Chapter 42: Argument

"When will you be ready, Love?

I kept tossing on my bed as his words rang in my head. Unlike the first time I opened my eyes with thoughts that I was in a long dream or that everything was just the effect of drugs I assumed had been injected into me, I had learned to accept his words.

Pero kahit ano ang mangyari ay nakapagpasya na ako. Pipiliin ko ang mundong alam ko kung saan ako nararapat.

Tobias might have said to me that I had turned into a vampire before I lost my memory, but I was convinced that I was not one of them. The only thing clear that I had right now was my attraction to him.

Frustrated, I got up from my bed. I brushed my hands over my face and ran them through my hair.

I only need a few more weeks.

The priestesses were also eager to help me and Tobias, but no matter how they tried they felt like something was blocking them.

Halo-halo na ang nagiging emosyon ko. I was torn between my hope to return home, to learn what really happened to me, and all my decisions that made these creatures, and Tobias believed that I chose this life than in the human world.

Kinalimutan ko na ba si Dave sa mundo ng mga tao? Paano ko agad natanggap ang lahat ng impormasyon na sumalubong sa akin sa mundong ito?

I couldn't even believe that I was aware of this world from the beginning. Sinabi nilang pinalaki ako ng mga lolo't lola na may alam na sa mundong ito.

I sighed. I laid back on my bed and stared at the dark ceiling of my room. Should I just ignore Tobias in my remaining weeks in this world? Alam ko ang epekto niya sa akin at hindi ko gugustuhin na higit pa akong mahirapan sa desisyon ko dahil lang sa atraksyon kong ito.

Maybe I'd take a boyfriend when I return and start dating?

Natigil ako sa pag-iisip nang biglang kumidlat at kumulog sa Deltora na agad sinundan ng malakas na buhos ng ulan at hangin.

Hinila ko na lang ang kumot ko at higit na binalot ang sarili ko. Ipinikit ko na ang mga mata ko. Hanggang sa ang tanging naalala ko na lang ng gabing iyon ay ang malakas na hampas ng ulan sa aking bintana.

***

Lumilipas lang naman ang araw ko sa pagharap sa mga babaylan. Pakikipag-usap kay Rosh at ang saglit na pagdalaw sa akin ni Tobias.

I tried to avoid him, but it seemed like he was really busy with his political affairs. Kaya hindi na ako nahihirapan pa na iwasan siya. Maagang nagpaalam sa akin si Rosh na aalis siya sa palasyo kaya sinabi niya sa akin na mas mabuting manatili na lang daw ako sa loob ng silid ko dahil baka magpang-abot na naman kami ni Marah.

What I noticed about her was she loved to talk. She might be aware that she had better strength than me, but she never crossed the line. Kaya talagang nauuwi lang talaga kami sa sagutan. Dati ay natatakot pa ako kay Pryor pero habang tumatagal ay nasasanay na rin ako, sa halip na yumuko at umiwas sa kanya ay pinagtataasan ko na rin siya ng kilay.

Hindi ko sinunod ang sinabi sa akin ni Rosh, lumabas ako sa silid ko. Napagpasiyahan ko na lang na magtungo sa isa sa silid-aklatan nila. Pinili ko iyong dulo na pansin ko ay hindi masyadong pinupuntahan, ngunit nagkamali ako ng desisyon.

I was about to enter the library when I heard Marah's voice. She was talking to her servant, asking for a snack.

Napangiwi ako. Gusto ko ng payapang araw ngayon, kaya tumalikod na ako. Hindi ko na siya gusto pang makita at hindi ko magagawang magbasa ng aklat dahil mag-aaway lang kami.

But when I heard her call Tobias's name, I faltered. He was inside? I thought he was inside a meeting?

I shook my head. Magtutuloy pa sana ako nang may marahas na kamay ang humawak sa braso ko. Pryor pushed me to the wall. "What the—" but I was cut off when he grinned.

He released me and took a step back before he leaned on the wall across mine. His arms crossed and his eyes were mocking me.

Nang may lumabas iyong mga tagasunod mula sa aklatan, nagulat sila sa presensiya namin ni Pryor na nakikinig sa usapan ng magkapatid, ngunit agad rin silang yumuko at nagmamadaling umalis.

"You, I don't want to hear—" I was cut off when he placed his forefinger on his lips.

Dahil hindi na ako hawak ni Pryor ay umalis ako sa pagkakasandal ko sa pader at muli na akong humakbang, ngunit natigilan akong muli sa narinig mula kay Marah.

"Hanggang kailan mo pagtitiisan ang babaeng iyan, Tobias?"

"Stop addressing her like that, Marah." Mariing sabi ni Tobias.

"Magdadalawang buwan na at wala pa siyang naalala. You are just trying to torture yourself. What if she still can't remember?" Marah laughed.

"She will remember."

"How hopeful are you, Dear Brother? Can't you see? She's liked a living shell. A hollow. Look at her eyes, she looked lifeless as if she escaped. She is not the woman she used to! Hindi ikaw ang tutulong sa kanya, kundi siya! Her emotions are fake! She's frustrating!"

"Marah!"

"Of course, but you should remember, brother. You have a deal with her. Ilang linggo na lang ay tatawid na siyang muli sa mundo niya. Do you think she'll forget your deal with her? Don't you think that's the reason why she's timid right now? Alam niyang makakauwi na siya. At kapag nakauwi na siya, sa tingin mo ba ay makabubuti iyon sa 'yo? Before she ever leaves this world, you better cut your ties with her. You're powerful. You'll recover and find a better mate."

"Marah!"

Mas mariin na ang pagtawag sa kanya ni Tobias. Hindi ko akalain na sa halos araw-araw na pagtatalo namin ni Marah ay nabasa niya ang mga nasa isip ko.

"Why? You are better with a vampire mate! Look what happened to Zen? He died fighting for that woman!"

"Marah Heloise Le'Vamueivos! Zen is alive right now! Stop dragging her name!"

"That woman Claret, Kezalli . . . and that another woman who almost killed Rosh . . ." pumiyok na ang boses ni Marah.

"I am your sister, and don't you think it's fine with me to witness your pain? Bakit kayo ganyan ni Rosh? Those women from the human world are hurting you both. Si Kezalli and that woman named Astrid, hindi pa siya nakakatawid, ilang taon na niyang sinasaktan si Rosh? She abandoned Rosh, and now that woman who stopped fighting on her own demons is about to abandon you, Tobias. Anong klaseng kapatid ako kung hindi ako nasasaktan at nagagalit sa nasasaksihan ko tungkol sa inyo? You and Rosh are just like our father . . ."

"Marah, you have to trust me . . ."

"She will not remember, Tobias. Tatawanan kita sa sandaling iwan ka niya katulad nang kung paano abandonahin ng babaeng iyon si Rosh—"

"Enough, Marah! She will not leave this kingdom! You will have to deal with her because she is the only queen for me— with or without her memories!" Malakas na sigaw ni Tobias.

Tumutulo na ang luha ko habang nakangisi sa akin si Pryor. Ibig sabihin ay hindi tutupad sa mga sinabi niya si Tobias.

I felt a sting on my neck and when I touched it, I saw a red insect and my own blood on it. Pinagmamasdan ko lang iyon sa palad ko nang may marahas nabuksan ang pinto, nanlalaki ang mga mata ni Tobias nang makita ako.

"H-how . . ." he looked accusingly at Pryor.

"I think my insect's bite tried to hide her presence."

Hindi na ako makapagsalita. Dahil tama ang lahat ng sinabi ni Marah. I was a hollow and if I had stayed longer in this world, I'd hurt Tobias more.

Umiling ako kay Tobias bago ako mariin tumitig kay Pryor at inangat ko ang gitnang daliri ko sa mukha niya. Tumalikod na ako at mabilis akong tumakbo papalayo sa kanila.

"Kezalli!"

Hindi ko pinansin ang tawag ni Tobias at nagtungo ako sa silid ko. Dapat ay tumakbo ako sa labas ng palasyo, ngunit baka higit ko lang gawin komplikado ang lahat at maging usapan kami ng mga tagasunod.

Malakas kong ibinagsak ang pinto ng silid, isinubsob ko ang sarili ko sa kama at doon na nagsimulang humagulhol. Ngunit hindi rin nagtagal ay naramdaman ko na ang presensiya ni Tobias.

"Kezalli . . ."

"Go away."

"I'll bring you to Sartorias. We need Claret's help."

Iling na akong nang iling sa kanya. "I am tired. I am tired of this sick world, Tobias! Hindi ko gustong ipagsiksikan ang sarili ko sa mundong ito. She was right, wala akong maalala. Malayo na ang isip ko sa mundong ito. Gusto ko nang umuwi. Ano ang magagawa ko rito? Hindi ako makatutulong sa 'yo."

"We are cursed . . ."

Marahas na akong bumangon at humarap sa kanya. Hindi ko na inilintana ang mga luha ko.

"Maybe she was right. You deserve someone better. Hindi ako . . . palayain mo na ako, Tobias. Hindi ako ang babaeng kailangan mo. You need someone sane— someone that can be your partner and help you. Hindi katulad ko na kailangan alagaan at tumanggap ng lunas. Hayaan mo na ako. Pinahihirapan mo lang ang mga sarili natin."

"Do you think you'll be fine in the human world, Kezalli?"

"I am!"

"No." Mas mariing sagot niya.

Humawak na ang dalawang kamay niya sa braso ko at ramdam ko ang pangangatal ng mga iyon. Yumuko siya sa akin at mas sinalubong niya ang mga mata ko.

"If the mirror called you late you could have died, Kezalli. They are trying to ruin your head."

Marahas kong hinila ang sarili ko mula sa kamay ni Tobias. "Y-you have nothing to do with me in the human world, Tobias."

"I still have weeks."

I huffed, took the distance between us and I irritatingly pushed his chest. "I heard it! You will never agree with our deal! Hindi mo ibibigay sa akin ang kalayaan ko! Hindi ako maaaring manatili sa mundong ito. May umaasa sa akin sa mundo ng mga tao. Nakasalalay sa akin ang buhay niya!"

Mas lalong kumunot ang noo niya. "Who?"

"A man!" sigaw ko.

"A man?"

Nag-iwas ako ng tingin at kung ano-ano na ang pumapasok sa isip ko. "I am eager to go home because I am in love with someone else. We can't. I can't give you my love. He's waiting for me."

Tobias stared at me emotionlessly, he tilted his head up and sighed before he met my eyes again. "I am aware that you used to lie in the human world as your means of survival. But you can't lie to me, Kezalli."

He held my chin, and he tilted my head to meet my eyes again. "Because there's no before me or after me. You are mine. Enough with another man in your head."

This time, his voice was colder. Another flash of lightning followed by a deafening thunder erupted across the whole Parsua Deltora. It felt like a huge storm was coming.

"No . . . I am in love with him and I am willing to risk my life—"

"KEZALLI LANOIRE!"

Napaatras na ako sa kanya.

Maybe I shouldn't beg him to free me, he should push me.

"Palayain mo na ako. I don't think I was really in love with you, maybe I was attracted. I am still a woman with needs—"

Mariing pumikit si Tobias at malalaki ang hakbang niya sa akin. "STOP!"

Sa pag-atras ko ay nakarating na ako sa tapat ng bintana. Hindi na ako magtataka kung sakaling bigla itong mabasag dahil sa lakas ng ulan at hangin.

"We are just hurting each other. I am starting to feel like a prisoner. I don't think I was in love—"

"I said stop it! You are just confused. All your life, you've seen the humans who sheltered you as monsters, enemies who exploited your childhood. And now that someone else is willing to give you a home, food, clothing, luxuries... love, you mistake me for another monster. Because you can't believe that someone will offer everything for you!"

Tinakpan ko na ang tainga ko sa mga sinasabi niya. "Just let me go home, please . . . I want freedom."

"You are not a prisoner in this world. You are free in Deltora. You prison yourself."

"I will escape! I will not stay here anymore!"

Dumilim ang titig sa akin ni Tobias. "Then you'll have to kill me."

Iyon ang huling sinabi niya bago niya ako iwan at marahas niyang ibinagsak ang pinto.