✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 『 I n f o 』 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Book: Mindscape

Author: MCBuilder101

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 『 R e v i e w 』 *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Title (5/5): Simple, but it fits the story and evokes readers' interests.

Cover (5/5): I really like it and it definitely fits the story. Did you draw it? It's awesome!

Summary (7/10): The first part of the summary focuses on how shitty Rachel's life is, but that's not really elaborated upon in the story. Also, I would recommend replacing "Campbell" with "landlord" since we don't know who he is yet. Aside from that, it did catch my attention and made me want to learn more.

Plot (5/15): The story kept me interested but it also kept me very confused. There was a lot going on and we were never given much explanation as to why before the story moved on to the next thing. Because of this, the pace was too fast for readers to really keep up with. I wish we would have been given more backstory for Rachel's life prior to her being sucked into Mindscape. She seems to hate her life but we're never told why and we don't even know what she does for work or what her family life is like. This would give us a better sense of who she is. Perhaps this is elaborated upon later, but I think it would be more beneficial for the story if it was explained in the beginning. I do like how you personified concepts such as death, reality, and continuum and called them "Mr. (first letter)".

Characters (3/10): It was hard to relate to any of the characters, especially Rachel, because they all seemed to only express one emotion the entire time: anger. This made it difficult to to differentiate their personalities so they all started to blend together. I've got a potty-mouth like a sailor myself, but since they all swore at each other almost every time they spoke, it started to dilute the impact of the curse words. I think the dialogue would be more meaningful if you were more conservative with the cursing.

Organization (2/5): I thought the use of right, left, and center justify to portray different perspectives was interesting because I haven't seen that before, but the constant switching between perspectives got confusing. Since you used first-person narration for each character's perspective, it was hard to tell whose perspective we were reading since they were only ever referred to as "I". The constant switching between first- and third-person was also hard to keep up with. I would recommend sticking to one narration type for each chapter and identifying when you're switching perspectives so that it's easier for readers to follow along with the story. This might be more of a personal opinion, but I also think it's helpful for readers when you use chapter numbers so that it's easier for them to know where they left off or how far they are in the story. I didn't notice many spelling/grammar errors, so you did a good job with being thorough.

Overall (27/50): I really liked your imagery, it was very unique and made the story interesting! You've got some good writing skills, I would just recommend choosing one narration type for each chapter and identifying switches in perspective. I would also recommend slowing down the pace of the plot and expanding more upon Rachel's backstory. Otherwise, I'm curious to see where it goes!

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧