Okay okay look I know y'all hate Garmadon

So I am going to rewrite him

Kinda

Well he'll have all his memories and stuff but he's gonna be ridiculous

Like he can't find his Christophern in the middle of the night

And he calls his poor son

Lol

" LLOYD MY CHRISTOFERN IS GOOOOOONE!" Garmadon wailed on the phone.

Lloyd groaned, pressing the phone closer to his ear while stifling a yawn. "Dad, it’s two in the morning," he muttered, his voice groggy. "Can we please look for your plant tomorrow? Plants don’t exactly have legs."

On the other end of the line, Garmadon’s voice was a mixture of panic and drama. "How dare you say that, Lloyd! Christofern is more than just a plant! He’s my companion! My soulmate! And now he’s GOOOOONE!"

Lloyd pinched the bridge of his nose and glanced at the clock. He was tempted to hang up but knew better than to leave his father mid-crisis. "Okay, fine," he said, sitting up in bed. "Did you... I don’t know, maybe move it somewhere? Plants don’t just vanish, Dad."

Garmadon let out a loud, overly dramatic sigh. "Lloyd, do you think I’m so incompetent that I’d misplace the most important thing in my life?"

Lloyd blinked. "I mean…"

"Don’t answer that!" Garmadon interrupted. "I searched everywhere! The living room, the kitchen, the laundry room... even the bathroom! But Christofern isn’t anywhere to be found!"

Lloyd frowned, now slightly more awake. "Wait. Why would Christofern be in the bathroom?"

"Don’t question my methods!" Garmadon snapped. "The point is, he’s gone! Stolen, no doubt by some nefarious fiend jealous of his beauty!"

Lloyd sighed. "Dad, who would even want to steal a houseplant?"

Garmadon gasped as if Lloyd had insulted him to his core. "HOW DARE YOU?! Christofern isn’t just a houseplant! He’s a rare species that requires tender care and a superior intellect to appreciate!"

Lloyd, now lying back down and rubbing his temple, muttered, "Or maybe someone just needed an extra salad."

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Garmadon roared, his voice echoing through the phone.

"Nothing, Dad!" Lloyd quickly backpedaled, biting back a laugh. "Okay, okay, I’ll come by in the morning, and we’ll look for Christofern. Just… try to get some sleep, okay?"

Garmadon sniffled. "Sleep? How can I sleep knowing my precious Christofern is out there, alone and vulnerable? What if he’s cold, Lloyd? What if he’s scared?"

Lloyd closed his eyes, now fully regretting answering the phone. "He’s a plant, Dad. He’s probably just… sitting somewhere, photosynthesizing or something. He’ll be fine."

But Garmadon wasn’t convinced. "You don’t understand, Lloyd. You’ve never experienced the bond between a man and his foliage!"

Lloyd groaned, already regretting his life choices. "Alright, Dad. I’ll come first thing tomorrow, okay?"

"You promise?"

"Yes, Dad. I promise."

"Swear it on your elemental power!"

Lloyd rolled his eyes. "Fine. I swear it. Now go to bed."

"Very well," Garmadon replied, his tone slightly calmer. "But if we don’t find him tomorrow, I’m holding a vigil. Goodnight, Lloyd." And with that, the line went dead.

Lloyd tossed the phone onto his nightstand and groaned into his pillow. "Christofern, of all things," he muttered before finally drifting back to sleep.

Ten minutes later, Lloyd’s phone buzzed again. He blindly reached for it, squinting at the screen. The name Dad glowed brightly, and Lloyd let out a deep, exasperated groan.

He answered with a tired, “Dad… what now?”

Garmadon’s voice was frantic. “Lloyd! I can’t find my bed!”

Lloyd sat up abruptly, rubbing his face in disbelief. “What do you mean you can’t find your bed? Did someone steal that too?”

“I’m serious!” Garmadon snapped. “I’ve searched everywhere! The living room, the kitchen, the laundry room… even the bathroom!”

Lloyd sighed, déjà vu washing over him. “Why do you keep checking the bathroom for things that don’t belong there?”

“Because sometimes you leave things where you least expect them!” Garmadon defended. “I’m telling you, Lloyd, my bed has disappeared! It’s a conspiracy! First Christofern, now this!”

“Dad,” Lloyd said as calmly as he could manage, “are you sure you’re not on your bed right now?”

There was a brief silence on the other end. Then came the unmistakable sound of shuffling, followed by a sharp intake of breath. “I KNEW IT!” Garmadon shouted. “Someone’s replaced my bed with a decoy! This mattress is far too firm to be mine!”

Lloyd fell back against his pillow, groaning into the receiver. “Dad… it’s two in the morning. Maybe you’re just… overtired?”

“I don’t get overtired, Lloyd,” Garmadon declared. “I’m a warlord! But even warlords need proper sleep, and without my bed—”

“Have you tried lying down on it?” Lloyd cut in, trying to keep his tone even.

“I’m not an idiot, Lloyd! Of course, I tried lying on it! And it feels wrong! There’s no... Garmadon groove! My bed has a specific groove, and this isn’t it!”

“Maybe the groove… shifted?” Lloyd suggested weakly, already knowing this conversation was going nowhere productive.

“That’s not how grooves work, Lloyd!” Garmadon snapped. “This is an outrage! I demand justice!”

Lloyd stared at the ceiling, debating whether to hang up or throw his phone across the room. “Okay, Dad, here’s what we’ll do. In the morning, I’ll come over, and we’ll solve the mystery of the missing groove. Deal?”

“Deal,” Garmadon grumbled. “But if I wake up with back pain, you’ll be hearing about it!”

“Can’t wait,” Lloyd mumbled, hanging up before Garmadon could continue.

As he sank back into bed, Lloyd muttered to himself, “Next time, let it go to voicemail.”

Two minutes later, the phone buzzed again. Lloyd peeked at the screen, saw Dad flashing once more, and decisively turned over, letting it ring.

But Garmadon was persistent.

The phone buzzed again. Then again. And again.

By the tenth call, Lloyd snatched the phone, practically hissing, “What, Dad?!”

“Lloyd!” Garmadon’s voice was an urgent whisper, like he was sharing classified information. “I can’t find my glasses!”

Lloyd blinked, stunned into silence. “…Your glasses?”

“Yes! They’ve vanished! I’ve looked everywhere! Under the bed—oh, wait, no bed groove, forgot about that—behind the curtains, even inside the fridge! They’re gone!”

“Dad…” Lloyd started slowly, pinching the bridge of his nose, “you don’t even wear glasses.”

There was a pause.

“Oh,” Garmadon said, his tone vaguely disappointed. “Well, that explains why I couldn’t find them.”

Lloyd exhaled sharply, his patience wearing thinner than paper. “Dad, it’s the middle of the night. Can you please go to bed—fake groove or not—and stop calling me?”

“But Lloyd,” Garmadon whined, “what if I need glasses and just forgot I had them? That’s possible, right?”

“No, it’s not,” Lloyd groaned. “Goodnight, Dad.”

He hung up, tossed his phone on the nightstand, and buried his face in the pillow. Just as he was drifting off, the phone buzzed again.

Lloyd didn’t even look at it this time. “Voicemail,” he muttered, rolling over.

From the other side of the phone, Garmadon muttered to himself. “Maybe Lloyd stole my glasses… or… perhaps the fridge is hiding more secrets than I thought…”

Two minutes later, Lloyd heard the unmistakable creak of his door opening. Groaning, he cracked one eye open to see a shadowy figure standing in the doorway, draped in what could only be described as… reaper clothes?

“Dad?” Lloyd asked, sitting up slightly. “What are you wearing?”

Garmadon shuffled into the room, the long black robes swishing dramatically. “I couldn’t find my grandkids, Lloyd,” he declared, his voice full of urgency.

Lloyd blinked. “...Grandkids? Dad, I’m not even married.”

Garmadon waved a hand dismissively. “Details, details. I had a dream about them, Lloyd. A vision! There were two small ones—one with spiky hair, like Kai, and another who glared at me exactly like you do. I’m positive they’re real, and now they’re missing! We must find them.”

Lloyd groaned, flopping back onto the bed. “Dad, you dreamed them up. There are no grandkids. Go home.”

Garmadon wasn’t deterred. He paced the room, his robe trailing behind him. “Are you sure? Maybe you forgot to tell me about them. Or maybe you lost them!”

“Lost them?” Lloyd’s voice rose an octave. “Dad, how would I even—no! Just—no!”

Garmadon sighed dramatically, his arms spreading wide. “Well, this is concerning. If you don’t have grandkids yet, Lloyd, what am I supposed to do with the tiny weapons I bought? They’re very small! Very sharp!”

Lloyd’s jaw dropped. “Tiny weapons?! What were you—” He cut himself off with a deep breath. “You know what? I’m going back to sleep. If you’re still here in five minutes, you’re grounded.”

“I’m an evil warlord, Lloyd,” Garmadon shot back, clearly offended. “You can’t ground me.”

“Watch me,” Lloyd muttered, turning over and pulling the blanket over his head.

“Fine,” Garmadon huffed, adjusting his robes. “But when you do find my future grandkids, remember this conversation.” He shuffled dramatically out the door, muttering about ungrateful sons.

Lloyd sighed into his pillow. “I’m never having kids…”

An hour later, Lloyd was jolted awake by the sound of his door slamming open.

“LLOYD!” Garmadon bellowed, his voice shaking the walls. “Bloody murder! MISAKO IS GONE!”

Lloyd bolted upright, heart pounding. “What? Gone? What happened?”

“I can’t find her anywhere!” Garmadon wailed, clutching his reaper robes dramatically. “She’s vanished into thin air! I’ve checked the entire house—the kitchen, the library, the attic—and nothing! She’s been kidnapped! Or worse, she’s left me for that tea-loving monk again!”

Lloyd groaned, running a hand over his face. “Dad, it’s three in the morning. Mom’s probably asleep in her room.”

“She’s not there! I checked!” Garmadon insisted, pacing frantically. “Do you think Wu has a spare room? Maybe she’s hiding there! Oh, the betrayal!”

“Dad, stop.” Lloyd got out of bed, clearly fed up. “First of all, Mom doesn’t even like tea that much. Second, she’s not with Wu, okay? Let me guess, did you even check the garden?”

“The garden?” Garmadon paused mid-rant. “Why would she be in the garden at this hour?”

“Because she goes there when she can’t sleep,” Lloyd said, pulling on his slippers. “You’d know that if you actually paid attention.”

Garmadon gasped in mock offense. “I do pay attention! I just didn’t think to check—” He froze, suddenly looking sheepish. “Well… I might have overlooked the garden.”

Lloyd sighed and trudged past him. “Let’s check, and if she’s not there, then we panic.”

As they stepped outside, sure enough, there was Misako, peacefully meditating under the moonlight with a cup of tea in her hand. She looked up calmly as the two approached, Garmadon flailing in his reaper robes.

“Misako!” Garmadon shouted. “You’re alive!”

Misako blinked. “Of course I’m alive. What are you doing out here in the middle of the night, shouting like a lunatic?”

“I thought you were gone! You didn’t leave a note!” Garmadon fell to his knees dramatically. “I was ready to march into the Underworld itself to bring you back!”

Misako gave Lloyd a weary look. “He’s been watching too many dramas again, hasn’t he?”

Lloyd nodded, rubbing his temples. “I’m going back to bed. Good luck with this, Mom.”

As Lloyd walked away, Garmadon leaned closer to Misako, clutching his chest. “I was so worried. Please don’t leave me for my brother. I’ll learn to love tea if that’s what it takes!”

Misako sipped her tea and smirked. “Maybe start by learning to find your glasses, dear. You’ve been wearing them on your head all night.”

ChatGPT can make mistake