I met up with Callie for lunch on Sunday. We went to one of our favourite pubs that did an all-you-can-eat carvery, and I gave her a full update on everything. While we were eating, my phone pinged and I saw I had a picture message from Sarah.

It was a screen shot of a Daily Mail article about Louis Tomlinson splitting up with his girlfriend Eleanor Calder. Apparently he'd been pictured kissing some girl at a pool party in Thailand and had been forced to announce he and Eleanor had split up a couple of weeks ago.

"Bad week for 1D," Callie observed, while I privately had a meltdown at this latest piece of news. Louis genuinely was my second favourite member of the band and I totally loved his relationship with Eleanor. I followed her on Twitter and everything.

Callie and I debated how awkward Monday morning would be between me and Gary. I had considered texting him over the weekend to smooth things over but I was too embarrassed. I was dreading facing him. Sarah had heard all about it thanks to Twitter, which meant most of the office would also know, and probably Gary's (ex) girlfriend too. I hoped I hadn't wrecked any chance of a reconciliation between them. With any luck, Sarah and James would be a hotter topic than me and Gary.

I made sure I was in early on Monday morning, before anyone else. Gary sloped in about ten minutes after me and I felt my cheeks flush crimson when I saw him. He didn't look over at me, but sat down at his desk and fixed his eyes on his screen. There was no one else in yet.

"Gary?" I called, tentatively.

He looked over at me and gave me a half smile, and I could see his cheeks reddening. I got up and walked over to his desk and perched one leg on the corner.

"Sorry about Friday night, and all the shit that came with it," I said, not properly looking at him.

He looked up at me. "Oh God, why are you apologising? I was the one who... well, y'know." His face went redder.

"I didn't stop you," I said. "At least, not straight away. We were both drunk. It wasn't your fault."

"I feel like I made a right idiot out of myself," Gary muttered.

"No you didn't," I said. "Why would you say that?"

"You're way out of my league," he said quietly, not looking at me.

"What?!" I said. "That's ridiculous."

"Come on, you pulled Harry Styles," he said.

"So?" I demanded. "He's just a person, like you and me. And you're a really, really great guy, Gary. That counts for far more than a pretty face in my book."

He smiled at me. "Thanks, Jess."

"Seriously, though, I don't want this to ruin us being friends," I said.

"Me neither," he said.

"Did, um, did you see Twitter?" I asked tentatively.

He grimaced. "Yeah. So did Laura. She went crazy."

"Oh God, I'm so sorry," I said. "I know it looked really bad."

He shrugged. "It wasn't your fault."

The office door opened and Sarah and Nicki walked in. Sarah raised an eyebrow at me sitting on Gary's desk.

"Still friends?" I said.

He smiled. "Course."

I smiled back and stood up. I walked back over to my desk and opened my laptop, feeling relieved that things seemed to be relatively normal. But of course, my happiness was to be short lived.

It had just gone 9am when I heard my phone buzzing in my desk drawer. I opened it and my heart lurched. Harry was calling me. I couldn't risk answering it - I'd not only get in trouble for taking a personal call at work, I'd send the office into meltdown once they realised who I was talking to. I ignored the call and logged onto the network. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my screen change - 1 missed call.

A minute later, my phone lit up again and began buzzing. Harry was calling me again. I swiped my finger across the screen to divert the call and turned my attention back to the laptop screen. My phone lit up again with another call from Harry. Jeez, what was his problem? I swiped the call away again and quickly typed out a new message.

To: Harry Styles: I can't answer, I'm at work! x

From: Harry Styles: I really need to talk to you, can you spare a minute? It's important x

To: Harry Styles: I really can't, I'll get in trouble! Can't it wait? x

From: Harry Styles: Not really. Some stuff is about to blow up, I need you to know the full story x

To: Harry Styles: Cryptic! I'll call you on my lunch x

From: Harry Styles: Promise you will, no matter what. Even if you don't want to x

To: Harry Styles: You're freaking me out! Yes, I promise x

From: Harry Styles: xxx

Wow, three kisses? That was a first. I put my phone back in my drawer and tried to concentrate, but I felt uneasy. What was about to blow up? And why would I need to know the full story?

When lunchtime came I picked my phone up out of my drawer and saw I already had another missed call from Harry. I went to call him back, but something stopped me. I quickly opened my Daily Mail app and tapped onto the Showbiz section. My heart sank as I read the headline - "MY NIGHT OF PASSION WITH HARRY STYLES" . I looked at the picture and realised this was a different girl to the blonde the other day. I read the full story, my heart thudding in my chest and a feeling of humiliation rising up through my entire body. This girl was claiming to have slept with him on tour, and described every last detail of their encounter. I knew it was genuine, because I recognised some of the things she claimed he had said and done. I felt sick to my stomach.

Just as I reached the end of the article my phone screen changed as another call from Harry came through. I stared at his name, tears pricking my eyes. I squeezed my lips together and stood up, grabbing my bag and my jacket. I contemplated throwing my phone at the wall, but at the last minute I decided I wanted to hear his attempt to squirm out of this. I sat back down and answered the phone.

"Hello?" I said abruptly.

"Hi," he said softly. "Can you talk?"

My body tingled at the sound of his voice, and I hated myself for it.

"What about?" I asked. "The latest slut?" Ooops. It wasn't supposed to come out quite like that.

"You've seen the article then?" he said.

"Yes, I've read it, and it's fine. I already told you, we're both free and single so you can do what you want," I said loudly, causing Gary to look up.

"No, Jess, this is why I needed to talk to you about this," he said urgently. "This story is from a few weeks ago. Management have been trying to keep it quiet but she went to the press and they couldn't stop it. I don't want you to think this is something recent."

I sighed. "Whatever, Harry. It's nothing to do with me anyway."

He paused. "Please don't say that."

"Seriously, it's none of my business. It's not like I ever thought this was real or anything."

"Jess, please, I promise you this happened in Tokyo before I came home. I meant everything I said the other day. I don't want you to think I'm sleeping around over here and lying to you. I'm not like that."

"Tell it to someone who cares," I muttered, and hung up the phone.

Gary was staring at me with concern on his face. "Are you OK?" he asked.

I swallowed hard. "Fine," I said. "Fancy grabbing some lunch?"

He nodded and picked up his coat. Sarah looked up as we walked past her desk. "Are you OK Jess?" she asked.

"Not really," I said. "I'll see you in a bit."

I didn't look back as Gary and I left the office, walked through reception and down the steps onto the street. My phone buzzed in my hand, and I switched it off completely, without even looking at who was calling me. I knew it would be Harry.

"Where do you want to go?" Gary asked.

"Chilli & Lime?" I suggested, pointing to a cafe up the street. He nodded and we walked long the pavement together, Gary just behind me, guiding me with his hand on the small of my back. I heard the sound of a camera in front of me and looked up to see photographer pointing a camera in my direction, snapping away. I kept my face impassive, remembering Harry's words. Just ignore them, keep looking straight ahead. I fixed my gaze at the pavement and picked up my pace. We entered Chilli & Lime and quickly sat down at a table.

"What the hell's going on?" Gary asked under his breath, leaning towards me so we wouldn't be overheard.

I shook my head, feeling tears burning the backs of my eyes again.

"Oh shit, Jess, sorry," he muttered. He got the waitress's attention and ordered two cokes. "You don't have to tell me about it if you don't want to," he said.

"Harry's been shagging about on tour again," I said. "Not that it's anything to do with me. We're not official. But he rang me on Saturday and was spouting some shit about wanting to see me again and saying he liked me..." I trailed off.

"Fucking arsehole," Gary said. "Was that him on the phone before?"

"Yeah," I said. "Spouting more shit. Apparently it happened weeks ago in Tokyo, but the story's only just got out now because they couldn't stop it. Yeah right."

Gary looked at me. "Don't you believe him?"

I pulled a face. "Why would I? Two stories in one week? He's clearly at it every night with a different girl. And he seems to enjoy humiliating me in the process."

Gary was quiet for a moment. "What did he say about the girl from the other day?"

"Not a lot really. He'd seen the pictures of me and my brother, and then the ones of me and you, and thought I had a boyfriend. He wanted to have some fun, so he did."

"So he didn't deny it then?"

"No," I said, looking up at him. "Why do you ask?"

Gary fiddled with the edge of the menu. "Maybe he's telling the truth?"

"What?"

"Well, think about it. He was honest with you about the other girl. He took the trouble to call you about this one to explain. He obviously cares what you think, or why would he bother? Come on, he could have any girl he wants. Why would he persist with you if you were just another notch on his bed post? It doesn't make any sense."

"I... I..." I faltered. I didn't have an answer for this.

"Maybe you should hear him out properly, Jess," Gary suggested.

"I don't want to hear him out," I muttered.

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to be some stupid girl who falls for every lie that comes out of a guy's mouth," I said, my eyes filling with tears.

"But what if they're not lies?"

"And what if they are?"

"I just don't think it's fair to judge him when you don't know him. Not really."

"When did you get so wise?" I sniffed, wiping a tear off my cheek.

"I just don't want to see you get hurt," he said. "And right now I think you're hurting yourself more than he's hurting you. It sounds like there's a strong possibility he's done nothing wrong."

The waitress came over with our drinks and took our food orders. Outside the window I could see the photographer snapping more pictures.

"This is fucking ridiculous," I said. "Us having lunch is probably going to be all over the internet in about 5 minutes."

"Well it won't hurt Harry Styles to see that, will it?" Gary smiled.

"He said it pissed him off when he saw the pictures of us," I said.

"See? That backs up what I've been saying. Why would he say that if he didn't like you? Wait a minute... does that mean... Harry Styles was jealous of... me?"

I laughed. "Yeah, he said he was."

Gary fist pumped the air. "Yessss."

I shoved his arm, still laughing. "Idiot," I teased.

"At least it made you smile," he said, as the waitress brought our food over. "Come on, let's eat. And then you need to call him and hear him out."

We ate our lunch and chatted about other stuff, and after we'd finished I pulled my phone out of my bag and switched it on. It sang its little startup tune and I pulled some money out while I was waiting. "This one's on me," I said to Gary, "I owe you from the other day anyway." He started to protest but I waved my hand at him. "Call it payment for the advice. Or a settlement for damages from all the backlash on Twitter the other day." He rolled his eyes and nodded.

My phone pinged and I looked at it. 2 new messages from Harry Styles.

I opened up my messages.

From: Harry Styles: I can't believe you hung up on me.

From: Harry Styles: Please don't leave it like this. Switch your phone back on x

I thought for a moment, then another message came through from Harry as I was staring at the screen. I opened it up, and it was a screen shot of an article from the Daily Mail Showbiz. I tapped on the image to enlarge it. It was a very short article with the headline "HARRY STYLES' GIRLFRIEND COMFORTED BY PAL IN WAKE OF KISS & TELL RUMOURS". I couldn't see the full story as it was only a screen shot Harry had sent me, but I could just about make out the pictures. They were of me and Gary sitting in the cafe having lunch, one of me looking glum walking down the street with Gary's arm behind me, and the one of us kissing outside the tube last Friday. Underneath the picture message Harry had sent one word: "Seriously???"

Shit. The paparazzi moved bloody fast when they wanted to.

I felt miserable for a second, and my first reaction was to text Harry back to assure him nothing was going on. But before I had even started to type a message back, I felt anger rising in me. Who the hell was he to be cross about this completely innocent lunch date? He was the one who was plastered all over the internet for having sex with a stranger. I was perfectly entitled to have lunch with a friend if I wanted to. So what if it pissed Harry off in the process?

I went onto the Daily Mail app, my anger heating up by the second. The kiss and tell article about Harry was still the top story. I took a screen shot of that and sent it to him, with one word: "SERIOUSLY?????????"

Gary was watching me in amusement, and followed me as I threw the money on the table to cover the bill, grabbed my jacket and strode out of the restaurant. "You're kinda scary when you're pissed off, Jess," he said as he practically jogged behind me to keep up.

"Good," I said, forcefully. "I'm not taking shit off anyone, least of all Harry bloody Styles."

We arrived back at work with five minutes to spare. As we walked through reception I heard my phone ringing in my bag. I pulled it out. It was Harry. My heart lurched, and I hated myself all over again for the way he still made me feel.

"I can't talk, I'm due back at work," I snapped, as I answered it.

"I'm sorry," he said softly.

My stomach flipped over at the sound of his voice. Seriously, when was it going to stop doing that?

"What for?" I asked, pulling the door open to my office.

"For making you unhappy. But please believe me when I say this is old news. I promise it happened in Tokyo."

"Why are you so bothered about what I think?" I asked. "And what does it matter that I went for lunch with Gary? What the hell are you doing, sending me screen shots like that?" I sat down at my desk and logged back on to my laptop.

"I'm sorry," he said again. "I felt like I'd pushed you towards him and I was pissed off because you wouldn't let me explain."

"Whatever," I said. I could feel tears coming again.

"Do you believe me about the article?" he asked softly.

"I don't know," I said, my voice wavering. "Why is it so important to you that I do?"

"I keep telling you. I like you," he said.

"Don't get my hopes up, Harry," I whispered. "It's not fair."

"I can't control what the media says about me," he said. "All I can do is be honest with you. And I have been, all along."

"Is there anything else you want to warn me about?" I asked.

There was a pause. "No. I kissed a fan in Perth but it didn't go any further than a kiss, and I only did it because I was feeling shit after Nadine dumped me. I slept with that girl in Tokyo, then I came home and met you. Then I hooked up with the girl in the Philippines after I thought you weren't interested. I was seeing Nadine from November to February so if anything else comes out it's from before I was with her."

I didn't say anything, but stayed silent, staring at my One Direction pens.

"Are you still there?" Harry asked.

"No, I hung up," I said.

He chuckled, and then was quiet for a moment. Then he said, "You've got me interested Jess. I don't know how else to convince you. I meant what I said the other day."

I sighed. "I have to go, my lunch break is over."

"Call me when you get home?"

"I dunno," said. "Maybe. I have to go."

"OK. Sorry again, Jess."

"Bye," I said, and hung up without waiting for his response.

I switched my phone off so I wouldn't be tempted to check it every five minutes, and sat with my head in my hands. I'd been so happy on Saturday after I'd spoken to Harry on the phone, and now I was on the verge of tears. I just couldn't bring myself to believe that I was anything special to him. He'd been my idol for so long, and I couldn't control my feelings for him. I was terrified of making a fool of myself and getting hurt, and what made it worse was the media following every second of it. I wasn't even his girlfriend, but already the press had decided I was. They seemed to enjoy plastering his activities all over the internet, and showing the world my reaction to them. I knew people would believe we were a couple, and believe that he had cheated on me, and therefore I would be a laughing stock if I was seen out with him again. I didn't think I could face that level of attention when I wasn't sure how to deal with my own feelings. But at the same time, I craved him. I wanted nothing more than to kiss his lips, touch his skin, and for him to hold me in his arms. Did that make me a mug?

Don't answer that.