Book Title: Allice in Mysterious Land
Written By: michh_44
Chapters Read: 5

Cover: 4.5/5

  I think the cover is pretty neat, with the encompassing leaves and greenery in the corners and the city in the far center. It almost seems like a tunnel of nature leading into a more foriegn place where technology just reigns in every corner of the place.

  It's like a nod to the rabbit hole part in Alice in Wonderland in a way and I like it. The more I read on, the more it somehow makes sense. Such as that really strict rule about not harming plants and animals in any way.

  Maybe this is just my own personal tastes in covers, but I would've liked the cursive Mysterious to appear clearer in the cover and not quite so tangled up with the other words. Yeah... maybe it's just my preference for big fonts too, since I can't see clearly and the images uploaded as covers are usually reduced to low res.

  The author name just directly underneath it is a nice addition, though in my opinion it would've stood out a little better in the bottom part of the cover — where the designer's pen name already was — because it gives the reader's eyes a bit of space and recognition of the author name and not solely focused on the title.

Blurb/Synopsis: 4/5

  Personally, I think the blurb is a little too long. It probably all boils down to taste of course, but imagine it being placed in the back cover of your book. At most, it'll be about three to four paragraphs, which is one of the reasons why it's hard to compress what you want to show off to the potential readers without spoiling them of the very best parts.

  But personal opinion aside, your blurb has the four main factors that make up the enticing meat and potatoes of the story without revealing too much. Said info without revealing too much is the one about two other Highlife kids aiding him. The characters, the setting, the plot and the stakes. They're stacked up with each other nicely, and the rest of the pressing questions by the end of it only amplifies the curiosity.

  This is just me though, but was it necessary to add the alive question in the last one? Because in my opinion, it's one of the things that look enticing but inevitably unnecessary to the blurb. The first questions were great, but that final one didn't quite nail me on the head because questions about the main characters getting to live or not sound a little too overrated, even if the outcome isn't as predictable. Let them try to explore that part on their own.

Description: 3/5

  The description is simplistic and easy to understand, and it carries us along the story without much of a hassle. Things are shown in a light and casual manner, despite the obviously grim undertones from Allice's narration and how the other people interact with him as well.

  The Lowlifes and Highlifes really stuck to me the most, because of how one sided everything seems to be, and how much harder it is for someone like Allice to move around in a place where people just straight up judge you for your capability in language and literature rather than what makes each person stand out in their own way. I didn't even realize the clue in the second chapter about the zoo until Auntie Morgan pointed it out, thinking it was just some little detail added in for a flair.

  Worldbuilding is sewn into the narration in a fluid manner, and it makes everything else look much cleaner, avoiding things such as info dumping.

  However, there were certain times when those simplistic descriptions and short, quick sentences are drawn to their disadvantage. In the latter chapters where Allice wakes up to the flood and scoops up the shrimp, the description goes short and lacks that extra information regarding the appearance and behavior of the shrimp. It was played off just as casually as everything else before, which downplays the intensity quite a bit.

  There will always be certain moments when one should rely more heavily on the description in certain points or aspects of the story because this is what hints at something important.

  For example, if the setting were to be in a ball, the main characters would have a more thorough description to their behaviors and appearance. It wouldn't make any sense to deck a minor character with said glamour and pampering of descriptions if we won't see them do something of importance or if they just stand on the sidelines anyway. A bit of extra description can also hint at something being relevant sooner or later in the story, like it's own little way of foreshadowing.

  In a way, descriptions help play the part of Chekhov's gun.

Grammar: 3/5

  I like to think I'm a pretty nitpicky person. When something feels off, then I'm pretty much cut off from the immersion and the buildup. There were certain moments when I felt off about a couple scenes, thinking they could be more fleshed out or worded in another way to make it sound better.

  But the grammar here is just *chef's kiss* lovely. Minimalistic, simple, easy to go by and smooth as butter.

  I didn't have much of an issue with it, especially because it's been handled pretty well and no one wouldn't notice if they were just reading casually. You aced the present tense writing, and it was a pretty smooth ride as it is. Kudos!

  Now we're going to the things found that sounded a little off.

  First off, the past and present tenses were clashing. The only time I noticed the story utilizing past tense was when it narrated the incident with Allice's parents, which is, of course, correct. However:

  Underlined in blue is the past tense, while underlined in red is the present tense. Of course, 'have' is a form of present tense that had been paired with the past of 'will not,' so simply changing it to 'would never do,' would suffice. Either that, or the term 'did.'

  Next up is:

This part is probably just me nitpicking in a little too much, which is why it's blue. This is a subjective opinion, you don't have to take it if you don't want to. In my opinion, the entire sentence is just sort of... lengthened out, and the commas just sort of make it look bland and less lively.

  (Like I said this is probably me being a nitpick for no reason 😂)

  There's already a lot of commas, so I wanted to suggest either using open and close parentheses or using em dashes ( — ) to include the phrases that, while not exactly necessary to the overall sentence, still provides context info.

  Then there's:

  This was in chapter five. And I think this is pretty self-explanatory. Allice is talking to his aunt, so his words would be akin to one referring to a person as 'you'. And by extension, it means having to refer to them in plural form. Which is why the term 'drives,' doesn't quite seem to fit.

  Next up:

  This is one of the incomplete sentences I noticed that happened throughout the story, though I didn't mind them all too much. Incomplete sentences can work absolutely fine in my opinion. English lessons pretty much say that you can't start off a sentence with And and But, but we do it anyway and it's acceptable as heck. It just wasn't executed quite right.

  I think, in this part of the narration, is where using past tense would be more appropriate as well. Allice is tapping into a memory, so in my opinion this would sound better as:

  Fingers aimed for my face as voices yelled, "Murderer!" (With the period removed, I almost forgot, since that's double punctuation.) What do you think?

  Another example of the incomplete sentences I was talking about was this:

  Anywho, what I was talking about the first sentence in this paragraph. Try reading it out loud, and slowly. The sentence started out as "Moments later, after ..." but there is no payoff to what happened, 'moments later.'

  Note that it's just Allice narrating out what happens, not including what comes with the 'moments later,'  that the sentence starts out with, if you get my drift.

  It's like starting off with an As like this: "As we both walked down the winding hallways." Where's the next part? There's got to be a next part. So I suggest adding in something to fill in the gap of the moments later. What happens when they arrive to the entrance hall? How about describing how the change in atmosphere made Allice feel somewhat foriegn, or how he seems unsettled? Or maybe just describing in a quick manner how everything looked just before the officers marched in? Let me know what you think!

  And, the last part I just felt the need to include here (it doesn't affect the score at all LOL) was when Allice's mom urged him to go and never come back to them again. I just thought they'd look better in their own separate paragraph on their own to deliver more impact to her words. There's nothing wrong with what you have now, of course, that's nothing more than adding dramatic flair to things because we all love a good drama. ✌

  And this concludes the grammar section of the review!

Characterization: 3/5

  Allice is a good character, though I wouldn't really say that he's that relatable... though having a relatable character isn't really as important as making them good characters. An underdog character is relatable because a lot of people know the feeling of hardships and being looked down upon. But being relatable alone shouldn't define the character, because it would end up bland. A character should have their own defining traits that strike them as different from the rest, and I usually get more attached to those traits more than the relatability factor.

  And I think Allice is a really well-made and thought out character in his own little charms, not just because he's relatable. Sure, it plays a part though! Underdog characters are awesome.

  Allice has his own flaws and shortcomings in the form of being a terrible liar and a rather meek boy who hardly gets to voice out what he wants and chooses to bottle them in instead. There's more to explore from him and his family's backstory, which makes for a more interesting turn of events once he gets caught up in the talons of that stupid mayor — I mean... ahem, very nice mayor. He and his Auntie Morgan and Miro (probably, I kinda like him already, bless him) would probably get into that mess a little deeper than expected and in turn catch the eyes of the government.

  Allice is not the brightest but at least he has common sense. He works hard for the sake of others and is just one pure cinnamon roll. It will be nice to see a payoff of how he will grow as a character soon.

  Let's move over to Auntie Morgan, shall we?

  I'll just say here that at first I didn't quite get how she was introduced. Like the description of the shrimp, her reaction to getting bit and the overall tone of the scenario is rather bleak.

  This dialogue is taken from the book:

  "The pan." They begin to pinch her air supply.

  In this part I'm just imagining a woman with no facial expression as she calls out to Allice in a monotonous voice. It sort of didn't fit her, and it didn't sound right when I read it. This is one of the places where description is more crucial. Show and tell. Purely telling everything downplays the supposed immersion we have as readers because the phrase and words used sounds a little bland and doesn't fit the atmosphere of the scene at all.

  I know this part is supposed to be in the grammar section and all, but the 'They,' sounds awkward. Is it talking about the shrimp's pincers? If so, then the pinching of the air supply is inaccurate. Instead, I think it would sound better as:

  "The pan —" They begin to cut off her air supply, but Auntie Morgan still managed to let the words out.

  It's longer, but the dialogue would make more sense that way,  in my opinion. It doesn't have to be exactly that if you don't like it, but something in a similar manner. What do you think?

  The aunt is a sweet and caring woman, but some of her dialogue sounded a tad robotic.

  Now onto Li Irene. She hasn't done much other than grind my gears with her haughtiness (good job with that but now I kinda wanna choke her too), but she might be one of the major characters as well as Li Roy and Sandra. As of now there isn't quite much to work with since they just appeared, but their personalities sure did shine through at the first encounter alone. Roy seems a little too placid and eager in my opinion, though I hope there's some explanation to why he acts as such in the future chapters and not just add that on for no reason.

  You did Irene very well, and while I have nothing much to say so far, I sure hope there's going to be something more to her than meets the eye. Especially with how those martial artist shrimps seemed to acknowledge her for some reason, there is a question left for us readers to ogle on about.

  Hope to see some more development from them in the future chapters!

Plot: 4/5

  The only reason this isn't a perfect score is because of that darned cliffhanger. Okay, just kidding, don't hang me in the gallows just yet. Most of the plot and how it would go along is also adjacent to the story itself. And since the story just started, I can only talk about how it's been set up for now. But that's not where the 4 comes from.

  For starters, I think the plot is very well built and centered around the story, and it's clear for the readers without any other subplot beginning to cloud over. Simplistic and easy, it's almost somewhat familiar but in a foreign manner, like, you know... deja vu.

  The introduction to the plot about what that suspicious as heck zoo is brilliantly crafted, especially how it just started out in a casual manner.

  However, I think it wasn't as properly executed. Maybe this is just me, but I couldn't feel much of a tension or a change in atmosphere with the way Allice reacts to things. He's curious, sure, and now he's got the motivation to not waste his family's sacrifice and try and get to the bottom of the case with these mutant animals, but there wasn't much tension, nor risk, in the way the words were phrased.

  Even as they were running from the officers and even as Irene was trying to subdue him, there was a lack of that tension. The stakes, and Allice's emotions. Those are important windows to the opening of the plot, because that's when you know when things finally start going downhill for the main character.

Realism: 5/5

  There's honestly nothing much to say here, probably because the story is set in a different place and city but it's still very much grounded and stayed true to its logic and worldbuilding. I would've flipped the long table I'm typing this on if Allice's wounds disappeared on the next chapter though. 😂

Total Score: 26.5/35

  The constant underlining of Allice's name in red just made me bang my head in the table, now there's a lump. 😂 

  That being said, this book has a lot of potential, starting from its simplistic perspective and manner of speaking of Allice, you captured him very well.

  Also I definitely would've reviewed more if it weren't for the fact that I promised a deadline today. Oh well — a couple more chapters to finally fully comment on without hiding things! Yay!

  The pacing and execution is well done (dude I wish I could do that 😖) and I'll be certainly be reading more! Hope this review is up to your standards. Keep Writing, Night Owl!

Review Word Count: 2758