22

Dalawang buwan magmula noong uli naming pag uusap ni Trey sa parke. Kinabukasan ng gabing iyon ay nag check-out na sila at umuwi sa Pilipinas. I lost contact, I mean, I never heard anything about him after. And so, for two months I was simply haunted by how devastated he looked during our last moments together under the snow. Paulit ulit kong binabalikan iyon, iniisip kung sakaling iba ang naging desisyon ko, posible kayang hindi na ako ganito kamiserable ngayon?

I smiled bitterly. For the nth time Illea, you are late. I guess, no one is really meant for me, huh? Kahit kailan ay walang nananatili dahil wala naman talagang nakatakdang manatili. It's just my fate. I am forever condemned to break and hurt because I cause a great deal of pain to the people around me. Tanggap ko na ito na nga ang parusa ko.

The cold morning air blew and I turned my back to gather my luggage. I fixed my trench coat before going out of my room. Nakita ko si Luke na karga karga ni Mama. Her fac was blotchy and red from crying when she saw me. Agad niya akong sinubukang abutin kaya ibinaba ko ang maleta ko.

"Mama, wag ka alis," she cried. Binuhat ko siya bago ko hinalikan ang kanyang matabang pisngi. Her brown eyes turned sadder as she tries to control her tears.

"Baby, sandali lang si Mama doon."

"Wag ka alis Ma," aniya sabay yakap sa aking leeg. I looked at Mama to ask for help but she just smiled. Hinaplos ko ang likod ni Luke para patahanin siya sa pag iyak niya.

"Mama will just stay there for a week, honey. Uuwi din ako agad. And once I get home, we will eat your favorite blueberry cheesecake, I promise," I told her. She looked at me before scratching her cheeks. Suminghot pa siya ng kaunti habang nakatingin lamang sa akin.

"Berry cake?" she cutely said. Pinisil ko ang kanyang pisngi sabay tango.

"Yup, blueberry cheesecake Luke," I corrected her. She finally smiled and let go of my neck. Doon ay inabot ko na siya kay Mama na naghihintay lamang sa amin.

"Mga ilang araw ka ba sa Pilipinas?" she asked me. Iniupo niya si Luke sa mat bago ito binigyan ng laruan.

"Three to five days Ma. I'll just close the deal with IAF Furnitures para sa itatayong hotel nila Rome sa Siargao. Uuwi din agad ako dito pag natapos iyon," I answered. Mama sighed before looking at Luke.

"And..you won't meet Terrence there?" she asked. Natigilan ako bago malungkot na umiling.

"Ma.."

"Can't you just look at your sister Illea? Masaya na si Ianna dahil pinaglaban niya si Rome—"

"Ma!" medyo tumaas na ang aking boses. Luke stopped playing and stared at me too. Alanganin kong nginitian si Mama bago ako lumapit sa kanya. Mama sighed before fixing my scarf, her eyes being shadowed by sadness that I know too well.

"Think of your daughter Illea. You could actually give her a complete family if you would just throw your fear. Lumalaki na si Lucille, anak, at balang araw hahanapin din niya ang ama niya," she reminded me. I looked at my daughter who was playing her favorite elephant toy. Tiny needles started pricking my heart as I stare at her. The words of my mother slowly sinking in me but I just can't muster the strength to accept it.

I will never be able to forget Trey's betrayal. You just don't simply forget. You might forget the event, yes, but you will never forget how shattered you felt. How worthless you were. How you will never be enough.

I just don't want my daughter to go through that same pain.

Mama touched my cheeks before giving me a small kiss, "Pag isipan mo Illea. At kung hindi mo talaga kayang magdesisyon ngayon, nandyan naman palagi ang Papa mo para sayo. Tandaan mo yan, anak."

Isang tipid na ngiti na lamang ang binigay ko kay Mama bilang sagot. I kissed Luke for the last time before I went out. Sinalubong ako ng driver ng hotel para maihatid ako sa airport. Habang ipinapasok niya ang gamit ko sa trunk ng sasakyan ay paulit ulit kong naririnig iyong boses ni Mama sa aking isip.

Pa, bakit ganon? Nasaktan na nga ako lahat lahat pero bakit hindi pa rin sapat? Ginagawa ko ito kasi ayaw ko Pa, napagod na ako na palagi na lang ako ang nadudurog pero bakit parang ako pa rin ang mali?

I've tried building walls around me to be safe but it seems that the real problem is inside me. At kahit na gaano pa katibay ng pader na nakapalibot sa akin, masisira at masisira pa rin ako dahil ako mismo...iyong bulok. Tama ba Pa?

No matter how strong I might look on the outside, I would still crumble on the inside. My walls will never hold because the foundation of my soul is already beyond repair. Sa ilang beses ko nang nasaktan, hindi na yata ako maayos pa.

Hindi na ako maayos ahil iyong taong akala kong mananatili sa tabi ko ay hindi na naman ako pinili. Damn.

After the long hours of flight, I've arrived at the Philippines, particulary sa Siargao. I was still groggy considering I was not able to sleep at all. Thought were bugging me during the flight. Para akong naglalaro ng alis taya, yun nga lang, ang taya ay ako at ang pusta ay kung kakausapin ko si Terrence.

I don't know why I am considering this. For the past two months, I was actually thinking of telling him about Luke, about what I saw in his condo pero palagi akong kinakain ng takot. What if he would take Luke away from me dahil totoong sila ni Tarrah? Or what if he denies my claim, would I be able to believe him? Would I actually trust him again?

Nakarating ako sa construction site ng hotel nila Rome na lutang. I was directed to my office where I ate my breakfast. Mabuti na lamang at kahit papaano ay may pribado akong banyo kaya nakaligo ako bago ako tumulak para sa meeting ko with IAF.

With my hair wrapped in a towel, I rummaged through my things. I opted for a red v-neck three fourths chiffon blouse and a black pencil skirt. I formed my hair into a bun before putting a very light make up. Pinaresan ko lamang ito ng black and gold thin belt and I am officialy ready. Suot suot ang aking five inched nude stilettos, lumabas na ako para sa meeting.

It was a short drive from the hotel to IAF Furnitures. Akala ko ay sasakay pa kami ng bangka dahil baka sa kabilang isla pa sila. Mabuti na lamang at taga rito rin sila. Atleast, I don't have to endure the heat if ever.

I've arrived at IAF Furnitures thirty minutes earlier than our scheduled meeting. The valet opened the door for me and I was greeted by a 90s style building. Sa tantya ko ay hanggang pitong palapag lamang sila, hindi kalakihan sa mga nakasanayan kong building. Their walls were painted eggshell white with black rimmed glass windows. Sa bungad ay nakalagay ang mga letrang IAF FURNITURES in silver plated letters.

Dumiretsyo ako sa reception noong makapasok. The woman smiled at me as I presented her my identification card.

"Goodmorning, I'm Illea Yturralde, general manager of Bellisimas Hotel. I'm here for an appointment with Mrs. Dorothy Lagdameo," anas ko. Tumango ang receptionist bago kinuha ang aking ID.

"For a while Ma'am," aniya bago may tinipa sa kanyang computer. A few moments later ay muli niya akong hinarap.

"My apologies Miss Yturralde, but Mrs. Lagdameo is unavailable at this moment. She had an emergency at home," sagot nito sa akin. Bumagsak ang aking balikat sa narinig. Kung ganoon ay madedelay ako? I just want this to finish para makauwi na ako kay Luke!

"Mga anong oras siya babalik?"

"Nag file po siya ng indefinite leave Ma'am."

I bit my lips with what I heard. Huminga na lamang ako ng malalim bago sumusukong tumango noong magsalita muli ang receptionist.

"But the chairman of the board is available Ma'am. He's willing to meet you at his office, if you would like," she informed. Iyong lungkot ko kanina ay biglang nawala sa narinig. Yes! Gosh, Luke uuwi talaga ako pagkatapos nito!

"Yes, please. Thank you," I answered. Tumango lamang ang receptionist bago ako sinamahan sa opisina ng kanilang chairman.

Noong makarating kami sa opisina noong chairman ay magalang na umalis iyong receptionist. The chairman's secretary called on the intercom to announce my arrival. A swift and authoritative voice boomed from the office before the secretary opened the doors for me.

"Thank you," I said. A large back of a man who was busy designing a rattan furniture first came into view. His muscles moved as if they were orchestrated to follow a sexy harmony while he bends the fiber of the rattan to form the skeleton of a sofa looking furniture.

Tumikhim ako para ianunsyo ang presensya ko. The man took a knife and cut a rattan thread before facing me. Noong makita ko siya ay parang nalulon ko ang lahat ng hangin sa aking katawan.

He grinned at me before tucking the knife on his back pocket. Inilang hakbang lamang niya ang pagitan naming dalawa bago niya inilahad ang palad sa akin.

"Terrence Fortalejo III, Miss Yturralde," pakilala niya na parang tanga. My mouth hung open as I stare at him dumbfounded. Pinasadahan niya ng tingin ang suot ko bago tumikwas ang kanyang kilay noong bumaba ang mata niya sa suot kong skirt.

"Please, have a seat," aniya noong hindi pa rin ako gumagalaw sa aking kinatatayuan. My chest was hammering as I look at him. How come he is here? Hindi ba't..pero..fuck!

Inikot ko ang mga mata ko sa paligid ng opisina niya p[ara humanap ng kumpirmasyon na siya nga ang chairman n kumpanya na ito noong makuha ng disenyo ng kanyang pader ang aking atensyon.

In a glass cage, three red Easton 2318 arrows were beautifully encased. Humakbang ako palapit sa mga iyon dahil mukhang pamilyar sa akin ang mga pana. I would know if my hunch is right. I have a customize set of arrows for my bow. Kung tama ang aking hinala—

"Illea!" Trey called me. Nilapitan niya ako at hinila bago ko pa man tuluyang malapitan iyong mga pana.

"Was that..." I said, looking at the arrows plastered on his office's wall. Namula siya bago ako hinila palayo. Halos mabali naman ang leeg ko kakatingin doon sa pader niya.

"Those were my arrows," I whispered. His cheeks burned before pushing me to the chair.

"Shut up, Illea" medyo iritado niyang sabi. Naiwan ang mga mata ko sa pana bago ko siya muling tiningnan.

Nakayuko lamang siya, nagbabasa ng mga papeles habang iyong leeg at pisngi niya ay bahagyang namumula. Hindi ko napigilan iyong ngiti ko habang siya ay hindi makatingin sa akin.

"Should I..display your boxing gloves too?" I teased. He rolled his eyes before slamming the papers he was reading on the table.

"God shut up!" pulang pula na niyang sabi. I bit the insides of my cheeks before looking at the arrows once again.

"Stop staring at them Yturralde," bawal niya. Napanguso ako bago siya hinarap.

"Ang damot mo," sagot ko. Napailing na lamang siya bago may kinuha sa kanyang drawer. He handed me a folder but I just couldn't seem to wipe the smug grin on my face while I am taking it.

"Illea..." he warned. Inosente ko siyang tiningnan.

"Stop making fun of me."

"I'm not making fun of you," I cutely said. Binuksan ko ang folder habang siya ay naiirita pa rin sa panunukso ko.

The folder contains all the furniture designs that they have. Mayroon silang mga kasangkapan para sa banyo, kwarto, kusina, terasa at sala. All of the furnitures uses hand crafted designs. Hindi lamang rattan ang ginagamit nila kung hindi katawan ng niyog, kawayan, narra at iba pa.

"Yes you are.." he whispered. I looked at him pouting like a two year old, sulking while muttering curses I can't even hear. Bigla ay natawa na lamang ako sa itsura niya. He gave me a death glare and I tried stopping my laughter. Mind you, I tried.

"Tss," anas niya. Pinilit kong magseryoso at tiningnan ang mga disenyo niya. Pero habang nagbabasa ay di ko mapigilan mapatingin doon sa mga pana ko na nasa opisina niya. A sudden giddy feeling burned inside me as I stare at my arrows carefully secured on his glass cage.

I just know, those were really my arrows.