathetic I was being, but completely incapable of doing anything about it.

Wasn't that the way it had always been, though? One word, one look, one smile from Harry and I officially had no control. And damn it, didn't he just know it too.

After a minute I wiped my eyes with my fingers and looked down at my case. My heart lurched again, and I did a double take, convinced I was seeing things. A fresh sob rose in my throat and brand new tears spilled from my eyes.

Folded neatly on top of my clothes was Harry's Green Bay Packers hoodie.

——****——

Hey everyone! Thanks for sticking with this story if you've got this far... I'd really like to get it more well-known so please help me do it by recommending this to your friends?!? :) I've finally worked out (I think) how to dedicate chapters to people so I will start going back over previous chapters and dedicating them to my loyal readers!!

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