Hiya DumbassWriter17

Dis for you

Here's the Crackfic you wanted

Also this is in a timeline where Unagami isn't your husband

Mia grabbed Annie by the waist and set the gun square on the boy's head. " One move and you're gone." Mia growled

Emma blinked. " Mia, what did he do?!"

" He tried to take Annie." Mia growled back.

" M... Mia..." Annie stuttered. " Let him go. He's not the enemy."

" How can I be sure?"

The boy gulped, his hands up in surrender as Mia kept the gun trained on his forehead. "H-Hey, let’s not do anything drastic—"

"Drastic?!" Mia’s grip tightened around Annie’s waist, her eyes narrowing. "You tried to take her, you creep!"

Annie, still dangling in Mia’s grasp, awkwardly waved her hands. "Mia, put me down! He’s not a villain!"

Mia didn’t budge. "Oh yeah? Then who is he?"

Emma sighed, rubbing her temples. "Okay, okay, let’s just— Mia, put the gun down."

Mia didn’t move. The boy gave a nervous chuckle. "Y-Yeah, listen to the reasonable one!"

Mia’s eyes twitched. "Oh, you’re funny. You think I won’t pull the trigger?"

The boy paled. "… I would really prefer if you didn’t."

"Mia," Annie pleaded, "he’s my cousin."

Silence.

Mia blinked. Then slowly, slowly turned her head toward Annie. "… Excuse me?"

Annie laughed nervously. "Hahaha… surprise?"

Mia stared at her, then at the boy. Then back at Annie.

Then she shoved her gun into her belt, dropped Annie unceremoniously on the ground, and crossed her arms.

"Well, why didn’t you say so?"

The boy let out a breath of relief, brushing imaginary dust off his clothes. "Geez, you really need to chill—"

Mia immediately pulled out a knife and threw it at his feet.

The boy yelped and jumped back. "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!"

Mia smirked. "Just making sure you can dodge."

Annie groaned, still lying on the floor. Emma sighed. "Yeah, okay, we’re never letting Mia handle interrogations again."

Then Mia pulled out her bow and nocked an arrow, her sharp gaze never leaving the boy. "One wrong move, and I fire."

The boy yelped. "WHOA—WHY ARE YOU STILL THREATENING ME?!"

Annie groaned, getting up from the ground. "Mia, he's ten. And he's my cousin. Ease up!"

Mia raised an eyebrow. "And? Evil doesn’t have an age limit, Annie."

Emma facepalmed. "Mia, for the love of all things normal, put the bow down!"

The boy, now visibly sweating, slowly raised his hands again. "I… I swear I’m just here to visit Annie!"

Mia squinted at him, then at Annie. "You sure about that? He kinda looks like he could be an undercover villain."

The boy gasped. "I’M TEN—WHAT UNDERCOVER VILLAIN?!"

Annie stomped over, grabbed Mia’s bow, and yanked it down. "Mia. No."

Mia huffed, reluctantly lowering the weapon. "Fine. But I’m watching you, kid." She pointed two fingers at her eyes, then at him.

The boy groaned, slumping against Annie. "Why is your friend like this?"

Annie sighed, patting his shoulder. "Mia has issues."

Emma snorted. "Understatement of the century."

Unfortunately she wasn't done

Mia, still unconvinced, pulled out her katana with a dramatic shing.

The poor boy took one look at the gleaming blade, let out the most high-pitched scream ever heard, and bolted.

"AHHHHHH! ANNIE, CONTROL YOUR FRIENDS!" he screeched, nearly tripping over his own feet as he sprinted for dear life.

Annie groaned. "MIA!"

Mia shrugged, flipping the katana effortlessly in her hand. "What? I was just testing his reflexes."

Emma facepalmed. "You traumatized the kid!"

Annie sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "He’s gonna tell my whole family I have a psychotic friend."

Mia grinned. "Then I did my job."

Emma threw her hands in the air. "You cannot be real."