Title: The Jar of Souls

Author: Netshaly

Genre: Adventure-Fantasy

Number of Chapters: 3

Summary: All her parents wanted was for her to be a perfectly normal girl, all she wanted was her voice. Lucy Thompson is mute. She's not able to speak her mind at all, and all she can do is embrace the only thing she treasures most - her imagination.

But soon, things start to change rapidly. After a desperate wish, Lucy has a chance to get what she always wished for. However, little Lucy has to go through a deadly quest - venturing throughout the magical land in search of her voice that's it's being kept locked in a jar.

With all kinds of problems prepared for her, she has to prepare for the most dangerous ride of her life and then some more.

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REVIEW

Chapter One:

First Impression: Nice cover! It's eyecatching yet not over-the-top at the same time.

Okay, I'm going to start off with one major thing that I noticed while reading, and that's the size of your paragraphs. Please, please, please shorten them. Especially since I was reading on mobile, the large chunks of text were hard for my eyes to read and would contribute to turning readers away from your work.

With that out of the way, let's talk about the actual chapter. A thing that I liked a lot were your descriptions - much like your cover, they contributed to the story but weren't so overwhelming that your readers would find it difficult to read. This chapter also served really nicely as an introduction to Lucy's character. I know some people may disagree with your decision but especially for fantasy novels, backstory is very important so that your readers don't get confused. 

Some of the time skips/breaks disrupted the flow of the chapter a little, but not a lot. Adding onto the first point I made about the story, I think that this chapter was a tad bit too long, especially for the first chapter. Fillers are great, but remember to not overuse them!

Chapter Two:

First Impression: Everything's picking up, and the plot is moving very smoothly.

First off, I want to congratulate you on advancing the plot and making things clearer and more interesting (plot-wise) to your readers. Great job!

However, I do want to add that I'm not entirely invested into Lucy's character right now - maybe it's just me, but personality-wise she seems a little two-dimensional at the moment. But considering the fact that this book only has three chapters at the moment, you still have plenty of time to flesh out Lucy's character, so don't worry! I also thought you ended on a really nice, almost "poetic" note.

Once again, you have lovely, flowing descriptions. I love it.

Remember to shorten your paragraphs, if only by a little. They do make reading hard, especially if you're on mobile.

Chapter Three:

First Impression: Wow! So a lot of new characters and backstories were introduced. Interesting...

I know I said this before, but I'm going to say it again because honestly I don't have much to critique for this particular chapter. The way you smoothly and flawlessly advance your plot is amazing. This time, the line breaks actually worked really well as a transition tool from one scene to the next. I'm surprised at this because usually they come off as really chunky and forced. The descriptions were also, once again, beautiful. I could almost picture everything in front of my eyes, and feel your characters' emotions.

There were a few technical errors that I noticed while reading this chapter - I think a few more (or at least they were more noticeable) than your previous chapters. I would suggest you go back and do some editing if you have time. 

Overall, this story has a lot of potential (especially plot-wise), but could use a little more work on parts such as characterization and paragraph spacing. Good job! I enjoyed reading this book.