You ever feel like you never can get anything done?

I know for a fact at least one person will say yes. You know who you are.

These days, school has been really getting under my skin. I'm pretty sure I've talked about Horror Literature before, right?

In a school full of iPads that relies so heavily on iPads, in Horror Literature, we only use them for a creative writing prompt and the beginning of class, then put it away and use paper for the rest of class. I love these prompts, becaus edit gives me a chance to be creative. One of the prompts is how I got the idea for that original story I said I would write, but haven't because I need to wait for the cover. Don't worry, friendo, I can wait.

Creativity and I are like best friends. Whenever an assignment allows me to be creative, I'm amazing at it! When I can't be creative, I'm fucking struggling with stuff like that.

I'm incredible at math, though. You may wonder why, but the reason is because math is a linear concept. Let me explain.

It's like video games. When you play a game like Ace Attorney or Danganronpa, the storyline is set. You play the game, taking time to figure out which piece of evidence you need to present at the time. In the Ace Attorney investigations segments, you need to figure out how to progress the story. Which person do I talk to first? What evidence to I present to them? Am I ready to do these Psyche Locks? It's something you figure out and achieve. Like math. Do I use this theorem? Should I solve for the length of this line of this other one? Should I solve for X or Y first? There's a set goal that's easy for me to achieve because I've been given tools. This is what also draws me to point and click games.

Horror Literature, the newest assignments are what I'm struggling with. "Read this large number of pages and answer about 15 questions about them." Now you might say that sounds linear, but it really isn't. Not every question tells you which page the answer is on, which makes me have to go searching for it. It's like if you played an open world game and a mission was "Go to that town over there and check every building. I don't know which one, but there's a diamond inside one of them! Bring it back here!" That's fucking stupid.

Then there's OTHER bits of information I have to write. "Describe what happens on this page." Okay, easy enough. "But, then you have to describe what writing techniques the author used on only THIS PAGE ONLY and describe how they are those writing techniques. Oh, and you can probably only find two of them, but find three!" Bullshit. Of the highest caliber.

What's worse, I can't read/enjoy the book because my brain is constantly thinking "You need to remember every fucking word of this because if you don't, the one thing you didn't remember is what the teacher will ask about, then she'll think you didn't read the book and you'll get a lower grade." I'm so sick of this.

But despite all this, there's one thing that makes me happy.

That is my friends.

God, you guys mean so much to me. Even those of you who just comment frequently on these books make me smile like an idiot.

You guys have no idea how happy I was about the supportive messages I got about my sick day. In fact, I feel like a dick for not making this chapter about thanking you.

My friend on Discord just... they make me so fucking happy. My friends on skype too. And you guys here on Wattpad, too! Yaleet! Rio! Squiddly! Rose! Puppel! Marissa! Beth! Your comments just make me smile every time.

And Fluffy... she's been gone for months now... I miss her every day... And it's starting to get to me...

I've begun doubting myself. What if she left because she didn't want to see me, but didn't want to break my heart by breaking up directly? What if she hates me now? What if something terrible happened? I know all those things probably didn't happen, but it pains me to not even be able to talk to her for so long...

We dated for two months before she left. We wanted to warm up a bit before officially calling it that and referring to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. Now, I call her my girlfriend even though I can't ask her if that's okay...

But you guys help me through it. You guys make me smile.

Who am I, anyway? A lonely teenager that clings to his friends like a loser? A writer struggling to get through school? An annoying boy who never got any respect until he found friends on the internet?

No.

I am on a mission.

I've been on a mission to make as many people happy as I can since I was younger.

But can I really do that? I can't even help Rio recover from writer's block. How am I going to make others happy if I can't help my own friend?

Look at my books. I wrote a fan fiction that's my most popular work that I've been feeling very unmotivated to continue. I want to write that original story to convey a message that I haven't gotten to convey yet.

And before you say that it's going to get better, let me tell you one thing.

It will.

I know it's going to get better. I know that Fluffy will come back one day. I know that I'll be able to finish another story one day. I know that I might be able to meet my Discord friends one day. I know that school won't last forever.

I know that I will become an amazing author that writes a book that will change the world one day.

And that's all I need to know.