Chapter 16:

James, what the fuck are doing?!" I yelled out cautiously as he stumbled over to his car. Keys in his hand he tried to open the door, I arrived just in time, parking my car in the driveway. He's fucking drunk again. His mom was in her robe pleading and dad was scowling at his son's behavior.

I got a call from Aunt Karen that I had to come over immediately. Something was going on with James. I knew what it was; I thought he stopped. I guess not. The shady business caught up to him.

"James please, you're drunk! Get back in the house so we can talk!" Aunty urged with tears in her eyes.

"Fuck this and fuck you! Fuck everything!"

"Come man, give me the keys." I sped up my steps to his car. He was at the driver side, he fumbled the keys in his hands, It dropped on the sidewalk, I reached over as quick as I could. He dodged, pushed me away. He yanked open the door and dropped in.

"Dammit, James!" I swore to the sky. I ran to the passenger side before he could speed off, I almost lost my leg. He drove faster than usual. His foot pressed on the pedal, his knuckles became red from squeezing the wheel. The second time in my life, I was scared.

The blare of a horn from outside woke me up from a deep sleep. I regret trying to help, I should have done better to avoid the crash. I switched to my side, holding onto the pillow. I grunted, throwing it in the corner, and laid on my back. I licked my lips, staring at the ceiling. Breathing in and out through my nostrils. I growled, got up from my bed. Wore one of my shirts, heading out and to my car. The dashboard read midnight; it felt like 9 pm. My eyes were dry, my mouth was dry. My tank was almost empty.

I thought of what Janna said yesterday, about trying to share. She's somewhat right. What's the point of opening up, though? Anyone could shut you down and make you feel like shit. I sighed, relieving the hollow feeling in my chest. I turned a corner from the campus drive, parking in front of the 24-hour gas station.

I swiped a Sprite bottle. Maybe I need a couple more. Three people were in line already, I was behind a man holding a six-pack of beer. I stepped back with the heel of my foot, waited for the customer in front of me. I breathed out again.

"Ow," someone spoke in pain as I moved up.

"Sorry," I apologized, looking at the person behind me.

"It's ok." Olivia's soft voice said behind me, I turned around. She was in her pjs and gray sneakers. I haven't seen her since the party. She pushed a piece of hair behind her ear, looking down at the floor. She hid her cute smile from me, holding onto her items against her chest: gummy worms, water and dark chocolate.

"Couldn't sleep?" She asked, raising her eyebrows.

"No," I cleared my throat. I moved forward to the line as the last person made their purchase and left the store. She let out a tired exhale. These days, sleep felt like another job. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted. The cashier in the black vest mumbled hello to me, placing the stuff on the counter, and he rang them up slowly. "Also 20 on pump 6."

"23.55 is your total." I pulled out my wallet, giving him 30 dollars. Peeking behind, she kept her distance, eyes looking everywhere but me. I grabbed the plastic bag when he placed my items.

I maneuvered to the side; she was next. With a wide smile, she asked how he was, he answered "good." She placed hers on the counter, pulling her sleeves to her wrists and hunched shoulders.

I exited, reaching for one pump. I leaned against it as it was filling in. There were ads on the little screen. They have that now. The bell from the door rang, Olivia had the plastic bag wrapped on her wrist like a purse. "Need a ride, sweetheart?" A bummy guy in a hat slurred to Olivia. I looked over. He had a beer can in his hand, threw it over his shoulder, and let out a loud burp.

"No thank you," she responded in a lowered voice. Her shoulders were up as she tried to walk away from him.

"You sure? I can get you there." He walked up behind her, grabbing her arm. Shit. I thought quickly, jogging up to her.

"Don't touch me." She pushed him away.

"Come on," he pleaded, holding on to her.

"Stop." She successfully had his arm off her.

"Hey." I jogged to them; I heard the machine beep when it filled up. The drunk eyed me. His gaze was glossy, his stance was stilted.

"Doesn't concern you, boy," he slurred. I gritted my teeth, breathing through my nose. I could feel my head heat up, about to explode.

"Fuck off." I pushed him hard enough. The drunk backed off, more like stumbled. He almost his body on the brick wall. Better than starting a fight with a drunk. Pulling her by the elbow, she followed me closely. She held her grip tighter. 

Both of us entered. "Thank you." She let out a trembled breath, shaking her hands out before buckling in the seat. "He reeked of alcohol."

"No problem." I turned on the ignition, speeding out of there as fast as I could. She inhaled and exhaled loudly, moving in her seat.

"Remembered your keys?" I quipped, stifling a laugh to lighten the mood.

"Hahaha," she replied dryly. She checked her pockets, patting them. "Oh, okay," she mumbled to herself. I chuckled. She shook her head, knocked her knees together. Coming to a stop at the red light, the car quieted as the engine purred to a stop. I heard her puttering her lips and then she stopped staring at the window. This was the second time I'm giving her a ride, being nice. I am nice when I want to be. The light turned green, pressing the gas to go. She stuck her neck out, looking around the street with wide eyes.

"This wasn't a good idea, to take a walk. Only weirdos come at night." She laced her fingers in her lap.

"So, I'm a weirdo?" I wondered.

"Not you, just... the drunks." She nodded out to the window. "You're one of the nice ones." She rubbed her hands together.

"I'm not so nice."

"You were to me." I made another turn, peeking at her as she softly grinned.

"I wasn't in the mood to beat anyone up," I spoke dryly.

"Would you have?" I turned to her for a glimpse again. She raised her eyebrows and licked her bottom lip.

"If it was necessary." It would be satisfying, but I'm not going to jail tonight. I pulled into another, not feeling like going home yet. If I went to my bed, I probably would have sat up in bed. I pulled up and parked at the quarry, keeping my engine idle.

She leaned on the back of the seat. "Haven't been to this side of town before." She pointed at the windshield.

"You don't mind?" Hopefully, she didn't, I enjoyed her company. I wanted to be around someone. It could have been anyone I recognized. Even Hank. I opened one of my sodas.

"As long as you stay in state lines. I'm fine." She cracked open her bottle of water.

I laughed again, turning the next corner, "I kinda have to." I peeked again at her, she dodged looking my way. Picking at her nails, she looked out the window again. The memory of when I fucked up kept popping up in my brain.

"You would think scientists had a pill for insomnia, without the addiction or side effects," she randomly spoke.

"Have you tried sleeping with someone for fun?" I asked.

"What do you mean, like sex? Or cuddling?" Her voice sounded scratchy. She cleared her throat and drank a sip of water again.

"Both," I said. She pouted her lips out like a duck, furrowing her brows, opened her eyes, and shook her head. The car went silent again. Hearing her breath out loud, she tugged on the bottom of her shirt.

"It makes you tired."

"So, I've heard. It is exercise." She rested her head downward.

"Your boyfriend might help."

"I don't have a boyfriend." Her head snapped up.

"What about the guy you were tonguing down at the party?" I mentioned, bringing it up brought back another image I didn't want to remember.

"Justin? He's a friend. Besides, where d'you go?" Justin, what kind of name was that? This just in. That's a headline name. Like Justin Bieber or Justin Timberlake. I held my words.

Instead, I responded: "I was upstairs."

"Oh." She widened her eyes, fidgeting in the seat.

I gave her a side-eye. She squeezed her eyebrows together. "What made you think I hooked up with him?"

"I mean, it seemed pretty heated from where I was standing," I assumed. The Robin wannabe enjoyed it enough with his tongue down her throat.

"Whoever you had sex with, was she your girlfriend?" She shot back.

"Nah." I looked over when our eyes met and winked. Janna was wrong, I could share with others.

She scoffed, "ok."

"Ok." We stared at each other. She turned away, taking another sip of her water. What did I care, anyway? I barely knew her, and I've seen her more than any other girl that's been in my bed. She's been in my bed, too. I mean, she had a warm body and chilly hands. Not the type to go further with, though. Maybe I'm being protective.

"It's quiet tonight," she stated, tilting her head to the side.

"Yeah." The wind whistled in the air; I took another sip.

"I wished it was like this every night in my head," she whispered.

"Me too." The window fogged up, I heard teeth chattering. It was coming from her. She pulled her jacket closer.

"You okay? I can turn on the heater." I pulled and turned the knob on the dashboard.

"Thanks. It's chilly. I should go back to my room."

"Oh."

"It is late. No one should be out right now. Are you going back home?" She shrugged one of her shoulders.

"You're inviting me? To your room? Forward," I joked. "I'm flattered, really."

"No, just... you shouldn't be on the road now anyway, my room is close," she stuttered. My smiled became wider.

"Not in that way," she raised one of her eyebrows.

"You said that last time."

"And I meant it last time. And this time."

"Whatever you say." I saw her shake her head in my peripheral vision, trying to restrain her annoyance, I noticed her mouth stretch into a grin.

I headed to her dorm building, parking in the free space. It looked like everyone else was sleeping by now. She thanked me. I followed her inside. The halls were empty. I walked close enough behind her, the tv in the common room was off. The couch was free. My synapses were in an uproar. She saw the remote on the tv stand, turned it on, flipping through the channels. "Penny's probably still sleeping, I don't want to disturb her with the blue light from my laptop," she chattered. "but I don't want you to get caught by our RA, she's kind of a douche." She looked behind her.

"Decisions, decisions." I joked. She really didn't want me in her room.

"Be quiet, come on." She dropped the remote after she turned it off, waved me to the direction and pulled out her key. As she opened it, peeking in pushing it slowly. "Huh, she's not here. Spare bed."

"I don't know. Would she like a random guy sleeping in her bed?" I leaned on the doorframe, last time I did that, her ex boyfriend was pissed she moved on quickly.

"You have a point. I can call her and ask."

"You just don't want to sleep next to me," I walked in and shut the door.

"No, no. It's just... you might want your own space tonight." Taking off her jacket, she hung it up in her closet.

"I'll risk it." I took off my shirt, removed my shoes.

As we both entered my comforter, she laid on her back. I laid on my side.

"Why are you so nervous?" I had to ask. She was breathing hard, eyes wandering anywhere else.

"What? I'm not nervous!" she shook her head rapidly, covering her chest.

"Could have fooled me," I moved in closer, she inched away. "See. You don't want to be close."

"I'm creating boundaries." She made a cutting gesture between us.

"I get it, I just don't want you to think I'm trying anything."

"Good." She stared at me, her eyes hooded, we concentrated our gazes, mine went to her lips quickly. She looked away, "we should get some sleep."

"Yeah." I agreed, flipping to the other side. She was right about it being like last time, however as she moved in her slumber, making the mattress move. She did it again, I looked over to her frowning expression. I turned over, placing an arm over hers. She stilled, nuzzling in her pillow and pushed into my chest. I pulled her in as she got comfortable. 

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