When they left the city in the dust, Arubi asked, "Where did you get the money?" His partner didn't have such a bag when they arrived.

"I borrowed it."

"From who?" The rabbit lifted his left eyebrow.

"A good friend of mine."

Arubi sighed, for only one person he called "a good friend": The Old Goat, and by "borrowed" he meant "without permission".

"Don't be so pessimistic," Kairo said, reading the answer in Arubi's crossed paws. "Soon we'll be filthy rich." He winked.

"More like filthy from the sand," the rabbit murmured and shook off the dust from his fur.

"Aren't you a sissy?"

"I wanna see you trying to look decent when you are all white. I have a delicate fur, you know!" His fur-fect fur of the finest quality needed proper care. "I'm not some wild hare!"

Kairo giggled, for he loved to tease his friend. He flicked with the reins, telling the desert raccoon to quicken its pace, which didn't happen as this one was lazier.

¯\_(^_^)_/¯

Far away from them was a prominent, tall structure, reaching to the sky where the fearsome Bandit Goro lived. On the tip in the round tower, sat a dog, missing his head fur based on his tightened bandanna.

He watched the endless horizon with half-lidded eyes. How dull, he thought. Nothing interesting ever happens here. He scratched his bottom. We had only ten bounty hunters, three door-to-door salesmen offering anti-flood insurance, and a group of three girl scouts selling robo-cookies this month.

The dog stretched his body using the downward dog position he excelled in. At least we had an international tournament in hopscotch for elders. That was fun. He remained in the yoga position for a few moments before he sighed and looked through his kaleidoscope. It had two stones inside, but nothing could lift his mood more than the repeated patterns. He winked and squinted as it seemed something clouded his vision of the perfect boredom.

He put the kaleidoscope away and used the plain telescope. Huh? Was the desert always so small? He pondered for a few moments before he noticed he watched through the wrong end. Clouds of sand rose above the monotonous horizon.

He murmured, "Not another idiot." He turned around, lifted the lid of a long tube and barked, "Hey, Boss, we have the usual!"

"What usual?" a voice echoed back.

"The usual-usual."

A grumble reached his floppy ears, and the pipe-line became silent. Several long minutes later, the Big Boss Goro entered the scene with a bang. His head hit the low ceiling of the connecting passage. He rubbed the sore place, climbing the ladder.

"Hey, Boss, this story is PG-14, so don't start cursing."

"Sheesh, freaking Association of Twelve Fathers," Goro mumbled and took the telescope to check on the situation. No matter how much the red ogre Oni with two small horns stared, he couldn't see the sand clouds.

"Boss." The thief tugged at the tiger skin Goro wore around his extra-wide waist. "It's that way." The dog pointed his hand at the horizon.

"I know!" Goro barked with purpleness on his cheeks. "I checked if you were paying attention!" This time he verified somebody was coming. "Good!" He grinned and returned the telescope, turning away. "Time to call Feeble Boys into action!" He dived into the corridor, meeting the edge of the opening.

The dog thief shook his head. Only thanks to barely audible curses this story could remain PG-14.

¯\_(^_^)_/¯

"Their lair should be deep into the desert behind the third L-shaped dune on your right," Arubi informed, sitting in the trailer behind Kairo.

"How did you figure that one?" The boy peeked over his right shoulder.

Arubi lowered the book he read. "In The Bounty Hunter's Guide to Space." He returned the book into his sack.

"By the way,"—Kairo turned to face the sandy road—"what do you have in that bag anyway?" He had the feeling a magician could jump out any second now.

"Ah, the usual." The rabbit laid down. "Carrots, leeks, kiseru, teddy bear, nightcap, a rabbit's foot—"

"Rabbit's foot?" Kairo barked. "Don't you have your own?" His eyes widened as he pivoted around.

Arubi jerked his body to sit up. "But I need these; I can't hang them on the door or have them in my pockets!" He threw his paws into the air.

Kairo's eyebrow twitched, but he turned around, facing the sandy terrain. Another uneventful hour went by until they spotted the tip of the bandit's lair, reaching for the sky.

Arubi spurted, sitting next to Kairo. "Go to the left!"

"What for? It's in front of us!" Kairo frowned.

"Because—!"

Their vehicle jerked, and Kairo fell, landing on araguma's thick butt. His partner fell flat on his face.

"What happened?" Kairo lifted his upper body, feeling the soft fur beneath him.

"The reason to turn left!" Arubi barked, stomping with his leg. "This is a quicksand!"

Kairo's eyes almost fell out of sockets as his brain processed the information. "Oh, crap!" He dug his heels into the raccoon's tail. "We have to get... out?" His head tilted to the side as his voice died out.

The desert raccoon purred as it burrowed its head into the liquid sand. Kairo leaned more to the side, stretching his neck to the maximum. In a flash, a thick tail whipped him, sending him into the wagon together with his partner.

The animal took out a bathroom brush, scratching its whole body.

Arubi jabbed Kairo's left shoulder. "You see," he hissed behind his chattering teeth. "The desert raccoons love to bath in quicksand. We won't get it out for hours!"

"Fine!" Kairo snarled. "Where's the problem? It's close anyway."

He got up, dusting his butt. Then he used his wagasa umbrella to fetch his hat that landed in the sand. When he got ready, he spared one more look at the raccoon. The answer how it got out of the harness eluded him, but if it could perform water ballet in the quicksand, anything was possible.

His partner sat on his usual space on his head, and the boy opened the umbrella to make a shadow, letting his straw hat lay on his back. Kairo didn't doubt they would reach the lair in less than ten or fifteen minutes even if they would stop for a pee break.

The badlands were famous for mirages of wells or oases. One travel agency tried to make money from taking people to witness it, but finding the right spot for sightseeing proved problematic, and it required for the tourist to be dehydrated.

It went south when people complained about the too hot weather, wrong shapes of dunes, or sand between one's toes. One tourist-pedant wrote a complaint based on the improper size of the sand grains.

Kairo would be happy for a fake well as that would be better than a mirage of the distance.

"Are we there yet?" Arubi asked, sprawled on Kairo's head.

"Argh! You are asking for the fifth time already!"

"Seventh time!"

"Whatever!" the boy barked. "Who could think their lair is that big!" He put the umbrella away, tilting his head back. Kairo wiped the sweat from his forehead when he heard shouting.

"Fresh lemonade! Ice! Cold! Lemonade!"

Arubi's ears twitched, and they glanced toward a small stall in the lair's shadow, offering drinks. It belonged to a jackal with an eye-patch over his left eye.

As they came closer, they noticed his dirty clothes that remembered better times in the last millennium. Holes and patches littered the tablecloth, and one corner was missing. The table wasn't any better, with two of its legs supported by magazines. Without a doubt, this shop had five black stars in rankings from all customers.

"Dear travelers," the jackal welcomed them, rubbing his paws. "Is the thirst haunting you? Do you hanker after a drink?" He spread his arms to show his hardly washed glasses full of yellowish liquid. "You are at the right place! Everything is made from fresh Ersatz goods!"

"Fresh ones?" Kairo lifted his eyebrow.

"Yes, yes!" The jackal nodded, his ears flopping back and forth. "No freezing, no added water, no food additives, no intermediate goods, and no repacking! All the Ersatz goods are freshly made to be served just on time!"

Arubi's sense tingled, warning him something wasn't right. His paws became too tired from doing nothing, he couldn't point at what it was.

Kairo was suspicious about the quality, but his dry throat convinced him. "Fine, I'll take one glass."

"That'll be twenty gold coins." The jackal beamed.

"That's robbery!" the boy hollered, throwing his arms in the air.

A sinister gleam sparkled in the jackal's eye. "You are standing in front of the thievish lair with the thievish shop with thievish prices! What have you expected? A tiny umbrella at the top?"

Kairo's eyes twitched. This guy had some nerves, and his laughter was a pain to listen to.

"But since you are here..." The shop owner reached inside of his big sack under the table. "What about one freshly cut head?" he howled and jumped into the air.

Kairo snorted, stepped back and a well-aimed kick made the thief a few teeth lighter. His body flew far into the desert. The boy counted three somersaults before the jackal face planted in the dune. It wasn't his personal record, but it felt awesome to be in good condition.

"Mom told me to never believe in frisbees." He dusted his palms.

Arubi only shook his head, shooing his tingling sense. Once more and his ears would start ringing.

Kairo took one glass and sipped the contents, but spat it out. "Bleh, it's disgusting!" He wiped his mouth. "He was right. This is the thievish shop." He put the glass back and continued along the wall to find the entrance. A duo of guards waited for him, standing next to a big door.

"That wasn't nice!" a half-stark guard said.

"Our friend only tried to keep our traditions alive! How could you be so cruel?" a half-bald guard added. They looked like street dogs, but they actually were street mutts. Their furs were felted, needing hours of grooming along with patches for their shorts.

"Oops," Kairo only cheeped, scratching on his cheek. "It's a reflex. My bad."

"Apology accepted." The half-stark guard nodded. "It's our own custom, and we strive to spread it around the world."

The half-bald guard added, "We want to be the most original Band of Bandits under The Moon."

"You meant under The Sun, right?" Arubi asked, getting ahead of his tingling sensation.

Kairo wagged his index finger with a side smirk. "Non, non, my dear friend, criminals work only during the night."

"Oui, oui, finally we have here an educated civilian." The half-bald guard had a tear in his eye.

The other rubbed his hands. "Let's get to the formalities, shall we?"

They nodded at each other.

The right one spread his arms. "If you value your things..." He moved the left one toward Kairo.

"... give us your life!" finished the other with spread legs.

The silence was deafening, but it might have been the ringing in Arubi's ears. The rabbit face-paw himself. This was just one of those days.

"Excuse me," Kairo said in a hushed voice. "I don't want to tell you your job, but that didn't sound quite right." The guards looked at each other, scratching the other's fleas.

"Huh? Really?" They tilted their heads. It made puppies cute; they looked stupid.

"Did we skip something?" The half-stark guard took out a small note from his holey pocket. The bandits squinted, trying to read the text. It took them a while to realize neither of them knew how to read.

Kairo cleared his throat. "Let me show you." The boy took a deep breath and shouted, "If we value our lives, let's step away!" He smiled like a Cheshire cat.

The guards blinked and hid behind a curtain to hold a special meeting. The cover moved as they gestured their ideas. Before they finished, Kairo took three snoozes.

"Are you making fun of us?" the half-bald guard shouted, waking up the napping boy.

"Do you know who we are?" Steam of clouds escaped from their ears.

"Useless Character A and B," Arubi answered as he peeked into the script he snatched from the writer. He sighed and let the writer take it back to prevent any more spoilers.

The guards froze on the spot, and then they hugged each other, crying a river. "Mom told us we'll never make it far!" Their heartbreaking cry scared vultures miles away. "Mommy!" they shouted in unison, running into the desert.

"Now, that was scary," mumbled Kairo, shivering.

Arubi's ears flopped. His young eyes weren't ready and rubbed them, getting out the sand. Yeah, he really needed to buy a cucumber to place slices on his eyes later.

Kairo kicked the door open, and a loud echo returned many times. The courtyard was big with tunnels along its sides. Large containers stood at the opposite end behind a very thick pipe that seemed to go through the whole building.

Kairo scanned the opening before he put hands in pockets and moved forward. His steps created a silent reverberation, and his eyes glanced movements in the shadows. A sideways smirk appeared on the boy's face. The best part was about to begin.

The door closed with a roar.

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