Chapter 23

As soon as I got back in the Philippines, everything changed. Hindi ako mapakali. Hindi ako mapanatag. The only thing I care about was Trent and I can't do a thing para sabihin sa kanya na hindi na niya ako kailangang hintayin pa. What I did could result to being banned from the country as I breached the stated contract to what I signed for Trent.

It hurt me, really, pero wala akong magagawa kung hindi ang tanggapin na lang ang mga nangyari.

I looked at the mirror, in my own bedroom, in the Mercondia mansion and it wasn't like home for me. Felt like it was cage rather than my safe space. But who am I to disrespect the house I've been living for half of my life? Even though no one wanted me, this four-cornered wall became my sanctum.

Mayamaya lamang ay may kumatok sa pinto. When I spoke so they can open the car and then Kuya Welbourne peaked his head and smiled at me.

"Dinner's ready, Seila," anunsyo niyo.

"I'll be out in a sec," aniko.

"Sure. I might wait you just out here," he said and then closed the door.

I fished my hair at itinali ko iyon. Isang malalim naman ang pinakawalan ko bago ako tumayo at lumabas ng pinto. Nakaabang naman si kuya at sabay na kaming tumungo pababa patungo sa dining area.

I was quiet, wasn't in the mood to talk or anything. Kagabi lamang ay nasa Tokyo pa ako at kasama ko si Trent. Ang bilis lamang ng mga pangyayari at ngayon ay nasa Pilipinas na muli ako. Isang araw na ang nakakalipas and I'm not even turning my phone on dahil ayokong makatanggap ng mga mensahe sa mga taong nakilala ko ro'n. I just don't know how to explain them my situation.

"Alam mo nang gagawin, Seila, ha?" pagpapaalala nito sa akin. Tumango na lamang ako. "You know, what happened wasn't a bad thing. I think it was the best thing for you to do."

"Best thing to do..." I mumbled. "Copy, kuya."

Tinapik naman niya ako sa balikat. Tumango na lamang muli just to confirm na susundin ko ang payo nila sa akin This is the reason why everything I will do ay mababalewala and that's fine—not really.

When we finally reached the dining area ay naroon na si Kuya Nico. I showed a smile pero nawala rin agad iyon nang sumama na ako sa table. Tumabi ako sa tabi ni Kuya Nico at sa kaliwa ko naman ay si Kuya Welbourne. Tinorehan nila ako pero alam kong binabantayan lamang nila ako. Maybe they cared dahil kapag nalaman ng parents kong nagpunta ako ng Japan nang walang pasabi ay ikasasama ko pa.

"You know what to do, Seila?" pagpapaalala rin ni Kuya Nico sa akin.

Tumango naman ako sa kanya. Everything is in place. Naka-muestra na ang lahat pati ang mga sasabihin ko. It's like my whole life was I'm pursuing an acting career and I'm so over with it. Akala ko ang pag-alis ko sa Japan ay siyang magiging sign para magkaroon ako ng bagong buhay, pero may mga bagay nga talagang mahirap takasan kahit paulit-ulit na gawin.

And why I didn't stop my brothers from getting me back here? There would only be one answer to it. My brothers are total manipulators so whether I follow them or not, I'm still gonna be the bad one.

Tinapik ni Kuya Nico ang balikat ko at ilang saglit lang din naman ay dumating na ang parents namin. We stood on our feet to meet and give them hugs and kisses. My mom actually surprised to see me here after a month away—it was supposed to be six months—possibly two years if Fredrick didn't rat me out to my brothers.

"Good to see you here, Lav," mom said, fixing the table napkin on her lap.

I faked a smile. "It's nice to be back."

At pansin ko naman ang palitan ng tingin ng mga kuya ko. I know they are worried. O mas inaalala lang nila ang mga sarili nila? Their reputation precedes them so whatever they do, they are loved by anyone. Hindi naman ako naiingit. Nasanay na lang din ako.

"Where have you been, Seila?" asked dad. Nilingon ko naman siya.

"I stayed on our resthouse sa Tagaytay," sagot ko, and that might cause relief to my brothers dahil sinabi ko ang gusto nilang sabihin ko. They orchestrated everything I will say—para raw sa hindi ko ikakapahamak o kung ano man ang gusto nilang patunayan.

"For a month, hun?" takang tanong ni mom, napataas pa ang kilay niya.

Muli naman akong tumango. "Yes po."

"And what did you do there?"

"To be alone and have fun around the city," simple kong sagot, which was told by Kuya Welbourne. Ang sabi niya na mas better reason iyon for staying in Tagaytay. Nangangati naman ang bibig kong sabihin ang katotohanan pero alam kong sa akin din babalik ang galit ng mga kapatid.

Kaya mananahimik na lang ako. Like I always do to this family.

"That's nice," komento ni mom. "But I'm happy to have you around again. And Valentine's almost round the clock, may nanliligaw na ba sa 'yo?" mom giggled upon asking that question.

Well, there was and I left him without saying a word in Japan.

Umiling naman ako. "There's none and I don't think it's necessary just to celebrate that day. It wasn't special anyway."

"Uy, special 'yon para sa akin!" singit ni Kuya Wel. Ngayon ko lang din na-appreciate ang pagpapakulay niya ng buhok. From his natural brown hair ay pina-highlights niya iyon ng blond while Kuya Nico effortlessly showcase his jet black hair, he got most of his genes to dad. Now get back to kuya Wel. "Ariane and I will go to Paris next week."

"That's wasteful of money, Wel," sagot ni Kuya Nico sa kanya.

"A money won't consider wasteful when it meant to be a special one," depensa pa ni Kuya Wel. "And Ariane was so crazy to meet this social media influencer that's based in Paris. Have you heard of Cosette Calafiore?"

"Nope," iling ni Kuya Nico.

"Ikaw, Seila? Kilala mo ba 'yon? Parang hindi naman sikat?" tawa pa nito.

"She's sikat kaya 'no. I've followed her journey last year. She was paired up with Cashel Corprew but I believe they were over with each other now. Hindi 'ko na nasabayan. But she's pretty popular. Hindi mo lang talaga kilala. Ariane does, right?"

Napakibit-balikat na lamang si Kuya Wel. "Well, whoever she is, sana nga makita namin siya kapag nagpunta kami ro'n."

"What about you, Zonico?" tanong ni mom kay Kuya Nico. Tumapon naman ang tingin namin sa kanya. "Aside from Valentines, it is your son's birthday with your ex-wife. Anong gagawin mo?"

Kuya Nico shrugged off. "I don't know. I guess, just send them money?"

"Just because you guys are divorced it doesn't mean you have don't to go to your son's birthday. Just go for your son and not with your ex-wife," sabi pa ni Kuya Wel. Napangisi na lamang si Kuya Nico.

"I'll think about it," he said. "I've already had other plans."

"Still go to your my grandson's birthday," mom pleaded to him. "Give him something he would like."

"A Tesla," suhestyon ni Kuya Wel. "O kaya naman Ferrari?"

"Sana niyo makita ni Ariane 'yang si Cosette para uuwi kayo ng Pinas ng disappointed," ngisi pa ni kuya. "Basta. Ako nang bahala ro'n. Ang why do we need to talk about my past relationship?

"Because of Zach's birthday?" I implied.

He just gave me an intent look until our house staff started serving our dinner. Mga limang minute rin naming hinintay bago matapos nilang ilagay ang bawat putahe sa lamesa. There were assorted dishes na wala ako sa sarili ko para isa-isahin pa 'yonn They were cooked by our in-house chef so everything that has been served to us are like restaurant delicacies.

And this is me, a Mercondia—the life they wanted to have, but the oppsite of mine.

I was quiet the whole time we're eating. Sila sila lamang ang mga nag-uusap at sumasagot lamang ako kapag nalilihis sa akin ang topic saka tatapon muli either kay Kuya Nico o kaya naman kay Kuya Wel.

"Oh, I forgot to tell," ani Kuya Nico. Uminom muna ito ng tubig bago magpatuloy. Tumapon naman ang atensyon namin sa kanya. "Fredrick already send his wedding invitations. Are we all coming?"

"Seila should be," sagot ni Kuya Wel. Tinaasan ko naman siya ng kilay. "Kababata mo 'yon 'di ba?"

"Yes, but I don't have to be at his wedding,"

"Oh, why not?" takang tanong ni mom.

"Yeah, why not?" Kuya Nico questioned. "His wedding will be taking in New Zealand. They will carry all the expenses from tickets to lodging and other notes. It would be good time to unwind after spending a month in Tagaytay."

"I agree," paggatong ni Kuya Welbourne. Well, pinagtutulungan na naman nila ko.

"I'll think about it," aniko. "Kailan ba 'yan?"

"The wedding is going to happen on the fourth week of this month. They needed all the confirmation for all the guests by next week so they can finally process all the other stuff."

"Okay," aniko. "I still have time to think."

This time ay nanahimik na rin ang dalawa kong kapatid. They know Fredrick was the one who ratted me out to them kaya nila nalaman na nasa Japan ako. They told me to tell lies to our parents dahil papagalitan lang nila ako. At my age, for fuck sake, at my age wala pa rin pala akong kalayaan.

"Seila, may ipapakilala ako sa 'yo," biglang tugon ni dad.

Sabay naman na suminghap ang dalawa kong kapatid.

"That could a be great idea," pagsang-ayon ni Kuya Wel. Tatango-tango pa ito ksabay ng malawak niyang ngiti. "Sino naman 'yan dad?"

"Baka naman anak ng artista 'yan?"

"He was," ngisi pa ni dad. "But he's not coming out of any shows. He followed the footsteps of his politician dad."

"I don't wanna be with a politician's son," sagot ko.

"Why not?" takang tanong ni Kuya Nico. "I think it's better, 'di ba? You don't have to work. Magiging hayahay lang ang buhay mo. That guy, if ever his father run for president then it's great—"

"No!" I exclaimed. "Haven't you heard what I just said? Ayoko," pagdiin ko pa sa bawat salita ko.

"Lav, are you okay, sweetie?" mom asked, worried plastered on her face.

"Yes—actually no. I'm not fine. I wasn't in our resthouse in Tagaytay. Those are lies and Kuya Welbourne and Kuya Nico told me those things to you. I was in Japan working as a nanny when they ambushed me and get me back home kahit ayaw ko naman."

"Seila?! Anong pinagsasabi mo?" maang-maangang tanong ni Kuya Nico. Aabutin pa sana niya ang braso ko pero iniwas ko na at tumayo ako sa kinauupuan.

I finally snapped.

"Stop manipulating my life," I started. "Kuya Welbourne and Kuya Nico doesn't actually cared for me and to you mom and dad, it was only valid at some point pero kadalasan ang atensyon niyo nasa kanilang dalawa. I've had enough of my life here that's why I went to Japan to work as a nanny. That's an opportunity for me to escape this hell—"

"Seila! Stop!" dad knocked off the table.

Umiling ako. "I won't stop! I've been keeping this for so long and I don't wanna be on the end of everything. Sa tingin niyo ba madali para sa akin ang lahat? Yes, I can have all the things I needed and I wanted, but that's not enough to make me happy? Alam mo 'yong kahit gusto ko kayong makasama pero hindi na lang dahil pinamumukha niyo naman sa akin na wala akong halaga.

"Then in Japan. I met someone who really cared for me. Sa isang buwan na pananatili ko ro'n, he didn't look at me na isang empleyado o isang taong binabayaran lamang para magtrabaho. He made me feel like a part of his family. I even met his family and they were so welcoming na nainggit na lang ako kasi hindi ko naranasan 'yon sa pamilyang 'to.

"Yes, you guys are around. I was there, you were there pero lagi akong na-se-set aside. I wanted to prove myself pero hindi niyo rin naman pinapansin. My worth wasn't really appreciated kahit maghalumpasay ako sa sahig. Because there's no one like Trent cared like you guys did. You shouldn't have come to see me and get me there. I was happy and then you brought me back to my hell."

"You don't mean that Lav," mom said, on the verge of her emotion. "You know I care for you, right?"

I shrugged off. "Hindi ko na rin po alam. Do what you want to do. Cut my allowance off. Cut my bank accounts—everything! I don't care! It's like being a Mercondia was a curse for me."

Muling kinalampag ni dad ang lamesa at nagtumbahan ang ilang baso sa mesa.

"Go to your room now, Seila!" he ordered, pointing me out of the dining area.

"I'll be so pleased," I muttered, turning my back from them

Hindi ako dumiretsyo sa kwarto ko dahil alam kong ma-su-suffocate lamang ako ro'n kaya tumungo ako sa garden at nanatili sa loob ng pavilion area at doon ko ikinalma ang sarili ko. Mga ilang minuto rin akong mag-isa hangga't sa makita kong papunta ang mga kapatid ko sa direksyon. Aalis na sana ako pero hinawakan ako ni Kuya Welbourne sa braso para hindi tuluyang makaalis.

"We didn't know you felt that, Seila," panimula ni Kuya Nico.

Napangisi naman ako. "Pa'no mo naman malalaman? Ni wala ka ngang pakialam sa anak mo. Pagpunta lang sa 3rd birthday ng anak mo, hindi mo pa mapuntahan."

"I know, but that's another thing to talk about."

"Tama si kuya," dagdag ni Kuya Welbourne. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Para saan pa?" aniko. "Kayo rin naman ang mananalo sa huli kaya hindi na ako papalag. See what happened on dinner? Kayo na naman ang nasa spotlight at ako na naman itong nakasilip sa likod ng kurtina. But no, I don't care that about anymore."

"And what do you want us to do?" tanong ni Kuya Nico.

"It's better for you to leave me alone. That's the best thing you could for me."

"Sure ka?" tanong pa ni Kuya Wel.

"I was never sure until now," sagot ko. "Just please go. Kailangan mo pang paghandaan ang Paris trip mo with Ariane and you Kuya Nico, go travel to New York, 'di ba mas gusto mo naman 'yon kaysa puntahan ang anak mo?"

"Yeah, I think it's better to leave you alone," ani Kuya Nico. "Let's go, Wel. Let's give her some space."

Pinatong ni Kuya Welbourne ang kamay niya sa balikat ko bago ito umalis sa tabi ko. I turned my back from them and didn't watch them go. Sinilip ko naman ang kalangitan at hindi ko napigilang tumulo ang mga luha ko.

I should be in the streets of Tokyo now. I should be cooking Trent's dinner, but here I am. Can't do anything but despise everything—being a Mercondia.

Will my life ever be better? Or maybe, I was really the problem? See... I'm not sure if my existence was still relevant nowadays.

But if it's the end for me, then it's the end of my night life in Tokyo.

***

Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

#NightLifeInTokyo23 #NLI23 #WT3

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