29

I stayed outside my sister's bedroom, listening to her silent cries. She's just eight and yet Mama is being hard on her. Kanina ay dinala kami sa isang swimming center kung saan pinilit ni Mama si Ian mag aral lumangoy. My sister didn't agree. I know why. She doesn't want to strain her hands trying to swim because she uses those for her art.

Ilang beses na humikbi si Ian sa kanyang kwarto. Sinubukan kong kumatok pero natakot akong pumasok. What would I tell her? Kahit ako ay ayaw ring matutong lumangoy. I want to sing. I don't want to have a sport.

Nakarinig ako ng mga pinunit na papel bago ang malakas na hikbi. Humakbang na ako palayo sa kanyang kwarto bago ako bumaba. Nakita ko si Mama na nagbabasa ng dyaryo, tinitingnan ang mga bagong balita tungkol sa mga atleta na lalaban sa Olympics ngayong taon.

'Di, di ko inakalang

Darating din sa akin

Nung ako'y nanalangin kay Bathala

Naubusan ng bakit'

I understand Mama. She's an Olympic medallist, alam kong gusto niyang may magmana sa kanya sa aming dalawa ni Ian. And I know she's pressuring my sister because I am learning my father's art. Ako ang nagmana kay Papa kaya si Ian ang pipilitin ni Mama na magmana sa kanya.

My sister is crying because of this. She's hurt because she can't be what Mama wants her to be.

Napangiwi na lamang ako sa naiisip. Tiningnan kong muli ang nakapinid na pinto ng kanyang kwarto bago ako nagdesisyon. Tama, ako ang mas nakakatanda. Ako ang ate. Ako dapat ang magsasakripisyo.

Lumapit ako kay Mama na nagbabasa pa rin ng dyaryo. Tumikhim ako bago niya ako nilingon. A bright smile immediately painted my mother's lips.

"Illea, anak? Gabi na, hindi ka pa tulog?" she asked me. My heartbeat banged on my chest but I tried to keep my cool.

"Ma..."

"Yes?" untag niya. Lumunok ako bago nag ipon ng hangin sa aking dibdib. You can do it Illea. Para kay Ian naman. Ano ba naman ang ikaw ang magsakripisyo, hindi ba?

"I-I want to learn archery..."

I stopped reminiscing when I heard the gates opening and the car ties screeching on the driveway. Sumilip ako sa bintana para makita ang sasakyan ni Trey sa garahe. Lumabas siya bago niya binuksan ang passenger seat at doon ay maingat na kinuha si Luke.

My heart swelled when I saw my daughter touching Trey's cheeks lovingly. Luke yawned a little and Trey chuckled.

"Sleepy already huh?" he teased her. Bahagya niyang hinaplos ang ilong ng humihikab pa rin na si Luke.

"Mama..." Luke called before snuggling her head on Trey's neck. Tumakbo ako papunta sa pintuan para pagbuksan ang mag ama ko.

Trey's smouldering eyes rocked my whole body. I unconsciously fixed the hem of his white shirt that I am wearing right now. He licked his lips before entering our house.

"Hey," bati niya. Ngumiti lamang ako bago tumingkayad. Iyong libre naman niyang braso ay agad na humapit sa aking maliit na beywang. My lips immediately touched his and it lingered for a moment.

"Miss you," he whispered. I just smiled back at him, words failing me right now.

 'Bakit umalis nang walang sabi?
Bakit 'di siya lumaban kahit konti?
Bakit 'di maitama ang tadhana? ' 

I never thought that I can be this contented in my whole life. Right at this moment, everything feels as if they are in their perfect place. Kung noon ay palagi akong nangangapa, naghahanap ng kahulugan sa mga bagay bagay, ngayon ay iba na.

This time, I am going to put myself first. I am going to fight for my heart, for my happiness, and for this family. Right, Papa?

Trey kissed my hair before he gave me Luke. I grunted a little when my daughter's weight crashed into my arms. Mariin kong tiningnan si Trey na painosente lamang na ngumiti sa akin.

"Why?"

Tiningnan ko si Luke na pinaglalaruan ang ilang hibla ng kulot kong buhok.

"Ma.." she called. I kissed her chubby cheeks first.

"Hmmmn?"

She giggled before hugging my neck,"Mama bait ako today," she proudly said. Umakyat kami sa kwarto bago ako umupo sa kama. Sinensyasan ko si Trey na kumuha ng pampalit ni Luke na damit.

"Talaga?"

"Opo! Mama, Papa's papa gave me chicken. Tsaka berry cake!" humihikab na niyang sabi. Inabot ni Trey sa akin ang stitch na onesies at panibagong diaper.

Tumabi si Trey sa amin bago sinakop ng kanyang kamay ang aking beywang. He put his chin on my shoulder while I change Luke's clothes.

"You played with your Lolo?" I asked Luke. She raised her arms to wear the onesies. Noong tuluyan ko iyong maisuot ay gumapang si Luke sa aking kandungan. SI Trey naman ay mas hinila ako para mayakap.

I silently rolled my eyes with them. Halos hindi na ako makagalaw sa sobrang dikit naming tatlo. Nakakahiya sa queen size na higaan naming kung nakasiksik kaming tatlo sa isa't isa.

"Mama, bakit may papa pa si Papa?" Luke asked me again. Tiningnan ko si Trey na nakangisi lamang na nakatitig sa aking anak.

"Kasi baby, kapag wala si Lolo, wala rin si Papa mo."

Kumunot iyong noo niya. "Why?"

Nilingon ko si Trey na hinalikan na ang aking leeg. Electricity spiked from his kisses down to my spine. Masama ang tingin na ibinigay ko sa kanya para huminto siya pero mas lalo lamang naging madulas ang halik niya.

"Trey!" pagbawal ko. His hand went to my leg and my breathing immediately hitched. Passion and desire was reflected in his eyes as he scans me from head to toe.

Akma niya akong hahalikan noong umingot si Luke sa aking balikat. I looked at my daughter and his lips fell on my cheeks. Narinig ko siyang umungol bago siya bahagyang lumayo.

Kumurap kurap ang antok nang mga mata ni Luke bago siya tuluyang pumikit. Hinaplos ko ang likod niya para patulugin ito.

"Are you going to put her to bed?" tanong ni Trey sa akin. Tumayo ako at ibinaba si Luke sa kanyang crib malapit sa aming kama.

"Yes, why?"

Napangisi siya ng malawak sa narinig. Noong maibaba ko ang tulog na si Luke ay agad kong hinarap si Trey.

He was still grinning devilishly as his features darkened like the black night outside. He spread his palms on the bed while his long legs spread a little bit. Kinagat niya ang labi niya bago ako tinitigan ng mariin.

"Come here," utos niya. Muli kong nilingon si Luke na mahimbing na.

"Why?" tanong ko. Hindi na yata siya nakatiis at tumayo na siya. His large hands wrapped immediately on my waist while he was guiding me towards the bed. Pabagsak siyang umupo at nadala naman ako sa kanyang kandungan.

He sighed in satisfaction when I was finally trapped in his arms. He used his other leg to lock my knees in position. Niyakap ng kanyang isang braso ang aking beywang bago hinagod noong isa ang buhok kong sumasabog na mula sa pagkakaipit.

His eyes gazed lovingly at my face before smiling forlornly. Kumunot ang noo ko at hinaplos ang kanyang pisngi.

"How's your father?" I asked. He licked his upper lip before looking at Luke.

"He was quite happy actually, noong malaman niyang hindi na matutuloy ang kasal nila ni Tarrah," aniya. He laid his head on my chest as he played with my hair.

"Sinabi mo sa Papa mo?" medyo gulat kong anas. Trey nodded before putting a chaste kiss on my lips.

"Baby of course. He deserves to know that. I won't even let Tarrah replace my mother. God, she's disgusting," he growled. I stared at Trey before sighing. Naalala ko na naman iyong nangyari kanina noong wala sila ni Luke. Mabuti nga at wala sila kanina.

But still, Tarrah's words kept on ringing inside my head, at kasabay noon ay ang muling pag usbong ng agam agam.

Napansin ni Trey ang pananahimik ko kaya mabilis niyang hinuli ang aking mata.

"Why?" he hoarsely said. Napalunok ako. I am trying my very best to control my fear. I am praying so hard that Tarrah is just lying but what if..what if she's telling the truth? Anong gagawin ko? Makakaya ko bang makihati na naman?

"Illea?"

 'At nakita kita sa tagpuan ni Bathala
May kinang sa mata na di maintindihan
Tumingin kung saan sinubukan kong lumisan
At tumigil ang mundo
Nung ako'y ituro mo
Siya ang panalangin ko ' 

Hinarap ko ang mga mata ni Trey. He looked so worried I could feel the thunder on his chest. Kinagat ko ang labi ko para maibsan ang kaba.

Noon, palagi na lamang akong nagsasakripisyo para sa kaligayahan ng mga tao sa paligid ko. Ngayon, magagawa ko pa ba ulit? Kung sakali mang totoo, kaya ko bang tanggapin kung ano mang magiging desisyon ni Trey?

Tumulo ang luha ko at doon ay nagmura siya ng mariin. He cradled my cheeks before drying my tears.

"Damn it baby what's wrong?"

Suminghot ako at mabilis na niyakap ang kanyang leeg. Hinaplos niya ang aking likod habang patuloy lamang ako sa pag iyak.

"Illea, you're scaring me," he hissed. I nuzzled his neck and cried uncontrollably.

"Why are you crying? Answer me, are you leaving again?" giit niya. Pilit niya akong hiniwalay sa pagkakayakap bago ako humarap sa kanya. His eyes screamed darkness and anger as he stared at me.

"You won't leave. You can't leave, if that is your reason for your tears now. I'm not letting you leave again."

Napayuko ako at umiling, "Trey..kanina.."

Kumuyom ang kamay ko. My hand immediately flew to my skateboard necklace, where my father's ashes are, before willing the nerve to finally say my fears.

"D-dumating si Tarrah..dito," mahina kong sabi. Kumunot ang noo ni Trey bago pinunasan ang mga panibago kong luha.

"And?"

Napapikit ako. Papa, please..please..just this once, tell me that I can finally have someone that I can call my own..

"Sinabi niya..na b-buntis siya.."

Dahan dahan kong dinilat ang aking mata. Trey's eyes remained confused at what I am saying. Noong tuluyan niya akong marinig ay napabuntong hininga siya.

"Ah..so Kuya na ako?" anas niya. Sunod sunod ang naging pag iling ko.

"Then, how?" he asked. Nanginig ang labi ko sa takot.Hinawakan ko ng mariin ang kamay niya bago muling nagsalita.

"Ikaw..you're the father of her child.." I whispered. Napasinghap siya at ako naman ay tuluyan ng umiyak. Mabilis ko siyang niyakap ng mahigpit, takot nab aka totoo. Takot dahil baka ito na ang huling pagkakataon na akin siya ng buong buo.

"What did you tell her?" he asked. If I was not crying I would even dare say that I heard a little bit of humor behind his voice.

Umiling ako at umakyat na sa kanyang kandungan. My knees were on his sides while I hugged him tight. Para akong batang maliit na takot maiwanan mag isa sa bahay kaya kung todo ang kapit.

I felt him kiss my shoulder before hugging me, finally eradicating the few remaining inches that separate the two of us.

"I told her I don't believe her..t-that she's just lying and I won't believe her.." I answered. His large hands landed on my legs before his lips grazed the side of my neck.

"P-pero kung s-sakaling totoo man.." pagpapatuloy ko. Tumigil siya sa paghalik bago humiwalay sa aking leeg. Sinalubong ako ng mata niyang bahagyang nakangiti pero naghahamon.

"Kung sakali man, anong gagawin mo?" his baritone voice echoed. I bit my lip before holding his neck. Mabilis akong umiling at tinitigan siya.

"I won't let you go. Trey, I'm going to fight for you. That's what I'm going to do. That's what I should have done three years ago," I whispered like a promise. Napapikit siya sa narinig bago tumango.

"Mahal kita at kahit na anong mangyari, kahit na hindi ako ang piliin mo, ipaglalaban pa rin kita," dagdag ko. He finally opened his eyes, his brown globes reflecting mirth and utmost joy. Kinagat niya ang labi niya at biglang tumawa.

"Trey!" I hissed. Hinampas ko ang dibdib niya para tumigil sa pagtawa pero kinabig lamang niya ang leeg ko at mariin akong hinalikan. We both groaned as I immediately opened my mouth for his invading tongue.

He caressed my mouth as if it is a gentle crystal, his movements smooth and yet passionate, slowly making the small fire in between my legs burn like a wildfire.

He let my lips go and looked at my eyes.

"I'm not the father of Tarrah's child Illea. I swear on your father's name that I never had any woman after you," anunsyo niya. Sa narinig ay para akong nabunutan ng tinik sa dibdib.

"How could I be with a woman who is not you? I'm too much in love with you Yturralde, so much you couldn't even imagine," dagdag niya pa. Akma sana akong sasagot noong muli niyang sinakop ang aking labi. His fiery kisses ignited my passion for him. Mabilis na kumilos ang kamay ko at agad na hinanap ang butones ng kanyang suot na polo shirt.

Bumaba ang halik niya sa aking leeg bago itinaas ang laylayan ng aking shirt. Inayos ko ang pagkakaupo ko sa kandungan niya noong sabay kaming napaungol. His now rock hard shaft is poking my wet entrance. I moved once again to align myself to him just to feel him against my clothes.

Naramdaman ko ang pagkagat niya sa aking leeg bago ako hiniga sa aming kama. He pinned my under him, his palms splayed on each side of my head. His shirt was half opened now and he is panting from the burning passion between us.

"Do you love me?" he asked. His pupils shook a little and I understood that just like me, he is scared too. Katulad ko ay takot na rin siyang makihati, takot rin siyang maiwanan, takot rin siyang piliin.

"So much.." buong puso kong sagot. His lips finally locked into mine as we both drowned in pure bliss.

Now I get why it didn't work out between Noah and Rome. They were never meant to work out. We were never meant to be together because we are not planned to end with each other.

Sa iilang beses ko nang nasaktan, palagi ko Siyang sinisisi. But now I've realized that He never really answers no. Palagi, kapag ang isang bagay ay nangyayari ng hindi ayon sa plano mo dahil alam Niyang mas makakabuti ang plano Niya para sayo. He never gave you your desires because He knows He has something better for you.

And Trey.. Trey is really my better half.

'At hindi ka lumayo
Nung ako yung sumusuko
At nagbago ang mundo
Nung ako'y pinaglaban mo
At tumigil ang mundo
Nung ako'y pinili mo
Siya ang panalangin ko'

I looked at him and everything just finally made sense. And now I know, two broken souls will no longer hurt anymore.

My lips matched his as we both move in tune with the sounds of music. For every push and pull, I only have one thought in mind. Finally, after years and years of being late, I can have something I can call my own.

I am home.

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Song Used:

Tagpuan by Moira dela Torre