• It was 3.27AM the last time HaPhuong checked the clock by the bed. That had to be 5 minutes ago, or that could have been half an hour ago. She couldn't be too sure but she was glad that it was the weekends, at least.

HaPhuong kept her eyes at that random spot on the ceiling, unable to calm her thoughts to sleep. She listened quietly to the distant traffic 5 stories down from her girlfriend's apartment, and the soft deep breathing of the sleeping girl next to her.

The same thoughts occupied her mind, the ones that came randomly, occasionally, when she thought about her, about them.

HaPhuong had always been the first to initiate anything in their relationship.

She was the first to ask HoangNhi out, despite the trembling of her hands as she held out a single rose.

The first to hold her hand that winter night, 3 dates later. The hand that kept hers warmer than any glove could.

She leaned in first for the goodnight kiss on their 8th date, and it was everything she had thought she could only dream about.

She was the first to say she loved her as they reached their 6 months mark, something HoangNhi hadn't said back even a year later.

Not at all were they one-sided, but HaPhuong kept giving, and giving, and to others, it might have seemed like HoangNhi just kept on taking, and receiving.

But it wasn't like that, because when they were alone, HoangNhi gave her the gentlest smiles, and the softest kisses. HoangNhi showered her with sweet praises and whispered words of gratitude.

HoangNhi looked at her like she meant the whole world.

HoangNhi held her in a way that she knew the girl would give her the stars if she had asked for it.

But HoangNhi had never spoken of love, never really said she loved her directly.

"Me too," that was all HaPhuong would get from her, maybe along with a meaningful smile, and a kiss or two.

Their relationship was going strong, she would love the believe that, because HoangNhi still smiled at her genuinely, brightly, and even when they fought, they would still make up before bed. Neither wanted to stay mad for long.

They were going well, but HoangNhi still hadn't said the words she longed to hear, and HaPhuong wondered if it was really love for HoangNhi.

People could be together and not be in love, it was plausible, and HaPhuong thought about that briefly, only to brush it off not long after.

It was impossible. All the feelings she felt, all the highs and the lows, she knew HoangNhi felt it too. If eyes could speak a thousand words, HoangNhi's could say a million more. It was impossible for them to be together for more than a year based on just one-sided love....right?

The body next to her stirred when she heaved a sigh at the repetitive thoughts, and HaPhuong turned her head in time to see HoangNhi's eyes fluttering open, trying to adjust to the dark.

Their eyes met, and HoangNhi huffed lightly, reaching her hand out to cup her face. HaPhuong smiled a little at the warm gesture.

"Why aren't you sleeping?" she mumbled. "Was I snoring?"

HaPhuong chuckled lightly, turning her face to look up at that empty spot on the ceiling again. HoangNhi's hand dropped from its position, resting lightly on her chest, right over her heart.

HoangNhi had all of her heart.

Did she have hers?

"Not at all," she replied softly at HoangNhi's question, wondering if she had answered her own. A sigh left her lips again before she could help herself. "I just had some things to think about."

A few seconds of silence passed and for a moment she thought that HoangNhi had dozed off again, but more movements caught her attention.

Before she could turn to look, HoangNhi's face hovered above hers as her girlfriend propped herself up on her elbow.

HoangNhi brushed her fringe away from her eyes, just as HaPhuong reached up to tuck her hair behind her ear.

HoangNhi stared at her, in concern, in wonder, in love (she was sure it was love), and even in the dark, she could see her eyes gazing back at her so softly that HaPhuong could swim in them forever. She smiled when HoangNhi smiled, and smiled even more when HoangNhi leaned down to kiss her nose.

"I love you," HaPhuong all but whispered to her, and when HoangNhi merely hummed a quiet reply back, pulling her ever so gently into her arms instead, it didn't feel at all like it was one-sided.

It must be love for HoangNhi too.

HoangNhi had never said it back, not properly, but somehow, HaPhuong knew she just needed a little more time. For whatever reasons it may be, HoangNhi just needed a little more time, and until then, HaPhuong would keep waiting.

It must be love.

----

It was already 5.38AM when she managed to peek at the clock by the other side of the bed without waking the sleeping girl in her arms.

HoangNhi continued to pat her girlfriend's back gently, all her previous exhaustion disappitating as she thought about her, about them.

HoangNhi knew what HaPhuong wanted to hear, even though it was never really brought up. Why didn't HaPhuong bring it up? She wasn't sure but maybe it was for the best.

It wasn't words she took lightly, never had she said them to anyone outside of her family before, and while HaPhuong had said them barely 6 months into their relationship, something held her back.

She had watched as HaPhuong smiled to hide her disappointment when she replied,"Me too," instead of the same words back. She couldn't possibly say she didn't feel the same way, because that wasn't the case at all.

She was fond of her, and incredibly attracted to her. She adored her, but could that be counted as love?

She couldn't bring herself to say them back the same way, not at that time. Not yet, she reasoned. She deemed it too soon.

They were still getting to know each other, and HoangNhi just wasn't sure yet. Sure, she missed her when she wasn't around. Of course, she thought about her often. Yes, HaPhuong definitely made her happy.

Was that love?

Maybe.

A year into their relationship and HoangNhi realised that maybe it was love after all, because they could be arguing 5 minutes ago, and she really did almost throw HaPhuong out of her apartment but then she would look at her, noticed how upset her girlfriend still was, and realised even though she was still annoyed, she didn't have the heart to throw her out and make her go home alone.

Not while it was already late at night, not when they were still mad at each other. Ironically, she still wanted her to sleep next to her later that night. Maybe then they could make up, or at least cuddle to break the stiff tension that still lingered in the air. Either way, there was no way she wanted to sleep while they were still in a fight.

She knew how it reflected on her, when friends around them started to notice that HaPhuong had iniatiated a lot first, how the girl seemed much more commited than she was. She noticed how HaPhuong's friends throw her a wary looks every now and then, and understood their worries.

She knew it looked like she was taking advantage of HaPhuong so she tried, all the time, to meet half way, not wanting HaPhuong to do everything on her own. She didn't want HaPhuong to think what the others thought, because she might not have said it before, not the way HaPhuong had wanted her to, but it wasn't at all one-sided.

When HaPhuong reaches out to hold her hand, she holds it tight, because their hands fitted perfectly together and she didn't want to let go.

When HaPhuong hugs her, she would bring her even closer, wishing HaPhuong could understand her heart.

When HaPhuong leaned in for a kiss, she would kiss back, gently, because she didn't want to rush something like that, she never wanted to hurt her. That was the last thing she ever wanted.

It was probably love.

"I love you," she muttered, out loud for the first time.

As if foreign to the phrase, yet highly attuned to it, she felt a pleasant buzz going through her veins. Her girlfriend remained unmoving, taking in deep, rhythmic breaths as she buried her face against her neck.

It felt wonderful to just have her there with her; breathing, alive, and well.

"I love you," she whispered to her again, and for a nerve-wrecking moment, she thought that HaPhuong had woken up when the girl shifted in her sleep, pulling her even closer and sighing lightly against her skin.

When she wakes up, HoangNhi decided that she would say it again, and again, and again. No matter how many times HaPhuong wished to hear it, and even when she's used to hearing it, HoangNhi would tell her she loved her.

HoangNhi smiled at the thought of that. She kissed the side of HaPhuong's head, and smiled even wider.

Who knew that saying it could make her happy, too?

It was definitely love.